"Grow Up And Away" (Albus Severus, Scorpius)
Author: vanessawolfie
Prompt/Prompt Author: Is it really friendship if one always gives and the other always takes? Albus Severus knows that Scorpius is his best friend, but he often wonders if Scorpius feels the same way. Being a bullied and generally isolated teenager, he's beginning to think it's not worth carrying on. With anything. Submitted by bgd_thrifty.
Title: Grow up and away
Characters: Albus Severus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy.
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: ~ 5000
Summary: Both Albus and Scorpius are discovering a new part of their lives; in the meantime, they forget their best friend.
Author's Notes: This has changed so much since I first saw the prompt, but I hope this is good. I also plan to write another, darker story with the same general prompt/idea some day. I have no idea when, but I think it must happen.
“Score, are you coming? If we don’t hurry, there won’t be an empty compartment for us on the train,” Albus called out to his best friend. Scorpius was saying goodbye to his parents and Albus was getting restless.
“Wait a minute, Al. Dad wanted to tell me something before I leave. I’ll be there in two,” Scorpius answered, not looking over at him.
Albus lowered his eyes and waited. Not a minute later, Scorpius was entering the train with him, holding his trunk and a box that his father had handed to him right before he joined Albus.
“What’s that?” Albus asked, curious. It was unusual for Scorpius to take this long saying goodbye to his parents and even stranger for Mr. Malfoy to give him something now, instead of when Score was packing.
“It’s nothing, it’s just something Dad gave me.”
“Yeah, I got that much,” Albus said, sarcastic, but when Score only continued walking through the mass of people, trying to find an empty compartment, he frowned. “You’re really not going to tell me?”
“No Al, it’s none of your business, frankly,” Scorpius answered, moving even faster as people started to settle down.
Albus was taken aback by Score’s harsh reply; it wasn’t common for them to keep things from each other. Even so, Albus knew when to back off. Besides, Scorpius had a point; he had no right to pry.
When they’d checked all the compartments and found that each one was occupied, they started looking for a compartment with someone they knew. Albus felt his disappointment sink in, making his shoulders drop and his posture slump. He always looked forward to the train ride all summer, because even if he and Scorpius met over the summer holiday they always used the train ride to catch up and plan something for the coming school year. Now they’d have to sit with someone else and Albus didn’t really like talking around other people. He was shy and while he enjoyed Scorpius’s company, not many shared that honour.
“Al, let’s sit here. A couple of my friends from Slytherin are here; Lisa, Patricia, Jack and Morgan. It’ll be a bit tight but we can squeeze, can’t we?”
The people inside nodded but Albus could see them eyeing him strangely. They probably didn’t understand what Score was doing with a quiet, weird Gryffindor like himself. It wouldn’t surprise Albus, he couldn’t understand it either. Sometimes he was sure it was all just a really elaborate dream he was dreaming. It seemed more likely than the alternative.
The two of them sat down, Albus in the corner next to the door and Scorpius next to him, which made it impossible for them to talk properly; Albus always felt strange talking to a person without seeing them. As the train started to move, Scorpius started greeting all his friends, but no one really took the time to introduce themselves to Albus.
***
When the train finally slowed to a stop, Albus was shaken out of his stupor. He’d stopped paying attention to the other kids, after it was clear he’d never get a word in.
Scorpius stood up first, turning to Albus. He looked kind of surprised when he saw him.
“You’ve been quiet. I almost forgot you were there.”
Yeah, I noticed, Albus thought, managing to sound bitter in his own mind. He nodded to Scorpius, not wanting to go into this in front of the other Slytherins. He was hurt and that was one of the few things that could get him upset enough to start a fight.
“Are you going to ride in a carriage with them?” Albus asked, hoping Scorpius would just go alone with him, so they could talk properly.
“Yeah, we were just talking about that, didn’t you hear? You can get so distracted, Al,” Scorpius joked, hopping off the train.
Albus shoved down the bitter remark that he only zoned out because he wasn’t involved in the conversation. Scorpius himself hadn’t even noticed until they stopped. Albus couldn’t imagine riding with Scorpius in the carriage if it was just going to be like that.
“I think I’ll just find Rose and sit with her on the way to the castle. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he lied. He started looking around like he was trying to spot his cousin so Scorpius would just go away. It worked; Scorpius only sent his greetings to Rose and said goodbye to Albus.
When Scorpius was out of sight, Albus let down his walls. It took a lot out of him to hold them up, especially around Scorpius, because he was so used to sharing everything with him. The disappointment from the train ride and the energy put into his walls and restraint had drained him and all he wanted to do was go up to the dorms and sleep. He knew he had to attend the feast first, but for the first time since he started Hogwarts, Albus had no longing to do so at all.
***
Albus was alone in his dorm room a couple of hours later. He’d sat through the feast, barely eating at all and hurrying up to Gryffindor as soon as he got the password. Instead of spending most of the evening in the common room like the other kids, he went straight to his bed. He was lying under his comforter, ready to fall asleep, when he realised it was so early he wasn’t even that tired.
That’s convenient, he thought, so sarcastic Score would’ve laughed his arse of if he’d have heard him.
Scorpius. This hadn’t been the best beginning to a school year Albus could imagine. They’d always ridden together on the train; alone and comfortable. Albus could still remember his first ride with the Hogwarts train. He’d been so scared of ending up in Slytherin, he’d stormed out of the compartment he’d been sharing with Rose, James and Louis. They’d been teasing him about it and soon enough, Albus couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m leaving, I don’t want to listen to this anymore.”
James and Rose called after him, but they all knew when Albus did something, he stood by it.
He started looking for an empty compartment, not really confident enough to just sit with some random people. It wasn’t until he knocked on Scorpius’s compartment that he finally just decided to do it.
