Not So Shana Tova: Tale of a Little Less Than Judaism
First- to all the Jews, all those who follow the calendar of the moon and the rest of the world too, shana tova (happy new year). Today I finished reading Dan Brown's stunning penultimate novel The Lost Symbol, at the core of which lies religion- not any one religion but the very ideal of a religion. It is also, ironically enough Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year. So, to the Chabad we went on a quest to appease my depressed, bipolar uncle who favors the synagogue above all other retreat from reality. In the belief that God will deliver those who pray and keep kosher, he hides behind alleged "bad luck" and "misfortune", throwing his life to the winds and insisting that God will deliver him, and that if we cared we would give him money. He has yet to realize that as the times have changed so have God's methods. No longer does God send miracles as he allegedly did in biblical times. Whatever God there is sends us only the tools to make our way, leaving to us to do with them as we will. God gave man freedom of choice, and thus we must decide to use what we are given. Or at least thats how I would explain to him if I could argue without him tearing into me.
And so we went. Never mind my Grammy, mourning the first New Years without Poppy, nevermind that none of us cares for chabad. Uncle wanted Daddy to go. We all went.
I sat in the seat in my good clothes and I listened. I heard the rich voice of the Rabbi across the partition, and the lower voices of the minion. Their voices sang with faith, and I knew they beleived they sang to god himself. I envied their belief. As a child I beleived in Judaism, and the bible and the God my sunday school teachers beleived in. Now, I have learned so much about religion, and I can no longer bring myself to believe that waiting a certain number of hours between eating milk and meat brings one closer to God, don't beleive that condemning homosexuality as the work of the devil makes us pure, don't believe that in all this time man has refrained from changing the bible, can't even bring myself to believe that the bible has an origin in the heavens.
I was an empty clay vessel. the canter's bass, the Rabbi's falsetto, and the sweet baritone of the minion reverberated through me, but could not fill me. I was there, and the familiar rhythms lulled me, but I did not feel god's eye upon me as I once did. The god I believe in does not reward above all praise, or fear. The god that I hold to be true rewards those of us who are tolerant, who are kind, who give without exception. My god rewards us for having no prejudice and for living in his spirit. There is a force beyond the science that can be measured by math and test tubes, but I am in no rush to describe it. I think that when it comes down to it, God is a force of benevolent energy. That is what I have come to believe. Mazel Tov.