(no subject)
I found some very interesting things from last summer.
Friday 2 July
Well, I had written this once already, but a little URL-clicking mistake completely wiped it, so I'm going to re-write it from memory.
I'm going to start using this nifty SoGamed feature, for I am too lazy to code a blog.
I suppose I should use my first entry to talk a little about myself... for the sake of people who happen to read it and to double check and make sure I still know myself. My name is Mark, I'm 18 years old as of June 15, 2004. I live in Port Huron, Michigan, which is a run-down little hole of a town with factories and liquor stores that serves as scenery for people in the Great Lakes area who want to travel to Ontario, Canada via bridge. I dropped out of High School in November 2003 after having a temultuous lapse of judgement. I did absolutely nothing from November to May, when I got a job at a Super K-mart about 10 minutes' walk from my Mother and her husband's home. It's not a bad job, or should I say wasn't? I worked in Garden/Patio, so it was seasonal, they recently cut my hours, I'm lucky if I work 1 day a week. I'm also in the middle of acquiring my GED and my driver's license, my plans beyond that are unclear.
I apologize if this is difficult to follow, my thoughts are very unorganized.
As for my interests? I'm very eclectic. If it can be consumed by one of the senses, there's a chance I will take it in. I love all kinds of music. I spend most of my time gaming, PC mostly. I know how to read! Light or heavy, novels, manga, comics, whatever tickles my fancy. I enjoy movies as well. And television, though mostly animation. It's difficult to list personal favorites and aesthetics for me, because there's just so much and it changes daily.
As far as real life goes, I'm very introverted. I have real life friends, but the only time I have any contact with them is when they or I need something. And it's fine like that. Having a healthy social life in a place like this entails being someone you're not. I find it very uncomfortable to be around people my age in this town. I'm sure there are few great people around here, I happen to know a few, but it's too troublesome to wade through all the garbage so to speak. So I remain a hermit, surrounded by the glow of my CRT. That's the way I like it. Maybe it's different elsewhere, maybe I'm just unfit for human contact.
What else... hmm? Maybe a little about my family. My sister who will be 14 in August was recently placed in foster care due to my Mother's alcoholism and her mental abusiveness while under the influence. Good news about that is that she's recently put herself in detox with mixed progress. She still drinks, but not nearly as much... baby steps. My Mother has been drinking since I can remember, but in the past year or so it's reached new levels. I would come home from from work at 8-9PM and she would be so drunk she couldn't recognize me and would immediately begin fighting with me and anyone near her. Up until the last 1-2 years, I was very close with my Mom. But recently, it's a totally different person. I have been kicked out of the house many times, put through endless fights about nothing other than for the sake of fighting. A lot of ridiculous things. I'm hoping all of that is over now and I have my Mom back. Time will tell.
I am by no means a good son, or a good person for that matter. I am irresponsible, lazy and a heavy procrastinator when it comes to matters concerning only myself. But when it comes to other people, I usually try to go out of my way to please, but it depends. In everything I do, I try to do the least amount of work possible. At work, at school, whatever. I have no motivation, drive, ambition or desires. I've floated through life blindly and stupidly until now, and I'm paying for it big time.
I guess that's good for now. There's a lot I want to cover, but I'm neither a good writer or a good thinker. So, I'll leave some for another time. I want to try and make this a daily thing. Blurting all of those paragraphs out randomly has been somewhat therapeutic. I'm going to bed now.
Mark
Sunday 4 July
Edit: It's 9:00PM EST on Saturday, July 2004 contrary to the liar GMT time!
Yeah. Had work today for the first time in almost 2 weeks, and it was horrible. I just couldn't do anything right, one of those days. Which brings me to something I neglected to mention in my other entry: my absent mindedness. Sometimes, without reason or explanation, I become a complete airhead. Maybe I'm thinking about the intricacies of the human condition... or perhaps I'm just a little retarded. I vouch for the latter. It's all good though. Sometimes I just want to burst out and let everyone know "hey, I'm not usually this stupid!" But what good would it do, would they even care? Probably not. So I gotta make like the Beatles and let it be.
