The comb-over
I though the Comb-over was dead. I though bad hair was relegated to Donald Trump and other clueless old dudes. Hell, even Guiliani moved on from his high-profile comb-over.
The nineties ushered in a couple of trends in male hairsyles, neither of which I find offensive: chin hair and bald heads. Both those trends have grown through the early oughts, and we now have a full-blown craze on our hands. Chin hair varies from the old-skool fu-man-choo to the standard goatee to the full-on reverse mutton-chop (all beard and no sides, instead of all sides and no beard). Bald men range from the shaven (or natural) cue-ball to the really super-short I-just-don't-want-to-shave-my-head-every-morning, often combined with the ever-popular baseball cap.
It looks good. Embrace your baldness, revel in. If we learned anything from the 80s, it's that you can't be something you're not. Men who wear make-up are probably hiding their homosexuality (George Michael? Boy George?) and women who wear big shoulder pads just look dumb - girls, we just don't have box shoulders. And the ever-fake comb-over is one thing we don't need. We all know you're bald, so you need to admit it, too. Moreover, modern medical reserach keeps on turning up new studies, like the one that proves that balding men have more testosterone. Mmmm-hmm. Bring it on, baldies!
Which makes it all the more strange when you meet a 20-something with a combover. What makes it more unbelievable is that this man is in the arts! He went to art school. He works at an art museum. He's skinny. He wears glasses. He should be wearing his ironic thrift store clothes, his ironic Buddy Holly eyeglasses, and his ironic trucker cap over his newly shaven bald head! Not attempting some fake part somewhere near his right ear.
He hasn't lost all the hair on the top of his pate, yet. But you can see it receding, by the day. I'm sure it's embarassing. For those of us who suffer any of the sling-and-arrows of our mass-produced consumer culture, living up to the realities of your body can be difficult. I'm short. I'm fatter than the models at Cosmo would have me believe is average. But sometimes, you just got to wear it proud. Wandering around in baggy sweatshirts isn't going to make me anymore attractive than a shirt that will never completely hide my extra layer of warmth.
But a comb-over? Please. It just makes you look like a putz. And a bald one, at that.
The nineties ushered in a couple of trends in male hairsyles, neither of which I find offensive: chin hair and bald heads. Both those trends have grown through the early oughts, and we now have a full-blown craze on our hands. Chin hair varies from the old-skool fu-man-choo to the standard goatee to the full-on reverse mutton-chop (all beard and no sides, instead of all sides and no beard). Bald men range from the shaven (or natural) cue-ball to the really super-short I-just-don't-want-to-shave-my-head-every-morning, often combined with the ever-popular baseball cap.
It looks good. Embrace your baldness, revel in. If we learned anything from the 80s, it's that you can't be something you're not. Men who wear make-up are probably hiding their homosexuality (George Michael? Boy George?) and women who wear big shoulder pads just look dumb - girls, we just don't have box shoulders. And the ever-fake comb-over is one thing we don't need. We all know you're bald, so you need to admit it, too. Moreover, modern medical reserach keeps on turning up new studies, like the one that proves that balding men have more testosterone. Mmmm-hmm. Bring it on, baldies!
Which makes it all the more strange when you meet a 20-something with a combover. What makes it more unbelievable is that this man is in the arts! He went to art school. He works at an art museum. He's skinny. He wears glasses. He should be wearing his ironic thrift store clothes, his ironic Buddy Holly eyeglasses, and his ironic trucker cap over his newly shaven bald head! Not attempting some fake part somewhere near his right ear.
He hasn't lost all the hair on the top of his pate, yet. But you can see it receding, by the day. I'm sure it's embarassing. For those of us who suffer any of the sling-and-arrows of our mass-produced consumer culture, living up to the realities of your body can be difficult. I'm short. I'm fatter than the models at Cosmo would have me believe is average. But sometimes, you just got to wear it proud. Wandering around in baggy sweatshirts isn't going to make me anymore attractive than a shirt that will never completely hide my extra layer of warmth.
But a comb-over? Please. It just makes you look like a putz. And a bald one, at that.