“Hi, I’m Albus Potter. I left my compartment, can I sit with you?” He was so nervous; he all but stuttered his way through the words. Scorpius only beamed at him and nodded, and for the first time, Albus started to like a person without even knowing them. He knew the boy’s name, Uncle Ron had mentioned him on the platform; Scorpius Malfoy. Uncle Ron didn’t like his father, but that said nothing about the boy himself. Albus sure as hell wasn’t Harry Potter.
“I’m Scorpius Malfoy.”
And thus began a friendship unlike anything Albus had ever experienced. He’d always been a shy kid; which was hard in the Weasley family. Everybody expected him to be just as outgoing and forward as the rest of them, but Albus was far from it.
He and Scorpius had gotten to know each other on the train; discussed what houses they wanted to be in and found a common ground in their secret aspiration to be like their dads. One of Albus’s main reasons for wanting to be in Gryffindor was that he wanted to be in the same house as his dad and Scorpius could understand that. Albus had shared his dad’s whispered words with Scorpius, giving them both the reassurance that they would not be put into houses they really didn’t want to be in. With that thought, they’d been able to sit in front of the whole student body of Hogwarts and let the hat go on about which house they should be in. They hadn’t been upset to find that they were in different houses, because they’d known what they wanted before it was chosen for them.
***
The next morning, Albus woke up well before he needed to because he went to sleep so early. He got up quietly as he didn’t want to wake up his roommates at such an early hour. When he got downstairs to the common room, there was still an hour left until people would start coming down to breakfast.
It was so different from his first day that first year at Hogwarts. That time he’d stayed up late; too excited about the new environment and his new friend to fall asleep until three in the morning. He’d woken up to the hustle of his roommates getting ready for their first school day and rushed to dress. Down in the Great Hall, he’d spotted Scorpius over at the Slytherin table and when the other boy looked up and saw Albus, he’d waved and smiled, leaving Albus with a happy feeling all day.
Today, he doubted he would feel that happy. It seemed that Scorpius had grown out of their friendship. Grown up and away from Albus.
Feeling restless, Albus went to the library to wait for breakfast to begin. Reading always helped him relax and disappear from the world a little; a great way to escape whatever was bringing him down.
He’d never thought he’d need to escape Scorpius, but then again, there was a first time for everything.
***
Albus was startled into awareness an hour later, when a pack of students rushed inside the library. He was reading an interesting book about Salazar Slytherin and he’d been completely drawn to it until the ruckus interrupted him. When he looked at the time, he swore quietly. He had half an hour until he had to be in Transfiguration. As he ran down to the Great Hall, he had no time to wonder if Scorpius would be there. He sat down quickly, scooping some food onto his plate without ever looking over at the Slytherin table. It wasn’t until his plate was half empty that he let himself think about Scorpius. When he looked up, his eyes immediately found Scorpius, who had that same bright smile just like first year, except now it wasn’t directed at Albus. Scorpius was talking to some brunette girl, that Patricia girl from the train. Albus remembered now that she’d been there in the background of Scorpius's life for a while now, probably one of his close friends from Slytherin. Maybe she thought of him as her best friend. Maybe Scorpius thought of her as his. The thought made Albus lose his appetite. He stood up quietly, casting one last glance at Scorpius, but the other boy was shaking with laughter, seemingly from something Patricia had said. Albus exited the Great Hall feeling like someone had paved his insides with rocks.
***
“There you are. Where have you been hiding Al? I haven’t seen you since the train ride,” Score whispered as he dragged a chair closer to Albus.
“I haven’t been hiding,” Albus said, the response sounding weak to his own ears. He’d spent all day in classes or here at the library, trying not to think about what the rest of the school year would be like if this was the start.
“Yeah, well, you haven’t exactly been around, either. Then again, that sounds like you, doesn’t it?” Scorpius said, his tone joking, even if his words could be interpreted as mean. Albus felt the tension that had been building up since the train ride seep away. This, this playful mocking chatting was normal for them. They didn’t need to be careful about each other's feelings, they knew what to take seriously and what not.
“You knew where to find me if you needed me,” Albus said. He was glad he didn’t sound bitter, he just wanted to forgive and forget this horrible day.
“Mmm, true. How about we get out of here, Al? I bet you’ve been here all day, you need a change of scenery,” Scorpius said, poking Albus’s arm playfully. “Come outside with me. We could go flying?”
Albus took only a second to consider the offer. He’d love to go outside, he really had spent too much time in the library for one day.
***
Scorpius was on the Slytherin Quidditch team and had been ever since their second year. Shortly after they’d started Hogwarts, Scorpius had confided in Albus that he wanted to try out for the Seeker position. Ever since, they’d come out here at least once a week and practiced flying. They would start with just flying, getting used to the weather outside and just enjoy the quiet. After that, they would play around with a small glass ball, throwing it as far as they could and catching it before it fell to the ground. Sometimes they’d only toss it between each other, talking while they were at it. Albus could rant about his family, his siblings and cousins, without the fear of being heard. Scorpius could rant about Quidditch or the last “advice” his parents gave him. It was a place to be free, to let it all go and relax. It was no different today. They started off racing each other; Albus doing no worse than Scorpius at flying, because you weren’t a child of Harry and Ginny Potter without learning to fly well.
“So, how’s your first day been?” Scorpius asked.
“Quiet, I guess. James and Lily haven’t even been bothering me today.” Albus added the last trying to lighten the air, but failing.
“Do they really bother you that much, Al? I kind of envy you sometimes; having all these siblings and cousins. I mean, I only have my parents and my Mum’s sister,” Scorpius said, clearly backtracking his first sentence a bit after seeing Albus glare at him. “The few relatives of Dad’s that survived the war and aren’t being punished for it in some form, they won’t even talk to Dad, much less his scrawny little son.” Scorpius said, sending the ball flying extra hard as he finished.
