The Vessel with the Pestle.
Title: The Vessel with The Pestle.
Author:Geek6
Requestor:scribbulus_ink
Claim: Remus/Severus - Adventures in babysitting Harry and Ginny's (or Ron and Hermione's) firstborn
Rating: G - if that.
Summary: Remus agrees to be backup emergency babysitter. When he's needed, it's a full moon.
Warnings: Extreme Fluff. Because of the movie quote, I'd best say tis AU too.
Notes: Title and Severus’ quote stolen from the film The Court Jester, with much respect and admiration for Danny Kaye. Word count approx 3,400.
Severus glared at the face in the fire. “Potter! I can’t believe you didn’t make proper arrangements. This is absurd. For Merlin's sake, it’s a full moon!”
“Of course we made arrangements!” Harry spat back. “But it’s all happening too soon and no one else is available. This is an emergency, Snape. Let me speak to Remus!”
“He’s not here. You can’t speak to him; you have to deal with me.” Severus smirked at him.
The figure in the fire sighed, a hand rubbing over his face, visibly calming himself before he spoke again. “Look, Severus, I know it’s an imposition. I know its full moon. But please, Remus promised you’d be our standby if we needed you. Both you and I know Remus is perfectly safe because of the Wolfsbane, so that isn’t an issue. Remus himself told me that you generally spend full moon nights walking Moony, and then a good book by the fire. You can still do that with Jamie. He’ll be no trouble, and I’ll pick him up as soon as possible. I promise.”
Severus scowled. “I’m only agreeing because I know Remus did offer. I don’t like it, and if anything happens it’s your own fault.”
Harry groaned with relief. “Thanks, Severus. I knew you wouldn’t let us down. Stand back, and I’ll bring him through.”
Severus got up from the fire and braced himself, ready to catch them. No matter how often Harry did it, he still hadn’t mastered the art of emerging from a Floo standing up. Seconds later Severus found himself with an armful of Potters.
Harry grinned as he stepped away. “Ginny’s packed a bag for him. He’s not in nappies any more, but there are a couple in there for bedtime. There’re also some books and toys, a couple of changes of clothes, and two sets of pyjamas.” He thrust a small black haired boy into Severus’ arms, dropped a bag onto the floor, and turned back to the Floo, before calling over his shoulder as he whirled away, “Oh, and Arnold! He can’t sleep without Arnold!”
Severus stared at the boy in his arms, who stared back at him, a carbon copy of his father. “Arnold?” he asked.
The child giggled. “No, I’s Jamie. Arnol’ is my Haloot.”
“Haloot?” Severus queried, frantically trying to remember his Care of Magical Creatures lessons.
Jamie nodded. “Unca Sev’us, I needs a wee.”
Severus almost dropped him. “You do?“ He put the child down quickly. “Come on then, the bathroom’s this way.” Leading the way, Severus was struck with a horrifying thought. “Do you need help with your toileting?” he asked, even as he mentally cursed Lupin for not being there to deal with this sort of thing.
“Just wiv my button. I’m nearly a big boy!” was the indignant answer.
“Of course you are,” Severus scowled as he opened the door. “Don’t forget to wash your hands.”
~~~~
By the time moonrise came, Severus had discovered that Arnold was neither a previously undiscovered magical nor Muggle creature, but was in fact a small, tattered, rather grubby looking grey towelling elephant. He had also discovered that the purpose of those strange Muggle ‘Turkey Twizzlers’ lurking in the back of the Lupin -Snape household’s freezer was to feed small boys; small boys who seemed unable to simply eat their food, but also seemed to need to wear it, and decorate both the table top and the floor with it. He found that little green eyed, black haired boys, who look exactly like their fathers and grandfathers, are just as obsessed with riding broomsticks, even if those broomsticks are children’s training brooms. He also discovered that said embryonic Quidditch stars can have spectacular temper tantrums, involving much floor rolling, arm waving, and leg kicking, when told it’s time for their bath. His most surprising discovery of all was that despite being ‘nearly a big boy’, Potter juniors still needed a bedtime story.
Of course he discovered all of this whilst sitting reading the latest potions journal, and pointedly ignoring his husband as Remus chased around the house frantically trying to keep up with the seemingly endlessly energetic whirlwind that Potter had fathered.
He also discovered, much to his delight (not shown of course - it never helped to give his husband too much encouragement to be sappy), that tired and worn out from chasing after small children all day, and with their transformation almost upon them, husbands often require a good cuddle and a bit of a snog before retiring to turn into slavering beasts for the night.
