Fic: The Opposite of Love (Snape/Lupin, R)
Title : The Opposite of Love
Rating : hard R
Characters/Pairings : Snape/Lupin, (Harry/Draco if you squint)
Warnings: dub con, character death
Length: ~ 6,500 words
Summary: Remus had never hated Snape until Dumbledore's murder.
A/N: Made for oirowin during the Snupin Santa 2006 exchange. Many thanks to busaikko, crise_cardiac and indigestible for their beta job, and to _lore for the thoroughly needed encouragement.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.
Elie Wiesel
1
Remus had been waiting in the rain for two hours when the Death Eaters came.
As far as jobs in wartime went, spying was a dreadful one. It involved more patience than action, and more discretion than courage.
Which was probably why Remus was good at it. He had never been a poster child for Gryffindor, never the loudest or cheekiest of the boys. And he had made a lifelong habit of watching without acting; even when, by all standards, he should have acted.
His lips upturned slightly, tasting in the metallic tang of the rain the irony of it. To have, for this war, his worst flaw turned into an asset.
Better to laugh than cry at it.
The Death Eaters finally Apparated on the garden entrance with a faint bang, four dark shapes barely visible in the pouring rain. Three were hooded and masked, but Greyback had never bothered with a mask.
Invisible under one of the Order’s Cloaks, Remus paced his breathing to calm himself, the same quietening pattern he had learned to use before transformation.
He wondered who were under the masks, but what was the use of trying to discern a familiar profile? He had to know why they were here. He had to keep quiet, and watch, and report. There would be no occasion to catch an old enemy.
With swift coordination the Death Eaters surrounded the small cottage.
Once more, Remus wondered what they could want with the place. It could be just another raid against Muggles, as Voldemort has been so fond of during the first war, but the care and caution that Greyback had taken upon receiving his orders spoke against it. He was seldom cautious of anything unless strictly directed to be by Voldemort.
The main door was opened by a flick of his wand by the tallest Death Eater, and they went in.
Greyback remained next to the door, ominously morose.
Remus sneaked closer but stayed prudently far from Greyback’s attention.
It was an old house, but well preserved by good care. A family of three had, as Remus had managed to research in hurry before coming, bought the residence some ten years ago.
Through the windows, he saw the smaller Death Eater go inside the bedroom, where the daughter slept.
Remus held his breath.
Keep quiet, watch, and report, he reminded himself. Stillness had never been so difficult.
But the Death Eater ignored the small form in the bed and crouched next to the fire place. He tipped one stone of the old ornate chimneypiece, and took something out of the opened passage. Remus saw gold glint softly.
A new noise of Apparition to his right startled him. Greyback must have been surprised as well, because red light enfolded him quickly, and he fell down.
Dazed, Remus glimpsed the newcomer’s dishevelled hair.
Harry?
The other Death Eaters were already moving out of the house, but Harry wasn’t alone. Remus heard a “Stupefy” in Hermione’s voice, and saw another silhouette which must have been Ron's run toward Harry.
What were they doing here?
The area surrounding the house quickly became a mess of blinding lights and shouts. Wavering between keeping his eyes on the Death Eater with the golden object or helping Harry, Remus held his wand out, hesitating.
Ron suddenly cried out in pain, and Remus saw Harry turn around, distracted from his own duel.
No!
Hastily, Remus cast a Shielding spell on Harry.
His attacker riposted automatically in Remus’ direction, then fell from one of Harry’s curse.
But it was already too late.
Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw that Ron was down, while Hermione’s voice took on a more panicked tone with each new curse thrown.
The man who had taken the golden object was dashing away from the skirmish, under the cover of the remaining Death Eater.
That Death Eater was a skilled duellist. Almost immediately Hermione rolled down next to Ron, in the throws of Cruciatus.
Remus sent another couple of spells to protect them, when suddenly something knocked him to the ground from behind.
Before he had time to breathe, he was struck again, this time on the face. When he opened his eyes again, Greyback was straddling him, and Remus struggled uselessly against his grip.
“You! Thought I couldn’t smell your stink, did you?”
Greyback hammered another couple of blows down on him.
“Sneaky traitor, I’m going to-”
Greyback stopped, oddly stock-still, and fell backward.
Lupin looked up.
The Death Eater who had cursed Greyback had lost his mask in the battle.
Even in the dark, in the rain, and through the haze of pain, Remus recognized him. The nose was unmistakable.
Severus Snape stood above Remus, looked down at him and said nothing.
Then he turned away and disappeared into the night.
((
“Look at you.”
Remus pulled up his trousers in panic, blushing and looking desperately around him. “Severus? What… what are you doing here?”
“Why are you stopping?” Snape sneered, coming closer. “You are a beast, after all. No reason to be ashamed of rutting in public.”
“I was not! You’re the one who came up here while I… I thought I was alone.”
The old classroom ought to have been private enough for a nice wank; not private enough, apparently.
“In fact I’m certain you like giving a show. You’re queer, aren’t you?” Snape was still striding toward him.
“What?” Remus said. “No!”
“Yes, you are. You always blush and look away with guilt when Potter and Black call me a poof.”
“That’s not why…” Remus stepped back. Snape had his wand in hand, and Remus’ wand was still on the bench along with the rest of his things.
“And you always look at Black’s arse when you think nobody’s looking,” Snape pressed on.
“I don’t!” Remus felt his back touch the wall behind him, his heartbeat quickening. What the hell was Snape playing at?
“I’m not afraid of you,” Snape said, which made no sense at all given that he was the one waving a wand under Remus’ nose.
Then he put his other hand inside Remus’ trousers and wrapped it around Remus’ softening cock which stirred up at once.
“Hey…!” Remus tried to move but Snape tightened his grip, and he didn’t dare.
The hand was warm and soft over the sensitive skin.
“Oh God,” Remus whispered. It was both incredibly scary and the most erotic sensation Remus had ever felt.
“Werewolf,” Snape said, and moved his hand alongside Remus’ cock. “Half-breed.” He stroked again. “Mongrel.” Another stroke. “Monster.” A stroke.
Remus closed his eyes, all thoughts of resistance forgotten. Snape kept fisting him in rhythm with his insults.
“Filth,” Snape said, rubbing Remus’ slit, and Remus convulsed and came all over Snape’s hand.
In the pause that followed, the only thing he could hear was his own wild panting, and Snape’s barely slower breathing.
Remus opened his eyes.
Snape looked impassive. With slow deliberation, he wiped his hand onto Remus’ robes.
“I’m not afraid of you,” he repeated. Then he walked away.
Remus watched him leave. He had no idea what had just happened.
))
2
“It’s a miracle,” Minerva said sternly, “that you weren't killed in the battle.”
Harry looked sullen and obstinate, his appearance not mellowed by the blackish bruise spread over his face.
Minerva tapped her fingers against the wood of the table.
“And you still refuse to tell us why you chose to act without any deliberation with the Order?”
They were in the main room of Sirius’ house’s, along with some of the remaining members of the Order. Not a whole lot of members remained.
Ron was still in Pomfrey’s care, but Hermione sat next to Harry, just as stubbornly silent, with her arm in a cast.
“Let them be,” Tonks said from Remus’ left . “You know that Dumbledore spent a lot of time with Harry before.... before. He must have given him some instructions.”
“I will not have children fight our war.”
“Why not?” Hermione intervened. “It’s our war - our world - as well. And, we three are all of age, now.”
Minerva sighed.
“Very well, if you refuse any appeal, I can hardly force you. But think before acting, next time. Tonight could have been a disaster. If Remus hadn’t happened to be there as well...”
“I hardly did anything, Minerva,” Remus said quietly.
Harry glanced at him quickly, looking guilty.
Minerva’s lips thinned. “Even so.”
The debate went on for a short while without much more conclusion before it was adjourned.
Remus sat on, drinking his tea, waiting for Harry to catch his eyes.
Sure enough, Harry eventually drew near.
“Professor?”
Remus smiled at him. “I’m not your professor anymore, Harry. You can call me Remus.”
“Yes, err…” Harry said, uneasy with that prospect.
It was Remus’ own fault, he supposed: he could have gotten closer to the boy had he tried. Yet he hadn’t. Too afraid, too hesitant, once more.
“What is it, Harry?” he asked in his best encouraging teacher’s voice.
“Did I destroy your cover, among the werewolves?”
Remus considered. “That’s difficult to say. Greyback’s dead, and he was the bigger threat. As for the Death Eaters…” He trailed off.
Snape had already known he was spying on the werewolves before, and said nothing. Would he act against Remus now? That was impossible to know.
“We’ll just have to see, I think. Greyback’s death gives us a new opportunity to try to turn them away from Voldemort’s service.”
“I’m sorry,” Harry said.
“Don’t be. I’m sure that whatever reason you had for being there, it was important enough.”
Harry’s face reddened. “But, we failed.”
“You held your ground admirably. One Death Eater’s dead, and we captured Alecto. It could have been worse.”
“But-“
Remus looked at Harry.
