(no subject)
all day long.
i felt like.
smashing my face through a cleeeeeeeeear glass wiiiindow.
i'm feeling better as far as illness goes. not that there aren't plenty of other things to worry my little mind. jacob almost got terminated at the gap, but they let him off the hook . but they didn't schedule him for the week. not that he was getting many hours anyway. charm can only take you so far, for so long and i'm getting rather fed up. i need to find an easy way to talk to him. i need to set very serious boundries. . .because my cousin and my sister are planning on moving in together, probly into a house. and they've invited me to join them if i'd like. i know i can depend on my sister...she's proven herself. and my cousin is working the same job so he can definately make rent. and quite honestly i've been thinking it over really hard. i can't stay with they way things are going. i've been pulling more than my own weight long enough. sure its FOR US....but that means we BOTH have to put in equally as much into it. its so fucking simple too, i really don't understand what his problem is. or if he even realizes how close he is to losing me. whats worse is that i know he can do it. he has before. so i dont know...ugh. talk it cheap and love isn't going to pay the rent. its so fucking simple!!! i'm not asking for anything unreasonable...i need him to pay his half of rent and help pay for things around the house. which he should be doing already. we may be lovers but we are also roommates now. i don't think most people would put up with so much. but i want this to work so badly. i want him to make the right choice. on his own.
i can't help but feel its my fault though.
somehow
and feel guilty for not talking to him directly about this... .. .
but i'm not very good at talking.
he is.