“Well, they don’t know what they’re talking about,” Albus said, sounding just as sure as the last couple hundred times he’d said that. Scorpius often complained about his family’s views on the world after Voldemort; wanting, missing, these people he didn’t even know. Albus was also quite sure Scorpius wouldn’t even want to talk to them, considering their stand on Muggles. Sending the ball back, he nodded to Scorpius to continue.
“Yeah, I guess so, but it still sucks to have such a small family. You have an army of people to back you up should you ever need it, but I only have my parents. My parents, Al!” Scorpius said.
Albus cracked up, laughing at the desperate way Score said it, like his parents were completely useless. As he tried to maintain balance while shaking with laughter, he didn’t catch the ball when Score threw it.
“Albus! The ball!” Albus heard, before he felt a sudden wind right below his feet. Scorpius had gone after the ball and he caught it just before it hit the ground. When he reached Albus’s height again he played around with the ball as Albus recovered.
“You done laughing, you fool? Because if you’re not going to catch, I can just as well throw this somewhere else,” Scorpius said, clearly trying to sound annoyed, but it didn’t really work with the smirk he had on his lips.
“Yeah, like you wouldn’t get bored with that. I know you, Score, you need to be challenged once in awhile. Which brings me back to what we were talking about; your parents wouldn’t be useless in a fight, your dad is a great man, he’d be a great army,” Albus said, trying to clear the air.
***
That night, Albus went to sleep a lot calmer than the night before. He and Scorpius had flown for a good hour more and then gone inside to eat dinner. Albus felt the knot in his stomach deflate as the night went on, and by the time he went to sleep, he was more content than he’d been since the end of his third year, when he’d had this much time with Scorpius last. It was nice, and he fell asleep with a small smile on his lips.
***
Over the next two weeks, they fell back into their usual routine. They went to class, both together and apart and then they met up in the library to do some homework before going down to dinner. Albus pushed his worries about their friendship away, sure that it was just a bad couple of days and that there was nothing to worry about. What he didn’t know, was that it was the calm before the storm.
***
One day though, a few weeks into the school year, Albus waited at the library for an hour before he gave up. Score clearly wasn’t coming. He could feel the hard knot in his stomach return and he quickly put his stuff away. There was no way he could finish his homework feeling this annoyed and sad.
Half an hour later, he’d almost ripped a page out from the book he was reading and only read about five lines. His mind was busy thinking up a reason why Scorpius hadn’t showed up, each one more horrible. What if he was hurt, in the hospital wing feeling awful while Albus sat here in rage. Or maybe he’d fallen into the lake, and hit his head and was now living with the merpeople. Well, maybe that last one was a bit extreme. And maybe Score wasn’t hurt at all, maybe he’d just blown him off like he didn’t matter and not even bothered to let Albus know.
***
When it was time for dinner, Albus went to the Great Hall, deciding that if he didn’t see Score at dinner, then he’d be allowed to worry. On the way down to dinner, his feet felt heavier and he realised he was dragging out the inevitable, in fear that his suspicions were right and Scorpius would just be sitting there, talking to his friends, completely ignorant of the way he was making Albus feel. Which was stupid, because even if he was, Albus didn’t own him, he could talk to other people.
As he walked through the doors into the Great Hall, he was halfway to convincing himself that he had no reason to feel angry or upset, but then he looked up. There he sat, laughing with Patricia like he had no worry in the whole world. Albus felt like his stomach weighed about two tons as he continued staring. Scorpius seemed to feel Albus’s eyes on his head, because he looked up and directly at Albus.
As for Albus, he plucked up some of his Gryffindor courage and kept on looking right into his eyes, silently asking Scorpius why he hadn’t showed up earlier. Scorpius only smiled apologetically. Albus couldn’t help it, his mind instantly interpreted it as ‘well, you have no life, why shouldn’t I just leave you there alone? It’s not like you had anything else to do.’
Albus left the Great Hall without a bite of food. Suddenly, he wasn’t hungry anymore.
***
Albus went to bed feeling just as horrible as the first night of the school year. In the morning, he was sour and grumpy so he left for breakfast angry at Scorpius and the world. He ignored everyone for a while, going as far as cloaking himself with simple charms when his family or Scorpius passed. The worst thing was that his routine didn’t change much. He realised just how much time he spent alone normally, because the only thing different from the years before was that he didn’t spend any time with Scorpius. He’d started watching Scorpius more closely though, after most of his anger had ebbed away. It seemed clear that he had a crush on this Patricia girl. There were two things about that that bothered Albus. First of all, he couldn’t understand the appeal at all.
In fact, Albus didn’t really understand what the whole fuss was about girls. They were dramatic, obnoxious and annoying. But the thing that bothered him more, was that Scorpius hadn’t said one word about this girl to him. Like, if he really fancied her, he should want to tell his best friend all about it right?
Maybe he already had, and it just wasn’t him.
***
Albus was slowly realising he didn’t share his room-mates views on girls. He didn’t keep tabs on how big Mary Singer's boobs were getting, or spend hours at the library trying to figure out a way to get into the girls' dorms. Instead, he dreamt of hard edges, strong arms, and thin lips. Albus was slowly realising he was gay.
***
After over a week of managing to avoid everybody, he got a letter from his dad.
Dear Albus,
I know it’s not ‘cool’ or something to write home but I’m getting worried here. It’s not like you not to write a single letter home for this long. Also, your siblings mentioned that you’ve been kind of distant, they haven’t seen you in a couple of days. Send a word home, even if it’s just one, to let us know you’re alive and well.
With Love,
Dad.
Albus felt a pang of guilt course through his body. The last thing he wanted to do was worry his parents.