“You survived, that’s what matters the most. And you’ll do better next time, won’t you?”
Harry considered that a minute, before nodding resolutely.
“What I do wonder about,” Remus continued, “is how you got the information about the Death Eater’s raid.”
Harry blushed. “I got… information from a source.”
“An inside source?”
“Yes,” Harry said.
“One that you can trust?”
Given Snape’s previous betrayal, Remus could hardly believe Harry would naively believe anyone. Still, the boy was young yet.
“I don’t know,” Harry admitted. “But I think… I think Dumbledore would have wanted me to try.”
That would explain things. “Do you have any kind of guarantee about them?”
“Oh, yes,” Harry said. Unconsciously, he reached toward his neck.
“Good,” Remus said. “Be careful Harry.”
“I will be.”
Remus was left alone to ponder over the events from the day before.
He couldn’t get what had happened out of his head.
Snape had saved his life.
There was no other way to interpret his action. And even if it had been a mistake, a hasty gesture soon regretted in the confusion of the fight… he could have killed him and hadn’t. And why had Snape not spoken before? Snape knew he was a spy; he could have had him killed any time.
Then why?
It was utterly baffling.
Remus avoided anger at all costs: it was too much like the Change. Blood roaring inside your ears, wild shivers running through your flesh, the whole world turning upside down into a monochrome landscape drowned by the smell of violence… that kind of loss of control was unbearable to him if he could elude it.
But, he did know hate. He had had three names for it, kept under keys in the back of his mind. Sometimes he took them out and contemplated them, and he knew he would kill any of the three without hesitation, given the opportunity. Fenrir Greyback, Peter Pettigrew, and Severus Snape. One less of them now, he supposed.
He had not always hated Snape, of course.
For a long time, Snape had done the hating for the both of them. And even to Snape, Remus had long been an afterthought. The companion of three more infuriating foes. What was Remus but the quiet boy who had followed James and Sirius like a shadow, the compliant boy who looked away when they lashed at Snape and did nothing, said nothing.
Snape did take an interest, at some point. What it could have been for, Remus had no clue. Maybe it had been his quietness itself, his stubborn intent to pass unnoticed. Even for a Slytherin, Snape had always loved what was secret, slippery and dark more than he ought to have.
And it had been a game, really. Snape trying to guess at the Marauder’s secrets, the Marauders trying to catch Snape alone and defenceless. A hunting game where the hunter could turn prey at any place, at any time. A game that had escalated until the victim had been Remus’ secret itself, and almost cost Snape his life.
After that, Snape could never consider him a mere afterthought. Many times, Remus would look up, and find him staring, the beetle black eyes intent and off-putting. Not that Remus had ever let it show how disturbing he found Snape’s gaze. He’d always smiled; he’d always been pleasant and civil, calling him ‘Severus’ to his face.
That was part of the game. Snape trying to put him off balance with his sneers and insults, Remus deflecting the barbs with casual mildness, which was probably more maddening to Snape than anything he could have said or done. No doubt, it was because of Remus’ apparent indifference that Snape had gone on playing that game, long through the years after they both had grown up; even through Remus’ disastrous year as a teacher in Hogwarts and through the start of the Second War, and until…
Remus sighed.
Snape had murdered Dumbledore, and that had stopped dead any game.
Only then had Remus started loathing Snape. Only then, and even then it surprised him, the intensity of his hatred. He should not have felt so betrayed. Surely, he had not trusted Snape. He had not even liked Snape. Respected his work, admired his intelligence, yes, but never liked him.
He forced himself to unclench his fist.
He had seen Snape, yesterday, for the first time since the night of Dumbledore’s death. Seen him close enough that he could have hexed him, but he had failed to do so. And whether or not Snape had saved his life, he was still a murderer, a Death Eater and a traitor. Remus would kill him at the next occasion.
He had the start of a trail now. Remus was a Defence Against the Dark Arts expert, one specialized in Dark Creatures. As such, he was very good at hunting.
((
“You have to drink it before moonrise,” Snape said, handing him the glass.
“Thank you, Severus,” Remus said.
Snape didn’t move; Remus took it as an invitation to chat.
“I really am grateful, you know.” He made a vague gesture at the potion. “For your taking the time and effort.”
It didn’t mollify Snape. “I was against your appointment, Lupin. You’ve always followed Black heedlessly before, I see no reason to believe otherwise of you at present.”
“It’s been a long time, Severus. I have more reason to hate Sirius now than you ever did. I have no intention of letting him murder anyone else.”
“I don’t trust you.”
“But Dumbledore does. He trusts you, too,” Remus said lightly.
Snape’s lips thinned. “He might be wrong about that as well.”
Remus shook his head. “I disagree. Dumbledore’s faith in people is one of his strengths.”
Snape smiled unpleasantly. “You? You would trust me?”
“Why not? We’re not children anymore, and I’ve never hated you before.”
Snape’s eyes narrowed. “That’s because you were never smart enough to.”
Remus showed his hands in helplessness. “I really don’t understand you, Severus. I’m only trying to be friends.”
“If there’s one thing I’m certain of, Lupin, it’s that we will never be friends.”
))
3
It was most likely that Harry’s mysterious information source was Draco Malfoy, Remus thought. Given the events of last spring, there were good reasons to think that Snape could still be protecting Draco. Therefore all that Remus needed to do was monitor the means of communication Harry would use with him.
He worked for some time before being interrupted.
“Remus,” Tonks said.
He went on working.
“Remus,” Tonks insisted.
He looked up. “Yes, Tonks?”
She was looking at him with a concerned expression. “Remus, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Yes, there is. You’re even more withdrawn after yesterday's attack.”
“Am I?” he said. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “You’ve always been remote, but I thought, I thought after Dumbledore’s death that you would open up. But it’s been even worse, hasn’t it?”
He paused, gathering the energy to answer. “I’m sorry, Tonks, I can’t… There is a war, and my own role is spying. I can’t tell you everything.”
“I don’t want you to tell me everything. I just want you to share your feelings!” she shouted.
He looked at her, surprised by the outburst.
“I love you, Remus, but I can’t stand this anymore. Sometimes it feels like trying to catch water in my hand.” She started pacing in front of him. “I can reach at you, I can even feel you. But it’s like I never grasp anything. Never hold you. You always slip away. Lately, I don’t even feel like I know you. You keep hiding beneath your politeness and your bloody niceness” She stopped and looked at him. “Do you even care, Remus, do you even care at all?”
“Of course, I do! But, Tonks, I told you… I’m too old, too poor, too set in my ways… you were the one who wanted…”
“I was the one who wanted something more than a fuck between friends,” she said tartly.
He was silent.
“Do you love me?” she demanded.
He closed his eyes. “You can’t push me to say…”
“Do you?”
He was silent.
“I am an idiot, am I not?” she whispered. She was shivering.
He made a move toward her, but she stepped back violently.
“Don’t you dare!”
“Tonks, please…”
“Goodbye, Remus.” The door smashed behind her.
He looked at it for some time, then went back to work.
((
“Nymphadora Tonks, is it?”
“Hello Severus.” He smiled. “Would you care for a cup of tea?”
“Your taste hasn’t improved, I see,” Snape said. “I would say it’s even got worse.” He nonetheless sat down and accepted the cup.
“Oh, I am sure I could do worse,” Remus said mildly.
“Were you that desperate for company after Black’s death, or did her cheerfulness finally wear you down?”
“You’re mistaken. We started dating last year. Tonks has many appealing qualities you have no idea about.”
Snape snorted. “Such as?”
Remus looked at him and smiled. “She is very, very good in bed.”
Snape narrowed his eyes and took a long sip of tea. When he put it down, he said:
“You’re a little bit young for a midlife crisis, Lupin.”
“Maybe I’m tired of living my life in shadows.”
“You are a dark creature. There is no other life for you.”
“You would know,” Remus said lightly.
“Does she know you’re queer?”
“I am bisexual, Severus, and Tonks is a modern young woman without any problem with such things. I’ve heard it’s even fashionable, these days.”
“Fashionable,” Snape repeated distastefully.
“Who knows?” Remus said, not able to help himself. “She might even be open to the idea of a threesome.”
Snape looked at him stiffly, then stood up. “Good evening, Lupin.”
“Good evening, Severus.”
))
4
Tracing owls wasn’t easy, but it could be done with the right materials. A properly enchanted map, for example. Luckily, enchanting maps was something Remus had experience with.
Remus whistled softly when he saw the result of his spell. Yorkshire wasn’t the most likely of places for one Draco Malfoy to be hiding.
He became even more amused, though he was not proud of it, when he arrived at the gloomy and derelict house. Given Draco’s previous life, he imagined the experience could prove salutary.
He was relieved to see his conclusions proven correct when he inspected the wards protecting the house. Only Severus Snape could have conceived such an intricate system of curses, potions and counter-spells to protect his abode. Any one of which alone would prove deadly to an unwary intruder.
Well, Snape, or Mad-Eye Moody. He smiled inwardly at the comparison.
