fic for wandmaker: Stumbling Towards Sanctuary (Remus, James, PG)
Title: Stumbling Towards Sanctuary
Author: nicolen
Recipient: wandmaker
Rating: PG
Character(s): Remus, James
Warnings: DH spoilers, character death
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for an intriguing prompt. I've had so much fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! Have a safe and Happy Christmas x.
--
"I'm pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren't sticking with your child."
Several hours later, Harry's words still rang in his ears.
If only it were as simple as Harry believed. He hunched his shoulders against the rain and kept walking. One advantage of Muggle London - there was no end of places where he could walk around unrecognised. The city had been his bolt-hole many times in the past.
He was rather ashamed to realise this was still the case.
She and the child deserved much more than he could ever provide. All he had to offer was a lifetime of rejection and repudiation by Wizarding society. It was all he'd known in the just over three years since society had found out about his condition.
"It's because I love them that I had to leave them," he muttered to himself. "They'll be happier without me."
"Ya think?" It was a voice he hadn't heard for nearly sixteen years.
Remus looked around. "Right. Now I know I'm going mad."
"No more than usual, mate."
Here he was, standing in a stinking alley on a miserable London day, having a conversation with one of his best friends. Who had died sixteen years previously. Whose body he distinctly remembered identifying and then burying in a lonely, Godforsaken grave at Godric's Hollow on a bleak, cold November morning. It was - well, surreal, to say the least. "Am I dead?"
"No, but you may as well be." For the first time, James Potter did not sound amused. "When are you going to realise that you deserve to be happy?"
"It's been a long time since I was happy." Remus caught a movement out of the corner of his eye, a vague, diaphanous body leaning indolently against a wall. "And if you actually did choose to become a ghost, then why has it taken you so long to make your presence known?"
"I'm not a ghost. I've just been given what you might call temporary visiting rights as it were." Remus almost saw him shrug. "Sirius wanted to come and knock some sense into you, but we didn't really feel that was appropriate. He'd want to help Harry and he can't. Well, not yet anyway ."
"Do you know what's going to happen? Who's going to win?"
The figure that was James seemed to stiffen. "Not really, and it's something I'm not allowed to talk about in any case."
"Naturally." Remus leaned against the opposite wall. "So, you're here to tell me that I should be happy."
"Nothing wrong with being happy, mate. Take it from me, life's far too short to be miserable."
"I'm not miserable." Remus knew he was lying.
"Aren't you? Seems to me as if you want to be miserable, doing some of the things you've done in the last year or so. She loves you, Remus - God knows why, the way you've treated her."
"And how was I supposed to treat her? If I stayed, she would be little more than a pariah! She would be forced to live the sort of life I live." Remus turned away. "I wouldn't wish that on anybody."
"You really frustrate me, Remus. It's not about..." James broke off. "Do you love her and your child?"
"What sort of question is that? Of course I do!" Remus was starting to get annoyed at the questioning and at friends that refused to stay dead even after he'd buried them.
"Then that's all that matters." James sounded matter of fact. "You're alive, Remus, not dead! Live while you can!"
Remus looked towards where he thought James was standing. "Am I going to die?"
"Of course you're going to die. We all die eventually." James sounded frustrated. "I don't know when, but you will die, whether it's tomorrow or in fifty years time. Don't have any regrets. Go home to your wife and grovel - we both know that's what you're going to do in the end."
"I should be helping Harry."
"Harry has his own path to walk, and you can't help him." James sounded sad. "Thankfully, he doesn't know all that he has to do yet, but he will. That's when he'll need you. All I can ask is that you be there for him."
As Remus watched, the vague shape that was James faded away to nothingness. "I'm not ready to go back. Not yet," he muttered.
~*~*~
Just over two months later he found himself standing outside Andromeda Tonks's home. He knew Andromeda would know where Dora was if she wasn't there. Remus took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. His wife opened the door and gaped at him.
"May I come in?" he asked softly.
"You prat," Dora said. She reached out, took his arm and dragged him into the house. "You've got some explaining to do as well as tonnes of grovelling."
It was Halloween, and for the rest of his life he knew the sight of her pulling him over the doorstep would be the first thing that would come to mind, rather than the deaths of James and Lily. It was definitely time to let go of the past.
~*~*~
The next six months passed in a blur: of organising resistance to the Ministry; of keeping one step ahead of them at all times. When Teddy was born, for the first time he had another reason to fight. It was because he had to make the world a better place for his son. There was going to be a final battle soon - almost certainly at Hogwarts. He didn't have to be a Seer to feel it.
