No Lies, Just Love Part 5
Title: No Lies, Just Love Part 5
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Fernando Torres/Sergio Ramos
Word count: 2,902
Warning: There’s a lot of cursing in this chapter, and plenty of angst and pain.
Disclaimer: Not true.
Summary: All the pain and all the hurt comes out, and Sergio can’t seem to stop screaming.
Previous Parts
It had been three weeks since Fernando accidently spent the night at Sergio’s, and he hadn’t seen him since. Fernando may have ignored a couple of texts from Sergio asking him to go out, or stay in, whatever he preferred, and he may have failed to return a few phone calls and voicemails, but Fernando didn’t want to go out. He’d prefer to sulk and brood around his house, all the while counting down the days until he went back to Liverpool and hopefully moved on from this life. Or at least from Sergio.
Tomorrow, he would be leaving Spain. He had already worked out with Olalla the first few weekends that he could fly back to Spain to see his daughter, and that was that.
Tonight would be the last time he saw Sergio for a long time; Fernando didn’t want to think about how long. Although he was going to be flying back and forth quite often, he knew he wouldn’t want to visit Sergio on his trips back. It’d be tempting as hell, sure, but he had to get over him. And seeing him every other weekend wasn’t going to do the trick. So, Fernando agreed to go out to a bar with Sergio along with some of his other Spain team members to say goodbye to him and all the other players that weren’t staying in Spain. Fernando drank, and even got tipsy enough to horribly butcher “Wonderwall” on karaoke. He laughed and had fun with his friends, and he danced and when he was drunk enough, he slurred “I love you’s” to all his teammates as a farewell. Well, all but two. Sergio and Gerard had been too preoccupied grinding their hips against the others to see that Fernando was making his round of goodbyes.
However, a very adorably drunk Pique had spotted Fernando heading for the door and yelled out “BYE FERNANDO. I’LL MISS YOOUU,” while waving his hand high in the air flimsily.
Sergio turned around from his boyfriend to see Fernando stop waving to Pique and start walking away without so much as a goodbye to Sergio.
“I’ll be right back,” he whispered in his Gerard’s ear and ran off toward Fernando.
“What, I don’t get a goodbye?” Sergio said when he was within an earshot of Fernando.
Hearing the voice, Fernando smiled and stopped. Somehow, he knew that this would happen. He knew when he was leaving that somehow Sergio would find him, just like he always did.
“And miss you running after me?” He turned around and gave Sergio his signature smirk.
And in that brief moment, with their usual banter and the long hug that followed afterward, it seemed like nothing had changed between them, and Fernando wished it wasn’t like that only during goodbyes.
*
It had been two and a half months since Fernando had been at Liverpool, and it was only the third weekend that he got the chance to visit his daughter in Spain. Whenever he did, he stayed in Iker’s guestroom; not really wanting to stay at Olalla’s or get his own place. Iker and Sara didn’t mind, and usually Fernando kept to himself, cherishing the time he had with his daughter. She was growing up so fast, he thought.
He was just finishing up feeding Nora in the kitchen when Iker walked in and paced back and forth, looking flustered as he talked on the phone with someone.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, I have this big dinner with my parents planned and I haven’t seen them in forever,” Iker said, but after a pause he continued, “actually it’s okay, I can cancel, I’m sure they’ll understand, I’ll be over there soon.”
Fernando started to listen intently and wonder who was on the other side and what they were saying to Iker that would get him to drop the dinner he had been planning at some fancy restaurant for his parents for some time now.
“No, it’s fine really,” he began to protest to the other person. He tried to say more but stopped and let them continue.
“Yeah, but,” he was cut off again.
“Sergio, I don’t want to just leave you at home all miserable,”
Fernando’s eyes widened and heart dropped as he realized who he was talking too. A million thoughts raced through his head, and all he wanted to know was what was wrong with Sergio. It sounded really bad from the way Iker pleaded with him.
“Of course my parents are important, and you are too, but-,” Iker stopped talking when he turned around.