Though how anyone could refer to Moony as a slavering beast was beyond him. These days Moony was far more like an old throw rug. He liked a good walk first thing, then home to lick himself (in a disgusting display of lewdness that Severus was quite sure was completely unnecessary), before snoozing in front of the fire dreaming of rabbits, complete with leg twitches and sleepily soft grumbling growls, while Severus spent the night brewing those Potions that could only be brewed under a full moon.
~~~~
It was as Moony emerged from their bedroom, which Severus had taken care to use a Silencing charm on, and headed towards the back door, that it occurred to Severus that tonight there would be no walk for Moony. No matter how almost everyone but Remus and Minerva thought him to be a cold, heartless bastard, he found he couldn’t possibly entertain the thought of leaving a small child alone in the house.
The problem solved itself as Moony barked repeatedly at Severus to open the door.
“Will you be quiet? You’ll wake the boy! I am not taking you for a walk. I’ll open the door and you can use the garden, but that’s it. Don’t give me that look! It’s your own fault - you told Potter we’d look after his brat, so you have no one to blame but yourself!”
“Oooh, you’s got a doggie!” an excited voice sounded from the kitchen door.
Severus looked up. “You should be in bed young man. Go on, off you go!”
“But the doggie did wake me up. He barked too loud, an’ I’s not sleepy no more,” Jamie smiled at him. “He’s a big doggie. Can I ride him?”
Severus smirked evilly at Moony, ignoring the baleful glare he got in return. “Of course you can. Would you like a ride around the kitchen?”
“Yes, pease!” The small boy charged into the room excitedly and Severus lifted him up onto the werewolf's back. “Hold on tight now - don’t let go.”
“Giddy up, doggie!” Jamie yelled, his feet kicking into Moony’s ribs.
“Yes, Moony, giddy up!” Severus couldn’t help snickering.
The werewolf stood and stared pointedly at the door into the garden.
“He wan’s to go in the garden, Unca Sev’us.”
Severus stared at the werewolf and child thoughtfully for a moment, before an amused grin appeared on his face. “I’ve had rather a good idea. Why don’t we take Moony for a walk, hmm?”
Both Moony and Jamie looked keen.
“Best get you dressed more warmly,” Severus told the boy. A swish and flick later, and Jamie was bundled up in warm clothing, complete with hat, gloves and Slytherin scarf. Grabbing his own warm cloak, Severus opened the door and let Moony out.
~~~~
Severus had to run to catch them up. Moony was evidently eager to be outside, and Severus could see the small figure of Jamie clinging tightly to him. He didn’t actually need to see him to be able to follow them; he was pretty sure the all the inhabitants of the forest, and most likely the village too, and possibly even those as far away as Hogwarts itself, could hear the excited three year old's squeals of delight. It was when the squeals turned to giggles that Severus finally caught up with them. He followed them into a small clearing to see both Jamie and Moony peeing against the same tree. The boy turned and grinned at him, causing his aim to falter and Moony to be on the receiving end of most of it.
“Look, Unca Sev’us! I’s doin’ a wee like Moony! Is you goin’ a do one too?”
“Certainly not. And you are not to copy any more of Moony’s behaviours. He has habits that I do not wish to explain to your parents.” Severus gave Moony a dark look.
Jamie stared at him uncomprehendingly. “Wha’?” he asked, as he righted his clothing.
“Pardon, not what,” Severus corrected him, casting a quick Scourgify before taking the small boy's hand. “Come, we shall look for Potions ingredients whilst Moony rolls in decomposing things.”
“Can we has hot chotlate?” Jamie asked hopefully.
“Once we are home and have put away whatever we gather, yes. And then you shall go back to bed,” Severus told him sternly.
Jamie eyed him suspiciously. “You promise?”
Severus struggled not to roll his eyes. “Yes, I promise.”
By the time they returned home, Severus was carrying a sleeping Jamie, and Moony, covered in something Severus would rather not think about, carried in his mouth a small basket of herbs and assorted flowers. Few were of any actual use to Severus, but Jamie had liked them, and every time Severus tried to tell him no, Moony had softly growled at him. Angering a werewolf wasn’t at the top of Severus’ to-do list, even if it was his husband and he could make it up to him later.
~~~~
Laying Jamie down onto their bed, Severus turned to Moony, who was digging at the rug in front of the fire to make himself a nice cosy nest. “You, you foul smelling beast - in the bathroom. Now.”
Moony growled at him and flopped onto the rug.
“Absolutely not!” Severus snarled as loudly as he dare, worried about waking the sleeping child. “You are not to lie on that rug covered in piss and whatever dead creature you rolled in!“
Moony growled some more, lips pulled back, showing Severus his teeth.
“Do-not-make-me-levitate-you,” Severus hissed.
Moony slunk into the bathroom, ears flattened and tail between his legs.