Dear Mum and Dad,
I’m sorry I haven’t been writing home. I’m alive and well, things have just been a bit hectic around here. If I’ve been silent towards you and James and Lily, that’s only because -
And that’s where he stopped. He tried adding something for half an hour, before giving up and throwing the letter away. Every excuse he had, he didn’t want his parents to know about.
Because I just realised I’m gay or because I’ve been at odds with my only friend here or I just forgot you’d care just wouldn’t go over really well with his parents. Instead, he wrote another one.
Dear Mum and Dad,
Word. Only kidding. Things are busy, that’s why I haven’t written, sorry.
Love,
Albus.
It was short, but to the point, and Albus hurried to send his owl away with it before he changed his mind. He wasn’t used to sending such short letters to his parents. In his first year, he wrote tons of long, detailed letters to his father. His mother got at least one a week as well and he made sure to send Lily one every couple of weeks as well, so she wouldn’t feel left out. He’d never even written a letter this short. Never, in his whole life.
Maybe he should just try and act like a normal teenager. They didn’t care about anyone but themselves. They wouldn’t have a guilty conscience over not communicating enough. Maybe Albus should just try that.
***
The next day, Albus was suddenly dragged into an empty room as he was walking in a deserted hallway. He was on his way to the library and took the long way there, to avoid running into people.
“Where the bloody hell have you been?” asked Scorpius. He seemed livid, but Albus also noticed a small line of sweat on his forehead, like he’d been running.
“What are you -” Albus started, before Scorpius interrupted him.
“I haven’t seen you for over a week, mate, and neither James nor Lily could tell me where you’ve been. If I hadn’t gotten it out of some Hufflepuff nerd that he’d seen you in the library, I’d have thought you’d died. You can’t just leave me hanging like this, can’t just shut the world out when it suits you, I thought we were friends,” Scorpius said, all in a rush. It still sounded half practiced, but Albus couldn’t really blame him for that, considering how long he’d been ‘missing’.
“That’s what I thought as well,” Albus answered. He could hear the bitterness in his own voice.
“What do you mean?” Scorpius said. It was clear he was confused; he’d probably expected a different kind of reaction, maybe guilt.
“I mean that you and I have always told each other anything, but now you’ve been keeping things from me. Things like Patricia,” Albus snapped, glaring straight at Scorpius.
“What’s she got to do with things?” Scorpius asked, but Albus could see the walls going up in his eyes.
Albus had had a week to think about how to confront Scorpius about this. It wouldn’t do any good trying to attack him in any way, that always dug Score’s temper up in the worst way. So instead, he sat down and began again quietly.
“I know it’s stupid, but I thought we were close enough you’d tell me about your crushes. I mean, even James told me when he had a crush on some girl for the first time,” Albus explained.
Scorpius looked a bit guilty now, although he still had those walls up. “So, you’ve been avoiding the whole world because I didn’t tell you about my crush on Patricia?”
“No! I’ve been dealing with some stuff in private. Also, it’s not like the school year has been all that exciting for me so far,” Albus said, knowing he was being incredibly vague.
“That’s not fair. You accuse me of being distant and tell me I’ve not been completely honest with you and then you go and say something as vague as that,” Scorpius said, a lot louder than before. Albus could see that he was still feeling more confused and hurt than angry.
“So you like Patricia, right?” Albus said quietly, completely switching tones. He could see that Scorpius knew he wasn’t just changing the subject. He was serious.
“Well, yes, I do. I mean, in the way you’re asking. I’m sorry if it bothered you that I didn’t tell you before, but it’s not like I’ve known for sure for all this time,” Scorpius said, now blushing. Albus could see his face light up as he thought about Patricia.
Albus only nodded, processing. “I need to tell you something. You say it’s not fair for me to keep things from you, then I won’t. You have to realise though, that you are the first person I'm telling this. Maybe the only for some time. While you started having an eye for the girls here, I didn’t.” Here Scorpius looked ready to interrupt Albus, but when Albus held up a hand, indicating that he needed to continue, Scorpius closed his mouth again. He even mimicked locking his lips and throwing away the key.
“I’m gay, Score,” Albus stated.
Scorpius just looked at him for a while. “And?” he finally said.
“Well, this is the moment in my planning that you’re supposed to run away screaming, or punch me or something. I don’t know,” Albus said, feeling a bit lame and guilty now that Scorpius seemed to be fine with the news. Looking over at him, he saw his friend frown, and his eyes looked sad and disappointing. “I hadn’t even considered you being okay with this. I mean, it’s not exactly common for boys to come out here in Hogwarts. People don’t bother when you’re grown up, but while in the dorms of Hogwarts, it seems you should not out yourself.”
“I know, but I thought we were best friends. I thought …” Scorpius started. He stopped mid sentence and his mouth turned into a smirk. “We’re a fine pair of idiots. You sit in one corner of the room and complain that I’m keeping things from you and I sit in the other and complain that you’re keeping things from me.”
“Yeah, how about we just agree we’re human fools who make mistakes and leave it at that?”
***
“I was surprised when Scorpius wanted to take me to Hogsmeade, because he said, ‘I want you to meet my best friend.’ I mean, he’s popular and all, but he hadn’t really struck me as the ‘best friend’ type,” Patricia said, as the three of them walked into the grounds of Hogwarts.
Albus saw Scorpius blush and look away. He’d never really bothered to investigate just how many good friends Scorpius had in his house. He’d just assumed he could easily get rid of Albus because he had so many other friends. Oh, they’d been a bit stupid, hadn’t they?
“Yeah, I’m just sorry we couldn’t get to know each other sooner. I can certainly say that this day has been one of the top five … top three of this school year's best days,” Albus said. He meant it. Patricia was really nice and Albus could see why they were together.
“We’ve been a bit stupid this year,” Scorpius said looking guilty and amused at the same time.
“Yeah, but we’re over that now, fortunately,” Albus replied and smiled.