So when the call came two weeks after Teddy's birth, he was ready.
It was a hard, vicious battle. Ahead of him, he could see McGonagall marshalling the school defences. They were all there - Bellatrix, Dolohov - but no Voldemort. He would come, though.
Harry was off doing God only knows what - Remus still had no idea of what he'd been doing for the last few months. No doubt he would find out after the battle. Students that he had taught were fanned out along the corridors, fighting.
Another generation forced to grow up far too soon, but hopefully this one wasn't as doomed as his had been.
He knew this would be the final battle; knew that all their fates would be decided in the next few hours.
He drew his wand and stepped forward to duel Amyctus Carrow who had Seamus Finnegan bailed up against the wall. "Seamus, get out of here!"
"Like hell I will, Professor. This is our battle too." Seamus shoved his shoulder onto Carrow, drew back his fist and punched him. "That was for all those detentions," he informed the Death Eater as his eyes rolled up in his head.
"Very nice, Seamus, but I would suggest next time using your wand instead of your fist." Remus dodged a curse that came zinging down the corridor and stepped further into the battle.
The Death Eaters were starting to fall back mainly due to the sheer numbers of students and Order members that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dolohov moving against the tide; moving towards him. He took a step forward and opened his mouth.
Too late; he saw Dolohov smile as he threw the curse towards him. There was no time to get out of the way....
~*~*~
It didn't hurt. Remus slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He was in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, looking down as they carried his body in and laid him down next to Dora. "Oh, no," he murmured.
He became aware of sensations only half-remembered - the smell of Sirius's leather jacket; the feel of James's hand resting on his shoulder and immediately in front of him stood Lily, smiling. She reached out and took his hand. "Welcome home," she murmured.
"Where's Dora?" he asked.
"She'll be here soon," Sirius said. "But there's something very important that we need to do."
Remus found himself outside staring down at a figure clearly recognisable as Harry walking across the lawn towards the Forest. He suddenly realised what the boy had to do. "He's going to die, isn't he? After all that, he's going to die."
James's hand tightened painfully on his shoulder. "Yes," he said simply. "We're going to meet him and bring him home to sanctuary."
Author: nicolen
Recipient: wandmaker
Rating: PG
Character(s): Remus, James
Warnings: DH spoilers, character death
Author's Notes: Thank you so much for an intriguing prompt. I've had so much fun writing this, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I've enjoyed writing it! Have a safe and Happy Christmas x.
--
"I'm pretty sure my father would have wanted to know why you aren't sticking with your child."
Several hours later, Harry's words still rang in his ears.
If only it were as simple as Harry believed. He hunched his shoulders against the rain and kept walking. One advantage of Muggle London - there was no end of places where he could walk around unrecognised. The city had been his bolt-hole many times in the past.
He was rather ashamed to realise this was still the case.
She and the child deserved much more than he could ever provide. All he had to offer was a lifetime of rejection and repudiation by Wizarding society. It was all he'd known in the just over three years since society had found out about his condition.
"It's because I love them that I had to leave them," he muttered to himself. "They'll be happier without me."
"Ya think?" It was a voice he hadn't heard for nearly sixteen years.
Remus looked around. "Right. Now I know I'm going mad."
"No more than usual, mate."
Here he was, standing in a stinking alley on a miserable London day, having a conversation with one of his best friends. Who had died sixteen years previously. Whose body he distinctly remembered identifying and then burying in a lonely, Godforsaken grave at Godric's Hollow on a bleak, cold November morning. It was - well, surreal, to say the least. "Am I dead?"
"No, but you may as well be." For the first time, James Potter did not sound amused. "When are you going to realise that you deserve to be happy?"
"It's been a long time since I was happy." Remus caught a movement out of the corner of his eye, a vague, diaphanous body leaning indolently against a wall. "And if you actually did choose to become a ghost, then why has it taken you so long to make your presence known?"
"I'm not a ghost. I've just been given what you might call temporary visiting rights as it were." Remus almost saw him shrug. "Sirius wanted to come and knock some sense into you, but we didn't really feel that was appropriate. He'd want to help Harry and he can't. Well, not yet anyway ."
"Do you know what's going to happen? Who's going to win?"
The figure that was James seemed to stiffen. "Not really, and it's something I'm not allowed to talk about in any case."
"Naturally." Remus leaned against the opposite wall. "So, you're here to tell me that I should be happy."