~~~~
By the time Moony was once again settled in front of the bedroom fire, now beautifully clean and lemony fresh smelling, and Severus had settled into his favourite chair with his latest potions reading, the small body on the bed began to wriggle and stretch.
Severus glared at Moony, who’d lifted his head to look and given a soft welcoming chuff, and shushed him. “Don’t wake him,” he whispered.
They both waited silently, Severus praying to whatever deities he thought might help to keep the child sleeping.
“Can we has hot chotlate now?”
Severus reminded himself that he was doing this for Remus, and did his best not to sound peevish. “No, it’s bedtime. You should be asleep.”
“But you did promise! You did say thats we’s to put away our herbs an’ then have chotlate!” Jamie insisted.
Moony snickered softly in agreement.
Sighing, Severus stood. “Come along then. Hot chocolate resides in the kitchen.” He glanced at Moony, who’d now stretched out fully in front of the fire. “Are you coming, Furball?”
Moony snorted and closed his eyes.
“I fink that means no, Unca Sev’us,” Jamie giggled.
“At least someone is going to be sleeping tonight,” Severus muttered as he led the small boy from the room.
~~~~
When Remus awoke after his change he climbed to his feet and shook himself, before checking the bed to see if either Jamie or Severus were there. Finding neither, he dressed himself in the comfy cotton sweatpants and sweater that Severus had previously laid out for him, briefly sending a prayer of thanks to the Patron Saint of Potions Masters for making Severus brilliant enough to be able to adapt the Wolfsbane so that the transformation was much less painful. Then he went in search of the pair.
They weren’t in the kitchen, although from the lingering sweetness in the air he could tell they’d had their hot chocolate. Nor were they in the sitting room. Severus’ library was similarly empty, and he’d checked the bathroom on his way downstairs. Puzzled, Remus realised there was only one place they could be - Severus’ laboratory. Opening the door, he quietly descended the basement stairs, apprehensive about what he might find. What he saw had him trying not to laugh too loudly.
Severus was stretched out on the old saggy sofa he kept for the nights he needed to stay close to a complicated potion. He wore his black teaching robes and a large wide brimmed black pointed witch’s hat. On the end of his nose was a sizeable wart. Stretched out on top of him was Jamie, a miniature version of Severus' black robe hiked up around his knees, revealing his Snitch covered pyjamas, and his feet were encased in what looked like fluffy green dragons. Wedged firmly on his head was a black pointed hat with a tassel. As he crept closer, Remus could see that Jamie, too, had a rather pronounced wart on the end of his nose.
Remus stepped over to Severus' work table to check the cauldron. Perhaps there’d been a mishap with a Potion? Examining it closely, he was sure that whatever it was they’d brewed was harmless. In fact it looked more like dishwater with bits of roots and leaf floating on the top, and certainly not up to Severus usual exacting standards.
He stepped back and took a good look around the room. Pulled up to the table was a high stool. Lying next to the cauldron were two stirring rods. There were several highly decorative potions bottles standing open, but as Remus knew, having listened to Severus complain about receiving them at Christmas, they were useless for storing ingredients. He was confused by the fact that there were two quite fancy and rarely used goblets, standing in the sink. Sniffing them, Remus wondered if they’d actually sampled whatever it was they’d brewed. Maybe that was why they were sporting the warts.
It was when he saw the labels on the jars that Remus realised what they’d been up to. Holding back his laughter, he headed back upstairs to make a start on breakfast.
~~~~
It was as Remus set the coffee on the table that Severus emerged.
“Jamie still asleep?” he asked.
Reaching for the coffee as he sat down, Severus yawned. “No, I drowned him in my largest cauldron.”
“Which is what Harry is going to do to you when he sees that wart. Ginny was furious that it took three days to disappear last time,” Remus grinned. “Honestly, Severus, I would have thought you’d know better. I swear you just do it to wind up Harry.”
Smirking as he took a good long gulp of coffee, Severus sat back in his chair. “I’m merely keeping Potter junior entertained. Is it my fault the boy wants to play Macbeth?”
“And who was it who told him about the three witches brewing in the first place? Ginny read me the riot act after she found him emptying the contents of her food cupboards into his play cauldron, and dancing around it singing ‘Hubble Bubble, Toil and Trouble’.” Remus glared at him. “It’s always me that gets the telling off, Severus.”
Severus tried unsuccessfully to hide a grin. “Never fear, my cowardly wolf. Ginny won’t be telling you off about him singing that anymore.”
“Why?” Remus asked suspiciously.
“I taught him a new song.”
“Severus!”
