i can't even PICK a subject

[howyoudoinboo]

i have never felt like as much of a loser as i did tonight. i really did used to think that i was pretty cool (not to the point that i was conceited or ego-centric, but i did think people liked me). i guess that's not the case... you come to realize that maybe you're not as well liked as you thought you were when one of your best friends lies to you.... just flat out lies and you catch them, and they think it's funny. it wasn't funny. with 'god' as my mutherfuckin witness had you not been outside with your girl friends family i would have kicked your ass... you don't even know. "friends"... "best friends"... no way. i'm never going to let myself get attached to anyone again. it's definitely not worth it. you think you have friends until they lie to you, betray you, fucking neglect you. i would do anything for each and every one of my friends. but, apparently with some of them LOYALTY isn't of the least importance. i was (for lack of a strong, more fatal word) DEVASTATED tonight. i could NOT believe the actions of a couple people. i seriously had to rethink my entire fucking existence. i don't know where i stand with anyone. i don't know if anyone really likes me or if people just tolerate me. and don't fucking comment and say anything... because i probably won't believe you. i can't trust anyone. this is pretty much what my life comes down to... if i'm not friends with *i'll let you guess* ... who AM i friends? if *i'll let you guess* doesn't like me... who in the fuck DOES? i don't think i'll ever be the same. i've had to completely re-prioritize. A WORD TO THE WISE: don't bottle shit up. do not take shit from people and then brush it off as no big deal... it WILL turn into a big deal... and you won't be able to fix it. do not EVER become dependant on someone else. no one can take care of you except for yourself... and have the time you can't even do that. i don't care how fucking perfect you think your relationship with anyone is... complete and total demolition is always possible, and always probable.

you're at home doing homework because you have to work tomorrow early and you won't have time to do it... you are an asshole.