FIC: Goodnight, Moon (Part II)
Title: Goodnight, Moon (Part II)
Length: ~11,000
Main character or Pairing: Harry (& Teddy Lupin); Harry/Snape side-plot
Rating: soft R
Summary: When Harry finds out Teddy's inherited more from Remus than his love for books, he is forced to make some difficult decisions. But what happens when his dedication gets a little out of hand? Will he lose the people he loves most?
AN: See Part I for full header.
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Harry stands over a hot cauldron in the kitchen, waiting for the base of the potion to brew. He still doesn't have the aconite, but he'll get it somehow; he doesn't need it for a week anyway, according to the book. Two more stirs and he turns the fire off as the liquid inside the cauldron turns a cool mint green. Success. He almost brings himself to smile.
Harry hears the clock strike a half-hour, and he checks to see which half-hour it is. He frowns. Half past six. Teddy should be home by now. Actually, Teddy should have been home nearly three hours past. Ah well, just because Harry hasn't seen him doesn't mean he hasn't been home. He probably went to Neville's when he saw Harry was busy. The stab of guilt that stings Harry's heart at this thought barely registers, and he wonders when he became so immune to it.
A whoosh from down the hallway startles him into dropping the stirring rod on the ground. Nobody bothers calling him anymore - who could it be?
The acidic voice calling his name from the next room answers that question immediately, and Harry groans. He leaves the kitchen, wiping his hands on his denims, and makes his way to the parlor.
Harry stands in front of the fireplace, arms crossed, as the familiar head appears in his hearth.
"Potter."
It hurts Harry to hear that sort of venom in his former lover's voice, so he gives it right back. "Snape." The man smirks. "What do you want?"
"I was just wondering if you are at all concerned about the whereabouts of your godson."
"Teddy's fine. I'm sure he's just…" Harry narrows his eyes. "How did you -"
"I thought not. Well, I thought it would be wise to tell you, in case you decide to regain control of your sense and call every single authority in Britain to search for him, that he is quite safe."
Despite Snape's assurance, Harry's heart flips in panic. "How do you know? What have you done with him?"
"What have I done, Potter?!" Snape's face flickers for a moment as if he can't keep control of the connection. "I have done nothing. You, however, apparently frightened him so badly that he decided living with me would be a better alternative. I can't imagine what would drive any child to be so desperate."
Harry drops to his knees. Teddy…ran away? He doesn't believe him. "He…to you?" knowing that's not what he really wants to say.
"Yes; he showed up on my doorstep and requested to stay for the foreseeable future. Knowing what he was having to return home to everyday, I obliged."
This doesn't make any sense. Harry loves Teddy more than life itself. They're a family, always together, they're all each other has. Sure, they've been through some hard times lately, but…
Harry shoves his disbelief aside in favor of anger. Snape did this to him. Snape poisoned the boy's mind, made him focus on the hurt and disappointment of now rather than the long-term goal of being free from suffering. Snape turned Teddy against him.
"This is ridiculous," he says, his tone close to a growl. "You tell him to come home right now! I don't care -"
The fire flares up unexpectedly and Harry cries out as the heat singes his face. He rubs his stinging eyes as Severus's voice echoes from the fire.
"Listen, you selfish brat. Did you hear what I just said? He. Didn't. Want. To. Come. Home. To. You. Stop thinking about what that means in terms of yourself. The child you claim to love above all was willing to come to me instead of you because he was so afraid of what you would put him through next!"
Harry's rage is so strong now his throat is closing up and he can feel sharp stinging in his palms from the half moons his nails are cutting there. "How DARE -"
"This conversation is over, Potter. If you think of sending the authorities as I suggested, I will be quite happy to show them the boy's scars and tell them what his home life has been like for the past few months. The house has been re-warded, and I will not allow you here until you can swear you will not harm him, nor will I force him to leave."
"Snape! SEVERUS!" Harry screams at an empty fireplace.
He kneels there in shock for almost a minute, then leaps up in a start and races down the hallway.
"ANDROMEDA!" Harry barges through the library door, not wasting time to cringe as it slams against the wall making the house shriek.
"He's taken him!"
Harry stands in front of the portrait, his chest heaving. The three-foot-tall woman looks down at him from her book with the look of a queen being disturbed by a filthy peasant. "What was that, dear?"
"Snape, that bastard, has taken Teddy and refuses to let him leave!
"A little different from the story I heard," she says calmly, setting the book in her hands down on the table beside her.
Harry blinks. It takes a moment for her meaning to sink in through the haze of his wrath. "What?" he finally manages. "You…you know?"
"Of course." She sounds cheerful, which makes him furious, even with what he knows about portraits and their fickle emotions. "I have been meaning to talk to you about this, Harry. I do not approve of your attitude towards Teddy's condition."
Harry's mind is reeling. First Teddy running away - to Snape! - and now this? And he is sick to death of people telling him how he should be dealing with Teddy's "condition". He tells her so, forcefully, but his tone doesn't seem to bother her.
"Perhaps you should be listening to some of those people, Harry. You do not surround yourself with foolish people; have you thought maybe they have some decent points?"
Harry grinds his teeth together so hard his jaw muscles nearly cramp. "No, because all of their points still end in Teddy being a werewolf!"
She clicks her tongue at him. "You are focusing too much on the negative. Have you considered that perhaps there is a reason that Teddy is what he is?"
Harry scoffs and his heart flares up in anger. "Don't give me that spiritual shite about how him being a werewolf is supposed to mean something, or that there's a reason for it. I get enough of that tripe from Luna as it is."
Andromeda just stares at him. Harry immediately feels like he's in Snape's class and just missed the vital ingredient in the potion they're brewing. He squirms. She speaks.
"I said nothing of the lycanthropy, Harry." She pauses there, and her face turns abruptly sad. "Do you even see him as a child anymore? He is still just a boy, and only one of his many qualities makes itself known on the full moon." She shakes her head. "You have come to see him as nothing more than a Dark Creature, just as the rest of the world will see him."
Harry curls his fists angrily and restrains himself from just screaming at the portrait until his throat is raw. "That's not true!"
She raises an eyebrow at him, and he is immediately reminded that this woman is related to Malfoy. "Indeed? Tell me then, what is his new favorite book? What is his favorite game to play with little Victoire? How many times has Severus let him help with a potion? Do you know what makes him happy or what he's afraid of?"
An indignant 'yes' is poised on his lips, but Harry stops it from falling when he realizes that, no, he doesn't know the answers to those questions, not anymore. But it doesn't matter. He's been concentrating on other, more important things. The only important thing - preventing Teddy from having to suffer life as a werewolf. Why can't anybody understand that?
"I'm not going to give up on him. He deserves -"
"You're killing him, Harry."
Harry blinks in shock at this. Andromeda looks at him coldly, almost menacingly.
"Wh…what? How can you say that?!"
She shakes her head again. "Oh, Harry; how can you not see it?"
Harry's seen plenty, plenty of what being a werewolf has done to Teddy - the color is gone from his cheeks, his hair hasn't changed from a dull brown in months, the sparkle in his boyish eyes is gone. He turns his eyes on the figure in the portrait to tell her so when she interrupts him.
"He wrote a letter yesterday, you know," she says quietly. "To his…his father." Andromeda looks away briefly and turns kind eyes back to him. "Under normal circumstances I would suggest you respect his privacy, but I don't think anything else will convince you to change your treatment of my grandson. And it will change, Harry. If not, I will have to see to it that he is put under the care of a new guardian. And yes, I can do that, even from here."
