Wednesday Musings
I heard about Heath Ledger today, i kind of felt sad but in a different way to how i've felt sadness before, i haven't felt like this since Diana died. I think, i knew him, i loved him, but ofcourse i couldn't have done either. I realised today that this is just one link in a long chain in my life, watching all my heroes die, all my favourite musicians, actors everyone i look up to or like in the media they're all going to disapear and leave me again with this wierd sadness feeling that i'm not quite sure how to express.
Moving on...
I'm going to work on my film coursework today, maybe even finish it!, that would be a great achivement, especially as i have millions of things to do and on top of that shes assigned the other piece of coursework to do.
so i have three or four pieces of coursework to do by Easter...i swear sometimes i think i'm going to explode from all the stress.
On top of that my digestive system has been a bit..."wonky"..recently, i'm quite worried i may have a serious problem, like bowel cancer, despite being all clear a couple of years ago and i've stuck to a healthier program for my bowels. actually i've had all these wierd feelings that i'm going to find out that i'm actually dying of something too late and not get to have the life i've just started to think about. that fate is going to be cruel and deny me a future...it would be cruel especially as i stress about my own mortality rather frequently.
I feel extremely tired too which could be me being a bit anaemic again or it could again be linked to my potential bowel problem.
i don't want comforting messages or anything, i'm kind of just being paranoid. I have a phobia of unknown things, UFO'S aliens etc and i guess the inner working sof my body is just another thing to add to the list...