Remus was anything but unwary. He set himself on devising a mean to slip through the protections. If there was anything he had learned at Hogwarts with James, Sirius and Peter, it was that no ward was entirely foolproof.
Wards are triggered by a magical signature, usually that of specific persons or creatures, or by human beings in general. For obvious reasons, wards must be defined to let some things pass through them. Otherwise, any leaf or insect would trigger them. That’s why Animagi can be very difficult to stop by wards alone. Remus was no Animagus, of course, but he knew of ways to mask his magical signature into that of some innocuous life form; some kinds of Dark Creatures were impossible to observe and hunt without such spells.
Remus found Draco sleeping inside one of the rooms. The boy was paler, thinner, and older, of course, than he remembered, but still as pointy. He wondered why Snape was so keen on protecting him. Friendship to the Malfoys? Plain opportunism? The ghost of Regulus Black? Sex? It didn’t matter, he supposed.
“Hello Draco,” he said aloud. Draco woke up with a start and an undignified shriek, and sat up hastily, rushing to the bedside table.
“Tsk, tsk,” Remus said, pointing his wand at Draco and tying him up with a swift spell. “I’ve taken the liberty of borrowing your wand. I hope you don’t mind. I’d like to have a little chat with you, Draco. Understood?”
Draco nodded slowly, looking more horrified by the second as the daze of sleepiness dissolved away.
“Good boy,” Remus said lightly. “First, do you remember who I am?”
“You were the werewolf teacher.”
“Aptly described. You see, Draco, I am part of Fenrir Greyback’s pack. You know of Fenrir Greyback, don’t you?”
Draco raised his chin defiantly. “Fenrir’s dead.”
“Oh, yes, he is. And what a death it was. You wouldn’t have any idea why Severus Snape, the Dark Lord’s most loyal servant, would kill another of his servants, would you?”
Something flashed through Draco’s eyes.
“Maybe the Dark Lord wanted him dead. He was only a filthy werewolf after all.”
Remus smiled. “Of course he was. So Snape is absolutely loyal to the Dark Lord?”
“Yes, he is,” Draco said in the same surly tone. “He killed Dumbledore, you know.”
“And you, yourself, are entirely loyal, of course?”
“Yes,” Draco said.
“Even though you didn’t kill Dumbledore?”
“The Dark Lord has forgiven me!” Draco said angrily. “You can’t blame me for that…”
“Oh, I don’t,” Remus said truthfully. “And I suppose there’s also a perfectly reasonable explanation for that note on your desk signed ‘Harry Potter’?”
Draco paled so suddenly that Remus was afraid he would faint on him.
“It’s a code, of course,” Draco said hastily, recovering himself. “It’s not really from Potter. Everybody knows Potter and I hate each other.”
“Who is it really from?”
“From… from Snape.”
“Really? Well, I’ll have to wait for him to confirm your story, then. He shouldn’t be long, I think.”
Remus took up a chair and set it against the wall, so that he could keep watch on both the door and Draco.
In the meantime, Remus was thinking furiously. Snape hadn’t told Draco that Remus was in the Order, so, at least, he didn’t tell him everything. But Draco didn’t seem to believe Snape wholly faithful to Voldemort. That was plausible; there was probably a lot of infighting between the main Death Eaters that would run contrary to Voldemort’s orders. Draco also trusted that Snape would confirm his story. That didn’t mean Snape did know about Draco’s little correspondence. Maybe Draco simply trusted Snape to protect him in whatever situation. And, even if he did know about the letter, it could all be part of an elaborate trap.
Snape did not, indeed, take long. When he opened the door and took the sight in, he moved to draw his wand. Remus was ready, his wand pointed at Draco.
“Any move and Draco’s dead.”
Snape stood still, fixing him with his black eyes.
“You wouldn’t harm a child.”
“No Death Eater is a child,” Remus said quietly.
Something shone through Snape’s eyes. “You do learn,” he murmured.
“Accio Snape’s wand.”
Remus seized it and put it at his side next to Draco’s.
“Well. Hello, Severus.”
“Lupin,” Snape answered.
“I thought our latest meeting was a tad too short. I have some questions.”
“Do you?”
“Before I kill you,” Remus clarified.
“Ah. No glorious capture and handing over to the authorities?”
“I don’t think so. I let Peter escape that way. I don’t plan on making the same mistake twice.”
“He’s not with the Dark Lord?” Draco croaked, having following the exchange with increasing alarm.
“Oh, no,” Snape said. “Lupin has always been one of Dumbledore’s faithful. He’s a member of the Order of the Phoenix.”
“Then, why…” Draco’s eyes flicked to the note.
Snape noticed the gesture and looked at the sheet of paper. “What is it?”
“Draco has got himself a new quill-pal,” Remus said lightly. “Did you know about it?”
“Have you been spying on your little protege’s private mail, Lupin? I am shocked.” Snape nodded. “I didn’t thought Draco would take so few precautions. That was foolish of you.”
Draco grimaced.
“What game are you playing, Severus?”
“Why do you care? I thought your intent was to kill me. For revenge, is it not?”
Remus stared at him, his breathing even and deliberately measured.
“Harry’s letter mentioned a certain goblet. I assume that’s what was taken from the house last week.”
“Accurately guessed.”
“Do you have it here?”
“At present? Yes. But losing it now would be hazardous. To your health as well as to mine.”
“Draco, would you be so kind as to get this goblet for me,” Remus ordered, freeing the boy.
Draco looked at Snape for confirmation, who nodded slowly.
He reappeared within a minute with the golden object in hand. Remus caught it and quickly studied it.
“An old object,” he determined. “Powerful. And dark.” He stared at Snape. “What is it?”
Snape smiled thinly. “Are you familiar with the concept of Horcrux?”
Remus’ eyes widened. He looked at the object with renewed respect.
“Is it what I think it is?” he asked slowly.
“Oh,” Snape said, looking much too at ease with the situation for Remus’ liking, “I doubt you would think big enough. The Dark Lord made several of them.”
“Several,” Remus repeated dumbly. “How many?”
“Six,” Snape said, “For seven slivers of souls, you see. Two are destroyed. One is already in young Potter’s possession, and I dare hope that by tonight even he will manage not to bugle seizing a second.”
Remus licked his lips. “What about the sixth?”
“Albus’ hypothesis was that it is the Dark Lord’s pet snake Nagini.”
Remus’ wand shook in his hand. “You do claim to still be loyal to Dumbledore, then?” His voice was quiet and overly clear. “I was wondering if you would dare to.”
“Does it matter to you if I do?” Snape said, then suddenly his voice finally held heat. “Yes, yes, I do! Albus and I sacrificed everything for the chance to take hold of these Horcruxes. Harry’s newfound sympathy for Draco provided an easy channel. And, we’re almost there yet. Will you-”
He stopped suddenly, clutching his arm. At the exact same moment, Draco yelped aloud with pain.
Snape spoke again, not releasing his arm, “I assume Potter has started moving. You had better decide whether to kill me now or not, Lupin. Before the Dark Lord wonders why we don’t answer his summon.”
Remus shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”
“Then kill me and be done with it.” Snape sounded tired.
“You think I wouldn’t do it?”
“On the contrary.”
“I don’t believe you,” Remus repeated.
“I am not going to beg you to trust me, Lupin”, Snape said tightly.
“That night… did you know you would… was that your idea of vengeance ?” Remus knew he was starting to sound foolish.
“Hardly,” murmured Snape.
“Then why-?”
“Lupin!” he hissed urgently, “Make up your mind. There is no time left for discussion, and, I promise you, you will have another chance to kill me, if you still care to.”
Remus hesitated, sighed. “I am going to regret this.” He took both their wands and set them on the ground. “I will call you up on your word, Snape.”
“I’ll count on it,” Snape said, as Remus Disapparated.
((
“Severus… ? Are you all right?”
Snape shook his head. “I will be.” He sat down heavily on the couch, still shaking with the lingering effects of Cruciatus. “When did you come back?”
“Yesterday. The Weasleys invited me.”
Snape smiled thinly. “You didn’t choose to spend this time with Miss Tonks.”
“No. Ah… we decided to take it slower.”
“Of course you did,” Snape sneered, sarcasm inhabiting his every word.
“I don’t see how it is any of your business,” Remus said sharply.
“No,” Snape admitted. “It isn’t.”
Remus sighed. “I’ll bring you some tea. You are unbearable, you know.”
“I know,” Snape said quietly.
“Tonks is simply too… young”, Remus said, when he had brought back two cups. By then Snape looked in much better shape.
“You don't need to explain yourself to me.”
“But you will mock me all the same.”
“A privilege I would like to keep,” Snape answered.
Remus smiled genuinely at that. “Then, I wouldn’t want to deprive you of your leisure.”
“Ever kindness personified, are you not?”, Snape said, but the barb had no sting.
“There is nothing wrong with kindness,” Remus said gently.
But Snape stiffened. “You too often confuse kindness with a certain kind of affable niceness, Lupin. True kindness is a terrible thing.”