Severus was saved from Remus' wrath by the sound of the sitting room Floo activating, and a few moments later Harry appearing in the doorway. He was grinning from ear to ear. “Hi. Thanks ever so for looking after Jamie for us. It was a real life saver, even if you weren’t Ginny’s first choice. Not after last time! “
“And?” prompted Remus.
“Another boy. Nine pounds, two ounces, red hair and big lungs. Ginny and he are home now. Molly’s looking after them, so I thought I’d best come fetch Jamie,” Harry told them, every inch the proud father.
“Congratulations!” Remus jumped up to hug him. “What are you calling him?”
“No idea yet - we’re still arguing that one. We expected a girl,” Harry grinned.
Letting go of Harry, Remus gave Severus a gentle shove. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Severus gave a huge sigh, just to let them both know how hard done by he was, before he spoke. “Congratulations, Potter, in your attempt at repopulating the world single-handedly.”
“Severus!” Remus gave him a light smack to the back of the head.
Harry scowled at him. “We have two children, Snape. Just two. I’d hardly call that repopulating.”
“You married a Weasley, Potter. I don’t need to be Trelawney to see more children in your future,” Severus smirked, before scowling as Remus once again smacked him.
“Tea, Harry?” Remus offered, trying desperately to ignore Severus who was smirking again.
Harry shook his head. “No thanks, Remus. I’ll just grab Jamie and go, if that’s okay. Ginny’s desperate to see him.” He glared at Severus, eyeing his warty nose. “I don’t think she trusts you, Snape. Can’t think why.”
Severus sipped his coffee and tried for an air of innocence. “I have no idea, Potter. One can only assume it’s her Gryffindor prejudices showing.”
Remus jumped in quickly. “I’ll just fetch him, Harry. He’s still asleep, I believe.”
Harry waved him off. “Its okay, Remus, eat your breakfast. I can fetch him.” He turned to head upstairs. “In the spare room, I assume?”
“No,” Severus drawled. “My lab.”
Harry turned and glared at him. “Your lab? What’s he doing down there?”
“I used him as Potions ingredient, Potter, after drowning him in my cauldron. Damned brat just would not go to sleep.”
“Severus!” Remus almost squeaked. “Of course he didn’t, Harry. Ignore him; he’s just trying to get a rise out of you. His bag is upstairs, our room. You fetch that and I’ll go get him.” So saying, he practically ran to the basement door.
~~~~
When Harry returned with Jamie’s overnight bag, Remus had the boy sitting, eating a piece of toast. “I know what it looks like, Harry, but Severus assures me the wart will wear off sometime today. Look - Severus’ one is already shrinking!”
Harry took one look and shook his head. “If I were you, Snape, I’d go away till Ginny’s calmed down. Especially if you want to keep your balls.” He held his hand out to his son. “Come on, Jamie, let's go say hello to your new brother. Say goodbye to Uncle Remus.”
“An’ Unca Sev’us, Daddy,” the small boy told him.
“Uncle Severus too,” Harry sighed.
Remus accompanied them to the Floo, giving them both a hug before they left. “Don’t forget to tell Ginny well done for me. We’ll come visit in a day or two, when the warts gone.” He heard Harry’s laughter as they Flooed away.
Returning to the kitchen, Remus sat down and reached for his now cold coffee. “So are you going to tell me?”
Severus peered at him over the paper he was reading. “Tell you what?”
“What song this time?”
“I beg your pardon?” Severus queried.
“What dreadful song have you taught Jamie this time? I need to be prepared for when Ginny screams at me.”
“Ah.“ Severus carefully folded the paper before putting it down. “It’s not actually a song, but I thought the words might...,“ he paused to consider for a moment, “...might liven things up a bit.”
Remus groaned. “Please tell me it’s not a rude song?”
Severus snorted. “Of course not! What do you take me for? As if I’d teach a small child a rude song!”
“So?” Remus prompted.
“Oh, very well. You do realise you really are a party pooper, don’t you, Lupin?”
“Severus,” Remus warned.
“I told him to whisper it whilst playing tea with Molly,” he smirked.
Remus groaned.
Severus made a show of clearing his throat. ”The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
“Molly will totally freak. You do know that, don’t you?” Remus let his head hit the table. “Remind me again why I married you?”
Severus just smirked at him.
Fin.
Having made the assumption that 'everyone' knows this quote, I found that my beta didn't. So let's just assume that Molly does, and that it's not a Muggle thing.
And just because i can..the whole scene from the movie..
Hawkins: I've got it! I've got it! The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?
Griselda: Right. But there's been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace!
Hawkins: They *broke* the chalice from the palace?
Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon.
Hawkins: A flagon...?
Griselda: With the figure of a dragon.
Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon.
Griselda: Right.
Hawkins: But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?
Griselda: No! The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!
Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
Griselda: Just remember that.