The end.
Prompt/Prompt Author: Is it really friendship if one always gives and the other always takes? Albus Severus knows that Scorpius is his best friend, but he often wonders if Scorpius feels the same way. Being a bullied and generally isolated teenager, he's beginning to think it's not worth carrying on. With anything. Submitted by bgd_thrifty.
Title: Grow up and away
Characters: Albus Severus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy.
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: ~ 5000
Summary: Both Albus and Scorpius are discovering a new part of their lives; in the meantime, they forget their best friend.
Author's Notes: This has changed so much since I first saw the prompt, but I hope this is good. I also plan to write another, darker story with the same general prompt/idea some day. I have no idea when, but I think it must happen.
“Score, are you coming? If we don’t hurry, there won’t be an empty compartment for us on the train,” Albus called out to his best friend. Scorpius was saying goodbye to his parents and Albus was getting restless.
“Wait a minute, Al. Dad wanted to tell me something before I leave. I’ll be there in two,” Scorpius answered, not looking over at him.
Albus lowered his eyes and waited. Not a minute later, Scorpius was entering the train with him, holding his trunk and a box that his father had handed to him right before he joined Albus.
“What’s that?” Albus asked, curious. It was unusual for Scorpius to take this long saying goodbye to his parents and even stranger for Mr. Malfoy to give him something now, instead of when Score was packing.
“It’s nothing, it’s just something Dad gave me.”
“Yeah, I got that much,” Albus said, sarcastic, but when Score only continued walking through the mass of people, trying to find an empty compartment, he frowned. “You’re really not going to tell me?”
“No Al, it’s none of your business, frankly,” Scorpius answered, moving even faster as people started to settle down.
Albus was taken aback by Score’s harsh reply; it wasn’t common for them to keep things from each other. Even so, Albus knew when to back off. Besides, Scorpius had a point; he had no right to pry.
When they’d checked all the compartments and found that each one was occupied, they started looking for a compartment with someone they knew. Albus felt his disappointment sink in, making his shoulders drop and his posture slump. He always looked forward to the train ride all summer, because even if he and Scorpius met over the summer holiday they always used the train ride to catch up and plan something for the coming school year. Now they’d have to sit with someone else and Albus didn’t really like talking around other people. He was shy and while he enjoyed Scorpius’s company, not many shared that honour.
“Al, let’s sit here. A couple of my friends from Slytherin are here; Lisa, Patricia, Jack and Morgan. It’ll be a bit tight but we can squeeze, can’t we?”
The people inside nodded but Albus could see them eyeing him strangely. They probably didn’t understand what Score was doing with a quiet, weird Gryffindor like himself. It wouldn’t surprise Albus, he couldn’t understand it either. Sometimes he was sure it was all just a really elaborate dream he was dreaming. It seemed more likely than the alternative.
The two of them sat down, Albus in the corner next to the door and Scorpius next to him, which made it impossible for them to talk properly; Albus always felt strange talking to a person without seeing them. As the train started to move, Scorpius started greeting all his friends, but no one really took the time to introduce themselves to Albus.
***
When the train finally slowed to a stop, Albus was shaken out of his stupor. He’d stopped paying attention to the other kids, after it was clear he’d never get a word in.
Scorpius stood up first, turning to Albus. He looked kind of surprised when he saw him.
“You’ve been quiet. I almost forgot you were there.”
Yeah, I noticed, Albus thought, managing to sound bitter in his own mind. He nodded to Scorpius, not wanting to go into this in front of the other Slytherins. He was hurt and that was one of the few things that could get him upset enough to start a fight.
“Are you going to ride in a carriage with them?” Albus asked, hoping Scorpius would just go alone with him, so they could talk properly.
“Yeah, we were just talking about that, didn’t you hear? You can get so distracted, Al,” Scorpius joked, hopping off the train.
Albus shoved down the bitter remark that he only zoned out because he wasn’t involved in the conversation. Scorpius himself hadn’t even noticed until they stopped. Albus couldn’t imagine riding with Scorpius in the carriage if it was just going to be like that.
“I think I’ll just find Rose and sit with her on the way to the castle. I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he lied. He started looking around like he was trying to spot his cousin so Scorpius would just go away. It worked; Scorpius only sent his greetings to Rose and said goodbye to Albus.
When Scorpius was out of sight, Albus let down his walls. It took a lot out of him to hold them up, especially around Scorpius, because he was so used to sharing everything with him. The disappointment from the train ride and the energy put into his walls and restraint had drained him and all he wanted to do was go up to the dorms and sleep. He knew he had to attend the feast first, but for the first time since he started Hogwarts, Albus had no longing to do so at all.
***
Albus was alone in his dorm room a couple of hours later. He’d sat through the feast, barely eating at all and hurrying up to Gryffindor as soon as he got the password. Instead of spending most of the evening in the common room like the other kids, he went straight to his bed. He was lying under his comforter, ready to fall asleep, when he realised it was so early he wasn’t even that tired.
That’s convenient, he thought, so sarcastic Score would’ve laughed his arse of if he’d have heard him.
Scorpius. This hadn’t been the best beginning to a school year Albus could imagine. They’d always ridden together on the train; alone and comfortable. Albus could still remember his first ride with the Hogwarts train. He’d been so scared of ending up in Slytherin, he’d stormed out of the compartment he’d been sharing with Rose, James and Louis. They’d been teasing him about it and soon enough, Albus couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m leaving, I don’t want to listen to this anymore.”
James and Rose called after him, but they all knew when Albus did something, he stood by it.
He started looking for an empty compartment, not really confident enough to just sit with some random people. It wasn’t until he knocked on Scorpius’s compartment that he finally just decided to do it.
