Old Friends [ Helene + Kai ]

[helene_beal]

She wasn't really sure how long she put it off: a couple of hours... a couple of days. When Helene finally found herself at Kai's door, she was surprised she'd made it that far. And she probably only knocked because she knew it would have been childish to turn back. Immature. She was a new woman now

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[yasuragi_kaito]

"Nobody here but us hookah-smoking caterpillars," was Kai's called out reply, chuckling under his breath.

He'd been practicing a pared-down acoustic version of Jefferson Airplane's "White Rabbit" for the past hour and a half, and honestly, he was beginning to think it was messing with his head. Not that it needed any more messing with in the first place, really. Aside from the chemo, even -- his stomach had been doing a few tiny flip-flops every few minutes with every thought that turned towards Helene. Because it had been a while since he'd seen her.

One pill made her married; one pill got her divorced...

His violin was sitting next to him on the bed, case open, bow resting across the Helene-pillow. His guitar was in his arms, and for once, he'd decided he wasn't going to hastily shove the violin back under the bed. If she wanted to ask about it, now would be a perfect time. He was already going to tell her about the album, right? Only fitting that he'd also tell her about his other talents. He did, after all, record two tracks solely with the violin.

Figuring Helene was already inside (as his eyes were fixed on his plucking fingers and he didn't actually see her walk in), he murmured. "Y'know, they tell you to remember what the dormouse said, but I don't recall him ever saying anything of importance."

[helene_beal]

She tilted her head, taking him in slowly. Helene wasn't sure if Kai looked better or worse. There was some color in his face, so... better? It's what she made herself believe anyway. She felt guilty that it had been so long since her last visit, but she'd forced herself to believe a lot of things to dull that pain, too. He needed time to heal. She had too much to deal with on her own. It was better that he wasn't so close.

She nearly hated herself for all of it.

But, she put on a smile. "The Doormouse. He's the one in the teapot, right?" Helene spotted the violin and bit her lip. When had he taken that up? It was another bullet on the long list of things she'd missed.

"Or is that the March Hare? Is there a March Hare?"

She took a seat on the edge of his bed. She smiled. Sort of. Regardless of whether or not she'd invented the color in his cheeks... it was good to see him. Maybe it was the guitar. Helene listened for a while. "Jefferson Airplane? Curiouser and curiouser."

[yasuragi_kaito]

"You remember more than I do. All I really remember was that nutty Hatter."

Indigo eyes glanced up at Helene -- his Helene, if he could have it his way -- and he gave her a ghost of a smile before returning his attention to his guitar. One of his many metaphoric security blankets, shielding him from the pains of the rest of the world... which, unfortunately, sometimes included Helene. Or, at least, the thoughts she often spurred in his head. Like wanting to smash his guitar over David's head. For a moment, though, he was content to pick at the strings and murmur the lyrics of the song in a throaty, rockstar rendition that would've been better off in a smoky alternative bar than anything remotely radio-friendly.

Ah, well. Radio was overrated, anyway.

His fingers slowed down just enough for the notes to not be too overbearing. "Wanna go first? I'm... getting the feeling we both have things to tell each other." His eyes once again fluttered up to hers, but this time they stayed up. It was always nice to look at her, after all. And what little blush of color appeared on his cheeks this time around would be thanks to slight nervousness just as much as actually feeling better.

[helene_beal]

He played beautifully. He played in that way that made you never want to say another word, if it meant he might play forever. Helene listened, her eyes on his thin, magical fingers, and when he spoke, the music wasn't interrupted in the slightest.

Helene didn't raise her eyes to his. Wanna go first, meant, Go first. She knew that well enough. If it brought a little smile to her lips, she wasn't aware of it. She played with the sheet on his bed, spinning it between her fingers. She caught sight of the pillow she'd given him from the corner of her eye.

She sighed. "David's gone. I filed for divorce last week." Helene hesitated, running her tongue behind her teeth. "I'm not sure if I'm doing better or worse than I expected," she finished with a dark chuckle. Now, she looked at him. Waiting for his reaction. She wasn't sure what she wanted to see.

[yasuragi_kaito]

"He's gone." He mulled the words over in his own mouth, testing them out, his fingers slowing just slightly as he did so. The only real telling detail that he was actually affected by the news. He never did stop playing. His lips mirrored her slight smile, though, offsetting the rather serious question he asked. "For good? Or for now?"

Because that was the most important question of all, wasn't it? For good meant she'd smile more. It meant contentment. Possibly even happiness. For now? Well, that just meant the same pattern as before, didn't it? And any pattern that involved Helene and bruises together in the same sentence wasn't a pattern Kai particularly liked.

"Where is he now? Is he coming back? Are you going to stand your ground if and when he does?" He rattled off the new questions quietly, not bothering to wait for the answer to his first rhetorical one, and while his eyes were boring into her, they were still just shy of nervous. Sometimes he felt as if it wasn't even his place to be asking these things.