I have to work again tomorrow (Sunday), which is Independence Day here in the US. I'm getting time and a half and I wouldn't do anything otherwise, so that's cool. I have Monday through Wednesday off and probably the rest of the week too, I'm gonna make some phonecalls, do some new job inquiries and see about taking the GED test. I also have to get my driver's license, but that can wait a little longer. I've been putting it off for 2 years, what's another month right?
Until we meet again, diary.
Mark
Tuesday 20 July
Well, as of Friday, July 16, 2004, I am without a permanent residence. My mother and her "husband" win. The drinking, the fighting, I'm done dealing with it. I'm done being asked to "get a job" when I have one and both of them are unemployed. I'm tired of all the other ridiculous, pointless, hurtful crap that goes on. So after several heated arguments and a near fist fight, I opted to leave. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back. I stayed with my aunt Ellen that night, in the morning I went back and found all of my clothes packed, excluding all of the other things that belong to me.
I've been staying with my cousin Theresa since. It's nice here, but I'm going to shoot someone in the face if I don't get my computer (and the countless other things that belong to me) back.
I'm not sure what's next. I'll update later.
Monday 2 August
Yeah, still living with my cousin for now. Talking to my mom again, she's not doing too well though. She's sick and in and out of the hospital with an enlarged liver. I've shed all the tears I possibly can. She's well aware that if she continues to drink, she will die. And assuming by the way she pushed both my sister and I away, that's what she plans to do.
In any case, I got a couple of my things back. I'm gonna talk with her some more and try to get my computer and some other things back too. I think I've earned this little bit of selfishness. That's about it.
Friday 17 September
Yeah, cousin moved out, I live with her former roommates. Which makes them my roommates. I got my computer back, in a twisted turn of events, my mom stole it from me. I'm going to take her to court and serve her some good old fashioned judicial ownage. After that, I plan to break all ties with her until A: she's on her deathbed or B: her return from a detox clinic.
I'm enrolled to go back to school today, I will probably start monday. I have to go in tomorrow to finish my assessment, I couldn't finish because I had to go to work. That's good I guess, one step forward.
Yeah, end transmission.
It didn't seem that bad then. It hurts like hell to remember. It feels like it was 10 years ago.
Enjoy.
Friday 2 July
Well, I had written this once already, but a little URL-clicking mistake completely wiped it, so I'm going to re-write it from memory.
I'm going to start using this nifty SoGamed feature, for I am too lazy to code a blog.
I suppose I should use my first entry to talk a little about myself... for the sake of people who happen to read it and to double check and make sure I still know myself. My name is Mark, I'm 18 years old as of June 15, 2004. I live in Port Huron, Michigan, which is a run-down little hole of a town with factories and liquor stores that serves as scenery for people in the Great Lakes area who want to travel to Ontario, Canada via bridge. I dropped out of High School in November 2003 after having a temultuous lapse of judgement. I did absolutely nothing from November to May, when I got a job at a Super K-mart about 10 minutes' walk from my Mother and her husband's home. It's not a bad job, or should I say wasn't? I worked in Garden/Patio, so it was seasonal, they recently cut my hours, I'm lucky if I work 1 day a week. I'm also in the middle of acquiring my GED and my driver's license, my plans beyond that are unclear.
I apologize if this is difficult to follow, my thoughts are very unorganized.
As for my interests? I'm very eclectic. If it can be consumed by one of the senses, there's a chance I will take it in. I love all kinds of music. I spend most of my time gaming, PC mostly. I know how to read! Light or heavy, novels, manga, comics, whatever tickles my fancy. I enjoy movies as well. And television, though mostly animation. It's difficult to list personal favorites and aesthetics for me, because there's just so much and it changes daily.
As far as real life goes, I'm very introverted. I have real life friends, but the only time I have any contact with them is when they or I need something. And it's fine like that. Having a healthy social life in a place like this entails being someone you're not. I find it very uncomfortable to be around people my age in this town. I'm sure there are few great people around here, I happen to know a few, but it's too troublesome to wade through all the garbage so to speak. So I remain a hermit, surrounded by the glow of my CRT. That's the way I like it. Maybe it's different elsewhere, maybe I'm just unfit for human contact.
