The eating issues were really Draco's more than Harry's problem, but I think since Draco kept bringing it up, it finally got to Harry. Harry was already not comfortable with himself, so it just added to his sense of insecurity. For the most part, it really was just Draco's way of taking the attention off his own issues by picking on Harry. Harry just never realized that. As for Harry's emotional eating--I think Harry would binge on sweets or other junk food when he's upset because he was always denied food with the Dursleys, so it would be comforting to him to eat whatever he wanted, particularly treats he was never allowed to have like sweets, and eventually part of him finally learned to appreciate the finer things in life correctly, including food (without always overindulging). Also, I have always seen boys Harry's age put away a nauseating amount of food, so that's what I based his eating habits off.
As for Draco, well, he was indeed mentally ill and unstable. I'm not sure if his eating disorder developed because of his mental illness or perhaps even before that, but either way, he was delusional about it. His twisted way of viewing things is part of the reason why I might want to tell at least part of the story from his pov in the future. As everything spiraled out of control in Draco's life, the only thing he could control was Harry and his own body, which is why he becomes so obsessed with it, especially once Harry starts to rebel against him. I think Draco knows he's slowly going mad, expects it even, but he feels that if he can at least control one aspect of his life, then he wouldn't lose it completely like his mother did. Draco's spiral into darkness is really where the whole idea of the fic originated. I knew that I wanted Draco to slowly lose it from some sort of madness, but I also wanted Harry to be oblivious to it and the story to be told from Harry's pov instead. From there, the story just grew and changed...a lot. I suppose you could say this is Harry's story and Draco's story, particularly how he wound up bruised and passed out in the manor is separate from Harry's and deserves it's own piece.
final thoughts...
Yes, this story really is close to my heart. Although I'm lucky enough to not have been in Harry's place in this story, I have to say that part of this tragic story was inspired from playing I guess Ron or a best friend's role in real life. A few years ago, a good friend of mine killed herself, and we all knew, her ex-boyfriend included, that she was having issues; we just never realized how deeply they affected her. We were stupid, which is why I relate with Harry and didn't see the signs, but eventually you have to let go of guilt for things you can't change and aren't really responsible for. That's why I have Harry grow, learn, and finally forgive himself at the end. Writing this story, really helped me see the entire situation clearly and finally put it to rest in my mind. I'm not sure why, but it did. Sorry to include that RL tidbit, but it was relevant to the story.
Again, thanks so much for your comment. You put so much time and effort into it, and you're right I knew that this story wouldn't receive a lot of response. Still, I'm glad that at least a few people read it and enjoyed it. That's all I wanted. Also, the fact that I had you thinking about the story days after is just amazing. As an avid reader myself, I know that happens to me a lot, so it's very flattering to hear that my words accomplished it with someone else. I didn't mind the length of your comment at all. It made my day and I hope you don't mind the length of my response. I felt it only fair to respond to all your lovely points. Thanks again, my dear. You've definitely inspired me to keep writing.
<3 ~Icicle
*Last thing, I apologize about all the deleted comments. I hope you didn't get emails about all of them. I don't like this new lj commenting and after I was finished answering your comments, my comments were not in the proper order. They were all mixed up and I had to delete and repost to get them in the proper order.
On the eating issues...
The eating issues were really Draco's more than Harry's problem, but I think since Draco kept bringing it up, it finally got to Harry. Harry was already not comfortable with himself, so it just added to his sense of insecurity. For the most part, it really was just Draco's way of taking the attention off his own issues by picking on Harry. Harry just never realized that. As for Harry's emotional eating--I think Harry would binge on sweets or other junk food when he's upset because he was always denied food with the Dursleys, so it would be comforting to him to eat whatever he wanted, particularly treats he was never allowed to have like sweets, and eventually part of him finally learned to appreciate the finer things in life correctly, including food (without always overindulging). Also, I have always seen boys Harry's age put away a nauseating amount of food, so that's what I based his eating habits off.
As for Draco, well, he was indeed mentally ill and unstable. I'm not sure if his eating disorder developed because of his mental illness or perhaps even before that, but either way, he was delusional about it. His twisted way of viewing things is part of the reason why I might want to tell at least part of the story from his pov in the future. As everything spiraled out of control in Draco's life, the only thing he could control was Harry and his own body, which is why he becomes so obsessed with it, especially once Harry starts to rebel against him. I think Draco knows he's slowly going mad, expects it even, but he feels that if he can at least control one aspect of his life, then he wouldn't lose it completely like his mother did. Draco's spiral into darkness is really where the whole idea of the fic originated. I knew that I wanted Draco to slowly lose it from some sort of madness, but I also wanted Harry to be oblivious to it and the story to be told from Harry's pov instead. From there, the story just grew and changed...a lot. I suppose you could say this is Harry's story and Draco's story, particularly how he wound up bruised and passed out in the manor is separate from Harry's and deserves it's own piece.
final thoughts...
Yes, this story really is close to my heart. Although I'm lucky enough to not have been in Harry's place in this story, I have to say that part of this tragic story was inspired from playing I guess Ron or a best friend's role in real life. A few years ago, a good friend of mine killed herself, and we all knew, her ex-boyfriend included, that she was having issues; we just never realized how deeply they affected her. We were stupid, which is why I relate with Harry and didn't see the signs, but eventually you have to let go of guilt for things you can't change and aren't really responsible for. That's why I have Harry grow, learn, and finally forgive himself at the end. Writing this story, really helped me see the entire situation clearly and finally put it to rest in my mind. I'm not sure why, but it did. Sorry to include that RL tidbit, but it was relevant to the story.
Again, thanks so much for your comment. You put so much time and effort into it, and you're right I knew that this story wouldn't receive a lot of response. Still, I'm glad that at least a few people read it and enjoyed it. That's all I wanted. Also, the fact that I had you thinking about the story days after is just amazing. As an avid reader myself, I know that happens to me a lot, so it's very flattering to hear that my words accomplished it with someone else. I didn't mind the length of your comment at all. It made my day and I hope you don't mind the length of my response. I felt it only fair to respond to all your lovely points. Thanks again, my dear. You've definitely inspired me to keep writing.
<3 ~Icicle
*Last thing, I apologize about all the deleted comments. I hope you didn't get emails about all of them. I don't like this new lj commenting and after I was finished answering your comments, my comments were not in the proper order. They were all mixed up and I had to delete and repost to get them in the proper order.
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