Remus was surprised. “What do you mean?”
Snape stared at him with a rare earnestness. “Have you never seen Dumbledore angry?”
Remus paused, unsure. “I see,” he said, at last.
Snape looked away. “I should be going.”
“Please, don’t,” Remus said, automatically, putting his hand on Snape’s wrist.
Snape clutched the hand in a tight, painful grip and stared at it for so long that Remus feared he was going to curse him.
“You don’t want me to stay,” Snape said finally, his voice rich and thick with both threat and promises.
“Are you afraid of me?” Remus said before he could stop himself.
Snape’s eyes widened. “I beg your pardon?”
“Nothing. I’m sorry. Something you said, once.”
“I thought you’d forgotten that,” Snape said, almost awkwardly.
That made Remus laugh. “Not likely. Not likely at all.” He put his other hand on Snape’s face before he answered. “You shouldn’t be. Afraid of me. There is much -- too many things -- deserving that out there.”
Snape was frowning but didn’t push him away, so Remus kissed him, tasting something tingling, exotic and bitter but not disagreeable. Beyond the sake of comfort, he found that he was curious.
Snape was watching him intently, not quite welcoming but not unreceptive either. Then coming to some sort of decision, he pushed Remus back against the couch and returned the kiss thoroughly.
))
5
True to his word, Snape sent Remus an owl three days later.
It held a time, and a place. Following its indications, Remus arrived at a deserted Hogwarts, passed the Ministry’s wards, and entered into the Chamber of Secrets.
Remus had known many of Hogwarts’ secret passages, but he was surprised to discover such a large yet undiscovered network. Walking through the low and damp passages, he was grateful that he wasn’t claustrophobic.
Coming around a corner, he saw a light, and was almost attacked by Harry.
He Shielded himself hastily.
“Professor? What are you doing here?” Harry said, bewildered.
“Helping you, it would seem,” Remus said. “And, it’s Remus, remember.”
Harry looked at him in surprise before smiling. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Only then did Remus notice Hermione lying, unconscious, next to Harry.
“The door’s protected,” Harry waved at the door in front of him. “She said it was this solution or another, and she tried it before I could stop her.” He said with concern, “Do you think it’s serious?”
Remus bowed and studied the girl. “She looks only knocked out. She'll wake up with a headache in a while, that's all.”
Harry looked relieved. “I didn’t dare to leave her here… but…”
“Ron is still injured, isn’t he?” Remus said.
Harry nodded tersely.
“What’s behind the door?” Remus asked gently.
“Something I need to kill Voldemort,” Harry said grimly.
“A Horcrux?”
Harry started. “How do you know?”
So it was true. That much, at least was.
“How many of them do you have?”
Harry frowned. “Two… and…maybe three.”
“Maybe?” Remus’ brows raised.
“I… someone has a third. He’ll give it to me.”
“I see,” Remus said. He was no more certain than Harry whether they could trust Draco Malfoy.
“Well, let’s go then.” He added, “What’s the other solution?”
Harry touched one of several sculpted figures and the door opened.
The room was large and dark, faintly lit by both their lightning charms. Tall statues of creatures and persons, some grotesque, some noble, served as pillars. In the back of the hall, there was an altar with a sword laid on it.
“The sword, that's it,” Harry said with confidence. “I’m sure of it!”
“Careful,” Remus said, scanning the room with care. “I’ll go first.”
They walked slowly to the altar. When Remus was certain he had removed all protective spells, he nodded to Harry.
No sooner had Harry touched the sword’s handle that a wave of vivid light sprang from the sword.
“What was that?”, Harry said, startled.
“I’ve no idea,” Remus said. “Maybe we need-”
Then he heard the noise. Soft, whispery, familiar bangs.
He turned around.
Three, four, five, six Death Eaters Apparated in. And Voldemort himself.
“Congratulation, Harry,” the Dark Lord said. “You’ve just removed Hogwarts’ Anti-Apparition wards. And now you’re mine.”
Remus attempted a curse that Voldemort deflected lazily.
“Whoever you are,” Voldemort said scornfully, “you’re dead. Ava-”
“Sectumsempra”, the Death Eater at his back said. The Dark Lord was struck before he could complete the curse.
Voldemort roared, “TRAITOR!” He whipped around with a hateful sneer.
“For some time,” Snape admitted, Shielding against a vengeful curse of the nastiest sort. “Potter, the horcruxes… You must destroy them, NOW!”
Then everything became chaos.
Remus took cover, Shielded Harry several times, then had no more time to concentrate on anything else than the two Death Eaters directly duelling with him. He dodged three Killing Curses before he could dispose of one of them.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Harry and Draco fighting back to back. Draco had the golden cup in hand.
Snape was fighting against Voldemort, managing the impossible.
Remus turned his attention back to Harry, in time to spot the slow, sinuous, serpentine threat gliding down from above.
Remus acted instantly. “Avada Kedavra.” He saw Nagini fall down wetly on the ground, almost onto Harry and Draco, who jumped out of the way.
If she was a Horcrux, that was one less of them.
No time to pause, he faced renewed opposition.
Shield, strike, move, strike, dodge, strike, move.
One second later, Remus dodged too late, and felt the bones shatter in his left arm. He cried out, and heard Bellatix’ cackle in answer.
A well placed curse shut her up for good.
“The Horcrux, Harry!” Remus called. There was no way they would last a long time. “I’ll cover you.”
Harry nodded and got the first Horcrux out of his cloack, a silver locket that seemed vaguely familiar to Remus.
Then he was the one fighting alongside Draco, deflecting curses that would harm Harry.
He saw a flash of green from beside him, and Voldemort cried out.
Shield, strike, strike, Shield, a killing curse, and one less Death Eater was standing. He hoped it had been Peter.
Two Death Eaters remained, and Snape was still standing against the Dark Lord.
He fought superbly, Remus thought with renewed esteem. No time to pause, Hexing and Shielding at a hellish rhythm, a magnificent dance of Dark Arts that seemed to hardly belong to a battlefield.
There was a new flash of green light.
Remus felled another Death Eater who was distracted by the Dark Lord’s scream.
Remus took another blow in his shoulder which for a second removed all light from his sight as he doubled over in pain. When he got hold of himself, he was still alive, and Draco, looking grim and pale, was cursing the last Death Eater present.
A new green explosion.
The Dark Lord fell to his knees, holding his head in his hands.
“This day you die, Voldemort,” Harry shouted, his voice raspy and strained with pain. Remus could only and guess and hope about how much the Horcruxes’ destruction was taking out of him.
Harry broke the crystal-like wand he held in his hand.
Green light swarmed the room then receded, only surrounding Voldemort and Harry.
“There’s one left,” Harry said, limping calmly toward the Dark Lord’s prone form.
Then Voldemort moved and cursed. Something vicious and vile rushed toward Harry.
Before it could touch him, Draco pushed Harry out of the way and it drove straight into Draco’s back.
“Avada Kedavra,” Snape said. And finally Voldemort dissolved in fumes of green smokes and squelchy darkness.
Sparing them only a glance, Remus strode towards Harry, who was bent over Draco.
“Malfoy, Malfoy!” Harry was yelling. “Why did you do that? Get up!”
Remus put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down, Harry.”
Harry raised bewildered eyes toward him. “Why did he do that? He hates me. You know he hates me.” His face was still outlined with a green glow that highlighted the pain in his eyes. “Why did he save my life?”
“I don’t know, Harry,” Remus said, feeling tired beyond words. “Maybe sometimes you want to protect the things you hate, too.”
A shadow bent over them. “Let me see,” Snape ordered. Harry took a few steps back.
Snape passed his wand over Draco, singsonging softly, and Draco’s face filled with colour.
“He has a chance of survival,” Snape said quietly. “You’ll have to take him to St Mungo’s at once, Lupin.”
Remus nodded silently.
Harry’s face showed relief at once. The ghastly green light left it altogether except for his scar.
“So it’s over, isn’t it? It’s finally over?” Harry said, his voice shaky.
“No,” Snape said, “it isn’t.” He raised his wand and whispered : “Avada Kedavra.”
Harry fell down slowly, slipping to the ground in a green haze that seemed to happen underwater. Then he was still, and grey, and nothing remained at all on his face.
He had barely touched the ground when Remus pointed his wand at Snape and uttered the words of the Killing Curse.
Remus breathed again. And again. Forcing the air back into his abdomen by sheer force of will. Feeling a howl strangled in his throat that could not be let out.
He was all that remained standing in the room. Snape and Harry lay side by side in the middle, surrounded by five broken artefacts, and four fallen Death Eaters, and one dead snake. It seemed tempting, for one foolish instant, to join them, Remus thought. To lie down and sleep and forget. But Draco was hurt, and he had promised Snape he would bring him to St Mungo’s. He took the young man in his arms, too numb to feel his injury, and left the room.
Beyond, the world was free, and didn’t know it yet. It was finally and truly over.
Remus found that he hardly cared.
