Bi-Weekly Challenge: Milholland quote.

[r_moony]

Who: Remus Lupin
What: Our heroes are people and people are flawed. Don't let that taint the thing you love. -Randy K. Milholland
Where: Hogwarts
When: Now, in grownhp6words timeline after this.
Why: One, because he himself is piecing things together. Two, because it's Remus. And Moony. And like they ever let their children leave without responding

Comments

[r_moony]

If one Harry James Potter were to be in the room, he would warn Tonks that she might be getting hexed in a matter of seconds just by the look on his face. That look, that was eerily similar to the one that he had had twenty-nine years ago in Grimmauld Place. The look that said he had reached the end of his damn rope and was done.

But before he talked or said anything else, he used his wand to lock the door and secure the room so no one passing the halls would hear.

"I know this is our daughter. I am very well aware of it, and I also know that things are not fixing themselves. I did not tell you because you cannot fix this. NO ONE can fix this, and you cannot understand."

He was pacing, silent for only a brief moment before he turned to her. His tone was no longer barely hanging onto control; now it was harder and louder than it had been.

"Do you want to know why I SEEM to not be reacting the way I did with Scorpius? Because I know what Maisie is living through. I KNOW that she needs space for now, how I did, and crowding her at the moment is the worst possible idea. I went after Scorpius because the situation was very, very different. Scorpius had a responsibility to face. How can you even compare the two situations? You did read the same parchment I did, yes? I WANT to have her here, but forcing her will only make her pull away. Have you not learned that yet? Because that is EXACTLY what you accomplish by forcing us when we are in a frame of mind that no amount of words can ever, ever make you understand."

Pausing only to pinch the bridge of his nose to make his tone lower, he turned to her after a moment.

"Like I said, you read what happened."

And, with that, he headed straight towards the door.

[pinkhairedauror]

Her wand was out and she reinforced the lock on that door. She wasn't done with him.

Tonks wasn't a child who couldn't defend herself from a hex - or other attacks. She wasn't, either, a child who needed to be protected that the big bad scary things in life. She wasn't a child whom loud words could intimidate. And she most definitely wasn't a child who'd accept what he'd said and wait for things to get better.

Her voice was still calm at the beginning, and there wasn't anything like hysterics or helplessness in it at all. It was her daughter. She pushed all sorts of tiredness aside - she might come to pay for that by literally collapsing later, but now, she was in full capacity.

"It's oh so easy to say I wouldn't or couldn't understand when you make no effort to explain. But whatever you may feel about the fact, there are very few ways to make things better at all - and none of them include lack of information.

"I didn't mean crowding her, and I most definitely don't mean that the two situations are comparable. Just that Maisie is going through a private hell and you were - blank. I know - know that things touch you, no matter what - and I couldn't accept that the blankness WAS your reaction.

"Maybe I cannot fix what has happened, Merlin knows nobody can change the past. But if I don't know what the hell is exactly going on - with you, with her, and with everything that concerns me and mine--" such as Remus and Maisie, but not limited to, "-- I cannot think of ways to help in the future. To keep you and others safe.

"I gave you space, didn't I. I didn't insist you come home before you chose to; I didn't press you with questions when you did return. And look what happened - I. was. wrong. I trusted you to work to regain control, to manage things. And that was obviously misplaced." She added more quietly. "I'm sorry. I can see it's a hell for you. But just stop thinking that people can't help without giving us a chance. Like it or not, you aren't alone in this life. Learn to use it to your advantage, rather than seeing it as pressuring and crowding. You're wasting your resources." And you're hurting others along the way. But she didn't need to say that. Her own hurt she could deal with. But to know that Maisie had had to face those nightmares alone? Those memories coming back to her slowly? No.

[r_moony]

How the door kept standing he didn't know, because the emotional magic that was radiating right off of him could have blasted the poor thing right off its hinges. The waves of anger were rolling right through him, and when he heard the lock being reinforced he tensed. He tensed far more than what he already was, and a humorless chuckle escaped his lips.

Bad idea, Dora, he thought as he turned to her. Bad bloody idea.

