the bad weather is getting to me..

Jul 28, 2007 00:33

well then. its been..interesting. i went to new york on the fifteenth of june and came home the seventeenth of july. it was long, but really really great. i miss my friends there so much, its like..i dont see them for a whole year and i miss them so much, but when i come back its like nothing has changed. i really needed the vacation, i mean, im just so tense with everything when im here and my mom doesnt make it the least bit easier. we got into a fight tonight because i told her deannas parents were helping her by taking her to go see colleges, not that i want to go see colleges but i need help. i need advice, i cant do this by myself i know we cant even afford it, she needs to help me a little. i cant find all the scholarships and schools all by myself. i mean i guess im going to have to, but i feel like everyone my age is so ahead of me. its ridiculous. and like, everyone has a car, even people with single parents, even people who dont have a lot of money, they all get cars, and im stuck, relying on other people constantly. and i really hate doing that. i dont know how im going to get to school next year, i really dont want to take the bus but im probably going to have to, which really fucking blows. i dont want to take the bus my senior year. another thing that i dont understand, is why like.. i dont know. things just change, i have more friends than ive ever had in my life and it seems like they all dont want me to be friends with the other ones. things have changed so much since eighth grade/ freshman year and part of me wants it to be the same and the other part just wants to be able to move on and not have people uncomfortable about that. i cant change everything i am for anyone, i know that, its just hard. i dont really know what im trying to say, im just really stressed out, its not even the school year and im like sick to my stomach stressed. i know its probably not true, but it just seems like everything has worked out so much better for everyone. i wish i still lived in new york, despite all the friends ive made and all the fun ive had.
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