Rating : hard R
Characters/Pairings : Snape/Lupin, (Harry/Draco if you squint)
Warnings: dub con, character death
Length: ~ 6,500 words
Summary: Remus had never hated Snape until Dumbledore's murder.
A/N: Made for oirowin during the Snupin Santa 2006 exchange. Many thanks to busaikko, crise_cardiac and indigestible for their beta job, and to _lore for the thoroughly needed encouragement.
The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.
The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.
And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.
Elie Wiesel
1
Remus had been waiting in the rain for two hours when the Death Eaters came.
As far as jobs in wartime went, spying was a dreadful one. It involved more patience than action, and more discretion than courage.
Which was probably why Remus was good at it. He had never been a poster child for Gryffindor, never the loudest or cheekiest of the boys. And he had made a lifelong habit of watching without acting; even when, by all standards, he should have acted.
His lips upturned slightly, tasting in the metallic tang of the rain the irony of it. To have, for this war, his worst flaw turned into an asset.
Better to laugh than cry at it.
The Death Eaters finally Apparated on the garden entrance with a faint bang, four dark shapes barely visible in the pouring rain. Three were hooded and masked, but Greyback had never bothered with a mask.
Invisible under one of the Order’s Cloaks, Remus paced his breathing to calm himself, the same quietening pattern he had learned to use before transformation.
He wondered who were under the masks, but what was the use of trying to discern a familiar profile? He had to know why they were here. He had to keep quiet, and watch, and report. There would be no occasion to catch an old enemy.
With swift coordination the Death Eaters surrounded the small cottage.
Once more, Remus wondered what they could want with the place. It could be just another raid against Muggles, as Voldemort has been so fond of during the first war, but the care and caution that Greyback had taken upon receiving his orders spoke against it. He was seldom cautious of anything unless strictly directed to be by Voldemort.
The main door was opened by a flick of his wand by the tallest Death Eater, and they went in.
Greyback remained next to the door, ominously morose.
Remus sneaked closer but stayed prudently far from Greyback’s attention.
It was an old house, but well preserved by good care. A family of three had, as Remus had managed to research in hurry before coming, bought the residence some ten years ago.
Through the windows, he saw the smaller Death Eater go inside the bedroom, where the daughter slept.
Remus held his breath.
Keep quiet, watch, and report, he reminded himself. Stillness had never been so difficult.
But the Death Eater ignored the small form in the bed and crouched next to the fire place. He tipped one stone of the old ornate chimneypiece, and took something out of the opened passage. Remus saw gold glint softly.
A new noise of Apparition to his right startled him. Greyback must have been surprised as well, because red light enfolded him quickly, and he fell down.
Dazed, Remus glimpsed the newcomer’s dishevelled hair.
Harry?
The other Death Eaters were already moving out of the house, but Harry wasn’t alone. Remus heard a “Stupefy” in Hermione’s voice, and saw another silhouette which must have been Ron's run toward Harry.
What were they doing here?
The area surrounding the house quickly became a mess of blinding lights and shouts. Wavering between keeping his eyes on the Death Eater with the golden object or helping Harry, Remus held his wand out, hesitating.
Ron suddenly cried out in pain, and Remus saw Harry turn around, distracted from his own duel.
No!
Hastily, Remus cast a Shielding spell on Harry.
His attacker riposted automatically in Remus’ direction, then fell from one of Harry’s curse.
But it was already too late.
Out of the corner of his eye, Remus saw that Ron was down, while Hermione’s voice took on a more panicked tone with each new curse thrown.
The man who had taken the golden object was dashing away from the skirmish, under the cover of the remaining Death Eater.
That Death Eater was a skilled duellist. Almost immediately Hermione rolled down next to Ron, in the throws of Cruciatus.
Remus sent another couple of spells to protect them, when suddenly something knocked him to the ground from behind.
Before he had time to breathe, he was struck again, this time on the face. When he opened his eyes again, Greyback was straddling him, and Remus struggled uselessly against his grip.
“You! Thought I couldn’t smell your stink, did you?”
Greyback hammered another couple of blows down on him.
“Sneaky traitor, I’m going to-”
Greyback stopped, oddly stock-still, and fell backward.
Lupin looked up.
The Death Eater who had cursed Greyback had lost his mask in the battle.
Even in the dark, in the rain, and through the haze of pain, Remus recognized him. The nose was unmistakable.
Severus Snape stood above Remus, looked down at him and said nothing.
Then he turned away and disappeared into the night.
((
“Look at you.”
Remus pulled up his trousers in panic, blushing and looking desperately around him. “Severus? What… what are you doing here?”
“Why are you stopping?” Snape sneered, coming closer. “You are a beast, after all. No reason to be ashamed of rutting in public.”
“I was not! You’re the one who came up here while I… I thought I was alone.”
The old classroom ought to have been private enough for a nice wank; not private enough, apparently.
“In fact I’m certain you like giving a show. You’re queer, aren’t you?” Snape was still striding toward him.
“What?” Remus said. “No!”
“Yes, you are. You always blush and look away with guilt when Potter and Black call me a poof.”
“That’s not why…” Remus stepped back. Snape had his wand in hand, and Remus’ wand was still on the bench along with the rest of his things.
“And you always look at Black’s arse when you think nobody’s looking,” Snape pressed on.
“I don’t!” Remus felt his back touch the wall behind him, his heartbeat quickening. What the hell was Snape playing at?
“I’m not afraid of you,” Snape said, which made no sense at all given that he was the one waving a wand under Remus’ nose.
Then he put his other hand inside Remus’ trousers and wrapped it around Remus’ softening cock which stirred up at once.
“Hey…!” Remus tried to move but Snape tightened his grip, and he didn’t dare.
The hand was warm and soft over the sensitive skin.
“Oh God,” Remus whispered. It was both incredibly scary and the most erotic sensation Remus had ever felt.
“Werewolf,” Snape said, and moved his hand alongside Remus’ cock. “Half-breed.” He stroked again. “Mongrel.” Another stroke. “Monster.” A stroke.
Remus closed his eyes, all thoughts of resistance forgotten. Snape kept fisting him in rhythm with his insults.
“Filth,” Snape said, rubbing Remus’ slit, and Remus convulsed and came all over Snape’s hand.
In the pause that followed, the only thing he could hear was his own wild panting, and Snape’s barely slower breathing.
Remus opened his eyes.
Snape looked impassive. With slow deliberation, he wiped his hand onto Remus’ robes.
“I’m not afraid of you,” he repeated. Then he walked away.
Remus watched him leave. He had no idea what had just happened.
))
2
“It’s a miracle,” Minerva said sternly, “that you weren't killed in the battle.”
Harry looked sullen and obstinate, his appearance not mellowed by the blackish bruise spread over his face.
Minerva tapped her fingers against the wood of the table.
“And you still refuse to tell us why you chose to act without any deliberation with the Order?”
They were in the main room of Sirius’ house’s, along with some of the remaining members of the Order. Not a whole lot of members remained.
Ron was still in Pomfrey’s care, but Hermione sat next to Harry, just as stubbornly silent, with her arm in a cast.
“Let them be,” Tonks said from Remus’ left . “You know that Dumbledore spent a lot of time with Harry before.... before. He must have given him some instructions.”
“I will not have children fight our war.”
“Why not?” Hermione intervened. “It’s our war - our world - as well. And, we three are all of age, now.”
Minerva sighed.
“Very well, if you refuse any appeal, I can hardly force you. But think before acting, next time. Tonight could have been a disaster. If Remus hadn’t happened to be there as well...”
“I hardly did anything, Minerva,” Remus said quietly.
Harry glanced at him quickly, looking guilty.
Minerva’s lips thinned. “Even so.”
The debate went on for a short while without much more conclusion before it was adjourned.
Remus sat on, drinking his tea, waiting for Harry to catch his eyes.
Sure enough, Harry eventually drew near.
“Professor?”
Remus smiled at him. “I’m not your professor anymore, Harry. You can call me Remus.”
“Yes, err…” Harry said, uneasy with that prospect.
It was Remus’ own fault, he supposed: he could have gotten closer to the boy had he tried. Yet he hadn’t. Too afraid, too hesitant, once more.
“What is it, Harry?” he asked in his best encouraging teacher’s voice.
“Did I destroy your cover, among the werewolves?”
Remus considered. “That’s difficult to say. Greyback’s dead, and he was the bigger threat. As for the Death Eaters…” He trailed off.
Snape had already known he was spying on the werewolves before, and said nothing. Would he act against Remus now? That was impossible to know.
“We’ll just have to see, I think. Greyback’s death gives us a new opportunity to try to turn them away from Voldemort’s service.”
“I’m sorry,” Harry said.
“Don’t be. I’m sure that whatever reason you had for being there, it was important enough.”
Harry’s face reddened. “But, we failed.”
“You held your ground admirably. One Death Eater’s dead, and we captured Alecto. It could have been worse.”
“But-“
Remus looked at Harry.
“You survived, that’s what matters the most. And you’ll do better next time, won’t you?”