Harry's heart skips a beat at the thought of losing Teddy. His indignant anger towards Andromeda changes, however, at this last sad but determined look she gives him. She means the threat. And Harry starts to fear that he has done something deeply wrong to his godchild. His heart broken and at his feet he whispers, "Where is it?"
"I'm sure you'll figure it out, dear," she says, the usual smile back on her face.
Harry almost opens his mouth to ask again, but he knows he'll get no answer. This is a test. And by Merlin, it's one that he'll pass.
********************
Harry sets the letter back inside the slender book with a trembling hand. He's glad Teddy's too old to have picture books read to him at bedtime now, because Harry won't be able to look at that battered old copy of Goodnight Moon again without crying.
Harry can't believe the things he's just read. He's always known Teddy to be more introverted than not, and he knows the boy can be shy with his feelings, but for him to have been hiding all of that, and for so long…
Harry puts the book back on the shelf and paces the room. He has to see him. He has to know that at least some of that letter isn't true. He has to hold him, has to hear his voice, has to tell him…
Hesitantly, Harry slips a hand in his pocket and fingers the smooth warm stone that is a constant there. Harry had promised he'd never do this again after Teddy found out about them and seemed very disappointed that Harry was spying on him. But this, he thinks, is something of a special circumstance.
Monitoring crystals had become insanely popular with the new generation of parents, most of whom had grown in the shadow of war's paranoia and felt that there was no price too great for the assurance that they could find a lost or kidnapped child. Harry, more paranoid than most, had one linked to Teddy immediately after he was granted custody of the child. It had saved him panic more than once, finding himself looking as if through Teddy's eyes at some forgotten hallway of the house instead of the crazed faces that still haunt Harry's nightmares.
Pulling the stone out, he cups it in his open palm and admires its gentle reflection of the light. He waits only a moment more, silently apologizing to Teddy for breaking his promise; he presses the flat side of the crystal to his forehead and closes his eyes. He waits.
The vision fades into view. A dark window. White bedspread. Dresser in the corner. A mirror across from him holds a rapidly clearing reflection of a small boy. A faint glow on his left. A smooth, low voice asks something about a light. The view shifts up and down slightly - a nod.
"Do you think Uncle Harry still loves me, Mr. Snape?" comes a little voice, one Harry recognizes instantly.
Severus comes into view, setting a candle down somewhere to the boy's left and taking a place at the end of the bed before answering.
"No, Teddy." Harry's breath catches in shock and anger, both of which are quickly abated when Severus adds, "I know he does."
"Are you sure? How do you know?"
Harry has never seen Severus alone with Teddy before, and he is nearly in shock at the amount of tenderness he hears in his voice. "Why do you think your Uncle Harry is trying to find a cure for you?"
An hour ago, Harry would have expected Teddy to say something like Because he loves me or He wants me to feel better on full moons. Now, after that letter, he's not so sure. The answer he gets is shocking.
"Because he doesn't want me to be a werewolf. He wants a normal kid. The great Harry Potter shouldn't have to be saddled with a freak like me."
Severus's face grows dark and terrible in an instant. "Where did you hear that?"
The voice is smaller now, a little sadder. "When we went to the Healer. I was playing by the window in the waiting room and I heard a lady say so. Uncle Harry is really important, I know, and I try really hard to be as normal as I can for him. I even stopped changing my shape and my hair and everything so I fit in more -"
"Stop." Severus's voice is stern, almost acidic - the one he uses for detentions - and Teddy's voice immediately fades away. "Your godfather loves you more than I've ever seen a man love a child. You will never know, Teddy, how much he has sacrificed for you, and I know that he does not regret any of those sacrifices."
One, Harry corrects him. There's one I regret.
"There is only one reason why he wants to cure you, and it is most certainly not because he wants to raise a 'normal' child. Remember, he saw your father suffer the prejudices and physical brutality that was a part of being a werewolf in his day. He wants to spare you that pain, Teddy; he doesn't want any of that suffering for you."
Yes! Harry wants to scream at the child. Of course that's the reason!. He watches the mirror for Teddy's reaction, but it's not a roll of the eyes or a vaguely annoyed look that usually appears on the boy's face when Harry tells him something he already knows. No. It's not that at all.
At Teddy's look of surprise, Harry crumples in on himself and realizes tears are streaming down his face.
The monitoring crystal makes a dull thud as it hits the floor.
********************
To: My Dad
Remus Lupin
Heaven
Dear Dad,
I really really miss you. Uncle Harry's been telling me lots of stories about you. He says I remind him of you a lot. Mum sometimes too, but not as much. He says soon I'll be a werewolf like you were. I was mostly excited when he told me, but I think it makes him really sad. He's trying to cure me, so I can be normal like Vicki and Rosie, but nothing has fixed me yet. Even though I still feel poorly on full moons, and the cures hurt me a lot, I'm sort of glad - I think I'll like being a werewolf like you. Uncle Harry would be really mad if he knew. That's why I think I'm going to run away. I don't know where I'll go yet, but it can't be Vicki's house, because she's a big tattletale. I don't think it'll make Uncle Harry more sad than he is now. He's busy a lot now anyway, so maybe he won't notice at all. Like yesterday, he said he was too busy to take me to see you and mum and Nana but I wanted to go, so I sneaked out and asked Uncle Neville if he would take me and he did. I would maybe go stay with him, but his house smells like peas. Wherever I go, I know I'll miss Uncle Harry most of all. I know he says you're always watching over me, but could you maybe watch over him too when I leave? Thanks, daddy.
Love,
Teddy
P.S. What color fur did you have when you were a wolf? I think I might be grey.
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The clouds roiling darkly outside Teddy's bedroom window remind Harry of that day at the Healer's that now seems more far away than the days when all Teddy was to him was a smallish snapshot of a turquoise-haired infant. An elusive nausea plagues him, as does the crushing press of guilt. Breathing has never been so difficult.
He sits on the floor, his back against the small bed frame, staring through the Ballycastle Bats poster on the wall.
His fist holds a crumpled note that arrived a while after he'd collapsed on the floor next to Teddy's bed.
It reads:
We have things to discuss. I will arrive at your home at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. You had better be awake, Potter.
- S. Snape
Being awake, of course, is not a problem. Harry has not slept at all.
Harry sighs and rubs his bleary eyes. Severus will ask for temporary custody of Teddy. And Harry will give it.
Severus had known exactly what to say to the child to ease his hurt. Hurt that Harry had caused him. He didn't deserve to be Teddy's guardian. He had failed them - failed Remus, failed Andromeda, failed his godson.
Failed.
Harry hears the grandfather clock chiming the hour downstairs, and as the ninth bell finishes echoing through the house, he hears the distinctive chime of the Floo activating. Harry hears a deep familiar voice call his name like a question, and he snaps out of his daze long enough to think that he probably looks like death. He doesn't want Severus to see him like this, but he hadn't been able to…he can't bring himself to move.
"Here," he says weakly. He doubts for a moment that his voice made it through the door, but he hears footsteps coming closer. Harry rubs at his eyes once more. He finally forces himself to stand. He has to use the bed for support, but it's better than cowering on the floor before the man he'd given up, tossed aside, for something that doesn't even matter anymore.