Author:Geek6
Requestor:scribbulus_ink
Claim: Remus/Severus - Adventures in babysitting Harry and Ginny's (or Ron and Hermione's) firstborn
Rating: G - if that.
Summary: Remus agrees to be backup emergency babysitter. When he's needed, it's a full moon.
Warnings: Extreme Fluff. Because of the movie quote, I'd best say tis AU too.
Notes: Title and Severus’ quote stolen from the film The Court Jester, with much respect and admiration for Danny Kaye. Word count approx 3,400.
Severus glared at the face in the fire. “Potter! I can’t believe you didn’t make proper arrangements. This is absurd. For Merlin's sake, it’s a full moon!”
“Of course we made arrangements!” Harry spat back. “But it’s all happening too soon and no one else is available. This is an emergency, Snape. Let me speak to Remus!”
“He’s not here. You can’t speak to him; you have to deal with me.” Severus smirked at him.
The figure in the fire sighed, a hand rubbing over his face, visibly calming himself before he spoke again. “Look, Severus, I know it’s an imposition. I know its full moon. But please, Remus promised you’d be our standby if we needed you. Both you and I know Remus is perfectly safe because of the Wolfsbane, so that isn’t an issue. Remus himself told me that you generally spend full moon nights walking Moony, and then a good book by the fire. You can still do that with Jamie. He’ll be no trouble, and I’ll pick him up as soon as possible. I promise.”
Severus scowled. “I’m only agreeing because I know Remus did offer. I don’t like it, and if anything happens it’s your own fault.”
Harry groaned with relief. “Thanks, Severus. I knew you wouldn’t let us down. Stand back, and I’ll bring him through.”
Severus got up from the fire and braced himself, ready to catch them. No matter how often Harry did it, he still hadn’t mastered the art of emerging from a Floo standing up. Seconds later Severus found himself with an armful of Potters.
Harry grinned as he stepped away. “Ginny’s packed a bag for him. He’s not in nappies any more, but there are a couple in there for bedtime. There’re also some books and toys, a couple of changes of clothes, and two sets of pyjamas.” He thrust a small black haired boy into Severus’ arms, dropped a bag onto the floor, and turned back to the Floo, before calling over his shoulder as he whirled away, “Oh, and Arnold! He can’t sleep without Arnold!”
Severus stared at the boy in his arms, who stared back at him, a carbon copy of his father. “Arnold?” he asked.
The child giggled. “No, I’s Jamie. Arnol’ is my Haloot.”
“Haloot?” Severus queried, frantically trying to remember his Care of Magical Creatures lessons.
Jamie nodded. “Unca Sev’us, I needs a wee.”
Severus almost dropped him. “You do?“ He put the child down quickly. “Come on then, the bathroom’s this way.” Leading the way, Severus was struck with a horrifying thought. “Do you need help with your toileting?” he asked, even as he mentally cursed Lupin for not being there to deal with this sort of thing.
“Just wiv my button. I’m nearly a big boy!” was the indignant answer.
“Of course you are,” Severus scowled as he opened the door. “Don’t forget to wash your hands.”
~~~~
By the time moonrise came, Severus had discovered that Arnold was neither a previously undiscovered magical nor Muggle creature, but was in fact a small, tattered, rather grubby looking grey towelling elephant. He had also discovered that the purpose of those strange Muggle ‘Turkey Twizzlers’ lurking in the back of the Lupin -Snape household’s freezer was to feed small boys; small boys who seemed unable to simply eat their food, but also seemed to need to wear it, and decorate both the table top and the floor with it. He found that little green eyed, black haired boys, who look exactly like their fathers and grandfathers, are just as obsessed with riding broomsticks, even if those broomsticks are children’s training brooms. He also discovered that said embryonic Quidditch stars can have spectacular temper tantrums, involving much floor rolling, arm waving, and leg kicking, when told it’s time for their bath. His most surprising discovery of all was that despite being ‘nearly a big boy’, Potter juniors still needed a bedtime story.
Of course he discovered all of this whilst sitting reading the latest potions journal, and pointedly ignoring his husband as Remus chased around the house frantically trying to keep up with the seemingly endlessly energetic whirlwind that Potter had fathered.
He also discovered, much to his delight (not shown of course - it never helped to give his husband too much encouragement to be sappy), that tired and worn out from chasing after small children all day, and with their transformation almost upon them, husbands often require a good cuddle and a bit of a snog before retiring to turn into slavering beasts for the night.
Though how anyone could refer to Moony as a slavering beast was beyond him. These days Moony was far more like an old throw rug. He liked a good walk first thing, then home to lick himself (in a disgusting display of lewdness that Severus was quite sure was completely unnecessary), before snoozing in front of the fire dreaming of rabbits, complete with leg twitches and sleepily soft grumbling growls, while Severus spent the night brewing those Potions that could only be brewed under a full moon.