Harry considered that a minute, before nodding resolutely.
“What I do wonder about,” Remus continued, “is how you got the information about the Death Eater’s raid.”
Harry blushed. “I got… information from a source.”
“An inside source?”
“Yes,” Harry said.
“One that you can trust?”
Given Snape’s previous betrayal, Remus could hardly believe Harry would naively believe anyone. Still, the boy was young yet.
“I don’t know,” Harry admitted. “But I think… I think Dumbledore would have wanted me to try.”
That would explain things. “Do you have any kind of guarantee about them?”
“Oh, yes,” Harry said. Unconsciously, he reached toward his neck.
“Good,” Remus said. “Be careful Harry.”
“I will be.”
Remus was left alone to ponder over the events from the day before.
He couldn’t get what had happened out of his head.
Snape had saved his life.
There was no other way to interpret his action. And even if it had been a mistake, a hasty gesture soon regretted in the confusion of the fight… he could have killed him and hadn’t. And why had Snape not spoken before? Snape knew he was a spy; he could have had him killed any time.
Then why?
It was utterly baffling.
Remus avoided anger at all costs: it was too much like the Change. Blood roaring inside your ears, wild shivers running through your flesh, the whole world turning upside down into a monochrome landscape drowned by the smell of violence… that kind of loss of control was unbearable to him if he could elude it.
But, he did know hate. He had had three names for it, kept under keys in the back of his mind. Sometimes he took them out and contemplated them, and he knew he would kill any of the three without hesitation, given the opportunity. Fenrir Greyback, Peter Pettigrew, and Severus Snape. One less of them now, he supposed.
He had not always hated Snape, of course.
For a long time, Snape had done the hating for the both of them. And even to Snape, Remus had long been an afterthought. The companion of three more infuriating foes. What was Remus but the quiet boy who had followed James and Sirius like a shadow, the compliant boy who looked away when they lashed at Snape and did nothing, said nothing.
Snape did take an interest, at some point. What it could have been for, Remus had no clue. Maybe it had been his quietness itself, his stubborn intent to pass unnoticed. Even for a Slytherin, Snape had always loved what was secret, slippery and dark more than he ought to have.
And it had been a game, really. Snape trying to guess at the Marauder’s secrets, the Marauders trying to catch Snape alone and defenceless. A hunting game where the hunter could turn prey at any place, at any time. A game that had escalated until the victim had been Remus’ secret itself, and almost cost Snape his life.
After that, Snape could never consider him a mere afterthought. Many times, Remus would look up, and find him staring, the beetle black eyes intent and off-putting. Not that Remus had ever let it show how disturbing he found Snape’s gaze. He’d always smiled; he’d always been pleasant and civil, calling him ‘Severus’ to his face.
That was part of the game. Snape trying to put him off balance with his sneers and insults, Remus deflecting the barbs with casual mildness, which was probably more maddening to Snape than anything he could have said or done. No doubt, it was because of Remus’ apparent indifference that Snape had gone on playing that game, long through the years after they both had grown up; even through Remus’ disastrous year as a teacher in Hogwarts and through the start of the Second War, and until…
Remus sighed.
Snape had murdered Dumbledore, and that had stopped dead any game.
Only then had Remus started loathing Snape. Only then, and even then it surprised him, the intensity of his hatred. He should not have felt so betrayed. Surely, he had not trusted Snape. He had not even liked Snape. Respected his work, admired his intelligence, yes, but never liked him.
He forced himself to unclench his fist.
He had seen Snape, yesterday, for the first time since the night of Dumbledore’s death. Seen him close enough that he could have hexed him, but he had failed to do so. And whether or not Snape had saved his life, he was still a murderer, a Death Eater and a traitor. Remus would kill him at the next occasion.
He had the start of a trail now. Remus was a Defence Against the Dark Arts expert, one specialized in Dark Creatures. As such, he was very good at hunting.
((
“You have to drink it before moonrise,” Snape said, handing him the glass.
“Thank you, Severus,” Remus said.
Snape didn’t move; Remus took it as an invitation to chat.
“I really am grateful, you know.” He made a vague gesture at the potion. “For your taking the time and effort.”
It didn’t mollify Snape. “I was against your appointment, Lupin. You’ve always followed Black heedlessly before, I see no reason to believe otherwise of you at present.”
“It’s been a long time, Severus. I have more reason to hate Sirius now than you ever did. I have no intention of letting him murder anyone else.”
“I don’t trust you.”
“But Dumbledore does. He trusts you, too,” Remus said lightly.
Snape’s lips thinned. “He might be wrong about that as well.”
Remus shook his head. “I disagree. Dumbledore’s faith in people is one of his strengths.”
Snape smiled unpleasantly. “You? You would trust me?”
“Why not? We’re not children anymore, and I’ve never hated you before.”
Snape’s eyes narrowed. “That’s because you were never smart enough to.”
Remus showed his hands in helplessness. “I really don’t understand you, Severus. I’m only trying to be friends.”
“If there’s one thing I’m certain of, Lupin, it’s that we will never be friends.”
))
3
It was most likely that Harry’s mysterious information source was Draco Malfoy, Remus thought. Given the events of last spring, there were good reasons to think that Snape could still be protecting Draco. Therefore all that Remus needed to do was monitor the means of communication Harry would use with him.
He worked for some time before being interrupted.
“Remus,” Tonks said.
He went on working.
“Remus,” Tonks insisted.
He looked up. “Yes, Tonks?”
She was looking at him with a concerned expression. “Remus, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong.”
“Yes, there is. You’re even more withdrawn after yesterday's attack.”
“Am I?” he said. “I’m sorry.”
She shook her head. “You’ve always been remote, but I thought, I thought after Dumbledore’s death that you would open up. But it’s been even worse, hasn’t it?”
He paused, gathering the energy to answer. “I’m sorry, Tonks, I can’t… There is a war, and my own role is spying. I can’t tell you everything.”
“I don’t want you to tell me everything. I just want you to share your feelings!” she shouted.
He looked at her, surprised by the outburst.
“I love you, Remus, but I can’t stand this anymore. Sometimes it feels like trying to catch water in my hand.” She started pacing in front of him. “I can reach at you, I can even feel you. But it’s like I never grasp anything. Never hold you. You always slip away. Lately, I don’t even feel like I know you. You keep hiding beneath your politeness and your bloody niceness” She stopped and looked at him. “Do you even care, Remus, do you even care at all?”
“Of course, I do! But, Tonks, I told you… I’m too old, too poor, too set in my ways… you were the one who wanted…”
“I was the one who wanted something more than a fuck between friends,” she said tartly.
He was silent.
“Do you love me?” she demanded.
He closed his eyes. “You can’t push me to say…”
“Do you?”
He was silent.
“I am an idiot, am I not?” she whispered. She was shivering.
He made a move toward her, but she stepped back violently.
“Don’t you dare!”
“Tonks, please…”
“Goodbye, Remus.” The door smashed behind her.
He looked at it for some time, then went back to work.
((
“Nymphadora Tonks, is it?”
“Hello Severus.” He smiled. “Would you care for a cup of tea?”
“Your taste hasn’t improved, I see,” Snape said. “I would say it’s even got worse.” He nonetheless sat down and accepted the cup.
“Oh, I am sure I could do worse,” Remus said mildly.
“Were you that desperate for company after Black’s death, or did her cheerfulness finally wear you down?”
“You’re mistaken. We started dating last year. Tonks has many appealing qualities you have no idea about.”
Snape snorted. “Such as?”
Remus looked at him and smiled. “She is very, very good in bed.”
Snape narrowed his eyes and took a long sip of tea. When he put it down, he said:
“You’re a little bit young for a midlife crisis, Lupin.”
“Maybe I’m tired of living my life in shadows.”
“You are a dark creature. There is no other life for you.”
“You would know,” Remus said lightly.
“Does she know you’re queer?”
“I am bisexual, Severus, and Tonks is a modern young woman without any problem with such things. I’ve heard it’s even fashionable, these days.”
“Fashionable,” Snape repeated distastefully.
“Who knows?” Remus said, not able to help himself. “She might even be open to the idea of a threesome.”
Snape looked at him stiffly, then stood up. “Good evening, Lupin.”
“Good evening, Severus.”
))
4
Tracing owls wasn’t easy, but it could be done with the right materials. A properly enchanted map, for example. Luckily, enchanting maps was something Remus had experience with.
Remus whistled softly when he saw the result of his spell. Yorkshire wasn’t the most likely of places for one Draco Malfoy to be hiding.
He became even more amused, though he was not proud of it, when he arrived at the gloomy and derelict house. Given Draco’s previous life, he imagined the experience could prove salutary.
He was relieved to see his conclusions proven correct when he inspected the wards protecting the house. Only Severus Snape could have conceived such an intricate system of curses, potions and counter-spells to protect his abode. Any one of which alone would prove deadly to an unwary intruder.
Well, Snape, or Mad-Eye Moody. He smiled inwardly at the comparison.
