fic for ressie_noldo: Fortuna (Sirius, Marauders, Regulus, PG-13)
Title: Fortuna
Author: cuban_sombrero
Recipient: ressie_noldo
Rating: PG-13
Character(s): Sirius, some Marauders, Regulus
Warnings: canon character death (off-screen)
Author's Notes: Mystery recipient, I hope you enjoy this. It's been a long time since I've had an oppurtunity to write about Sirius, so this was great fun. :) A big thanks also to K, for the beta.
--
five.
Death, it has already changed them.
They have all have their new syntaxes now, their own ways of adjusting. Remus has become more melancholy, his edges folding slowly in upon themselves. James has become louder, more raucous sometimes, more quiet in others. Peter and Lily, they have too. All of them, they are the same, and yet they are different. The differences are almost too subtle, too intangible, Over the past few days, what little remained of their time at Hogwarts has been stripped away, leaving them naked and exposed. Leaving them afraid.
The realities of what they have just agreed to are falling upon them, perhaps a little too soon. It is more unsettling than Sirius wishes to admit - they have spent their lives waiting for this, a promise which has soured over time. Once, like so many things, war had a sweet taste in their mouth; they had rolled it around, savoured the idea of it. Back then, however, it had not been a promise, just a possibility. It had not yet become a part of their destiny; instead, war had been something fickle, an idea they could hold in their hands one day, forget about the next. Something so tangible they could grasp it with open palms.
It's amazing how quickly things change.
four.
The Order is different to what they expected.
It's not really a secret society and everyone gets drunk at the first meeting and does very little planning at all. Sirius thinks it might have all been an illusion, they wanted it to be secretive and mysterious and so it was... until it wasn't. Lately, the Marauders are finding out that a lot of things aren't like they seem.
James and Benji get drunk and start singing Christmas carols in July; Lily admonishes them, her lips turning upwards slightly all the while. She's softened too these days, become less of an obstacle, more of a friend. Somewhere along the line, they've learnt go to around each other, not through. Even Remus and Peter shift further towards the centre of the table, talking Hogwarts memories and the best way to murder the Minister for Magic with Emmeline, laughter spilling in scraps from their mouths. Slowly, the lines between what they wanted this to be and what it could begin to blur, reality fading out to black. It's always been like this, fine lines, shadowy edges, boundaries for him to get trapped between. Sirius, he never had a good sense of direction.
Beside him, Marlene McKinnon cries at the idea of sending young boys to war with a cigarette drooping from her lips and a haunted kind of look in her eyes and Sirius wants to protest - I'm already nineteen. Nineteen and far too experienced for a world that is slowly destructing before their very eyes - like a shooting star, the best things crash and burn, skin scraping, motorbike tyres smouldering, the world a blurry haze of flames. Perhaps, Marlene can only sense that he's already experienced such things. Perhaps, she's too drunk to care. Either way, the excuse remains stuck on his tongue.
These days, everyone grows up too fast.
three.
And yet, even in war, there is happiness.
James proposes to Lily on Christmas Eve and she says yes, of course - Remus says later that they'd known, from all the way back in fourth year, that she would. Everyone laughs at this, makes a joke or two about possibilities and the chance of things.
Secretly, Sirius sighs. These things like joy and love, they shouldn't be predestined. The Order is a far cry from Hogwarts - spontaneity manifests itself in different forms now, secret midnight raids and bodies, ducking, twisting, weaving their way around spells, new shadows in their eyes. Surprises too, have become fated - everyone waits on edge, knowing they will creep slowly through the darkness. The only question is when.
Lily and James, they're just another example of how the world they once knew so well has spun out of control; so many tiny tears in the fabric of existence and the world is collapsing from inside out.
Sometimes, Sirius just wishes it would happen quicker than this.
two.
It always comes down to this.
His family follows him everywhere, lingering in the shadows. Some nights, he wakes up in cold sweat screaming "Regulus, Regulus" - Merlin, don't let James hear, he thinks, and then he hates himself, because this is his brother and what James thinks should have nothing to do with it and yet - it does.