The door opens slowly, and the cold, menacing figure of Severus Snape looking so like he used to that Harry nearly breaks down right then. Everything is gone. His friends, his work, Severus, Teddy…everything. And it's nobody's fault but his. His throat starts to clench with emotion. Teddy is…
Suddenly, a little hand appears around Severus's thigh, and a head peeks out from behind his waist covered in shaggy hair that is a color Harry can only describe as nervous yellow.
"Teddy," Harry whispers. His body shocks him with how quickly he feels tears spring to his eyes. Harry's heart leaps into his throat as the boy rushes towards him, and he holds his arms out as Teddy jumps up and into them.
Harry's knees give out and he collapses onto the bed crushing the small warm body to his chest. In this moment the smooth rhythm of a heartbeat under his palm and soft hair clutched in his fist has never meant more; he knows the sort of love that his mother had given her life for.
Finally, his throat unclenches enough to whisper, "Oh, god, Teds, I missed you so much."
"I'm sorry I ran away from you, Uncle Harry." The answering whisper is soft in his ear, and he can tell Teddy is crying too. He tightens his grip, squeezing so tightly his arms ache, before he releases his hold and moves his hands to cradle the boy's face.
"No," Harry whispers, wiping tears from lashes and cheeks. "No, it's my fault, Teddy. Please…please…" But Harry doesn't know what he's begging for. It's not the boy's forgiveness; no, he doesn't deserve that yet. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much."
Teddy sniffles a little and gives him a little smile that breaks his heart and repairs it in the same beat. "I love you too, Uncle Harry."
Harry hugs him tight again, kiss after kiss falling on ears and dark green hair. He looks over Teddy's shoulder at the man standing in the doorway. He knows he owes all of this sweet reunion to him. He mouths a 'Thank you', but Severus doesn't move a muscle, not even to sneer.
"You have something else to tell him, don't you, Teddy?"
"Oh!" Teddy clambers down Harry's body and stands in front of him. "Watch!"
Harry obeys. Teddy closes his eyes and his face goes blank with deep concentration. As Harry stares, the boy's body begins to change, sprouting coarse grey fur, face elongating, and hands and feet turning to oversized paws. Before long, a wolf is standing before him, not fully grown, but still more vicious and feral-looking than the playful wolf cubs Teddy has changed into before. No - something about this one is very different. It barks sharply and stands on its hind paws to lick his face before Harry can even gather enough sense to react. The wolf turns back to boy much faster, and Teddy stands before him, beaming.
"See, Uncle Harry?"
Before Harry can answer, Severus's voice chimes in. "He is thicker than mud, child. Just tell him plainly."
Well, Harry can't fault Severus for that statement - he is confused. Teddy just giggles.
"It took a while, but I found out when I look really hard, I can see my wolf self inside me, and I can change into that body before I transform. Mr. Snape says it will probably still hurt a little, and I'll still feel poorly, but it won't hurt as much as normal."
And just like that, all his wit is bested by a seven-year-old; but when this is the outcome, he doesn't mind so much.
"Oh, Teddy." Harry holds out his arms and Teddy falls into them again. "That's all I ever wanted, you know, for you not to hurt."
He hears Teddy say, "I know, Uncle Harry," but his mind is far away, thinking of the night before.
Have you considered that perhaps there is a reason that Teddy is what he is? Andromeda had known. This is what she had meant - there was a reason behind Teddy's Metamorphagus abilities. And if she had known…
Harry pulls away to look him in the eye. "Teddy, how long have you known you could do this?"
"Oh…" he says, "only a little while."
Harry smiles and smoothes his thumb across the small eyebrow. "Your eyes turn blue when you lie you know."
And that, of course, is a lie too, but Teddy falls for it, his eyes going wide, alarm sweeping across his face until Harry laughs and leans in to kiss his forehead. His gaze goes over the boy's head to check in on the man lurking in the doorway again, but…it's empty.
Harry can't let them end like this.
He kisses Teddy on the forehead again. "You go tell Nana you're back safe, okay?"
Teddy nods and runs down the hall while Harry makes his way down the stairs as quickly as he can. He gets to the parlor just in time to see Severus walk up to the fireplace and reach for the jar that sits on the mantle.
"Wait," he calls out. Severus turns, and Harry realizes he should have thought of something to say other than 'I'm sorry'. Severus takes care of that problem by speaking first.
"I understand that people are capable of mad and desperate things when they are so deeply in love as you are with that boy, so don't waste your time on apologies." He speaks smoothly, with as much composure as Harry has ever seen, but there's an edge to his voice that Harry cannot explain. "But if you hurt him again, Chosen One or not, I will -"
"I swear, I swear I won't. Severus, please, don't leave." Harry's not worried about seeming desperate now; that's exactly what he is.
But the other man looks far from moved. "Delivering the boy was my only business here, thus I am leaving. I have promised to supply him with the Wolfsbane potion, otherwise I have made no promises to you, nor you to me, so -"
"I don't want to lose you!" Harry cries.
Harry isn't sure what he is expecting Severus to say or do at such a declaration. All it seems to do is make him look tired. "For awhile, you don't have a choice. But I don't count myself lucky enough to believe I'll be rid of you forever."
"Severus, I -"
"You have something more important to deal with right now, Potter. I suggest you make him your first and only priority." Severus grabs a handful of Floo powder and turns away from him.
Harry nods, even as new tears wet his lashes. He knows what Severus is trying to say; they won't be mending whatever had been between them until the day comes that Teddy leaves him for dormitories and house points and making trouble for his professors. Four years used to seem like an eternity, but he knows that those years he'll get to spend with Teddy before the boy goes off to Hogwarts will pass by faster than he can believe right now.
Still, it's a long time to live without…well, without whatever Severus can give him. He has his relationship with his godson to repair, friends to make amends with, and a long road of regaining trust ahead of him. For a moment, he doubts he will be able to do any of it without someone as steady as Severus supporting him. The moment vanishes in a blur of green from the fireplace, and he thinks that maybe that's what he needs, some time to clean up his own messes, to take care of himself on his own. To be his only master.
************************************************************
Harry could still not quite believe that Severus had said yes when Harry had asked if he could speak with him, even if he did specify that it was a business matter. Standing in the familiar front parlor, he laughs to himself quietly when he realizes that this long year that has come and gone is the longest time he's spent without seeing or speaking to the other man since he was eleven years old.
God, he misses him.
"Are you going to keep chuckling under your breath like a madman, Potter? Or are you ready to tell me why you're here. On business."
"Actually, I came to ask a favor."
Severus raises an eyebrow. Harry realizes he's even missed that.
"It's for the Foundation."
"Ah yes. The…what ridiculous name did you choose?"
Harry grits his teeth, but he feels himself smiling in spite of it. "The Lupin Foundation for Werewolf Advocacy."
"Yes, yes, the Beast Lover's Club. What do they want from me?"
Harry has really got to get used to Severus's sense of humour again. "Well, we haven't been able to find a competent and reliable brewer for our monthly Wolfsbane quota. I know you don't like to be bothered, so I asked Malfoy, but he can't afford to be seen supporting any dubiously 'Dark' causes, so…"
"And what exactly makes you think I'd be willing to support a dubiously Dark cause?"
Harry's gaze shifts down to his feet. The question stings a bit.
"I thought you might…you know…have personal reasons." Severus stares blankly. "For Teddy," Harry clarifies, unsure if he is more horrified by how desperate he sounds or the fact that he just implied Severus Snape has feelings for his godson.
Severus continues to stare at him. The hope that Harry has been carrying around in his chest for the past year - hope that Severus still wants him, still cares for him - is starting to fade.