Remus was anything but unwary. He set himself on devising a mean to slip through the protections. If there was anything he had learned at Hogwarts with James, Sirius and Peter, it was that no ward was entirely foolproof.
Wards are triggered by a magical signature, usually that of specific persons or creatures, or by human beings in general. For obvious reasons, wards must be defined to let some things pass through them. Otherwise, any leaf or insect would trigger them. That’s why Animagi can be very difficult to stop by wards alone. Remus was no Animagus, of course, but he knew of ways to mask his magical signature into that of some innocuous life form; some kinds of Dark Creatures were impossible to observe and hunt without such spells.
Remus found Draco sleeping inside one of the rooms. The boy was paler, thinner, and older, of course, than he remembered, but still as pointy. He wondered why Snape was so keen on protecting him. Friendship to the Malfoys? Plain opportunism? The ghost of Regulus Black? Sex? It didn’t matter, he supposed.
“Hello Draco,” he said aloud. Draco woke up with a start and an undignified shriek, and sat up hastily, rushing to the bedside table.
“Tsk, tsk,” Remus said, pointing his wand at Draco and tying him up with a swift spell. “I’ve taken the liberty of borrowing your wand. I hope you don’t mind. I’d like to have a little chat with you, Draco. Understood?”
Draco nodded slowly, looking more horrified by the second as the daze of sleepiness dissolved away.
“Good boy,” Remus said lightly. “First, do you remember who I am?”
“You were the werewolf teacher.”
“Aptly described. You see, Draco, I am part of Fenrir Greyback’s pack. You know of Fenrir Greyback, don’t you?”
Draco raised his chin defiantly. “Fenrir’s dead.”
“Oh, yes, he is. And what a death it was. You wouldn’t have any idea why Severus Snape, the Dark Lord’s most loyal servant, would kill another of his servants, would you?”
Something flashed through Draco’s eyes.
“Maybe the Dark Lord wanted him dead. He was only a filthy werewolf after all.”
Remus smiled. “Of course he was. So Snape is absolutely loyal to the Dark Lord?”
“Yes, he is,” Draco said in the same surly tone. “He killed Dumbledore, you know.”
“And you, yourself, are entirely loyal, of course?”
“Yes,” Draco said.
“Even though you didn’t kill Dumbledore?”
“The Dark Lord has forgiven me!” Draco said angrily. “You can’t blame me for that…”
“Oh, I don’t,” Remus said truthfully. “And I suppose there’s also a perfectly reasonable explanation for that note on your desk signed ‘Harry Potter’?”
Draco paled so suddenly that Remus was afraid he would faint on him.
“It’s a code, of course,” Draco said hastily, recovering himself. “It’s not really from Potter. Everybody knows Potter and I hate each other.”
“Who is it really from?”
“From… from Snape.”
“Really? Well, I’ll have to wait for him to confirm your story, then. He shouldn’t be long, I think.”
Remus took up a chair and set it against the wall, so that he could keep watch on both the door and Draco.
In the meantime, Remus was thinking furiously. Snape hadn’t told Draco that Remus was in the Order, so, at least, he didn’t tell him everything. But Draco didn’t seem to believe Snape wholly faithful to Voldemort. That was plausible; there was probably a lot of infighting between the main Death Eaters that would run contrary to Voldemort’s orders. Draco also trusted that Snape would confirm his story. That didn’t mean Snape did know about Draco’s little correspondence. Maybe Draco simply trusted Snape to protect him in whatever situation. And, even if he did know about the letter, it could all be part of an elaborate trap.
Snape did not, indeed, take long. When he opened the door and took the sight in, he moved to draw his wand. Remus was ready, his wand pointed at Draco.
“Any move and Draco’s dead.”
Snape stood still, fixing him with his black eyes.
“You wouldn’t harm a child.”
“No Death Eater is a child,” Remus said quietly.
Something shone through Snape’s eyes. “You do learn,” he murmured.
“Accio Snape’s wand.”
Remus seized it and put it at his side next to Draco’s.
“Well. Hello, Severus.”
“Lupin,” Snape answered.
“I thought our latest meeting was a tad too short. I have some questions.”
“Do you?”
“Before I kill you,” Remus clarified.
“Ah. No glorious capture and handing over to the authorities?”
“I don’t think so. I let Peter escape that way. I don’t plan on making the same mistake twice.”
“He’s not with the Dark Lord?” Draco croaked, having following the exchange with increasing alarm.
“Oh, no,” Snape said. “Lupin has always been one of Dumbledore’s faithful. He’s a member of the Order of the Phoenix.”
“Then, why…” Draco’s eyes flicked to the note.
Snape noticed the gesture and looked at the sheet of paper. “What is it?”
“Draco has got himself a new quill-pal,” Remus said lightly. “Did you know about it?”
“Have you been spying on your little protege’s private mail, Lupin? I am shocked.” Snape nodded. “I didn’t thought Draco would take so few precautions. That was foolish of you.”
Draco grimaced.
“What game are you playing, Severus?”
“Why do you care? I thought your intent was to kill me. For revenge, is it not?”
Remus stared at him, his breathing even and deliberately measured.
“Harry’s letter mentioned a certain goblet. I assume that’s what was taken from the house last week.”
“Accurately guessed.”
“Do you have it here?”
“At present? Yes. But losing it now would be hazardous. To your health as well as to mine.”
“Draco, would you be so kind as to get this goblet for me,” Remus ordered, freeing the boy.
Draco looked at Snape for confirmation, who nodded slowly.
He reappeared within a minute with the golden object in hand. Remus caught it and quickly studied it.
“An old object,” he determined. “Powerful. And dark.” He stared at Snape. “What is it?”
Snape smiled thinly. “Are you familiar with the concept of Horcrux?”
Remus’ eyes widened. He looked at the object with renewed respect.
“Is it what I think it is?” he asked slowly.
“Oh,” Snape said, looking much too at ease with the situation for Remus’ liking, “I doubt you would think big enough. The Dark Lord made several of them.”
“Several,” Remus repeated dumbly. “How many?”
“Six,” Snape said, “For seven slivers of souls, you see. Two are destroyed. One is already in young Potter’s possession, and I dare hope that by tonight even he will manage not to bugle seizing a second.”
Remus licked his lips. “What about the sixth?”
“Albus’ hypothesis was that it is the Dark Lord’s pet snake Nagini.”
Remus’ wand shook in his hand. “You do claim to still be loyal to Dumbledore, then?” His voice was quiet and overly clear. “I was wondering if you would dare to.”
“Does it matter to you if I do?” Snape said, then suddenly his voice finally held heat. “Yes, yes, I do! Albus and I sacrificed everything for the chance to take hold of these Horcruxes. Harry’s newfound sympathy for Draco provided an easy channel. And, we’re almost there yet. Will you-”
He stopped suddenly, clutching his arm. At the exact same moment, Draco yelped aloud with pain.
Snape spoke again, not releasing his arm, “I assume Potter has started moving. You had better decide whether to kill me now or not, Lupin. Before the Dark Lord wonders why we don’t answer his summon.”
Remus shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”
“Then kill me and be done with it.” Snape sounded tired.
“You think I wouldn’t do it?”
“On the contrary.”
“I don’t believe you,” Remus repeated.
“I am not going to beg you to trust me, Lupin”, Snape said tightly.
“That night… did you know you would… was that your idea of vengeance ?” Remus knew he was starting to sound foolish.
“Hardly,” murmured Snape.
“Then why-?”
“Lupin!” he hissed urgently, “Make up your mind. There is no time left for discussion, and, I promise you, you will have another chance to kill me, if you still care to.”
Remus hesitated, sighed. “I am going to regret this.” He took both their wands and set them on the ground. “I will call you up on your word, Snape.”
“I’ll count on it,” Snape said, as Remus Disapparated.
((
“Severus… ? Are you all right?”
Snape shook his head. “I will be.” He sat down heavily on the couch, still shaking with the lingering effects of Cruciatus. “When did you come back?”
“Yesterday. The Weasleys invited me.”
Snape smiled thinly. “You didn’t choose to spend this time with Miss Tonks.”
“No. Ah… we decided to take it slower.”
“Of course you did,” Snape sneered, sarcasm inhabiting his every word.
“I don’t see how it is any of your business,” Remus said sharply.
“No,” Snape admitted. “It isn’t.”
Remus sighed. “I’ll bring you some tea. You are unbearable, you know.”
“I know,” Snape said quietly.
“Tonks is simply too… young”, Remus said, when he had brought back two cups. By then Snape looked in much better shape.
“You don't need to explain yourself to me.”
“But you will mock me all the same.”
“A privilege I would like to keep,” Snape answered.
Remus smiled genuinely at that. “Then, I wouldn’t want to deprive you of your leisure.”
“Ever kindness personified, are you not?”, Snape said, but the barb had no sting.
“There is nothing wrong with kindness,” Remus said gently.
But Snape stiffened. “You too often confuse kindness with a certain kind of affable niceness, Lupin. True kindness is a terrible thing.”
