Learning to be happy again...
For obvious reasons I dont have MUCH of a sense of humor left. Just a little one, so If you don't 'get' why I currently tend to be fucking serious (for the most part anyway), then you are pretty STUPID. I probably want to hit you with Andy's Ramos Alignment Device too. Some people have asked me if i can have a good day or laugh anymore, so I thought I'd put the answer(s) to those questions out there...
It's a strange new world out here. I'm not entirely convinced that LIKE this world either. (Beats the shit outta Jail though!) It is SO hard to restrain what I had planned to let freely flow with the person I always imagined would be close, would be mine forever and 2 days. I HATE feeling like I'm always going to fall down, going to collapse--but I know the harm done by stomping the emotions down and burying them...Surviving from one minute to the next without her here seems impossible when I feel like this. Being free was supposed to make life easier...not nearly unbearable. NEVER in my wildest dreams or deepest, darkest fears did I think that it would be even remotely close to this.....So:
Give me space when It's rough and the geyser is active. Come say hi (online or--better yet--in meatspace!), ask aboot my day, send/tell me jokes and lend me smiles, your ear, or maybe even the occasional shoulder to cry on... Give me time to put things back in order (Still don't have a bed LOL) and bring a little order to the chaos.
Be patient and stand by....give me a little time and dont exxpect who I was to reappear immeadiatly. There are portions of that person I miss deeply and want to resurrect.....and portions that I NEVER want to see or be reminded of again!
Before you knows it I'll be ME again...laughing and spouting random goodness all the while...dancing in the ruins of purgatory.
Thank you all.