beware, don't despair

[howdidyoudie]

took the most amazing shower last night. totally changed my life. hahah sounds silly but change happens in the strangest places but always on time. i finally had some time to relax by myself and really think. usually when i feel i'm having a mental breakdown, its because i havent thought about things thoroughly and come full circle. i'm a reasonable person. i know that, i know i'll always come around and that things will work out one way or another. i just wish jacob knew that. sometimes when we are arguing, i just stop. and it drives him crazy. he's the kind of person that likes to say everything. hash it out to the very end. i wish he understood that i don't work that way. when i stop arguing, its because i don't feel our arguing is going anywhere else and anything that is left to resolve is within myself. and i'll do it on my own. i wish he was a little more patient with me. either way, we always work it out. and i love that boy. yesterday he got my car fixed, cleaned it inside out, ran a ton of errands, and he starts working today. maybe i need to be a little more patient with him too. the boy does me good.

today i saw the baby move across my stomach for the first time. it freaked me out. seriously, it looks weird. but it was nice, i like being reassured that the baby is there and is healthy. the kicks are getting a lot stronger. but so far i'm the only one to feel them really. baby virgo is shy. oh baby.  i've also started feel tiny contractions. not fun.  giving birth is going to be a bitchola. eesh.
my moms going to drive up here by herself. shes going to be here for me. and fuck am i grateful.

today, is a good day. 
i think i'll cut my hair.

i miss my family.
i miss my friends. hope LA  is treating you well.
i'm waiting for you all.
much much love.