"You can stop looking like a kicked puppy, Potter. I'll supply your Wolfsbane."
Harry exhales. "Thank you, Severus." Relief is beyond what he is feeling. And not just for the Foundation. "You'll be provided all the best ingredients, of course. You can let me know how much you'd like to be compensated for your time and effort -"
"Don't insult me, boy. You can't afford it, and I am capable of charity. At times. I will also be comforted by the fact that many dangerous creatures will not be running feral once a month."
Well, that's one less stress on the vaults. Harry opens his mouth to thank him, but Severus turns away from him, hands busy with something. Silence reigns for a few prickly moments. Harry doesn't know what to say. Luckily, Severus speaks first.
"So…how is Teddy?"
The voice is accompanied by the clinking of glass - a good sign. A drink means he can stay for as long as it takes him to finish it, and he may make this the longest drink of his life. He prepares himself to talk about how many new friends Teddy is making through the Foundation, and about his new favorite hair color, and that he's thinking of getting the boy a puppy for Christmas.
"Is he enjoying this little pet project of yours as much as the last one?"
Another sting, this one deeper and more poisonous. Harry understands that he will never be rid of the guilt over what he did to Teddy, but the picking of these old scabs is not helping him deal with it at all. He knows the hurt is in play on his face when he catches the near-remorseful look that passes across the other man's face when he turns and hands Harry his drink.
"There's no need to be cruel, Severus. I know what I did to him was wrong, and I know I hurt him, but he needs me now, and I know I can't be there for him if I'm wallowing in guilt."
Severus looks…impressed. Harry brings himself to smile just a little.
"I also know he was here last week, and every other week for the past year, so you should know for yourself how he is." Severus's eyes open wide and only the slightest shift of his shoulders hints at his embarrassment. "Neville's far too cautious to let Teddy leave his house without telling me where he's going. I just don't know why both of you felt you had to hide it from me."
"I believe we both assumed you would forbid it." Very matter-of-fact. Still, Harry is disappointed. After all this time, they still think so little of him.
"I don't mind, Severus; Teddy has always liked you." Severus responds with a grunt, but Harry has known him long enough to know that it's merely an emotional cover-up. Harry touches the rim of his glass and rubs his finger along it. "I bought a house," he says. Severus doesn't look surprised. He continues, "It's in the country, not too far from here. Lots of land. The kids like playing there on full moons, and it's a much nicer place to raise a child."
"So I've heard." Severus gives him a curious look. "I thought you were enamored with the morbid poetic justice of living in the Black house."
Harry takes a sip of his drink. "There are more important things."
Harry had said the same to Andromeda when she asked why she was being moved. He couldn't remember seeing her so happy. And unless Harry has lost all his skill for discerning Severus's emotions in the year they've spent apart, he too looks pleased.
"Indeed," he says, slowly, as if a thousand thoughts are accompanying it. Severus sets his glass down on the counter behind him. "As much as I am loath to admit this…it seems you have matured to a degree I had not believed you capable of," he says, more than a hint of pride in his voice.
A while ago, Harry may have taken offense at that; after all, he was raising a child all on his own, and that made him mature by default. But he's learned since then, and he knows how far from the truth that belief really was. He's touched, and a bit awed by the praise, even if it is a touch backhanded. "Thank you," is all he can say.
A silence comes over them again, and Harry is feeling confident enough to speak first this time. There is something he needs done before he leaves.
"You know, there were only two rooms Teddy insisted on having in the new house."
"Judging by how badly my food stores need replenishing after one of his visits, I'll wager he demanded a kitchen and a walk-in pantry."
Harry chuckles. "No, a library and a potions lab."
"Why on earth would a child that young want or need a potions lab?"
Harry sets down his glass on the nearest table and takes a few steps closer to the other man. "I think he was hoping someone would be coming over to visit often, without the excuse of wasting valuable work time."
"Ah."
Severus is clearly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. Harry knows that he knows exactly what Harry is offering - a reunion, a reconciliation. Despite his discomfort, however, he doesn't stop Harry from walking across the room to stand less than hand span in front of him. And he doesn't stop Harry from tilting his head up and kissing him.
A hand on his chest pushes Harry back, and their lips break apart. Severus's eyes are more curious than cold, but Harry knows he'll still have to fight for this.
"I thought we agreed to postpone this liaison until the little wolf goes off to school."
Harry knows the comment is meant to agitate him, so he just does something he knows will agitate Severus right back. He smiles.
"Funny. I seem to remember you telling and me not saying anything. Not much of an agreement, if you ask me."
Severus scoffs. "You nodded."
"I changed my mind." He leans in for a second kiss, but Severus turns his head away.
"I meant it, Harry. You can't waste these years of his life on me."
Harry sighs and moves his hand to find Severus's resting at his side. His fingers curl around it, and Harry knows he has a chance when they aren't brushed away.
"They won't be wasted, Severus. Teddy adores you; he needs you. And I…well, the thought of going another year without you in it doesn't make me happy, much less going the next three years." He tightens his grip on the hand in his, encouraged when the hand grips back. "We want you in our family, Severus."
The older man grimaces, leaving Harry confused until he speaks. "Please tell me that wasn't a proposal."
"Hardly." Harry laughs, stepping closer. Their chests collide when they breathe.
"He knows the nature of our relationship?"
"Well, I didn't tell him anything, but he's a smart kid; I know he knows we're not just old friends."
"And he won't cease bothering me about it until I agree, will he?"
"No, probably not." Harry smiles widely. The man is hooked now - he has him back.
A long sigh. "Well, I suppose -"
Harry interrupts him with his lips, and there's no hand pushing him away this time. Severus releases Harry's hand and moves both to his waist while Harry wraps his own arms around Severus's neck. God, how did he go a year without this?
The other man pulls away after far too short a time, and his eyes are serious again, but warm. "Harry, there are things we need to discuss."
"I know. Later?"
"You really built a potions lab in your house?" Harry nods. "You knew I'd agree, didn't you?" Harry grins. Severus shakes his head and growls, "Brat," as he pulls him close again.
They don't kiss this time, but the embrace is no less intimate than nights they've spent together before. Harry rubs his cheek against Severus's neck, finally touching his lips to it for a few wet kisses as he relishes the feel of the other man's fingers in his hair.
"Caring for you is the most painful experience I have ever had to endure, I'll have you know."
Harry chuckles and presses his lips more firmly to Severus's neck. "Feeling's mutual. And considering what we've been through, I'd say that's a pretty big accomplishment."
A rumbling chuckle vibrates Harry's lips where they sit against the other man's throat, and he is pulled away. Severus keeps him close. "Indeed." Their eyes lock, a burst of fire ripples down Harry's body. He's never seen Severus look more serious, more sincere. Which is why he's taken aback when the other man says, "It is a veritable monument to either our foolishness or the brilliance of our sex life."
Harry laughs, but turns the tail end of it into a groan as his hips brush against Severus's. "Ugh, don't say that word; I haven't had any of it in a year."
A raised eyebrow, fingers tighten their hold on his back. "Really, Potter? No sex for a year?"
Harry shakes his head. "I think it's driven me a bit mental to be honest. Not really the sex so much as being away from you."
A breathtaking kiss, a nudge towards the bedroom, and a voice that he has missed speaks gently in his ear. "That, Mister Potter, is something we can cure."
End.
Give the detailed author's notes a look, if you're interested!