Remus was surprised. “What do you mean?”
Snape stared at him with a rare earnestness. “Have you never seen Dumbledore angry?”
Remus paused, unsure. “I see,” he said, at last.
Snape looked away. “I should be going.”
“Please, don’t,” Remus said, automatically, putting his hand on Snape’s wrist.
Snape clutched the hand in a tight, painful grip and stared at it for so long that Remus feared he was going to curse him.
“You don’t want me to stay,” Snape said finally, his voice rich and thick with both threat and promises.
“Are you afraid of me?” Remus said before he could stop himself.
Snape’s eyes widened. “I beg your pardon?”
“Nothing. I’m sorry. Something you said, once.”
“I thought you’d forgotten that,” Snape said, almost awkwardly.
That made Remus laugh. “Not likely. Not likely at all.” He put his other hand on Snape’s face before he answered. “You shouldn’t be. Afraid of me. There is much -- too many things -- deserving that out there.”
Snape was frowning but didn’t push him away, so Remus kissed him, tasting something tingling, exotic and bitter but not disagreeable. Beyond the sake of comfort, he found that he was curious.
Snape was watching him intently, not quite welcoming but not unreceptive either. Then coming to some sort of decision, he pushed Remus back against the couch and returned the kiss thoroughly.
))
5
True to his word, Snape sent Remus an owl three days later.
It held a time, and a place. Following its indications, Remus arrived at a deserted Hogwarts, passed the Ministry’s wards, and entered into the Chamber of Secrets.
Remus had known many of Hogwarts’ secret passages, but he was surprised to discover such a large yet undiscovered network. Walking through the low and damp passages, he was grateful that he wasn’t claustrophobic.
Coming around a corner, he saw a light, and was almost attacked by Harry.
He Shielded himself hastily.
“Professor? What are you doing here?” Harry said, bewildered.
“Helping you, it would seem,” Remus said. “And, it’s Remus, remember.”
Harry looked at him in surprise before smiling. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Only then did Remus notice Hermione lying, unconscious, next to Harry.
“The door’s protected,” Harry waved at the door in front of him. “She said it was this solution or another, and she tried it before I could stop her.” He said with concern, “Do you think it’s serious?”
Remus bowed and studied the girl. “She looks only knocked out. She'll wake up with a headache in a while, that's all.”
Harry looked relieved. “I didn’t dare to leave her here… but…”
“Ron is still injured, isn’t he?” Remus said.
Harry nodded tersely.
“What’s behind the door?” Remus asked gently.
“Something I need to kill Voldemort,” Harry said grimly.
“A Horcrux?”
Harry started. “How do you know?”
So it was true. That much, at least was.
“How many of them do you have?”
Harry frowned. “Two… and…maybe three.”
“Maybe?” Remus’ brows raised.
“I… someone has a third. He’ll give it to me.”
“I see,” Remus said. He was no more certain than Harry whether they could trust Draco Malfoy.
“Well, let’s go then.” He added, “What’s the other solution?”
Harry touched one of several sculpted figures and the door opened.
The room was large and dark, faintly lit by both their lightning charms. Tall statues of creatures and persons, some grotesque, some noble, served as pillars. In the back of the hall, there was an altar with a sword laid on it.
“The sword, that's it,” Harry said with confidence. “I’m sure of it!”
“Careful,” Remus said, scanning the room with care. “I’ll go first.”
They walked slowly to the altar. When Remus was certain he had removed all protective spells, he nodded to Harry.
No sooner had Harry touched the sword’s handle that a wave of vivid light sprang from the sword.
“What was that?”, Harry said, startled.
“I’ve no idea,” Remus said. “Maybe we need-”
Then he heard the noise. Soft, whispery, familiar bangs.
He turned around.
Three, four, five, six Death Eaters Apparated in. And Voldemort himself.
“Congratulation, Harry,” the Dark Lord said. “You’ve just removed Hogwarts’ Anti-Apparition wards. And now you’re mine.”
Remus attempted a curse that Voldemort deflected lazily.
“Whoever you are,” Voldemort said scornfully, “you’re dead. Ava-”
“Sectumsempra”, the Death Eater at his back said. The Dark Lord was struck before he could complete the curse.
Voldemort roared, “TRAITOR!” He whipped around with a hateful sneer.
“For some time,” Snape admitted, Shielding against a vengeful curse of the nastiest sort. “Potter, the horcruxes… You must destroy them, NOW!”
Then everything became chaos.
Remus took cover, Shielded Harry several times, then had no more time to concentrate on anything else than the two Death Eaters directly duelling with him. He dodged three Killing Curses before he could dispose of one of them.
Out of the corner of his eye he could see Harry and Draco fighting back to back. Draco had the golden cup in hand.
Snape was fighting against Voldemort, managing the impossible.
Remus turned his attention back to Harry, in time to spot the slow, sinuous, serpentine threat gliding down from above.
Remus acted instantly. “Avada Kedavra.” He saw Nagini fall down wetly on the ground, almost onto Harry and Draco, who jumped out of the way.
If she was a Horcrux, that was one less of them.
No time to pause, he faced renewed opposition.
Shield, strike, move, strike, dodge, strike, move.
One second later, Remus dodged too late, and felt the bones shatter in his left arm. He cried out, and heard Bellatix’ cackle in answer.
A well placed curse shut her up for good.
“The Horcrux, Harry!” Remus called. There was no way they would last a long time. “I’ll cover you.”
Harry nodded and got the first Horcrux out of his cloack, a silver locket that seemed vaguely familiar to Remus.
Then he was the one fighting alongside Draco, deflecting curses that would harm Harry.
He saw a flash of green from beside him, and Voldemort cried out.
Shield, strike, strike, Shield, a killing curse, and one less Death Eater was standing. He hoped it had been Peter.
Two Death Eaters remained, and Snape was still standing against the Dark Lord.
He fought superbly, Remus thought with renewed esteem. No time to pause, Hexing and Shielding at a hellish rhythm, a magnificent dance of Dark Arts that seemed to hardly belong to a battlefield.
There was a new flash of green light.
Remus felled another Death Eater who was distracted by the Dark Lord’s scream.
Remus took another blow in his shoulder which for a second removed all light from his sight as he doubled over in pain. When he got hold of himself, he was still alive, and Draco, looking grim and pale, was cursing the last Death Eater present.
A new green explosion.
The Dark Lord fell to his knees, holding his head in his hands.
“This day you die, Voldemort,” Harry shouted, his voice raspy and strained with pain. Remus could only and guess and hope about how much the Horcruxes’ destruction was taking out of him.
Harry broke the crystal-like wand he held in his hand.
Green light swarmed the room then receded, only surrounding Voldemort and Harry.
“There’s one left,” Harry said, limping calmly toward the Dark Lord’s prone form.
Then Voldemort moved and cursed. Something vicious and vile rushed toward Harry.
Before it could touch him, Draco pushed Harry out of the way and it drove straight into Draco’s back.
“Avada Kedavra,” Snape said. And finally Voldemort dissolved in fumes of green smokes and squelchy darkness.
Sparing them only a glance, Remus strode towards Harry, who was bent over Draco.
“Malfoy, Malfoy!” Harry was yelling. “Why did you do that? Get up!”
Remus put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down, Harry.”
Harry raised bewildered eyes toward him. “Why did he do that? He hates me. You know he hates me.” His face was still outlined with a green glow that highlighted the pain in his eyes. “Why did he save my life?”
“I don’t know, Harry,” Remus said, feeling tired beyond words. “Maybe sometimes you want to protect the things you hate, too.”
A shadow bent over them. “Let me see,” Snape ordered. Harry took a few steps back.
Snape passed his wand over Draco, singsonging softly, and Draco’s face filled with colour.
“He has a chance of survival,” Snape said quietly. “You’ll have to take him to St Mungo’s at once, Lupin.”
Remus nodded silently.
Harry’s face showed relief at once. The ghastly green light left it altogether except for his scar.
“So it’s over, isn’t it? It’s finally over?” Harry said, his voice shaky.
“No,” Snape said, “it isn’t.” He raised his wand and whispered : “Avada Kedavra.”
Harry fell down slowly, slipping to the ground in a green haze that seemed to happen underwater. Then he was still, and grey, and nothing remained at all on his face.
He had barely touched the ground when Remus pointed his wand at Snape and uttered the words of the Killing Curse.
Remus breathed again. And again. Forcing the air back into his abdomen by sheer force of will. Feeling a howl strangled in his throat that could not be let out.
He was all that remained standing in the room. Snape and Harry lay side by side in the middle, surrounded by five broken artefacts, and four fallen Death Eaters, and one dead snake. It seemed tempting, for one foolish instant, to join them, Remus thought. To lie down and sleep and forget. But Draco was hurt, and he had promised Snape he would bring him to St Mungo’s. He took the young man in his arms, too numb to feel his injury, and left the room.
Beyond, the world was free, and didn’t know it yet. It was finally and truly over.
Remus found that he hardly cared.