“Oh!” he exclaimed happily, realizing that Fernando was there for the first time.
“I completely forgot Fernando was over here, Serg. Why didn’t you just call him? I’ll tell him to come over and I’m sure he can help you out, don’t worry Sese, it’ll be fine,” and with that he hung up.
Fernando stared blankly at Iker, waiting for an explanation.
“Sese and Geri broke up,” he grimaced. “Sergio’s kind of broken up about it, so he wanted to hang out, and I of course have my dinner, and I completely forgot you were here. But, problem solved. Go on over there and help him out.”
Fernando didn’t move an inch. He just kept staring at Iker, mouth slightly open, and his eyes filled with dread and though he felt horrible about it, just a slight sense of hope. Sergio and Gerard broke up, that meant he was single now. But that also meant he was probably heartbroken. And as much as Fernando wanted to take away all the pain from Sergio’s life, he wasn’t sure that he was the best to do that.
“Why are you staring at me like that, c’mon, let’s get moving. I’m sure Sara can take care of Nora, she’s not going to the dinner since it’s strictly family, so what’s the hold up?”
“Iker…” Fernando started.
What was he supposed to say? As smart as Iker was, he was completely oblivious to Sergio and Fernando dating the better half of two years, and of course he was just oblivious to their break up and later attempt at being friends, so how was he supposed to explain the past three years of his life with Sergio and how he didn’t think he could console him, because he’d also broken Sergio’s heart and trying to comfort him from his breakup with Pique would just be too hard and too painful for the both of them.
Before Fernando could say anything else or Iker could ask him what the hell was going on, Iker’s phone rang again.
When he picked up, the other person started speaking immediately.
At least a minute had passed of Iker listening on the phone and shooting questioning glances at Fernando, “Uhh, why don’t you just talk to him, I think that’ll be easier,” Iker said and handed the phone to Fernando.
Fernando could faintly hear the “No, really, it’s okay!” pleas of Sergio as the phone was handed to him.
“Uh, hey, Sergio,” Fernando greeted.
“Nando, you don’t have to come over, Iker’s just making a big fuss, really I’m fine,” Sergio tried to convince him. “I know you don’t want to anyway,” he added hesitantly.
The way Sergio tried to convince him everything was fine with him when Fernando knew it wasn’t , and the way his voice cracked the slightest bit when he said Fernando didn’t want to come over anyway made him put his reasons and the pain he’d go through aside.
“Is that the only reason you don’t want me to come over? Because you think I don’t want to?” Fernando asked.
“I mean, I…well I,” Sergio stuttered, “Do you want to come over?” He asked with a hint of longing in his voice.
Fernando sighed, realizing that Sergio really did need someone right now. And he didn’t care if it was him. Fernando just didn’t want to have to listen to Sergio’s heart break another time. And this time, over someone else.
But he’d have to face it, because right now, Sergio needed him.
“I’ll be there soon,” he assured him and hung up before Sergio could say anymore.
*
Sergio opened the door and smiled when he saw his friend standing there. Fernando gave him a tight hug and rubbed his back, softly whispering “I’m sorry you have to go through this, Sese.”
Fernando had already resolved on the way over that this wasn’t the time to be awkward or unsure; his friend needed him, his Sergio needed him. And he was going to be there for him.
They settled down on the same couch this time, and Sergio got them both a beer. The TV was on and they both pretended to watch it, Fernando waiting until Sergio got the courage to talk to him.
“It just sucks, you know,’ Sergio said after a while, putting his head down in one hand while running his fingers through his hair.
Fernando scooted a little closer to him.
“It all just, fucking sucks. We won the World cup, we’re champions for Christ’s sakes, yet I’m stuck here wallowing over my life, when it’s actually a pretty damn good life,” he looked up at Fernando then. “Yet I still can’t find a way to be happy.”
Fernando rubbed up and down Sergio’s back soothingly. “You’re just in a rough patch, you know break ups happen, you’ll find someone better, I promise.”
Sergio scoffed and it sounded bitter and too angry.