“Hi, I’m Albus Potter. I left my compartment, can I sit with you?” He was so nervous; he all but stuttered his way through the words. Scorpius only beamed at him and nodded, and for the first time, Albus started to like a person without even knowing them. He knew the boy’s name, Uncle Ron had mentioned him on the platform; Scorpius Malfoy. Uncle Ron didn’t like his father, but that said nothing about the boy himself. Albus sure as hell wasn’t Harry Potter.
“I’m Scorpius Malfoy.”
And thus began a friendship unlike anything Albus had ever experienced. He’d always been a shy kid; which was hard in the Weasley family. Everybody expected him to be just as outgoing and forward as the rest of them, but Albus was far from it.
He and Scorpius had gotten to know each other on the train; discussed what houses they wanted to be in and found a common ground in their secret aspiration to be like their dads. One of Albus’s main reasons for wanting to be in Gryffindor was that he wanted to be in the same house as his dad and Scorpius could understand that. Albus had shared his dad’s whispered words with Scorpius, giving them both the reassurance that they would not be put into houses they really didn’t want to be in. With that thought, they’d been able to sit in front of the whole student body of Hogwarts and let the hat go on about which house they should be in. They hadn’t been upset to find that they were in different houses, because they’d known what they wanted before it was chosen for them.
***
The next morning, Albus woke up well before he needed to because he went to sleep so early. He got up quietly as he didn’t want to wake up his roommates at such an early hour. When he got downstairs to the common room, there was still an hour left until people would start coming down to breakfast.
It was so different from his first day that first year at Hogwarts. That time he’d stayed up late; too excited about the new environment and his new friend to fall asleep until three in the morning. He’d woken up to the hustle of his roommates getting ready for their first school day and rushed to dress. Down in the Great Hall, he’d spotted Scorpius over at the Slytherin table and when the other boy looked up and saw Albus, he’d waved and smiled, leaving Albus with a happy feeling all day.
Today, he doubted he would feel that happy. It seemed that Scorpius had grown out of their friendship. Grown up and away from Albus.
Feeling restless, Albus went to the library to wait for breakfast to begin. Reading always helped him relax and disappear from the world a little; a great way to escape whatever was bringing him down.
He’d never thought he’d need to escape Scorpius, but then again, there was a first time for everything.
***
Albus was startled into awareness an hour later, when a pack of students rushed inside the library. He was reading an interesting book about Salazar Slytherin and he’d been completely drawn to it until the ruckus interrupted him. When he looked at the time, he swore quietly. He had half an hour until he had to be in Transfiguration. As he ran down to the Great Hall, he had no time to wonder if Scorpius would be there. He sat down quickly, scooping some food onto his plate without ever looking over at the Slytherin table. It wasn’t until his plate was half empty that he let himself think about Scorpius. When he looked up, his eyes immediately found Scorpius, who had that same bright smile just like first year, except now it wasn’t directed at Albus. Scorpius was talking to some brunette girl, that Patricia girl from the train. Albus remembered now that she’d been there in the background of Scorpius's life for a while now, probably one of his close friends from Slytherin. Maybe she thought of him as her best friend. Maybe Scorpius thought of her as his. The thought made Albus lose his appetite. He stood up quietly, casting one last glance at Scorpius, but the other boy was shaking with laughter, seemingly from something Patricia had said. Albus exited the Great Hall feeling like someone had paved his insides with rocks.
***
“There you are. Where have you been hiding Al? I haven’t seen you since the train ride,” Score whispered as he dragged a chair closer to Albus.
“I haven’t been hiding,” Albus said, the response sounding weak to his own ears. He’d spent all day in classes or here at the library, trying not to think about what the rest of the school year would be like if this was the start.
“Yeah, well, you haven’t exactly been around, either. Then again, that sounds like you, doesn’t it?” Scorpius said, his tone joking, even if his words could be interpreted as mean. Albus felt the tension that had been building up since the train ride seep away. This, this playful mocking chatting was normal for them. They didn’t need to be careful about each other's feelings, they knew what to take seriously and what not.
“You knew where to find me if you needed me,” Albus said. He was glad he didn’t sound bitter, he just wanted to forgive and forget this horrible day.
“Mmm, true. How about we get out of here, Al? I bet you’ve been here all day, you need a change of scenery,” Scorpius said, poking Albus’s arm playfully. “Come outside with me. We could go flying?”
Albus took only a second to consider the offer. He’d love to go outside, he really had spent too much time in the library for one day.
***
Scorpius was on the Slytherin Quidditch team and had been ever since their second year. Shortly after they’d started Hogwarts, Scorpius had confided in Albus that he wanted to try out for the Seeker position. Ever since, they’d come out here at least once a week and practiced flying. They would start with just flying, getting used to the weather outside and just enjoy the quiet. After that, they would play around with a small glass ball, throwing it as far as they could and catching it before it fell to the ground. Sometimes they’d only toss it between each other, talking while they were at it. Albus could rant about his family, his siblings and cousins, without the fear of being heard. Scorpius could rant about Quidditch or the last “advice” his parents gave him. It was a place to be free, to let it all go and relax. It was no different today. They started off racing each other; Albus doing no worse than Scorpius at flying, because you weren’t a child of Harry and Ginny Potter without learning to fly well.
“So, how’s your first day been?” Scorpius asked.
“Quiet, I guess. James and Lily haven’t even been bothering me today.” Albus added the last trying to lighten the air, but failing.
“Do they really bother you that much, Al? I kind of envy you sometimes; having all these siblings and cousins. I mean, I only have my parents and my Mum’s sister,” Scorpius said, clearly backtracking his first sentence a bit after seeing Albus glare at him. “The few relatives of Dad’s that survived the war and aren’t being punished for it in some form, they won’t even talk to Dad, much less his scrawny little son.” Scorpius said, sending the ball flying extra hard as he finished.