Length: ~11,000
Main character or Pairing: Harry (& Teddy Lupin); Harry/Snape side-plot
Rating: soft R
Summary: When Harry finds out Teddy's inherited more from Remus than his love for books, he is forced to make some difficult decisions. But what happens when his dedication gets a little out of hand? Will he lose the people he loves most?
AN: See Part I for full header.
************************************************************
Harry stands over a hot cauldron in the kitchen, waiting for the base of the potion to brew. He still doesn't have the aconite, but he'll get it somehow; he doesn't need it for a week anyway, according to the book. Two more stirs and he turns the fire off as the liquid inside the cauldron turns a cool mint green. Success. He almost brings himself to smile.
Harry hears the clock strike a half-hour, and he checks to see which half-hour it is. He frowns. Half past six. Teddy should be home by now. Actually, Teddy should have been home nearly three hours past. Ah well, just because Harry hasn't seen him doesn't mean he hasn't been home. He probably went to Neville's when he saw Harry was busy. The stab of guilt that stings Harry's heart at this thought barely registers, and he wonders when he became so immune to it.
A whoosh from down the hallway startles him into dropping the stirring rod on the ground. Nobody bothers calling him anymore - who could it be?
The acidic voice calling his name from the next room answers that question immediately, and Harry groans. He leaves the kitchen, wiping his hands on his denims, and makes his way to the parlor.
Harry stands in front of the fireplace, arms crossed, as the familiar head appears in his hearth.
"Potter."
It hurts Harry to hear that sort of venom in his former lover's voice, so he gives it right back. "Snape." The man smirks. "What do you want?"
"I was just wondering if you are at all concerned about the whereabouts of your godson."
"Teddy's fine. I'm sure he's just…" Harry narrows his eyes. "How did you -"
"I thought not. Well, I thought it would be wise to tell you, in case you decide to regain control of your sense and call every single authority in Britain to search for him, that he is quite safe."
Despite Snape's assurance, Harry's heart flips in panic. "How do you know? What have you done with him?"
"What have I done, Potter?!" Snape's face flickers for a moment as if he can't keep control of the connection. "I have done nothing. You, however, apparently frightened him so badly that he decided living with me would be a better alternative. I can't imagine what would drive any child to be so desperate."
Harry drops to his knees. Teddy…ran away? He doesn't believe him. "He…to you?" knowing that's not what he really wants to say.
"Yes; he showed up on my doorstep and requested to stay for the foreseeable future. Knowing what he was having to return home to everyday, I obliged."
This doesn't make any sense. Harry loves Teddy more than life itself. They're a family, always together, they're all each other has. Sure, they've been through some hard times lately, but…
Harry shoves his disbelief aside in favor of anger. Snape did this to him. Snape poisoned the boy's mind, made him focus on the hurt and disappointment of now rather than the long-term goal of being free from suffering. Snape turned Teddy against him.
"This is ridiculous," he says, his tone close to a growl. "You tell him to come home right now! I don't care -"
The fire flares up unexpectedly and Harry cries out as the heat singes his face. He rubs his stinging eyes as Severus's voice echoes from the fire.
"Listen, you selfish brat. Did you hear what I just said? He. Didn't. Want. To. Come. Home. To. You. Stop thinking about what that means in terms of yourself. The child you claim to love above all was willing to come to me instead of you because he was so afraid of what you would put him through next!"
Harry's rage is so strong now his throat is closing up and he can feel sharp stinging in his palms from the half moons his nails are cutting there. "How DARE -"
"This conversation is over, Potter. If you think of sending the authorities as I suggested, I will be quite happy to show them the boy's scars and tell them what his home life has been like for the past few months. The house has been re-warded, and I will not allow you here until you can swear you will not harm him, nor will I force him to leave."
"Snape! SEVERUS!" Harry screams at an empty fireplace.
He kneels there in shock for almost a minute, then leaps up in a start and races down the hallway.
"ANDROMEDA!" Harry barges through the library door, not wasting time to cringe as it slams against the wall making the house shriek.
"He's taken him!"
Harry stands in front of the portrait, his chest heaving. The three-foot-tall woman looks down at him from her book with the look of a queen being disturbed by a filthy peasant. "What was that, dear?"
"Snape, that bastard, has taken Teddy and refuses to let him leave!
"A little different from the story I heard," she says calmly, setting the book in her hands down on the table beside her.
Harry blinks. It takes a moment for her meaning to sink in through the haze of his wrath. "What?" he finally manages. "You…you know?"
"Of course." She sounds cheerful, which makes him furious, even with what he knows about portraits and their fickle emotions. "I have been meaning to talk to you about this, Harry. I do not approve of your attitude towards Teddy's condition."
Harry's mind is reeling. First Teddy running away - to Snape! - and now this? And he is sick to death of people telling him how he should be dealing with Teddy's "condition". He tells her so, forcefully, but his tone doesn't seem to bother her.
"Perhaps you should be listening to some of those people, Harry. You do not surround yourself with foolish people; have you thought maybe they have some decent points?"
Harry grinds his teeth together so hard his jaw muscles nearly cramp. "No, because all of their points still end in Teddy being a werewolf!"
She clicks her tongue at him. "You are focusing too much on the negative. Have you considered that perhaps there is a reason that Teddy is what he is?"
Harry scoffs and his heart flares up in anger. "Don't give me that spiritual shite about how him being a werewolf is supposed to mean something, or that there's a reason for it. I get enough of that tripe from Luna as it is."
Andromeda just stares at him. Harry immediately feels like he's in Snape's class and just missed the vital ingredient in the potion they're brewing. He squirms. She speaks.
"I said nothing of the lycanthropy, Harry." She pauses there, and her face turns abruptly sad. "Do you even see him as a child anymore? He is still just a boy, and only one of his many qualities makes itself known on the full moon." She shakes her head. "You have come to see him as nothing more than a Dark Creature, just as the rest of the world will see him."
Harry curls his fists angrily and restrains himself from just screaming at the portrait until his throat is raw. "That's not true!"
She raises an eyebrow at him, and he is immediately reminded that this woman is related to Malfoy. "Indeed? Tell me then, what is his new favorite book? What is his favorite game to play with little Victoire? How many times has Severus let him help with a potion? Do you know what makes him happy or what he's afraid of?"
An indignant 'yes' is poised on his lips, but Harry stops it from falling when he realizes that, no, he doesn't know the answers to those questions, not anymore. But it doesn't matter. He's been concentrating on other, more important things. The only important thing - preventing Teddy from having to suffer life as a werewolf. Why can't anybody understand that?
"I'm not going to give up on him. He deserves -"
"You're killing him, Harry."
Harry blinks in shock at this. Andromeda looks at him coldly, almost menacingly.
"Wh…what? How can you say that?!"
She shakes her head again. "Oh, Harry; how can you not see it?"
Harry's seen plenty, plenty of what being a werewolf has done to Teddy - the color is gone from his cheeks, his hair hasn't changed from a dull brown in months, the sparkle in his boyish eyes is gone. He turns his eyes on the figure in the portrait to tell her so when she interrupts him.
"He wrote a letter yesterday, you know," she says quietly. "To his…his father." Andromeda looks away briefly and turns kind eyes back to him. "Under normal circumstances I would suggest you respect his privacy, but I don't think anything else will convince you to change your treatment of my grandson. And it will change, Harry. If not, I will have to see to it that he is put under the care of a new guardian. And yes, I can do that, even from here."
