Open third.
Remus had considered becoming a vegan, but after a small amount of research he concluded that his bones needed all the calcium the could get, what with the breaking and regrowing all the time, and that he should, in fact, drink more milk. Thus, Remus settled for vegetarianism.
Explaining his new "life-choice" (and Remus did so love having a choice in the matter!) to his mother was difficult-- he was so small, she said, and a growing boy needed meat to... well, grow!-- but she put up very little fight in the end. Explaining to the house elves in the kitchen that he needed special meals now, however, was something else entirely.
"But Master Lupin must eat, he is surely hungry!"
"I do want to eat, Binky, just not meat."
"The house-elf Bink leapt a foot in the air, and immediately began screeching orders to her fellows, "Does you hear, Master Lupin wants food! Get to it! Come, we musn't lollygag! Oh, we must--"
"Binky, I'm not hungry right now!" Remus exclaimed, as he was plied with food from all sides. "I just meant during mealtimes."
The elves paused mid-pastry-gathering, and Binky's brows furrowed. "Master... Master Lupin needs food, sir, but not now, sir? We is not feeding Master Lupin properly at mealtimes, but Master Lupin is... not hungry, sir?" She wagged her head, ears flapping. "Binky is not understanding, sir!"
Remus sighed, and tried again. "I don't want any meat at mealtimes. You know, dead animal? I can't eat it."
Binky cocked her head. "Then what will Master Lupin eat?"
"Vegetables... or other stuff. Just nothing with meat."
A strange grin spread across Binky's face, as if she didn't know if she was doing it correctly. "Only vegetables, sir? Sir will not eat mushrooms?" Remus gave her a blank look. "Mushrooms is a fungus, Master Lupin!" she snickered, "A fungus among-us!"
Again, Remus could only stare blankly, wondering what on earth had gotten into her. Binky attempted a guffaw briefly, then sobered. "Sir, excuse us, Headmaster Dumbledore likes us to make jokes, sir. He is saying the jokes is... what was the word, oh... Punny. Yes, Headmaster is liking the house elves to be punny, Master Lupin."
Remus nodded silently, having absolutely no idea what Binky was talking about, although he did once again suspect that Dumbledore was, in fact, completely barmy. He decided to leave the task of explaining the concept of tofu to another day, and politely allowed the elves to load him up with sweets that contained "no dead things, Master Lupin!" before turning to go.