(Untitled)

[yes_peacocks]

            Lucius could hear the screams from outside his cell. He remembered becoming perfectly still: his back erect against the stone, his hair cut short against the scalp and the clammy stone slithered against his skin like Nagini. He heard the Unforgivables, and every shout from the Death Eaters (so many young voices…each one he thought he

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[the_iscariot]

It was said that murder caused a soul to become fractured, that some part of yourself was thrown away with each crime you committed. It's said that bit by bit each part of you is discarded and if not entrusted into a Horcrux it's lost....

Severus once asked a man who trusted more then any one alive, what became of his soul after so many deaths were allowed to pass...

Albus had called it mercy. It was strange, Severus had never thought mercy to be so cruel. Amycus was always telling him back then, that it was the case. If one was skilled, and strong enough, mercy could be just as damning as murder. He doubted this is what his old teachers meant.

His student was asking him to murder her. This wasn't Albus, some aged, already dying old man...or one of his victims under Amycus' lessons. This was a child he had seen grown up, a child he refused to believed had grown up. She was still the 11 year old girl who had wordlessly told him once he would have to earn her respect and admiration.

"The Dark Lord has sent us for you..." He told her, "...do you realize what you are asking for?"

[proudslytherin]

When she was sixteen she watched Draco slip away from her. She watched as the color drained from his cheeks. The light fade from his pale blue eyes. She held him when he cried. When he would trust her with those tears and fears because he knew, he knew that she would never betray him.

She found Severus during that year. All sixteen years of her torn into pieces because Draco was slipping away and she couldn't save him. "Help him! He needs you." Her tone had been so fierce. Her eyes had shot daggers at him as if daring him turn her down. "I've never asked you for anything..."

"Quiet that heart, Ms. Parkinson. I always take care of my snakes."

That was all she needed to hear. She'd thrown her arms around him and hugged him. Pansy wasn't much of a hugger, but she had given him that freely. A gift of gratitude, a token of respect, a sign that she trusted him.

Twenty-one years later and this was where they were. Nodding her head, she would not cry, but she forced herself to look him square in the eyes. "Yes, I do. I do not fear death. I'm not sure I even fear the dark lord the way I should. But I know that everything you and I have done to protect...him, will come undone if he has to watch that happen to me. If he has to collect what remains of me once they have finished making an example of me."

Another step toward him. Toward mercy, toward protection, toward a father she knew would shield her and once again save that light from completing draining from the eyes of the boy they both considered a part of them.

"I do not regret the choices I made. I did the right thing. Maybe no one will truly understand those choices, but I can die knowing I have no regrets. That will not be the case if the dark lord has me. Please?"

[the_iscariot]

He wanted to run. He wasn't built for this. He wasn't suppose to be used for this. Gallantry, nobility. Salvation. It was all pretense. It was only ever pretense. He was never suppose to save anyone. He was never suppose to even try. That role belonged to braver men, better men.

Against, his will Severus found himself reaching for the girl and pulling her tight against him.

He wanted to run. He couldn't lose this. One thing. He said. Just give me this one thing. He hadn't prayed since he was a boy, more Muggle then Wizard but tonight he was begging for someone, anything, to hear him. It was like he was a child again, pleading with some higher power to take Tobias away from them again. In all the years he had carried his pain and hatred as his shields, he had forgotten how it felt to be so...weak.

Not this. He'd do whatever else was required of him. But please not this again. Please. Please. Not...this. Do not ask this of him. There would be nothing left. There was no soul left to tear apart, not heart left to quiet. Not even, the words of the devoted because Severus knew he had stopped believing in his Masters long ago. He couldn't even remember how Lily's eyes glowed now if he tried. He couldn't do this. He couldn't...he wasn't this strong.

Except he could, quietly he pushed free, pressing a kiss to her forehead and the murmured words, "he will always love you."

And the two words spoken next, were suicide as much as murder.

[proudslytherin]

The embrace was what made some of that strength waiver, for just a moment. Pansy was strong. So strong and she was proud of that strength. But that hug, that moment of comfort before he did what she asked made the full weight of what she had asked of him hit her. She couldn't quite brace herself for that pain.

"And I will always love you, Professor."

The words were barely out of her mouth as they collided with the next two words. They say death is painless, but she wasn't sure that was the case. Those dark eyes that had always meant protection and home looked older than she remembered. He was a god among his children. They would follow him anywhere he lead them.

She wondered if he understood that he was not the one that lead her here. Nor was it Draco. Pansy Parkinson merely followed her heart and made the choices of a woman who refused to follow any master. Who refused to pick a side in this stupid war. She'd chosen her side when she was eleven years old. With a nod of her head that said, 'You will do' to her new headmaster, and a shy smile at the boy who would possess her heart and soul.

Death hit her fast and she fell with her eyes closed. She'd forced her eyes closed because she refused to make the one who saved her look into eyes that no longer had life in them.

She could rest now. It was over.

[the_iscariot]

If those words were meant to comfort, or wound, Severus didn't know. More importantly, they didn't register at all. He just stared at the crumpled frame where it laid, turned and walked out.

He suddenly wanted very much to find Amycus, and take another lesson.

See if that could jumpstart his heart.

Fifty two.