Angst, Stress, Frustrations, Worries, Dreams,.....
I finally broke down last night. I came home from work after running an errand to Stop & Shop and to show Heather the new house we're looking at.
To touch upon issue #1:
New House
My roommates and I have been looking at alternative places to live. Our rent right now in this house that is 940 sq.ft. is $1200/month. We are cramped. It was fine when Dori and I lived here by ourselves, but we brought Danielle in because we were trying to save money and also get her a job that she desired in Warwick. Now, we are finding that our things are often cluttered into this house... entertaining is barely possible because of the lack of space. It is not necessarily a lack of space, but also a lack of privacy. We live in the Highland District of Fall River, any of you who are from this area know clearly that Fall River is a major populated city of a ripe 92,000 people. The demographics in this area are better than that of New Bedford, but it is still a working class city with derelict pockets here and there. Our neighborhood is the long-desired section of the city, perched high on the hill overlooking the Taunton River and the Fall River waterfront. I can simply reach out my bedroom window and high-5 my neighbors. It's that close. Also, through one bedroom window, I see a row of lilac trees in my neighbor's yard... she has a rottweiler that barks here and there... through my other window, I overlook the patio of my Irish neighbors... one of which is in his 80s, a retired police officer who wakes at 4am and begins doing construction-related work in his yard by 7am. His son, in his 60s begins drinking and hammering pieces of wood around the same time. Through this same window, I am within 50 feet of about 9 apartments in 3 houses. From our front stoop, we are within 50 feet of another 10-11 apartments, all of which in 4 houses. It is tight here. Very tight.
We found this charming vintage colonial in Swansea. It was built in 1778 and is set within an orchard. The house boasts a total of 4, possibly 5 bedrooms. The 4 bedrooms on the second floor connect each other and are separated by half in the hallway... so Dori would get two rooms, and Danielle would get the other two, since they are small enough. I would get the possible 5th bedroom downstairs that, in just one room, is much larger than the two rooms combined that Dori and Danielle would have themselves. There is a living room, dining room, kitchen with woodstove, washer/dryer hookup, basement, attic, back deck and screened porch. Living space is 1,510 sq. ft. Asking monthly rent: $1200
Same price for larger space. Are we stupid for not taking it?? I think so. But the worries about this place include very low ceilings about 7' in height, few outlets in second floor bedrooms, and small bathroom (we can work around this).
Danielle is not too keen on it because of those features. Dori and I were talking this morning because we are frustrated with everything. We want this house because it is what we are looking for, the major points that is. We figured we will look at other places to see what is offered. If this house is still the best we have seen, we may work towards it. Right now, we're still looking.
Issue #2:
Straight Boys and the Pain They Cause Me
My coworker Leah has a boyfriend named Everett. He is an ass. Treats her badly, etc. He is in NC right now for military training. She is obsessed with him. And it sucks because she is in love with him. Idiot. Her other friend is this boy named Brian. He is a chemistry grad student and a total chemistry/computer geek. He treats her in a way most girls would pawn over. When they go shopping, he holds her bags. When she is in the fitting room and finds her clothing she has selected does not fit, he will run out and get one that will fit. He is a total gentlemen. The three of us went to Reflections in Providence one night because we were in the area at a sushi restaurant. Reflections is a gay coffee bar, but we went in for atmosphere.. and I wanted eye candy hehe. We had a great conversation that night... and I have come to the conclusion that I want the gay equivalent of Brian because he is perhaps the better of the guys I have met in a long time. I had warm feelings in my stomach. Meanwhile, Leah was telling me at work yesterday that Brian had asked her if Everett had asked her to stop speaking to Brian, would she? She said, more than likely because she does not want to ruin her relationship with him. I told Leah "what the fuck is the matter with you??" What an awful thing to say to him!! I am getting frustrated because I think I have a tiny little crush on a straight man, when I know I am going to be sent into another confused state of mind for feeling this way... and the frustration kicks in because this could be a great thing for Leah and she is dismissing it and Brian's friendship over her asshole of a boyfriend. Ugh!
Issue #3:
Other...
Meanwhile, I am just tired and stressed. I hate being in this house when the roommates have their boyfriends over... they are all having fun together and I seem to be totally neglected. Danielle makes the effort to get me involved, but I hate being the spare tire. The one guy I have gotten somewhat involved in is using me merely for make-out and sex and I don't want that. I have told him that already. I want a true-to-form relationship and not a friend with benefits.
I'm tired of looking... I have too many things going on right now... I just want to have some of this weight lifted off me... I hate when I get this way!
~Jason
P.S. I will be in Connecticut tonight because my father goes into surgery tomorrow morning in Hartford. Thank you to those who have shown support and kindness. I will keep you in tune to what happens.