Harry's heart skips a beat at the thought of losing Teddy. His indignant anger towards Andromeda changes, however, at this last sad but determined look she gives him. She means the threat. And Harry starts to fear that he has done something deeply wrong to his godchild. His heart broken and at his feet he whispers, "Where is it?"
"I'm sure you'll figure it out, dear," she says, the usual smile back on her face.
Harry almost opens his mouth to ask again, but he knows he'll get no answer. This is a test. And by Merlin, it's one that he'll pass.
********************
Harry sets the letter back inside the slender book with a trembling hand. He's glad Teddy's too old to have picture books read to him at bedtime now, because Harry won't be able to look at that battered old copy of Goodnight Moon again without crying.
Harry can't believe the things he's just read. He's always known Teddy to be more introverted than not, and he knows the boy can be shy with his feelings, but for him to have been hiding all of that, and for so long…
Harry puts the book back on the shelf and paces the room. He has to see him. He has to know that at least some of that letter isn't true. He has to hold him, has to hear his voice, has to tell him…
Hesitantly, Harry slips a hand in his pocket and fingers the smooth warm stone that is a constant there. Harry had promised he'd never do this again after Teddy found out about them and seemed very disappointed that Harry was spying on him. But this, he thinks, is something of a special circumstance.
Monitoring crystals had become insanely popular with the new generation of parents, most of whom had grown in the shadow of war's paranoia and felt that there was no price too great for the assurance that they could find a lost or kidnapped child. Harry, more paranoid than most, had one linked to Teddy immediately after he was granted custody of the child. It had saved him panic more than once, finding himself looking as if through Teddy's eyes at some forgotten hallway of the house instead of the crazed faces that still haunt Harry's nightmares.
Pulling the stone out, he cups it in his open palm and admires its gentle reflection of the light. He waits only a moment more, silently apologizing to Teddy for breaking his promise; he presses the flat side of the crystal to his forehead and closes his eyes. He waits.
The vision fades into view. A dark window. White bedspread. Dresser in the corner. A mirror across from him holds a rapidly clearing reflection of a small boy. A faint glow on his left. A smooth, low voice asks something about a light. The view shifts up and down slightly - a nod.
"Do you think Uncle Harry still loves me, Mr. Snape?" comes a little voice, one Harry recognizes instantly.
Severus comes into view, setting a candle down somewhere to the boy's left and taking a place at the end of the bed before answering.
"No, Teddy." Harry's breath catches in shock and anger, both of which are quickly abated when Severus adds, "I know he does."
"Are you sure? How do you know?"
Harry has never seen Severus alone with Teddy before, and he is nearly in shock at the amount of tenderness he hears in his voice. "Why do you think your Uncle Harry is trying to find a cure for you?"
An hour ago, Harry would have expected Teddy to say something like Because he loves me or He wants me to feel better on full moons. Now, after that letter, he's not so sure. The answer he gets is shocking.
"Because he doesn't want me to be a werewolf. He wants a normal kid. The great Harry Potter shouldn't have to be saddled with a freak like me."
Severus's face grows dark and terrible in an instant. "Where did you hear that?"
The voice is smaller now, a little sadder. "When we went to the Healer. I was playing by the window in the waiting room and I heard a lady say so. Uncle Harry is really important, I know, and I try really hard to be as normal as I can for him. I even stopped changing my shape and my hair and everything so I fit in more -"
"Stop." Severus's voice is stern, almost acidic - the one he uses for detentions - and Teddy's voice immediately fades away. "Your godfather loves you more than I've ever seen a man love a child. You will never know, Teddy, how much he has sacrificed for you, and I know that he does not regret any of those sacrifices."
One, Harry corrects him. There's one I regret.
"There is only one reason why he wants to cure you, and it is most certainly not because he wants to raise a 'normal' child. Remember, he saw your father suffer the prejudices and physical brutality that was a part of being a werewolf in his day. He wants to spare you that pain, Teddy; he doesn't want any of that suffering for you."
Yes! Harry wants to scream at the child. Of course that's the reason!. He watches the mirror for Teddy's reaction, but it's not a roll of the eyes or a vaguely annoyed look that usually appears on the boy's face when Harry tells him something he already knows. No. It's not that at all.
At Teddy's look of surprise, Harry crumples in on himself and realizes tears are streaming down his face.
The monitoring crystal makes a dull thud as it hits the floor.
********************
To: My Dad
Remus Lupin
Heaven
Dear Dad,
I really really miss you. Uncle Harry's been telling me lots of stories about you. He says I remind him of you a lot. Mum sometimes too, but not as much. He says soon I'll be a werewolf like you were. I was mostly excited when he told me, but I think it makes him really sad. He's trying to cure me, so I can be normal like Vicki and Rosie, but nothing has fixed me yet. Even though I still feel poorly on full moons, and the cures hurt me a lot, I'm sort of glad - I think I'll like being a werewolf like you. Uncle Harry would be really mad if he knew. That's why I think I'm going to run away. I don't know where I'll go yet, but it can't be Vicki's house, because she's a big tattletale. I don't think it'll make Uncle Harry more sad than he is now. He's busy a lot now anyway, so maybe he won't notice at all. Like yesterday, he said he was too busy to take me to see you and mum and Nana but I wanted to go, so I sneaked out and asked Uncle Neville if he would take me and he did. I would maybe go stay with him, but his house smells like peas. Wherever I go, I know I'll miss Uncle Harry most of all. I know he says you're always watching over me, but could you maybe watch over him too when I leave? Thanks, daddy.
Love,
Teddy
P.S. What color fur did you have when you were a wolf? I think I might be grey.
************************************************************
The clouds roiling darkly outside Teddy's bedroom window remind Harry of that day at the Healer's that now seems more far away than the days when all Teddy was to him was a smallish snapshot of a turquoise-haired infant. An elusive nausea plagues him, as does the crushing press of guilt. Breathing has never been so difficult.
He sits on the floor, his back against the small bed frame, staring through the Ballycastle Bats poster on the wall.
His fist holds a crumpled note that arrived a while after he'd collapsed on the floor next to Teddy's bed.
It reads:
We have things to discuss. I will arrive at your home at nine o'clock tomorrow morning. You had better be awake, Potter.
- S. Snape
Being awake, of course, is not a problem. Harry has not slept at all.
Harry sighs and rubs his bleary eyes. Severus will ask for temporary custody of Teddy. And Harry will give it.
Severus had known exactly what to say to the child to ease his hurt. Hurt that Harry had caused him. He didn't deserve to be Teddy's guardian. He had failed them - failed Remus, failed Andromeda, failed his godson.
Failed.
Harry hears the grandfather clock chiming the hour downstairs, and as the ninth bell finishes echoing through the house, he hears the distinctive chime of the Floo activating. Harry hears a deep familiar voice call his name like a question, and he snaps out of his daze long enough to think that he probably looks like death. He doesn't want Severus to see him like this, but he hadn't been able to…he can't bring himself to move.
"Here," he says weakly. He doubts for a moment that his voice made it through the door, but he hears footsteps coming closer. Harry rubs at his eyes once more. He finally forces himself to stand. He has to use the bed for support, but it's better than cowering on the floor before the man he'd given up, tossed aside, for something that doesn't even matter anymore.