"Nothing wrong with being happy, mate. Take it from me, life's far too short to be miserable."
"I'm not miserable." Remus knew he was lying.
"Aren't you? Seems to me as if you want to be miserable, doing some of the things you've done in the last year or so. She loves you, Remus - God knows why, the way you've treated her."
"And how was I supposed to treat her? If I stayed, she would be little more than a pariah! She would be forced to live the sort of life I live." Remus turned away. "I wouldn't wish that on anybody."
"You really frustrate me, Remus. It's not about..." James broke off. "Do you love her and your child?"
"What sort of question is that? Of course I do!" Remus was starting to get annoyed at the questioning and at friends that refused to stay dead even after he'd buried them.
"Then that's all that matters." James sounded matter of fact. "You're alive, Remus, not dead! Live while you can!"
Remus looked towards where he thought James was standing. "Am I going to die?"
"Of course you're going to die. We all die eventually." James sounded frustrated. "I don't know when, but you will die, whether it's tomorrow or in fifty years time. Don't have any regrets. Go home to your wife and grovel - we both know that's what you're going to do in the end."
"I should be helping Harry."
"Harry has his own path to walk, and you can't help him." James sounded sad. "Thankfully, he doesn't know all that he has to do yet, but he will. That's when he'll need you. All I can ask is that you be there for him."
As Remus watched, the vague shape that was James faded away to nothingness. "I'm not ready to go back. Not yet," he muttered.
~*~*~
Just over two months later he found himself standing outside Andromeda Tonks's home. He knew Andromeda would know where Dora was if she wasn't there. Remus took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. His wife opened the door and gaped at him.
"May I come in?" he asked softly.
"You prat," Dora said. She reached out, took his arm and dragged him into the house. "You've got some explaining to do as well as tonnes of grovelling."
It was Halloween, and for the rest of his life he knew the sight of her pulling him over the doorstep would be the first thing that would come to mind, rather than the deaths of James and Lily. It was definitely time to let go of the past.
~*~*~
The next six months passed in a blur: of organising resistance to the Ministry; of keeping one step ahead of them at all times. When Teddy was born, for the first time he had another reason to fight. It was because he had to make the world a better place for his son. There was going to be a final battle soon - almost certainly at Hogwarts. He didn't have to be a Seer to feel it.
So when the call came two weeks after Teddy's birth, he was ready.
It was a hard, vicious battle. Ahead of him, he could see McGonagall marshalling the school defences. They were all there - Bellatrix, Dolohov - but no Voldemort. He would come, though.
Harry was off doing God only knows what - Remus still had no idea of what he'd been doing for the last few months. No doubt he would find out after the battle. Students that he had taught were fanned out along the corridors, fighting.
Another generation forced to grow up far too soon, but hopefully this one wasn't as doomed as his had been.
He knew this would be the final battle; knew that all their fates would be decided in the next few hours.
He drew his wand and stepped forward to duel Amyctus Carrow who had Seamus Finnegan bailed up against the wall. "Seamus, get out of here!"
"Like hell I will, Professor. This is our battle too." Seamus shoved his shoulder onto Carrow, drew back his fist and punched him. "That was for all those detentions," he informed the Death Eater as his eyes rolled up in his head.
"Very nice, Seamus, but I would suggest next time using your wand instead of your fist." Remus dodged a curse that came zinging down the corridor and stepped further into the battle.
The Death Eaters were starting to fall back mainly due to the sheer numbers of students and Order members that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Dolohov moving against the tide; moving towards him. He took a step forward and opened his mouth.
Too late; he saw Dolohov smile as he threw the curse towards him. There was no time to get out of the way....
~*~*~
It didn't hurt. Remus slowly opened his eyes and looked around. He was in the Great Hall at Hogwarts, looking down as they carried his body in and laid him down next to Dora. "Oh, no," he murmured.
He became aware of sensations only half-remembered - the smell of Sirius's leather jacket; the feel of James's hand resting on his shoulder and immediately in front of him stood Lily, smiling. She reached out and took his hand. "Welcome home," she murmured.
"Where's Dora?" he asked.
"She'll be here soon," Sirius said. "But there's something very important that we need to do."
Remus found himself outside staring down at a figure clearly recognisable as Harry walking across the lawn towards the Forest. He suddenly realised what the boy had to do. "He's going to die, isn't he? After all that, he's going to die."
James's hand tightened painfully on his shoulder. "Yes," he said simply. "We're going to meet him and bring him home to sanctuary."