~~~~
It was as Moony emerged from their bedroom, which Severus had taken care to use a Silencing charm on, and headed towards the back door, that it occurred to Severus that tonight there would be no walk for Moony. No matter how almost everyone but Remus and Minerva thought him to be a cold, heartless bastard, he found he couldn’t possibly entertain the thought of leaving a small child alone in the house.
The problem solved itself as Moony barked repeatedly at Severus to open the door.
“Will you be quiet? You’ll wake the boy! I am not taking you for a walk. I’ll open the door and you can use the garden, but that’s it. Don’t give me that look! It’s your own fault - you told Potter we’d look after his brat, so you have no one to blame but yourself!”
“Oooh, you’s got a doggie!” an excited voice sounded from the kitchen door.
Severus looked up. “You should be in bed young man. Go on, off you go!”
“But the doggie did wake me up. He barked too loud, an’ I’s not sleepy no more,” Jamie smiled at him. “He’s a big doggie. Can I ride him?”
Severus smirked evilly at Moony, ignoring the baleful glare he got in return. “Of course you can. Would you like a ride around the kitchen?”
“Yes, pease!” The small boy charged into the room excitedly and Severus lifted him up onto the werewolf's back. “Hold on tight now - don’t let go.”
“Giddy up, doggie!” Jamie yelled, his feet kicking into Moony’s ribs.
“Yes, Moony, giddy up!” Severus couldn’t help snickering.
The werewolf stood and stared pointedly at the door into the garden.
“He wan’s to go in the garden, Unca Sev’us.”
Severus stared at the werewolf and child thoughtfully for a moment, before an amused grin appeared on his face. “I’ve had rather a good idea. Why don’t we take Moony for a walk, hmm?”
Both Moony and Jamie looked keen.
“Best get you dressed more warmly,” Severus told the boy. A swish and flick later, and Jamie was bundled up in warm clothing, complete with hat, gloves and Slytherin scarf. Grabbing his own warm cloak, Severus opened the door and let Moony out.
~~~~
Severus had to run to catch them up. Moony was evidently eager to be outside, and Severus could see the small figure of Jamie clinging tightly to him. He didn’t actually need to see him to be able to follow them; he was pretty sure the all the inhabitants of the forest, and most likely the village too, and possibly even those as far away as Hogwarts itself, could hear the excited three year old's squeals of delight. It was when the squeals turned to giggles that Severus finally caught up with them. He followed them into a small clearing to see both Jamie and Moony peeing against the same tree. The boy turned and grinned at him, causing his aim to falter and Moony to be on the receiving end of most of it.
“Look, Unca Sev’us! I’s doin’ a wee like Moony! Is you goin’ a do one too?”
“Certainly not. And you are not to copy any more of Moony’s behaviours. He has habits that I do not wish to explain to your parents.” Severus gave Moony a dark look.
Jamie stared at him uncomprehendingly. “Wha’?” he asked, as he righted his clothing.
“Pardon, not what,” Severus corrected him, casting a quick Scourgify before taking the small boy's hand. “Come, we shall look for Potions ingredients whilst Moony rolls in decomposing things.”
“Can we has hot chotlate?” Jamie asked hopefully.
“Once we are home and have put away whatever we gather, yes. And then you shall go back to bed,” Severus told him sternly.
Jamie eyed him suspiciously. “You promise?”
Severus struggled not to roll his eyes. “Yes, I promise.”
By the time they returned home, Severus was carrying a sleeping Jamie, and Moony, covered in something Severus would rather not think about, carried in his mouth a small basket of herbs and assorted flowers. Few were of any actual use to Severus, but Jamie had liked them, and every time Severus tried to tell him no, Moony had softly growled at him. Angering a werewolf wasn’t at the top of Severus’ to-do list, even if it was his husband and he could make it up to him later.
~~~~
Laying Jamie down onto their bed, Severus turned to Moony, who was digging at the rug in front of the fire to make himself a nice cosy nest. “You, you foul smelling beast - in the bathroom. Now.”
Moony growled at him and flopped onto the rug.
“Absolutely not!” Severus snarled as loudly as he dare, worried about waking the sleeping child. “You are not to lie on that rug covered in piss and whatever dead creature you rolled in!“
Moony growled some more, lips pulled back, showing Severus his teeth.
“Do-not-make-me-levitate-you,” Severus hissed.
Moony slunk into the bathroom, ears flattened and tail between his legs.