“I’m just not good enough for anyone,” he said, shaking his head.
“Don’t. Say. That.” Fernando punctuated every word with his own pain, and tried to meet Sergio’s eyes. Sergio avoided them so Fernando kept going.
“You’re good enough for me.”
“Bullshit,” Sergio spat out and this time he met Fernando’s eyes with a glare filled with resentment. Fernando broke it and they went back into silence.
“You didn’t tell me about Olalla,” he said, and his voice was an uncharacteristic amount of cold.
Fernando tried to give him his best apologetic look, but Sergio continued.
“How could you? You broke up with me for her, or so you said, and when you two are over you don’t even tell me? So what was the real reason you broke up with me, because it’s obviously not her. If it was because of her, you would have come back to me. What the fuck, Fernando?” his voice got louder with every sentence and Fernando hated to hear him yell, hated to hear him sound so upset and angry.
I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, he thought. It’s as simple as that.
Fernando was about to say exactly that but Sergio didn’t let him get a word in.
“ Seven months! Seven fucking months of not hearing a word from you. If I didn’t see you at practice I would have thought you died!” Sergio was up off the couch, glaring down at Fernando.
“We were together for two goddamn years, that doesn’t matter to you? I understood when you broke up with me, Fernando, I really did, because I knew that you wanted to be loyal to your wife and you felt guilty, but you broke up with her! And while I was alone every night, every fucking night, just trying to stop thinking about you, trying to stop myself from crying myself to sleep every night, and what do you do- you don’t even call me, you act like I don’t exist, like it never even mattered to you, and I start to believe that it didn’t. And it still kills me to this day. Now you tell me, did it matter to you, Fernando? Any of it?”
Fernando’s biting his lip and the tears are still forming in his eyes because he keeps picturing Sergio alone in his bed, clutching on a pillow, trying to muffle his sobs. And he hates himself, he absolutely hates himself, because he knows that feeling exactly and he never wanted to be the cause of it.
“Of course it mattered, it all mattered Sergio,” he’s choking out and he wants to say more.
He wants to say I love you, I miss you, I’m so sorry a thousand times over and tell him how he couldn’t fall asleep without his nose pressed up against the shirt Sergio accidently forgot one time, breathing his scent in, and how it ached every time he woke up and reached across the bed, expecting Sergio but clutching on to only cold blankets, and he wants to pour his soul out to him and tell him that he’s had the worst ten months of his life, but Sergio’s in a rage and nothing Fernando tries to say is calming him down.
“Fuck that! Fuck your lies, fuck the promises you broke. Fuck Liverpool and fuck you for leaving,” tears are cascading down Sergio’s face now, and he wants to stop, he knows he doesn’t mean it, he knows he shouldn’t say it, but it feels so damn good to yell, and to scream all the things he couldn’t keep from thinking these past months.
“Oh and you know why Gerard broke up with me? Because Cesc wanted him back. Yeah, I was just a rebound, or a replacement to him, because who he really loves is Cesc. And you know what else, that’s okay with me, because I know how he feels. Because we both used each other because we couldn’t be with the one we really wanted to be with. Yeah, Fernando, when I fucked him, I thought of you. When I fell asleep on his chest, I thought of you. When I made you two breakfast, I wanted it to just be me and you again. When we watched Shutter Island together, I couldn’t even sit on the same couch with you because it was so fucking hard not to jump your bones with you sitting there,” Sergio pointed to the couch Fernando was sitting at and stormed off towards his room.
Fernando tried to take it all in, tried to process everything that Sergio was saying but it all didn’t make any sense and the only thing he knew was that he wanted Sergio to please, just stop yelling, and to just kiss him and make up, and just make this fight stop, so he followed Sergio to his room, pleading with him to calm down.
Sergio snapped away from Fernando as he grabbed for his arm outside his bedroom door.
