(Untitled)

[howtokillmyself]

I have had a bad week & 1/2... or more. Weigh day was terrible. The scale claimed that I gained 8 lbs in one week. That cannot be physically possible. I blame being bloated and still full from binging the night before. (My period and lack of for almost a week really fucked things up.) Afraid to weigh myself this Monday since it's already Thursday

Comments

[srasra]

"I used to measure how well I was doing by how much it hurt. Hunger pains? Check. Weak from fasting? Good. If I could feel my muscles rotting away, that was the best. Anything between bone and flesh was enemy."

This is a bit disturbing...why would you want your muscle to rot away??
Anyways, I'm not eating-disordered, so obviously my thinking is different than yours, but try not to starve!!! It really does NOT work. You'll just lose muscle and your brain will tell you to binge because your body isn't get any nutrients. What works best for me is figuring out my BMR (I think it's around 1390 at the moment), eating approximately that amount of calories daily, drinking lots of water, walking everywhere, and doing short but intense bouts of cardio.

That was long. But I just wanted to share some healthy tips :)

[howtokillmyself]

Like I said, anything between flesh and bone was enemy. Muscle mass has weight. I wanted to lose as much weight as possible. If my muscle was wasting away, that meant that I was doing a good job of starving myself. It was not about losing fat but about the number on the scale and simply growing smaller. A lot of non-ED individuals also engage in similar behavior (like making the number on the scale their goal or the most important indication of size/health) without articulating what it does to them