“Well, they don’t know what they’re talking about,” Albus said, sounding just as sure as the last couple hundred times he’d said that. Scorpius often complained about his family’s views on the world after Voldemort; wanting, missing, these people he didn’t even know. Albus was also quite sure Scorpius wouldn’t even want to talk to them, considering their stand on Muggles. Sending the ball back, he nodded to Scorpius to continue.
“Yeah, I guess so, but it still sucks to have such a small family. You have an army of people to back you up should you ever need it, but I only have my parents. My parents, Al!” Scorpius said.
Albus cracked up, laughing at the desperate way Score said it, like his parents were completely useless. As he tried to maintain balance while shaking with laughter, he didn’t catch the ball when Score threw it.
“Albus! The ball!” Albus heard, before he felt a sudden wind right below his feet. Scorpius had gone after the ball and he caught it just before it hit the ground. When he reached Albus’s height again he played around with the ball as Albus recovered.
“You done laughing, you fool? Because if you’re not going to catch, I can just as well throw this somewhere else,” Scorpius said, clearly trying to sound annoyed, but it didn’t really work with the smirk he had on his lips.
“Yeah, like you wouldn’t get bored with that. I know you, Score, you need to be challenged once in awhile. Which brings me back to what we were talking about; your parents wouldn’t be useless in a fight, your dad is a great man, he’d be a great army,” Albus said, trying to clear the air.
***
That night, Albus went to sleep a lot calmer than the night before. He and Scorpius had flown for a good hour more and then gone inside to eat dinner. Albus felt the knot in his stomach deflate as the night went on, and by the time he went to sleep, he was more content than he’d been since the end of his third year, when he’d had this much time with Scorpius last. It was nice, and he fell asleep with a small smile on his lips.
***
Over the next two weeks, they fell back into their usual routine. They went to class, both together and apart and then they met up in the library to do some homework before going down to dinner. Albus pushed his worries about their friendship away, sure that it was just a bad couple of days and that there was nothing to worry about. What he didn’t know, was that it was the calm before the storm.
***
One day though, a few weeks into the school year, Albus waited at the library for an hour before he gave up. Score clearly wasn’t coming. He could feel the hard knot in his stomach return and he quickly put his stuff away. There was no way he could finish his homework feeling this annoyed and sad.
Half an hour later, he’d almost ripped a page out from the book he was reading and only read about five lines. His mind was busy thinking up a reason why Scorpius hadn’t showed up, each one more horrible. What if he was hurt, in the hospital wing feeling awful while Albus sat here in rage. Or maybe he’d fallen into the lake, and hit his head and was now living with the merpeople. Well, maybe that last one was a bit extreme. And maybe Score wasn’t hurt at all, maybe he’d just blown him off like he didn’t matter and not even bothered to let Albus know.
***
When it was time for dinner, Albus went to the Great Hall, deciding that if he didn’t see Score at dinner, then he’d be allowed to worry. On the way down to dinner, his feet felt heavier and he realised he was dragging out the inevitable, in fear that his suspicions were right and Scorpius would just be sitting there, talking to his friends, completely ignorant of the way he was making Albus feel. Which was stupid, because even if he was, Albus didn’t own him, he could talk to other people.
As he walked through the doors into the Great Hall, he was halfway to convincing himself that he had no reason to feel angry or upset, but then he looked up. There he sat, laughing with Patricia like he had no worry in the whole world. Albus felt like his stomach weighed about two tons as he continued staring. Scorpius seemed to feel Albus’s eyes on his head, because he looked up and directly at Albus.
As for Albus, he plucked up some of his Gryffindor courage and kept on looking right into his eyes, silently asking Scorpius why he hadn’t showed up earlier. Scorpius only smiled apologetically. Albus couldn’t help it, his mind instantly interpreted it as ‘well, you have no life, why shouldn’t I just leave you there alone? It’s not like you had anything else to do.’
Albus left the Great Hall without a bite of food. Suddenly, he wasn’t hungry anymore.
***
Albus went to bed feeling just as horrible as the first night of the school year. In the morning, he was sour and grumpy so he left for breakfast angry at Scorpius and the world. He ignored everyone for a while, going as far as cloaking himself with simple charms when his family or Scorpius passed. The worst thing was that his routine didn’t change much. He realised just how much time he spent alone normally, because the only thing different from the years before was that he didn’t spend any time with Scorpius. He’d started watching Scorpius more closely though, after most of his anger had ebbed away. It seemed clear that he had a crush on this Patricia girl. There were two things about that that bothered Albus. First of all, he couldn’t understand the appeal at all.
In fact, Albus didn’t really understand what the whole fuss was about girls. They were dramatic, obnoxious and annoying. But the thing that bothered him more, was that Scorpius hadn’t said one word about this girl to him. Like, if he really fancied her, he should want to tell his best friend all about it right?
Maybe he already had, and it just wasn’t him.
***
Albus was slowly realising he didn’t share his room-mates views on girls. He didn’t keep tabs on how big Mary Singer's boobs were getting, or spend hours at the library trying to figure out a way to get into the girls' dorms. Instead, he dreamt of hard edges, strong arms, and thin lips. Albus was slowly realising he was gay.
***
After over a week of managing to avoid everybody, he got a letter from his dad.
Dear Albus,
I know it’s not ‘cool’ or something to write home but I’m getting worried here. It’s not like you not to write a single letter home for this long. Also, your siblings mentioned that you’ve been kind of distant, they haven’t seen you in a couple of days. Send a word home, even if it’s just one, to let us know you’re alive and well.
With Love,
Dad.
Albus felt a pang of guilt course through his body. The last thing he wanted to do was worry his parents.