He squinted his eyes and his jaw was set in only fury. “And you know, Gerard was great. He was a good fuck, and he’s attractive as hell, and funny and adorable and nice and when I think about it, he’s probably a much better person than you. But, fuck my life, because as hard as I try to forget about you and get over you and move on with my life, as hard as I’ve tried to find someone else, no one in the world compares to you,” Sergio regretted instantly saying that Gerard was better than him, because it wasn’t true but he hurt so much. And he just wanted to hurt back.
Fernando was crying and aching now and he reached to hug Sergio, to just try to convey to him that he loved him too, that there wasn’t anyone for him other than Sergio.
But Sergio shoved him away forcefully and stepped inside his room.
Fernando opened his eyes wide, showing his tear stricken face and he jutted his lip out, looking apologetic and broken and gorgeous at the same time, but Sergio was so tired of giving in to him all the time, giving in to his boyish looks and fake apologies.
“Fuck off,” the two words were out of Sergio’s mouth like vile and he slammed the door but not before he saw the torture in Fernando’s face. As soon as it was closed, he locked it and slammed his back against it, sliding down to the floor, uncontrolled sobs now making their way through his body and shaking him fiercely.
Fernando sobbed and mimicked Sergio, except he didn’t slam himself against the door and he slid down slowly. He put his face and hand against the door; only fragile wood separating the two. Fernando rubbed his hand across the door, pretending it was Sergio, and he pressed his mouth against it, crying and kissing it at the same time.
“Please, just let me in,” he whimpered, growing more hysterical with every second that Sergio didn’t answer. He rubbed his nose against the door and then his forehead and continued to stroke it with his hand. “Please.”
On the other side, Sergio tried to control his breathing, tried to control his thoughts or anything that was going on but it was all a wreck, he was a wreck. And he hated hearing the sound of Fernando’s cries, hated knowing that he was only inches apart from him and hated not being able to hold him or be held. But he was so angry, so hurt and betrayed and he had to resist.
“Go home Fernando,” he said it oddly calm compared to the way he was feeling and Fernando knew he meant it. He closed his eyes and let a few tears fall before kissing the door one last time and leaving.
The sound of the front door slamming resembled the feeling of both of their hearts shattering all too well.
Next Part
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Fernando Torres/Sergio Ramos
Word count: 2,902
Warning: There’s a lot of cursing in this chapter, and plenty of angst and pain.
Disclaimer: Not true.
Summary: All the pain and all the hurt comes out, and Sergio can’t seem to stop screaming.
Previous Parts
It had been three weeks since Fernando accidently spent the night at Sergio’s, and he hadn’t seen him since. Fernando may have ignored a couple of texts from Sergio asking him to go out, or stay in, whatever he preferred, and he may have failed to return a few phone calls and voicemails, but Fernando didn’t want to go out. He’d prefer to sulk and brood around his house, all the while counting down the days until he went back to Liverpool and hopefully moved on from this life. Or at least from Sergio.
Tomorrow, he would be leaving Spain. He had already worked out with Olalla the first few weekends that he could fly back to Spain to see his daughter, and that was that.
Tonight would be the last time he saw Sergio for a long time; Fernando didn’t want to think about how long. Although he was going to be flying back and forth quite often, he knew he wouldn’t want to visit Sergio on his trips back. It’d be tempting as hell, sure, but he had to get over him. And seeing him every other weekend wasn’t going to do the trick. So, Fernando agreed to go out to a bar with Sergio along with some of his other Spain team members to say goodbye to him and all the other players that weren’t staying in Spain. Fernando drank, and even got tipsy enough to horribly butcher “Wonderwall” on karaoke. He laughed and had fun with his friends, and he danced and when he was drunk enough, he slurred “I love you’s” to all his teammates as a farewell. Well, all but two. Sergio and Gerard had been too preoccupied grinding their hips against the others to see that Fernando was making his round of goodbyes.
However, a very adorably drunk Pique had spotted Fernando heading for the door and yelled out “BYE FERNANDO. I’LL MISS YOOUU,” while waving his hand high in the air flimsily.
Sergio turned around from his boyfriend to see Fernando stop waving to Pique and start walking away without so much as a goodbye to Sergio.