~~~~
By the time Moony was once again settled in front of the bedroom fire, now beautifully clean and lemony fresh smelling, and Severus had settled into his favourite chair with his latest potions reading, the small body on the bed began to wriggle and stretch.
Severus glared at Moony, who’d lifted his head to look and given a soft welcoming chuff, and shushed him. “Don’t wake him,” he whispered.
They both waited silently, Severus praying to whatever deities he thought might help to keep the child sleeping.
“Can we has hot chotlate now?”
Severus reminded himself that he was doing this for Remus, and did his best not to sound peevish. “No, it’s bedtime. You should be asleep.”
“But you did promise! You did say thats we’s to put away our herbs an’ then have chotlate!” Jamie insisted.
Moony snickered softly in agreement.
Sighing, Severus stood. “Come along then. Hot chocolate resides in the kitchen.” He glanced at Moony, who’d now stretched out fully in front of the fire. “Are you coming, Furball?”
Moony snorted and closed his eyes.
“I fink that means no, Unca Sev’us,” Jamie giggled.
“At least someone is going to be sleeping tonight,” Severus muttered as he led the small boy from the room.
~~~~
When Remus awoke after his change he climbed to his feet and shook himself, before checking the bed to see if either Jamie or Severus were there. Finding neither, he dressed himself in the comfy cotton sweatpants and sweater that Severus had previously laid out for him, briefly sending a prayer of thanks to the Patron Saint of Potions Masters for making Severus brilliant enough to be able to adapt the Wolfsbane so that the transformation was much less painful. Then he went in search of the pair.
They weren’t in the kitchen, although from the lingering sweetness in the air he could tell they’d had their hot chocolate. Nor were they in the sitting room. Severus’ library was similarly empty, and he’d checked the bathroom on his way downstairs. Puzzled, Remus realised there was only one place they could be - Severus’ laboratory. Opening the door, he quietly descended the basement stairs, apprehensive about what he might find. What he saw had him trying not to laugh too loudly.
Severus was stretched out on the old saggy sofa he kept for the nights he needed to stay close to a complicated potion. He wore his black teaching robes and a large wide brimmed black pointed witch’s hat. On the end of his nose was a sizeable wart. Stretched out on top of him was Jamie, a miniature version of Severus' black robe hiked up around his knees, revealing his Snitch covered pyjamas, and his feet were encased in what looked like fluffy green dragons. Wedged firmly on his head was a black pointed hat with a tassel. As he crept closer, Remus could see that Jamie, too, had a rather pronounced wart on the end of his nose.
Remus stepped over to Severus' work table to check the cauldron. Perhaps there’d been a mishap with a Potion? Examining it closely, he was sure that whatever it was they’d brewed was harmless. In fact it looked more like dishwater with bits of roots and leaf floating on the top, and certainly not up to Severus usual exacting standards.
He stepped back and took a good look around the room. Pulled up to the table was a high stool. Lying next to the cauldron were two stirring rods. There were several highly decorative potions bottles standing open, but as Remus knew, having listened to Severus complain about receiving them at Christmas, they were useless for storing ingredients. He was confused by the fact that there were two quite fancy and rarely used goblets, standing in the sink. Sniffing them, Remus wondered if they’d actually sampled whatever it was they’d brewed. Maybe that was why they were sporting the warts.
It was when he saw the labels on the jars that Remus realised what they’d been up to. Holding back his laughter, he headed back upstairs to make a start on breakfast.
~~~~
It was as Remus set the coffee on the table that Severus emerged.
“Jamie still asleep?” he asked.
Reaching for the coffee as he sat down, Severus yawned. “No, I drowned him in my largest cauldron.”
“Which is what Harry is going to do to you when he sees that wart. Ginny was furious that it took three days to disappear last time,” Remus grinned. “Honestly, Severus, I would have thought you’d know better. I swear you just do it to wind up Harry.”
Smirking as he took a good long gulp of coffee, Severus sat back in his chair. “I’m merely keeping Potter junior entertained. Is it my fault the boy wants to play Macbeth?”
“And who was it who told him about the three witches brewing in the first place? Ginny read me the riot act after she found him emptying the contents of her food cupboards into his play cauldron, and dancing around it singing ‘Hubble Bubble, Toil and Trouble’.” Remus glared at him. “It’s always me that gets the telling off, Severus.”
Severus tried unsuccessfully to hide a grin. “Never fear, my cowardly wolf. Ginny won’t be telling you off about him singing that anymore.”
“Why?” Remus asked suspiciously.
“I taught him a new song.”
“Severus!”
Severus was saved from Remus' wrath by the sound of the sitting room Floo activating, and a few moments later Harry appearing in the doorway. He was grinning from ear to ear. “Hi. Thanks ever so for looking after Jamie for us. It was a real life saver, even if you weren’t Ginny’s first choice. Not after last time! “
“And?” prompted Remus.