What else... hmm? Maybe a little about my family. My sister who will be 14 in August was recently placed in foster care due to my Mother's alcoholism and her mental abusiveness while under the influence. Good news about that is that she's recently put herself in detox with mixed progress. She still drinks, but not nearly as much... baby steps. My Mother has been drinking since I can remember, but in the past year or so it's reached new levels. I would come home from from work at 8-9PM and she would be so drunk she couldn't recognize me and would immediately begin fighting with me and anyone near her. Up until the last 1-2 years, I was very close with my Mom. But recently, it's a totally different person. I have been kicked out of the house many times, put through endless fights about nothing other than for the sake of fighting. A lot of ridiculous things. I'm hoping all of that is over now and I have my Mom back. Time will tell.
I am by no means a good son, or a good person for that matter. I am irresponsible, lazy and a heavy procrastinator when it comes to matters concerning only myself. But when it comes to other people, I usually try to go out of my way to please, but it depends. In everything I do, I try to do the least amount of work possible. At work, at school, whatever. I have no motivation, drive, ambition or desires. I've floated through life blindly and stupidly until now, and I'm paying for it big time.
I guess that's good for now. There's a lot I want to cover, but I'm neither a good writer or a good thinker. So, I'll leave some for another time. I want to try and make this a daily thing. Blurting all of those paragraphs out randomly has been somewhat therapeutic. I'm going to bed now.
Mark
Sunday 4 July
Edit: It's 9:00PM EST on Saturday, July 2004 contrary to the liar GMT time!
Yeah. Had work today for the first time in almost 2 weeks, and it was horrible. I just couldn't do anything right, one of those days. Which brings me to something I neglected to mention in my other entry: my absent mindedness. Sometimes, without reason or explanation, I become a complete airhead. Maybe I'm thinking about the intricacies of the human condition... or perhaps I'm just a little retarded. I vouch for the latter. It's all good though. Sometimes I just want to burst out and let everyone know "hey, I'm not usually this stupid!" But what good would it do, would they even care? Probably not. So I gotta make like the Beatles and let it be.
I have to work again tomorrow (Sunday), which is Independence Day here in the US. I'm getting time and a half and I wouldn't do anything otherwise, so that's cool. I have Monday through Wednesday off and probably the rest of the week too, I'm gonna make some phonecalls, do some new job inquiries and see about taking the GED test. I also have to get my driver's license, but that can wait a little longer. I've been putting it off for 2 years, what's another month right?
Until we meet again, diary.
Mark
Tuesday 20 July
Well, as of Friday, July 16, 2004, I am without a permanent residence. My mother and her "husband" win. The drinking, the fighting, I'm done dealing with it. I'm done being asked to "get a job" when I have one and both of them are unemployed. I'm tired of all the other ridiculous, pointless, hurtful crap that goes on. So after several heated arguments and a near fist fight, I opted to leave. I left with nothing but the clothes on my back. I stayed with my aunt Ellen that night, in the morning I went back and found all of my clothes packed, excluding all of the other things that belong to me.
I've been staying with my cousin Theresa since. It's nice here, but I'm going to shoot someone in the face if I don't get my computer (and the countless other things that belong to me) back.
I'm not sure what's next. I'll update later.
Monday 2 August
Yeah, still living with my cousin for now. Talking to my mom again, she's not doing too well though. She's sick and in and out of the hospital with an enlarged liver. I've shed all the tears I possibly can. She's well aware that if she continues to drink, she will die. And assuming by the way she pushed both my sister and I away, that's what she plans to do.
In any case, I got a couple of my things back. I'm gonna talk with her some more and try to get my computer and some other things back too. I think I've earned this little bit of selfishness. That's about it.
Friday 17 September
Yeah, cousin moved out, I live with her former roommates. Which makes them my roommates. I got my computer back, in a twisted turn of events, my mom stole it from me. I'm going to take her to court and serve her some good old fashioned judicial ownage. After that, I plan to break all ties with her until A: she's on her deathbed or B: her return from a detox clinic.
I'm enrolled to go back to school today, I will probably start monday. I have to go in tomorrow to finish my assessment, I couldn't finish because I had to go to work. That's good I guess, one step forward.
Yeah, end transmission.
It didn't seem that bad then. It hurts like hell to remember. It feels like it was 10 years ago.
Enjoy.