“I’ll be right back,” he whispered in his Gerard’s ear and ran off toward Fernando.
“What, I don’t get a goodbye?” Sergio said when he was within an earshot of Fernando.
Hearing the voice, Fernando smiled and stopped. Somehow, he knew that this would happen. He knew when he was leaving that somehow Sergio would find him, just like he always did.
“And miss you running after me?” He turned around and gave Sergio his signature smirk.
And in that brief moment, with their usual banter and the long hug that followed afterward, it seemed like nothing had changed between them, and Fernando wished it wasn’t like that only during goodbyes.
*
It had been two and a half months since Fernando had been at Liverpool, and it was only the third weekend that he got the chance to visit his daughter in Spain. Whenever he did, he stayed in Iker’s guestroom; not really wanting to stay at Olalla’s or get his own place. Iker and Sara didn’t mind, and usually Fernando kept to himself, cherishing the time he had with his daughter. She was growing up so fast, he thought.
He was just finishing up feeding Nora in the kitchen when Iker walked in and paced back and forth, looking flustered as he talked on the phone with someone.
“Shit, I’m so sorry, I have this big dinner with my parents planned and I haven’t seen them in forever,” Iker said, but after a pause he continued, “actually it’s okay, I can cancel, I’m sure they’ll understand, I’ll be over there soon.”
Fernando started to listen intently and wonder who was on the other side and what they were saying to Iker that would get him to drop the dinner he had been planning at some fancy restaurant for his parents for some time now.
“No, it’s fine really,” he began to protest to the other person. He tried to say more but stopped and let them continue.
“Yeah, but,” he was cut off again.
“Sergio, I don’t want to just leave you at home all miserable,”
Fernando’s eyes widened and heart dropped as he realized who he was talking too. A million thoughts raced through his head, and all he wanted to know was what was wrong with Sergio. It sounded really bad from the way Iker pleaded with him.
“Of course my parents are important, and you are too, but-,” Iker stopped talking when he turned around.
“Oh!” he exclaimed happily, realizing that Fernando was there for the first time.
“I completely forgot Fernando was over here, Serg. Why didn’t you just call him? I’ll tell him to come over and I’m sure he can help you out, don’t worry Sese, it’ll be fine,” and with that he hung up.
Fernando stared blankly at Iker, waiting for an explanation.
“Sese and Geri broke up,” he grimaced. “Sergio’s kind of broken up about it, so he wanted to hang out, and I of course have my dinner, and I completely forgot you were here. But, problem solved. Go on over there and help him out.”
Fernando didn’t move an inch. He just kept staring at Iker, mouth slightly open, and his eyes filled with dread and though he felt horrible about it, just a slight sense of hope. Sergio and Gerard broke up, that meant he was single now. But that also meant he was probably heartbroken. And as much as Fernando wanted to take away all the pain from Sergio’s life, he wasn’t sure that he was the best to do that.
“Why are you staring at me like that, c’mon, let’s get moving. I’m sure Sara can take care of Nora, she’s not going to the dinner since it’s strictly family, so what’s the hold up?”
“Iker…” Fernando started.
What was he supposed to say? As smart as Iker was, he was completely oblivious to Sergio and Fernando dating the better half of two years, and of course he was just oblivious to their break up and later attempt at being friends, so how was he supposed to explain the past three years of his life with Sergio and how he didn’t think he could console him, because he’d also broken Sergio’s heart and trying to comfort him from his breakup with Pique would just be too hard and too painful for the both of them.
Before Fernando could say anything else or Iker could ask him what the hell was going on, Iker’s phone rang again.
When he picked up, the other person started speaking immediately.
At least a minute had passed of Iker listening on the phone and shooting questioning glances at Fernando, “Uhh, why don’t you just talk to him, I think that’ll be easier,” Iker said and handed the phone to Fernando.
Fernando could faintly hear the “No, really, it’s okay!” pleas of Sergio as the phone was handed to him.
“Uh, hey, Sergio,” Fernando greeted.