The door opens slowly, and the cold, menacing figure of Severus Snape looking so like he used to that Harry nearly breaks down right then. Everything is gone. His friends, his work, Severus, Teddy…everything. And it's nobody's fault but his. His throat starts to clench with emotion. Teddy is…
Suddenly, a little hand appears around Severus's thigh, and a head peeks out from behind his waist covered in shaggy hair that is a color Harry can only describe as nervous yellow.
"Teddy," Harry whispers. His body shocks him with how quickly he feels tears spring to his eyes. Harry's heart leaps into his throat as the boy rushes towards him, and he holds his arms out as Teddy jumps up and into them.
Harry's knees give out and he collapses onto the bed crushing the small warm body to his chest. In this moment the smooth rhythm of a heartbeat under his palm and soft hair clutched in his fist has never meant more; he knows the sort of love that his mother had given her life for.
Finally, his throat unclenches enough to whisper, "Oh, god, Teds, I missed you so much."
"I'm sorry I ran away from you, Uncle Harry." The answering whisper is soft in his ear, and he can tell Teddy is crying too. He tightens his grip, squeezing so tightly his arms ache, before he releases his hold and moves his hands to cradle the boy's face.
"No," Harry whispers, wiping tears from lashes and cheeks. "No, it's my fault, Teddy. Please…please…" But Harry doesn't know what he's begging for. It's not the boy's forgiveness; no, he doesn't deserve that yet. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much."
Teddy sniffles a little and gives him a little smile that breaks his heart and repairs it in the same beat. "I love you too, Uncle Harry."
Harry hugs him tight again, kiss after kiss falling on ears and dark green hair. He looks over Teddy's shoulder at the man standing in the doorway. He knows he owes all of this sweet reunion to him. He mouths a 'Thank you', but Severus doesn't move a muscle, not even to sneer.
"You have something else to tell him, don't you, Teddy?"
"Oh!" Teddy clambers down Harry's body and stands in front of him. "Watch!"
Harry obeys. Teddy closes his eyes and his face goes blank with deep concentration. As Harry stares, the boy's body begins to change, sprouting coarse grey fur, face elongating, and hands and feet turning to oversized paws. Before long, a wolf is standing before him, not fully grown, but still more vicious and feral-looking than the playful wolf cubs Teddy has changed into before. No - something about this one is very different. It barks sharply and stands on its hind paws to lick his face before Harry can even gather enough sense to react. The wolf turns back to boy much faster, and Teddy stands before him, beaming.
"See, Uncle Harry?"
Before Harry can answer, Severus's voice chimes in. "He is thicker than mud, child. Just tell him plainly."
Well, Harry can't fault Severus for that statement - he is confused. Teddy just giggles.
"It took a while, but I found out when I look really hard, I can see my wolf self inside me, and I can change into that body before I transform. Mr. Snape says it will probably still hurt a little, and I'll still feel poorly, but it won't hurt as much as normal."
And just like that, all his wit is bested by a seven-year-old; but when this is the outcome, he doesn't mind so much.
"Oh, Teddy." Harry holds out his arms and Teddy falls into them again. "That's all I ever wanted, you know, for you not to hurt."
He hears Teddy say, "I know, Uncle Harry," but his mind is far away, thinking of the night before.
Have you considered that perhaps there is a reason that Teddy is what he is? Andromeda had known. This is what she had meant - there was a reason behind Teddy's Metamorphagus abilities. And if she had known…
Harry pulls away to look him in the eye. "Teddy, how long have you known you could do this?"
"Oh…" he says, "only a little while."
Harry smiles and smoothes his thumb across the small eyebrow. "Your eyes turn blue when you lie you know."
And that, of course, is a lie too, but Teddy falls for it, his eyes going wide, alarm sweeping across his face until Harry laughs and leans in to kiss his forehead. His gaze goes over the boy's head to check in on the man lurking in the doorway again, but…it's empty.
Harry can't let them end like this.
He kisses Teddy on the forehead again. "You go tell Nana you're back safe, okay?"
Teddy nods and runs down the hall while Harry makes his way down the stairs as quickly as he can. He gets to the parlor just in time to see Severus walk up to the fireplace and reach for the jar that sits on the mantle.
"Wait," he calls out. Severus turns, and Harry realizes he should have thought of something to say other than 'I'm sorry'. Severus takes care of that problem by speaking first.
"I understand that people are capable of mad and desperate things when they are so deeply in love as you are with that boy, so don't waste your time on apologies." He speaks smoothly, with as much composure as Harry has ever seen, but there's an edge to his voice that Harry cannot explain. "But if you hurt him again, Chosen One or not, I will -"
"I swear, I swear I won't. Severus, please, don't leave." Harry's not worried about seeming desperate now; that's exactly what he is.
But the other man looks far from moved. "Delivering the boy was my only business here, thus I am leaving. I have promised to supply him with the Wolfsbane potion, otherwise I have made no promises to you, nor you to me, so -"
"I don't want to lose you!" Harry cries.
Harry isn't sure what he is expecting Severus to say or do at such a declaration. All it seems to do is make him look tired. "For awhile, you don't have a choice. But I don't count myself lucky enough to believe I'll be rid of you forever."
"Severus, I -"
"You have something more important to deal with right now, Potter. I suggest you make him your first and only priority." Severus grabs a handful of Floo powder and turns away from him.
Harry nods, even as new tears wet his lashes. He knows what Severus is trying to say; they won't be mending whatever had been between them until the day comes that Teddy leaves him for dormitories and house points and making trouble for his professors. Four years used to seem like an eternity, but he knows that those years he'll get to spend with Teddy before the boy goes off to Hogwarts will pass by faster than he can believe right now.
Still, it's a long time to live without…well, without whatever Severus can give him. He has his relationship with his godson to repair, friends to make amends with, and a long road of regaining trust ahead of him. For a moment, he doubts he will be able to do any of it without someone as steady as Severus supporting him. The moment vanishes in a blur of green from the fireplace, and he thinks that maybe that's what he needs, some time to clean up his own messes, to take care of himself on his own. To be his only master.
************************************************************
Harry could still not quite believe that Severus had said yes when Harry had asked if he could speak with him, even if he did specify that it was a business matter. Standing in the familiar front parlor, he laughs to himself quietly when he realizes that this long year that has come and gone is the longest time he's spent without seeing or speaking to the other man since he was eleven years old.
God, he misses him.
"Are you going to keep chuckling under your breath like a madman, Potter? Or are you ready to tell me why you're here. On business."
"Actually, I came to ask a favor."
Severus raises an eyebrow. Harry realizes he's even missed that.
"It's for the Foundation."
"Ah yes. The…what ridiculous name did you choose?"
Harry grits his teeth, but he feels himself smiling in spite of it. "The Lupin Foundation for Werewolf Advocacy."
"Yes, yes, the Beast Lover's Club. What do they want from me?"
Harry has really got to get used to Severus's sense of humour again. "Well, we haven't been able to find a competent and reliable brewer for our monthly Wolfsbane quota. I know you don't like to be bothered, so I asked Malfoy, but he can't afford to be seen supporting any dubiously 'Dark' causes, so…"
"And what exactly makes you think I'd be willing to support a dubiously Dark cause?"
Harry's gaze shifts down to his feet. The question stings a bit.
"I thought you might…you know…have personal reasons." Severus stares blankly. "For Teddy," Harry clarifies, unsure if he is more horrified by how desperate he sounds or the fact that he just implied Severus Snape has feelings for his godson.
Severus continues to stare at him. The hope that Harry has been carrying around in his chest for the past year - hope that Severus still wants him, still cares for him - is starting to fade.