She wanted emotion? Fine, she could see it displayed so clearly in his eyes and his features now. The point wasn't to make her afraid, so whether she was or not he didn't care at all. There were very few things he cared about, at the moment. Arguing like this was not one of them, but if this was what she wanted then he was not backing down. He was so used to hiding what he felt, and what he thought, but when he was as angry as he was at the moment...

"You really think that you would understand if I explained? You. can't. The only way you can is if you were to see the madness - the REAL MADNESS, not what peeks through after taking the potion - and you cannot. It's easy to say that you wouldn't or couldn't understand? Really, Dora? All right, if that is what you think, feel free to continue doing so.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Do you want me to go after her? Do you want me to be angry? Devastated? Tell me Dora, I promise I will comply. I do so all the time, so just TELL ME. If all you saw was blank is because I am trying to fight so hard to not lose it, everything, and--" you push, and you push, and PUSH. Say it already. Say it's my fault. JUST. SAY. IT.

"You cannot keep her safe. You cannot keep me safe. Don't you see that every month? You would do yourself a lot of good by simply ACCEPTING that you cannot fix us or the situation we are living through; that sometimes you cannot help, and you know what? It's normal, but for Merlin's sake-- I want to help her too. I want to fix this for her, and make it better, but we can't. I KNOW what she is living through, and not even I can do ANYTHING for her. It IS pressuring and it IS crowding, because sometimes we don't want help. We don't want the physical reassurance, or anything. Sometimes we want to feel self-sufficient. Sometimes we CAN deal with this on our own."

Clenching his jaw tightly, the muscle twitching over and over, he stared at her for a moment before adding coldly, "Yes, Dora. Your trust was misplaced. Didn't I warn you of that, over thirty years ago?"

[pinkhairedauror]

Her voice, surprisingly, was still calm, though a lot more tense. Perhaps it was a bad idea. But the other options were just worse.

"I told you want I want. I want to know what happened. Why is that hard to understand?" Why is it so hard to speak it? Stubborn, Dora? Never! Sane? Only occasionally.

"We all have our own brands of madness, Remus. The fact that yours is different doesn't make you that special. What you do about it does. Think about that. Act on it, if you choose to."

Tonks sighed softly. "I do not accept defeat. Not where people I love are hurting. If the potion, and running, and togetherness aren't helping, we will find another way. I know it won't ever be perfectly safe. But we can work some way to stop it from being... this complicated in the future. Don't focus on the problem. Think of the solution.

"You're busy enough trying to help yourself. Share the burden. Sometimes you can deal this on your own - and sometimes you don't have to. Not wanting help doesn't mean you don't need it. Or that you won't get it if you just give a clue as to the how."

At that last remark, she snorted - and would have rolled her eyes, except that she was not too blind to see that taking her eyes off him might be a mistake. "Oh of course. I talk about a specific situation and you make it all global and fatal." She still hadn't moved from the place she had sat down. The letter was still under her fingers. But she was tense as a string, resonating with what was going on.

"I still trust you with my heart, Remus. With my soul. That you will never betray. And you don't need to doubt it." But he was right. She was pressing. She was very close to giving up, but she couldn't. She didn't have it in her to stop fighting for what she knew was necessary.

"I want to know. But as always, it's up to you to tell me, or choose to keep me helpless and in the dark. You know where I stand. Where you do... is your responsibility alone." There was a catch in her voice, of pain at being kept secrets from, of hope, of all the love she had for him, for Maisie - she could drown them in it. But she didn't see how that could help. Leaving the sound-proofing of the room in place, she let the lock on the door released. His choice.

Forcing him ... it would be trying to turn him into a different person than he was. And that she didn't need to, he was who he was, whom she loved.

... she still wanted to know.

[r_moony]

Act on it, if he chose to...

Right.

Remus just stared at her, the muscle in his jaw still twitching, until a moment later he simply turned and walked out of the room.

[pinkhairedauror]

Tonks winced, and then sobbed once, the tears not coming back, but... she didn't follow.

Tell me, Dora, I promise I will comply. That part had... scared her, a little. Because it wasn't about HER. It was about HIM. And saying that he'd do what she wanted him felt so wrong. At least walking out was... his choice. What he wanted to do. Not something he though she wanted.

She closed the door so she could hear anybody coming in, just in case, then took a quill and parchment to write back to Maisie.

She hoped she'd be able to understand, later. Eventually.