“Nando, you don’t have to come over, Iker’s just making a big fuss, really I’m fine,” Sergio tried to convince him. “I know you don’t want to anyway,” he added hesitantly.
The way Sergio tried to convince him everything was fine with him when Fernando knew it wasn’t , and the way his voice cracked the slightest bit when he said Fernando didn’t want to come over anyway made him put his reasons and the pain he’d go through aside.
“Is that the only reason you don’t want me to come over? Because you think I don’t want to?” Fernando asked.
“I mean, I…well I,” Sergio stuttered, “Do you want to come over?” He asked with a hint of longing in his voice.
Fernando sighed, realizing that Sergio really did need someone right now. And he didn’t care if it was him. Fernando just didn’t want to have to listen to Sergio’s heart break another time. And this time, over someone else.
But he’d have to face it, because right now, Sergio needed him.
“I’ll be there soon,” he assured him and hung up before Sergio could say anymore.
*
Sergio opened the door and smiled when he saw his friend standing there. Fernando gave him a tight hug and rubbed his back, softly whispering “I’m sorry you have to go through this, Sese.”
Fernando had already resolved on the way over that this wasn’t the time to be awkward or unsure; his friend needed him, his Sergio needed him. And he was going to be there for him.
They settled down on the same couch this time, and Sergio got them both a beer. The TV was on and they both pretended to watch it, Fernando waiting until Sergio got the courage to talk to him.
“It just sucks, you know,’ Sergio said after a while, putting his head down in one hand while running his fingers through his hair.
Fernando scooted a little closer to him.
“It all just, fucking sucks. We won the World cup, we’re champions for Christ’s sakes, yet I’m stuck here wallowing over my life, when it’s actually a pretty damn good life,” he looked up at Fernando then. “Yet I still can’t find a way to be happy.”
Fernando rubbed up and down Sergio’s back soothingly. “You’re just in a rough patch, you know break ups happen, you’ll find someone better, I promise.”
Sergio scoffed and it sounded bitter and too angry.
“I’m just not good enough for anyone,” he said, shaking his head.
“Don’t. Say. That.” Fernando punctuated every word with his own pain, and tried to meet Sergio’s eyes. Sergio avoided them so Fernando kept going.
“You’re good enough for me.”
“Bullshit,” Sergio spat out and this time he met Fernando’s eyes with a glare filled with resentment. Fernando broke it and they went back into silence.
“You didn’t tell me about Olalla,” he said, and his voice was an uncharacteristic amount of cold.
Fernando tried to give him his best apologetic look, but Sergio continued.
“How could you? You broke up with me for her, or so you said, and when you two are over you don’t even tell me? So what was the real reason you broke up with me, because it’s obviously not her. If it was because of her, you would have come back to me. What the fuck, Fernando?” his voice got louder with every sentence and Fernando hated to hear him yell, hated to hear him sound so upset and angry.
I didn’t want to hurt you anymore, he thought. It’s as simple as that.
Fernando was about to say exactly that but Sergio didn’t let him get a word in.
“ Seven months! Seven fucking months of not hearing a word from you. If I didn’t see you at practice I would have thought you died!” Sergio was up off the couch, glaring down at Fernando.
“We were together for two goddamn years, that doesn’t matter to you? I understood when you broke up with me, Fernando, I really did, because I knew that you wanted to be loyal to your wife and you felt guilty, but you broke up with her! And while I was alone every night, every fucking night, just trying to stop thinking about you, trying to stop myself from crying myself to sleep every night, and what do you do- you don’t even call me, you act like I don’t exist, like it never even mattered to you, and I start to believe that it didn’t. And it still kills me to this day. Now you tell me, did it matter to you, Fernando? Any of it?”
Fernando’s biting his lip and the tears are still forming in his eyes because he keeps picturing Sergio alone in his bed, clutching on a pillow, trying to muffle his sobs. And he hates himself, he absolutely hates himself, because he knows that feeling exactly and he never wanted to be the cause of it.
“Of course it mattered, it all mattered Sergio,” he’s choking out and he wants to say more.