James doesn't understand, has no reason to understand - he was born with Gryffindor blood, destined to fight since the day he was born. Him and Lily, they're too entangled in the outcome of this. Sirius, on the other hand, feels as though life has been shifting sideways beneath him from that first train trip, that first lesson with the Marauders, that first prank, leaving him displaced. He too, is fated for certain things, but they are different.
Sirius never wanted this destiny. Not since he left Hogwarts, since Lily and James got married, since his brother died.
There are knots he can't untie, bonds he can't break, these intangible things that tug at him, pull him into their orbit. Slowly, his life is becoming an endless circle of destruction - and for all he rips and tears, it's one he cannot break.
Remus, he has a scientific explanation for these things, gravity and the relative speed and force of things; everything in the universe has its time, Sirius, and everything has its place. You can't change it, Sirius, you can't. No matter how much you want to. Wise words from a wise mouth and Sirius will never heed them - he knows this, Remus knows this, and yet they let themselves fall into the same familiar patterns because it is easier than admitting these things that they both know and cannot say.
The war has left more scars on them than just the ones that can be seen.
one.
Slowly, the end drags near.
Sirius feels as though the threads that hold his life together are slowly unravelling, just waiting to trip him up. His motorbike engine roars and the ground collapses underneath him, fading into the muted greys of the sky. Lately, it's become easier to appreciate the intricacies of falling, wind pushing against him, everything blurring, a blissful kind of oblivion.
The nights are warmer now, infused with a kind of a restless activity. He can almost taste the palpable tension, feel the heat of death, wafting over him, lingering. Everything is intensifying.
Order patrols around known Death Eater meeting places have stepped up now, night after night they wait, a predator stalking its prey. The other Marauders, they think they're just waiting for a catalyst that might never occur, staking all their bets on something they can't predict the outcome of. These days, they're always dancing with life and death, the tightrope beneath their feet twisting back and forth; this, it's all like a game of poker, maybe Russian roulette.
Sirius disagrees - unlike gambling, he still feels as though his fate is sealed.
Author: cuban_sombrero
Recipient: ressie_noldo
Rating: PG-13
Character(s): Sirius, some Marauders, Regulus
Warnings: canon character death (off-screen)
Author's Notes: Mystery recipient, I hope you enjoy this. It's been a long time since I've had an oppurtunity to write about Sirius, so this was great fun. :) A big thanks also to K, for the beta.
--
five.
Death, it has already changed them.
They have all have their new syntaxes now, their own ways of adjusting. Remus has become more melancholy, his edges folding slowly in upon themselves. James has become louder, more raucous sometimes, more quiet in others. Peter and Lily, they have too. All of them, they are the same, and yet they are different. The differences are almost too subtle, too intangible, Over the past few days, what little remained of their time at Hogwarts has been stripped away, leaving them naked and exposed. Leaving them afraid.
The realities of what they have just agreed to are falling upon them, perhaps a little too soon. It is more unsettling than Sirius wishes to admit - they have spent their lives waiting for this, a promise which has soured over time. Once, like so many things, war had a sweet taste in their mouth; they had rolled it around, savoured the idea of it. Back then, however, it had not been a promise, just a possibility. It had not yet become a part of their destiny; instead, war had been something fickle, an idea they could hold in their hands one day, forget about the next. Something so tangible they could grasp it with open palms.
It's amazing how quickly things change.
four.
The Order is different to what they expected.
It's not really a secret society and everyone gets drunk at the first meeting and does very little planning at all. Sirius thinks it might have all been an illusion, they wanted it to be secretive and mysterious and so it was... until it wasn't. Lately, the Marauders are finding out that a lot of things aren't like they seem.