Dear Mum and Dad,
I’m sorry I haven’t been writing home. I’m alive and well, things have just been a bit hectic around here. If I’ve been silent towards you and James and Lily, that’s only because -
And that’s where he stopped. He tried adding something for half an hour, before giving up and throwing the letter away. Every excuse he had, he didn’t want his parents to know about.
Because I just realised I’m gay or because I’ve been at odds with my only friend here or I just forgot you’d care just wouldn’t go over really well with his parents. Instead, he wrote another one.
Dear Mum and Dad,
Word. Only kidding. Things are busy, that’s why I haven’t written, sorry.
Love,
Albus.
It was short, but to the point, and Albus hurried to send his owl away with it before he changed his mind. He wasn’t used to sending such short letters to his parents. In his first year, he wrote tons of long, detailed letters to his father. His mother got at least one a week as well and he made sure to send Lily one every couple of weeks as well, so she wouldn’t feel left out. He’d never even written a letter this short. Never, in his whole life.
Maybe he should just try and act like a normal teenager. They didn’t care about anyone but themselves. They wouldn’t have a guilty conscience over not communicating enough. Maybe Albus should just try that.
***
The next day, Albus was suddenly dragged into an empty room as he was walking in a deserted hallway. He was on his way to the library and took the long way there, to avoid running into people.
“Where the bloody hell have you been?” asked Scorpius. He seemed livid, but Albus also noticed a small line of sweat on his forehead, like he’d been running.
“What are you -” Albus started, before Scorpius interrupted him.
“I haven’t seen you for over a week, mate, and neither James nor Lily could tell me where you’ve been. If I hadn’t gotten it out of some Hufflepuff nerd that he’d seen you in the library, I’d have thought you’d died. You can’t just leave me hanging like this, can’t just shut the world out when it suits you, I thought we were friends,” Scorpius said, all in a rush. It still sounded half practiced, but Albus couldn’t really blame him for that, considering how long he’d been ‘missing’.
“That’s what I thought as well,” Albus answered. He could hear the bitterness in his own voice.
“What do you mean?” Scorpius said. It was clear he was confused; he’d probably expected a different kind of reaction, maybe guilt.
“I mean that you and I have always told each other anything, but now you’ve been keeping things from me. Things like Patricia,” Albus snapped, glaring straight at Scorpius.
“What’s she got to do with things?” Scorpius asked, but Albus could see the walls going up in his eyes.
Albus had had a week to think about how to confront Scorpius about this. It wouldn’t do any good trying to attack him in any way, that always dug Score’s temper up in the worst way. So instead, he sat down and began again quietly.
“I know it’s stupid, but I thought we were close enough you’d tell me about your crushes. I mean, even James told me when he had a crush on some girl for the first time,” Albus explained.
Scorpius looked a bit guilty now, although he still had those walls up. “So, you’ve been avoiding the whole world because I didn’t tell you about my crush on Patricia?”
“No! I’ve been dealing with some stuff in private. Also, it’s not like the school year has been all that exciting for me so far,” Albus said, knowing he was being incredibly vague.
“That’s not fair. You accuse me of being distant and tell me I’ve not been completely honest with you and then you go and say something as vague as that,” Scorpius said, a lot louder than before. Albus could see that he was still feeling more confused and hurt than angry.
“So you like Patricia, right?” Albus said quietly, completely switching tones. He could see that Scorpius knew he wasn’t just changing the subject. He was serious.
“Well, yes, I do. I mean, in the way you’re asking. I’m sorry if it bothered you that I didn’t tell you before, but it’s not like I’ve known for sure for all this time,” Scorpius said, now blushing. Albus could see his face light up as he thought about Patricia.
Albus only nodded, processing. “I need to tell you something. You say it’s not fair for me to keep things from you, then I won’t. You have to realise though, that you are the first person I'm telling this. Maybe the only for some time. While you started having an eye for the girls here, I didn’t.” Here Scorpius looked ready to interrupt Albus, but when Albus held up a hand, indicating that he needed to continue, Scorpius closed his mouth again. He even mimicked locking his lips and throwing away the key.
“I’m gay, Score,” Albus stated.
Scorpius just looked at him for a while. “And?” he finally said.
“Well, this is the moment in my planning that you’re supposed to run away screaming, or punch me or something. I don’t know,” Albus said, feeling a bit lame and guilty now that Scorpius seemed to be fine with the news. Looking over at him, he saw his friend frown, and his eyes looked sad and disappointing. “I hadn’t even considered you being okay with this. I mean, it’s not exactly common for boys to come out here in Hogwarts. People don’t bother when you’re grown up, but while in the dorms of Hogwarts, it seems you should not out yourself.”
“I know, but I thought we were best friends. I thought …” Scorpius started. He stopped mid sentence and his mouth turned into a smirk. “We’re a fine pair of idiots. You sit in one corner of the room and complain that I’m keeping things from you and I sit in the other and complain that you’re keeping things from me.”
“Yeah, how about we just agree we’re human fools who make mistakes and leave it at that?”
***
“I was surprised when Scorpius wanted to take me to Hogsmeade, because he said, ‘I want you to meet my best friend.’ I mean, he’s popular and all, but he hadn’t really struck me as the ‘best friend’ type,” Patricia said, as the three of them walked into the grounds of Hogwarts.
Albus saw Scorpius blush and look away. He’d never really bothered to investigate just how many good friends Scorpius had in his house. He’d just assumed he could easily get rid of Albus because he had so many other friends. Oh, they’d been a bit stupid, hadn’t they?
“Yeah, I’m just sorry we couldn’t get to know each other sooner. I can certainly say that this day has been one of the top five … top three of this school year's best days,” Albus said. He meant it. Patricia was really nice and Albus could see why they were together.
“We’ve been a bit stupid this year,” Scorpius said looking guilty and amused at the same time.
“Yeah, but we’re over that now, fortunately,” Albus replied and smiled.
The end.