“Another boy. Nine pounds, two ounces, red hair and big lungs. Ginny and he are home now. Molly’s looking after them, so I thought I’d best come fetch Jamie,” Harry told them, every inch the proud father.
“Congratulations!” Remus jumped up to hug him. “What are you calling him?”
“No idea yet - we’re still arguing that one. We expected a girl,” Harry grinned.
Letting go of Harry, Remus gave Severus a gentle shove. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”
Severus gave a huge sigh, just to let them both know how hard done by he was, before he spoke. “Congratulations, Potter, in your attempt at repopulating the world single-handedly.”
“Severus!” Remus gave him a light smack to the back of the head.
Harry scowled at him. “We have two children, Snape. Just two. I’d hardly call that repopulating.”
“You married a Weasley, Potter. I don’t need to be Trelawney to see more children in your future,” Severus smirked, before scowling as Remus once again smacked him.
“Tea, Harry?” Remus offered, trying desperately to ignore Severus who was smirking again.
Harry shook his head. “No thanks, Remus. I’ll just grab Jamie and go, if that’s okay. Ginny’s desperate to see him.” He glared at Severus, eyeing his warty nose. “I don’t think she trusts you, Snape. Can’t think why.”
Severus sipped his coffee and tried for an air of innocence. “I have no idea, Potter. One can only assume it’s her Gryffindor prejudices showing.”
Remus jumped in quickly. “I’ll just fetch him, Harry. He’s still asleep, I believe.”
Harry waved him off. “Its okay, Remus, eat your breakfast. I can fetch him.” He turned to head upstairs. “In the spare room, I assume?”
“No,” Severus drawled. “My lab.”
Harry turned and glared at him. “Your lab? What’s he doing down there?”
“I used him as Potions ingredient, Potter, after drowning him in my cauldron. Damned brat just would not go to sleep.”
“Severus!” Remus almost squeaked. “Of course he didn’t, Harry. Ignore him; he’s just trying to get a rise out of you. His bag is upstairs, our room. You fetch that and I’ll go get him.” So saying, he practically ran to the basement door.
~~~~
When Harry returned with Jamie’s overnight bag, Remus had the boy sitting, eating a piece of toast. “I know what it looks like, Harry, but Severus assures me the wart will wear off sometime today. Look - Severus’ one is already shrinking!”
Harry took one look and shook his head. “If I were you, Snape, I’d go away till Ginny’s calmed down. Especially if you want to keep your balls.” He held his hand out to his son. “Come on, Jamie, let's go say hello to your new brother. Say goodbye to Uncle Remus.”
“An’ Unca Sev’us, Daddy,” the small boy told him.
“Uncle Severus too,” Harry sighed.
Remus accompanied them to the Floo, giving them both a hug before they left. “Don’t forget to tell Ginny well done for me. We’ll come visit in a day or two, when the warts gone.” He heard Harry’s laughter as they Flooed away.
Returning to the kitchen, Remus sat down and reached for his now cold coffee. “So are you going to tell me?”
Severus peered at him over the paper he was reading. “Tell you what?”
“What song this time?”
“I beg your pardon?” Severus queried.
“What dreadful song have you taught Jamie this time? I need to be prepared for when Ginny screams at me.”
“Ah.“ Severus carefully folded the paper before putting it down. “It’s not actually a song, but I thought the words might...,“ he paused to consider for a moment, “...might liven things up a bit.”
Remus groaned. “Please tell me it’s not a rude song?”
Severus snorted. “Of course not! What do you take me for? As if I’d teach a small child a rude song!”
“So?” Remus prompted.
“Oh, very well. You do realise you really are a party pooper, don’t you, Lupin?”
“Severus,” Remus warned.
“I told him to whisper it whilst playing tea with Molly,” he smirked.
Remus groaned.
Severus made a show of clearing his throat. ”The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
“Molly will totally freak. You do know that, don’t you?” Remus let his head hit the table. “Remind me again why I married you?”
Severus just smirked at him.
Fin.
Having made the assumption that 'everyone' knows this quote, I found that my beta didn't. So let's just assume that Molly does, and that it's not a Muggle thing.
And just because i can..the whole scene from the movie..
Hawkins: I've got it! I've got it! The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?
Griselda: Right. But there's been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace!
Hawkins: They *broke* the chalice from the palace?
Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon.
Hawkins: A flagon...?
Griselda: With the figure of a dragon.
Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon.
Griselda: Right.
Hawkins: But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?
Griselda: No! The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!
Hawkins: The pellet with the poison's in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
Griselda: Just remember that.