its just one of those days.....
well its been over 2 months since i've been on this thing. eh... finally found time to just sit down and get updated with everyone else.
things with me are just strange... i'm sick of the same old routine that i live by everyday. i've been feeling i need a change in my life but not exactly sure what. or maybe its totally opposite... i'm the normal one and the world is the one that needs to change.... either way i haven' been feeling too happy with life in general. school has drained all my energy... i can't even think anymore plus i'm not happy w/ my performance in school.... so i have all Bs in my classes.... to me its like Fs. i hate it and its going to bring my GPA down. i guess i am a big nerd at heart but if i want to get into BYU i have to get my grades up. i've been getting so stressed and at my age i shouldn't be this stressed!
school isn't the only thing that has gotten me stressed. in the moments that i do have to think and contemplate on my life and the things that surround me... i get upset and cry. i don't know how this is gonna come out and if i offend anyone i'm sorry but its how i feel. through out my whole life i've realized that i've never really had a true best friend or been a part of a group of friends. i mean i have friendsi'm not that shy but i always seem to be the one that gets the short end of the deal. i seem to get left out in the rain alone and it hurts. i don't think i've ever had a time where someone would say hey natalia lets do something this weekend or u wanna come join us to go somewhere.... nothing... all i get is oh let me be your friend for the day at school and just not talk to you or acknowledge you when i'm around other people too. i'm sick of being treated this way not only in school but at church too... that a different story. i've become a loner who just sinks in her own self pity. its like wow am i that boring that no one seems to wanna talk to me? maybe i am since i tend to be quiet. i do have my moments of giddiness but thats very rare and with certain people. maybe i'm just wishing something impossible or some sort of friendship in a make believe world. or maybe i've just closed myself up since i've felt so different from eveyone else... i don't know.
i don't know anything anymore. i'm a naive person but sometimes being naive can probably be the best for me. i don't need to deal with all the problems teens face now a days and i certainly don't need to hear about how stoned people got or how drunk people got the other night and all that nonsense. i wish i could turn back time and still be a little kid an not have to be tempted with this stuff. i'm only 16!!! i don't understand why teens now a days want to grow up so fast. everything comes in an orderly fashion. all i have to worry about is just getting through school, go to BYU, find a respectable guy for myself when the time comes and so on. maybe i'm just living in a bubble and don't want to face reality that each day i'm gonna be tempted. but how i wish the world didn't have to be this way... so yea i've said nothing but i've said enough if that makes any sense. i just needed to get this off my chest for a while now...
things with me are just strange... i'm sick of the same old routine that i live by everyday. i've been feeling i need a change in my life but not exactly sure what. or maybe its totally opposite... i'm the normal one and the world is the one that needs to change.... either way i haven' been feeling too happy with life in general. school has drained all my energy... i can't even think anymore plus i'm not happy w/ my performance in school.... so i have all Bs in my classes.... to me its like Fs. i hate it and its going to bring my GPA down. i guess i am a big nerd at heart but if i want to get into BYU i have to get my grades up. i've been getting so stressed and at my age i shouldn't be this stressed!
school isn't the only thing that has gotten me stressed. in the moments that i do have to think and contemplate on my life and the things that surround me... i get upset and cry. i don't know how this is gonna come out and if i offend anyone i'm sorry but its how i feel. through out my whole life i've realized that i've never really had a true best friend or been a part of a group of friends. i mean i have friendsi'm not that shy but i always seem to be the one that gets the short end of the deal. i seem to get left out in the rain alone and it hurts. i don't think i've ever had a time where someone would say hey natalia lets do something this weekend or u wanna come join us to go somewhere.... nothing... all i get is oh let me be your friend for the day at school and just not talk to you or acknowledge you when i'm around other people too. i'm sick of being treated this way not only in school but at church too... that a different story. i've become a loner who just sinks in her own self pity. its like wow am i that boring that no one seems to wanna talk to me? maybe i am since i tend to be quiet. i do have my moments of giddiness but thats very rare and with certain people. maybe i'm just wishing something impossible or some sort of friendship in a make believe world. or maybe i've just closed myself up since i've felt so different from eveyone else... i don't know.
i don't know anything anymore. i'm a naive person but sometimes being naive can probably be the best for me. i don't need to deal with all the problems teens face now a days and i certainly don't need to hear about how stoned people got or how drunk people got the other night and all that nonsense. i wish i could turn back time and still be a little kid an not have to be tempted with this stuff. i'm only 16!!! i don't understand why teens now a days want to grow up so fast. everything comes in an orderly fashion. all i have to worry about is just getting through school, go to BYU, find a respectable guy for myself when the time comes and so on. maybe i'm just living in a bubble and don't want to face reality that each day i'm gonna be tempted. but how i wish the world didn't have to be this way... so yea i've said nothing but i've said enough if that makes any sense. i just needed to get this off my chest for a while now...