He wants to say I love you, I miss you, I’m so sorry a thousand times over and tell him how he couldn’t fall asleep without his nose pressed up against the shirt Sergio accidently forgot one time, breathing his scent in, and how it ached every time he woke up and reached across the bed, expecting Sergio but clutching on to only cold blankets, and he wants to pour his soul out to him and tell him that he’s had the worst ten months of his life, but Sergio’s in a rage and nothing Fernando tries to say is calming him down.
“Fuck that! Fuck your lies, fuck the promises you broke. Fuck Liverpool and fuck you for leaving,” tears are cascading down Sergio’s face now, and he wants to stop, he knows he doesn’t mean it, he knows he shouldn’t say it, but it feels so damn good to yell, and to scream all the things he couldn’t keep from thinking these past months.
“Oh and you know why Gerard broke up with me? Because Cesc wanted him back. Yeah, I was just a rebound, or a replacement to him, because who he really loves is Cesc. And you know what else, that’s okay with me, because I know how he feels. Because we both used each other because we couldn’t be with the one we really wanted to be with. Yeah, Fernando, when I fucked him, I thought of you. When I fell asleep on his chest, I thought of you. When I made you two breakfast, I wanted it to just be me and you again. When we watched Shutter Island together, I couldn’t even sit on the same couch with you because it was so fucking hard not to jump your bones with you sitting there,” Sergio pointed to the couch Fernando was sitting at and stormed off towards his room.
Fernando tried to take it all in, tried to process everything that Sergio was saying but it all didn’t make any sense and the only thing he knew was that he wanted Sergio to please, just stop yelling, and to just kiss him and make up, and just make this fight stop, so he followed Sergio to his room, pleading with him to calm down.
Sergio snapped away from Fernando as he grabbed for his arm outside his bedroom door.
He squinted his eyes and his jaw was set in only fury. “And you know, Gerard was great. He was a good fuck, and he’s attractive as hell, and funny and adorable and nice and when I think about it, he’s probably a much better person than you. But, fuck my life, because as hard as I try to forget about you and get over you and move on with my life, as hard as I’ve tried to find someone else, no one in the world compares to you,” Sergio regretted instantly saying that Gerard was better than him, because it wasn’t true but he hurt so much. And he just wanted to hurt back.
Fernando was crying and aching now and he reached to hug Sergio, to just try to convey to him that he loved him too, that there wasn’t anyone for him other than Sergio.
But Sergio shoved him away forcefully and stepped inside his room.
Fernando opened his eyes wide, showing his tear stricken face and he jutted his lip out, looking apologetic and broken and gorgeous at the same time, but Sergio was so tired of giving in to him all the time, giving in to his boyish looks and fake apologies.
“Fuck off,” the two words were out of Sergio’s mouth like vile and he slammed the door but not before he saw the torture in Fernando’s face. As soon as it was closed, he locked it and slammed his back against it, sliding down to the floor, uncontrolled sobs now making their way through his body and shaking him fiercely.
Fernando sobbed and mimicked Sergio, except he didn’t slam himself against the door and he slid down slowly. He put his face and hand against the door; only fragile wood separating the two. Fernando rubbed his hand across the door, pretending it was Sergio, and he pressed his mouth against it, crying and kissing it at the same time.
“Please, just let me in,” he whimpered, growing more hysterical with every second that Sergio didn’t answer. He rubbed his nose against the door and then his forehead and continued to stroke it with his hand. “Please.”
On the other side, Sergio tried to control his breathing, tried to control his thoughts or anything that was going on but it was all a wreck, he was a wreck. And he hated hearing the sound of Fernando’s cries, hated knowing that he was only inches apart from him and hated not being able to hold him or be held. But he was so angry, so hurt and betrayed and he had to resist.
“Go home Fernando,” he said it oddly calm compared to the way he was feeling and Fernando knew he meant it. He closed his eyes and let a few tears fall before kissing the door one last time and leaving.
The sound of the front door slamming resembled the feeling of both of their hearts shattering all too well.
Next Part