"You can stop looking like a kicked puppy, Potter. I'll supply your Wolfsbane."
Harry exhales. "Thank you, Severus." Relief is beyond what he is feeling. And not just for the Foundation. "You'll be provided all the best ingredients, of course. You can let me know how much you'd like to be compensated for your time and effort -"
"Don't insult me, boy. You can't afford it, and I am capable of charity. At times. I will also be comforted by the fact that many dangerous creatures will not be running feral once a month."
Well, that's one less stress on the vaults. Harry opens his mouth to thank him, but Severus turns away from him, hands busy with something. Silence reigns for a few prickly moments. Harry doesn't know what to say. Luckily, Severus speaks first.
"So…how is Teddy?"
The voice is accompanied by the clinking of glass - a good sign. A drink means he can stay for as long as it takes him to finish it, and he may make this the longest drink of his life. He prepares himself to talk about how many new friends Teddy is making through the Foundation, and about his new favorite hair color, and that he's thinking of getting the boy a puppy for Christmas.
"Is he enjoying this little pet project of yours as much as the last one?"
Another sting, this one deeper and more poisonous. Harry understands that he will never be rid of the guilt over what he did to Teddy, but the picking of these old scabs is not helping him deal with it at all. He knows the hurt is in play on his face when he catches the near-remorseful look that passes across the other man's face when he turns and hands Harry his drink.
"There's no need to be cruel, Severus. I know what I did to him was wrong, and I know I hurt him, but he needs me now, and I know I can't be there for him if I'm wallowing in guilt."
Severus looks…impressed. Harry brings himself to smile just a little.
"I also know he was here last week, and every other week for the past year, so you should know for yourself how he is." Severus's eyes open wide and only the slightest shift of his shoulders hints at his embarrassment. "Neville's far too cautious to let Teddy leave his house without telling me where he's going. I just don't know why both of you felt you had to hide it from me."
"I believe we both assumed you would forbid it." Very matter-of-fact. Still, Harry is disappointed. After all this time, they still think so little of him.
"I don't mind, Severus; Teddy has always liked you." Severus responds with a grunt, but Harry has known him long enough to know that it's merely an emotional cover-up. Harry touches the rim of his glass and rubs his finger along it. "I bought a house," he says. Severus doesn't look surprised. He continues, "It's in the country, not too far from here. Lots of land. The kids like playing there on full moons, and it's a much nicer place to raise a child."
"So I've heard." Severus gives him a curious look. "I thought you were enamored with the morbid poetic justice of living in the Black house."
Harry takes a sip of his drink. "There are more important things."
Harry had said the same to Andromeda when she asked why she was being moved. He couldn't remember seeing her so happy. And unless Harry has lost all his skill for discerning Severus's emotions in the year they've spent apart, he too looks pleased.
"Indeed," he says, slowly, as if a thousand thoughts are accompanying it. Severus sets his glass down on the counter behind him. "As much as I am loath to admit this…it seems you have matured to a degree I had not believed you capable of," he says, more than a hint of pride in his voice.
A while ago, Harry may have taken offense at that; after all, he was raising a child all on his own, and that made him mature by default. But he's learned since then, and he knows how far from the truth that belief really was. He's touched, and a bit awed by the praise, even if it is a touch backhanded. "Thank you," is all he can say.
A silence comes over them again, and Harry is feeling confident enough to speak first this time. There is something he needs done before he leaves.
"You know, there were only two rooms Teddy insisted on having in the new house."
"Judging by how badly my food stores need replenishing after one of his visits, I'll wager he demanded a kitchen and a walk-in pantry."
Harry chuckles. "No, a library and a potions lab."
"Why on earth would a child that young want or need a potions lab?"
Harry sets down his glass on the nearest table and takes a few steps closer to the other man. "I think he was hoping someone would be coming over to visit often, without the excuse of wasting valuable work time."
"Ah."
Severus is clearly uncomfortable with the direction of the conversation. Harry knows that he knows exactly what Harry is offering - a reunion, a reconciliation. Despite his discomfort, however, he doesn't stop Harry from walking across the room to stand less than hand span in front of him. And he doesn't stop Harry from tilting his head up and kissing him.
A hand on his chest pushes Harry back, and their lips break apart. Severus's eyes are more curious than cold, but Harry knows he'll still have to fight for this.
"I thought we agreed to postpone this liaison until the little wolf goes off to school."
Harry knows the comment is meant to agitate him, so he just does something he knows will agitate Severus right back. He smiles.
"Funny. I seem to remember you telling and me not saying anything. Not much of an agreement, if you ask me."
Severus scoffs. "You nodded."
"I changed my mind." He leans in for a second kiss, but Severus turns his head away.
"I meant it, Harry. You can't waste these years of his life on me."
Harry sighs and moves his hand to find Severus's resting at his side. His fingers curl around it, and Harry knows he has a chance when they aren't brushed away.
"They won't be wasted, Severus. Teddy adores you; he needs you. And I…well, the thought of going another year without you in it doesn't make me happy, much less going the next three years." He tightens his grip on the hand in his, encouraged when the hand grips back. "We want you in our family, Severus."
The older man grimaces, leaving Harry confused until he speaks. "Please tell me that wasn't a proposal."
"Hardly." Harry laughs, stepping closer. Their chests collide when they breathe.
"He knows the nature of our relationship?"
"Well, I didn't tell him anything, but he's a smart kid; I know he knows we're not just old friends."
"And he won't cease bothering me about it until I agree, will he?"
"No, probably not." Harry smiles widely. The man is hooked now - he has him back.
A long sigh. "Well, I suppose -"
Harry interrupts him with his lips, and there's no hand pushing him away this time. Severus releases Harry's hand and moves both to his waist while Harry wraps his own arms around Severus's neck. God, how did he go a year without this?
The other man pulls away after far too short a time, and his eyes are serious again, but warm. "Harry, there are things we need to discuss."
"I know. Later?"
"You really built a potions lab in your house?" Harry nods. "You knew I'd agree, didn't you?" Harry grins. Severus shakes his head and growls, "Brat," as he pulls him close again.
They don't kiss this time, but the embrace is no less intimate than nights they've spent together before. Harry rubs his cheek against Severus's neck, finally touching his lips to it for a few wet kisses as he relishes the feel of the other man's fingers in his hair.
"Caring for you is the most painful experience I have ever had to endure, I'll have you know."
Harry chuckles and presses his lips more firmly to Severus's neck. "Feeling's mutual. And considering what we've been through, I'd say that's a pretty big accomplishment."
A rumbling chuckle vibrates Harry's lips where they sit against the other man's throat, and he is pulled away. Severus keeps him close. "Indeed." Their eyes lock, a burst of fire ripples down Harry's body. He's never seen Severus look more serious, more sincere. Which is why he's taken aback when the other man says, "It is a veritable monument to either our foolishness or the brilliance of our sex life."
Harry laughs, but turns the tail end of it into a groan as his hips brush against Severus's. "Ugh, don't say that word; I haven't had any of it in a year."
A raised eyebrow, fingers tighten their hold on his back. "Really, Potter? No sex for a year?"
Harry shakes his head. "I think it's driven me a bit mental to be honest. Not really the sex so much as being away from you."
A breathtaking kiss, a nudge towards the bedroom, and a voice that he has missed speaks gently in his ear. "That, Mister Potter, is something we can cure."
End.
Give the detailed author's notes a look, if you're interested!