James and Benji get drunk and start singing Christmas carols in July; Lily admonishes them, her lips turning upwards slightly all the while. She's softened too these days, become less of an obstacle, more of a friend. Somewhere along the line, they've learnt go to around each other, not through. Even Remus and Peter shift further towards the centre of the table, talking Hogwarts memories and the best way to murder the Minister for Magic with Emmeline, laughter spilling in scraps from their mouths. Slowly, the lines between what they wanted this to be and what it could begin to blur, reality fading out to black. It's always been like this, fine lines, shadowy edges, boundaries for him to get trapped between. Sirius, he never had a good sense of direction.
Beside him, Marlene McKinnon cries at the idea of sending young boys to war with a cigarette drooping from her lips and a haunted kind of look in her eyes and Sirius wants to protest - I'm already nineteen. Nineteen and far too experienced for a world that is slowly destructing before their very eyes - like a shooting star, the best things crash and burn, skin scraping, motorbike tyres smouldering, the world a blurry haze of flames. Perhaps, Marlene can only sense that he's already experienced such things. Perhaps, she's too drunk to care. Either way, the excuse remains stuck on his tongue.
These days, everyone grows up too fast.
three.
And yet, even in war, there is happiness.
James proposes to Lily on Christmas Eve and she says yes, of course - Remus says later that they'd known, from all the way back in fourth year, that she would. Everyone laughs at this, makes a joke or two about possibilities and the chance of things.
Secretly, Sirius sighs. These things like joy and love, they shouldn't be predestined. The Order is a far cry from Hogwarts - spontaneity manifests itself in different forms now, secret midnight raids and bodies, ducking, twisting, weaving their way around spells, new shadows in their eyes. Surprises too, have become fated - everyone waits on edge, knowing they will creep slowly through the darkness. The only question is when.
Lily and James, they're just another example of how the world they once knew so well has spun out of control; so many tiny tears in the fabric of existence and the world is collapsing from inside out.
Sometimes, Sirius just wishes it would happen quicker than this.
two.
It always comes down to this.
His family follows him everywhere, lingering in the shadows. Some nights, he wakes up in cold sweat screaming "Regulus, Regulus" - Merlin, don't let James hear, he thinks, and then he hates himself, because this is his brother and what James thinks should have nothing to do with it and yet - it does.
James doesn't understand, has no reason to understand - he was born with Gryffindor blood, destined to fight since the day he was born. Him and Lily, they're too entangled in the outcome of this. Sirius, on the other hand, feels as though life has been shifting sideways beneath him from that first train trip, that first lesson with the Marauders, that first prank, leaving him displaced. He too, is fated for certain things, but they are different.
Sirius never wanted this destiny. Not since he left Hogwarts, since Lily and James got married, since his brother died.
There are knots he can't untie, bonds he can't break, these intangible things that tug at him, pull him into their orbit. Slowly, his life is becoming an endless circle of destruction - and for all he rips and tears, it's one he cannot break.
Remus, he has a scientific explanation for these things, gravity and the relative speed and force of things; everything in the universe has its time, Sirius, and everything has its place. You can't change it, Sirius, you can't. No matter how much you want to. Wise words from a wise mouth and Sirius will never heed them - he knows this, Remus knows this, and yet they let themselves fall into the same familiar patterns because it is easier than admitting these things that they both know and cannot say.
The war has left more scars on them than just the ones that can be seen.
one.
Slowly, the end drags near.
Sirius feels as though the threads that hold his life together are slowly unravelling, just waiting to trip him up. His motorbike engine roars and the ground collapses underneath him, fading into the muted greys of the sky. Lately, it's become easier to appreciate the intricacies of falling, wind pushing against him, everything blurring, a blissful kind of oblivion.
The nights are warmer now, infused with a kind of a restless activity. He can almost taste the palpable tension, feel the heat of death, wafting over him, lingering. Everything is intensifying.
Order patrols around known Death Eater meeting places have stepped up now, night after night they wait, a predator stalking its prey. The other Marauders, they think they're just waiting for a catalyst that might never occur, staking all their bets on something they can't predict the outcome of. These days, they're always dancing with life and death, the tightrope beneath their feet twisting back and forth; this, it's all like a game of poker, maybe Russian roulette.
Sirius disagrees - unlike gambling, he still feels as though his fate is sealed.