To touch upon issue #1:
New House
My roommates and I have been looking at alternative places to live. Our rent right now in this house that is 940 sq.ft. is $1200/month. We are cramped. It was fine when Dori and I lived here by ourselves, but we brought Danielle in because we were trying to save money and also get her a job that she desired in Warwick. Now, we are finding that our things are often cluttered into this house... entertaining is barely possible because of the lack of space. It is not necessarily a lack of space, but also a lack of privacy. We live in the Highland District of Fall River, any of you who are from this area know clearly that Fall River is a major populated city of a ripe 92,000 people. The demographics in this area are better than that of New Bedford, but it is still a working class city with derelict pockets here and there. Our neighborhood is the long-desired section of the city, perched high on the hill overlooking the Taunton River and the Fall River waterfront. I can simply reach out my bedroom window and high-5 my neighbors. It's that close. Also, through one bedroom window, I see a row of lilac trees in my neighbor's yard... she has a rottweiler that barks here and there... through my other window, I overlook the patio of my Irish neighbors... one of which is in his 80s, a retired police officer who wakes at 4am and begins doing construction-related work in his yard by 7am. His son, in his 60s begins drinking and hammering pieces of wood around the same time. Through this same window, I am within 50 feet of about 9 apartments in 3 houses. From our front stoop, we are within 50 feet of another 10-11 apartments, all of which in 4 houses. It is tight here. Very tight.
We found this charming vintage colonial in Swansea. It was built in 1778 and is set within an orchard. The house boasts a total of 4, possibly 5 bedrooms. The 4 bedrooms on the second floor connect each other and are separated by half in the hallway... so Dori would get two rooms, and Danielle would get the other two, since they are small enough. I would get the possible 5th bedroom downstairs that, in just one room, is much larger than the two rooms combined that Dori and Danielle would have themselves. There is a living room, dining room, kitchen with woodstove, washer/dryer hookup, basement, attic, back deck and screened porch. Living space is 1,510 sq. ft. Asking monthly rent: $1200
Same price for larger space. Are we stupid for not taking it?? I think so. But the worries about this place include very low ceilings about 7' in height, few outlets in second floor bedrooms, and small bathroom (we can work around this).
Danielle is not too keen on it because of those features. Dori and I were talking this morning because we are frustrated with everything. We want this house because it is what we are looking for, the major points that is. We figured we will look at other places to see what is offered. If this house is still the best we have seen, we may work towards it. Right now, we're still looking.
Issue #2:
Straight Boys and the Pain They Cause Me
My coworker Leah has a boyfriend named Everett. He is an ass. Treats her badly, etc. He is in NC right now for military training. She is obsessed with him. And it sucks because she is in love with him. Idiot. Her other friend is this boy named Brian. He is a chemistry grad student and a total chemistry/computer geek. He treats her in a way most girls would pawn over. When they go shopping, he holds her bags. When she is in the fitting room and finds her clothing she has selected does not fit, he will run out and get one that will fit. He is a total gentlemen. The three of us went to Reflections in Providence one night because we were in the area at a sushi restaurant. Reflections is a gay coffee bar, but we went in for atmosphere.. and I wanted eye candy hehe. We had a great conversation that night... and I have come to the conclusion that I want the gay equivalent of Brian because he is perhaps the better of the guys I have met in a long time. I had warm feelings in my stomach. Meanwhile, Leah was telling me at work yesterday that Brian had asked her if Everett had asked her to stop speaking to Brian, would she? She said, more than likely because she does not want to ruin her relationship with him. I told Leah "what the fuck is the matter with you??" What an awful thing to say to him!! I am getting frustrated because I think I have a tiny little crush on a straight man, when I know I am going to be sent into another confused state of mind for feeling this way... and the frustration kicks in because this could be a great thing for Leah and she is dismissing it and Brian's friendship over her asshole of a boyfriend. Ugh!
Issue #3:
Other...
Meanwhile, I am just tired and stressed. I hate being in this house when the roommates have their boyfriends over... they are all having fun together and I seem to be totally neglected. Danielle makes the effort to get me involved, but I hate being the spare tire. The one guy I have gotten somewhat involved in is using me merely for make-out and sex and I don't want that. I have told him that already. I want a true-to-form relationship and not a friend with benefits.
I'm tired of looking... I have too many things going on right now... I just want to have some of this weight lifted off me... I hate when I get this way!
~Jason
P.S. I will be in Connecticut tonight because my father goes into surgery tomorrow morning in Hartford. Thank you to those who have shown support and kindness. I will keep you in tune to what happens.