But if he didn't, who would?

And would he even bother trusting anyone who would claim to be close enough to her to care anyway?

His fingers plucked a wrong note, and his eyes darted down with a frown. He stopped playing, for now.

[helene_beal]

She hadn't been expecting so many questions, which was foolish. How long had she really be separated from Kai? "I'm not sure I want to talk about it," she said, but she didn't say it all. What she really started to do was answer his questions, systematically, one after another, and further down the rabbit hole they went.

"For good," she shook her head and let roll back, staring at the ceiling for a moment. "It's for good. He's in California with a friend, his only friend. If he comes back, even I would be shocked." Helene paused. She tried to look him in the eye, but she couldn't. "It wasn't even a fight that started it. I caught him with someone else. I haven't been the most faithful wife either, but I hadn't slept with anyone."

A sick laugh. Helene bit her lip. "And we hadn't slept together, we hadn't had sex in months." She shook her head. "Maybe that was my fault, but I kicked him out. And then... the next day it got bad. He came back." She paused to take a breath. "It was bad, Kai."

She purged her mind of any thoughts against it, and started to pull off her lab coat. Turning away from him, she rolled up the back of her shirt. There was a short, but fat red line: part bruise, part healing scar. "There's more... but I can't show you those." The insides of her thighs, her chest... when Helene turned back, her eyes were wet. "It was so bad, Kai." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I can't forgive him anymore. I can't. It'll kill me, or I'll kill myself."

She broke down. "My God, it was so bad, Kai. And someone called the police, but David got out of there real fast when the idiot neighbor actually told us what he'd done. A few days later, I got a call from his friend. I'm not going to press charges. I don't think I could go through a trial like that, but I filed for divorce. I can't go to court. People would find out. I know a lot of them know already. I couldn't take it..."

She reached for her coat, but she didn't put it back on. She rolled it into a ball and threw it onto her lap. "Some part of my life still has to be mine."

[yasuragi_kaito]

If there had ever been a time he wanted to change professions from musician to bodyguard, now would be one of those times.

Musicians sang about pain. They wrote about it. They held it up, artistically, for whoever would be willing to listen. Musicians were all about art -- but they were useless in the real world. The world where good people got hurt because of bad people. Where Helene could raise up her shirt and show off battlescars, and Kai would only be able to blink back his own empathic pain, swallowing down his own heartbeats, because the only thing he really could do was tell her he was sorry.

Sorry never really did shit. Neither did music.

Kai held a deep breath as he calmly, too calmly, placed his guitar next to him, replacing the violin on the Helene-pillow. For him, the violin was his one true outlet for the worst kind of pains.

"Tell me if he ever does come back."

He had to swallow before speaking again; the image of that scar was now burned into his retinas, even after he blinked rapidly, and it was difficult to concentrate on the words escaping his lips. Lips that really, truly wanted to sing it all away. Or kiss it away. Something. Anything.

"Well, look at it this way," he continued, smiling just slightly. Smile through it, trek right through, and it would be okay. It was over, after all, wasn't it? Trek through with a smile and maybe it would help her do the same. "At least now there's enough room for me to crash on the couch when I get outta here, hm?"

The few feet they were seperated by on the bed seemed like so much empty space. Or dead air. But as much as Kai wanted to close that distance, he wouldn't -- not unless she made a move to first. He'd do whatever Helene wanted, just as long as he absolutely knew she wanted it. And he sincerely hoped what she wanted was to just be held forever and ever, because he was more than willing to do so.

[helene_beal]

She couldn't help but chuckle, although the corresponding feelings didn't come right away. The image of Kai beside her on the sofa, their feet propped up, eating chocolate ice cream. She kept adding to the image, with the two of them wearing their matching pink slippers, early Madonna blasting on the radio--her choice, not his. His guitar in the corner. The violin beside it.

The smile became truly genuine. Helene reached across the bed and took his hand. She'd only meant to touch it for a moment, but she found herself digging her fingers into his palm. She tried to ignore the sudden flutter in her chest, but she didn't let go of his hand, at least not immediately. It crossed her mind to crawl over to the head of the bed, and sit beside him.

There was something impossibly beautiful about him, about everything about him. His hands, the guitar, everything. Kai.

Now, she retracted her hand. She wiped her eyes again. "What was it you wanted to tell me?"

[yasuragi_kaito]

If Kai's sudden smile would've been any bigger, his cheeks would've simply broken. At least, that was how he felt. Her hand was silk, her fingernails sharp reminders of reality -- or maybe he was just waxing poetic in his mind. The end result was the same, either way; seeing her really smile made him feel better. Things weren't perfect, of course, but nothing ever was. And he was inclined to believe that Helene was as close to perfection as a girl could ever be.

"I, ah... I was just wondering if... well." His eyes darted down to his hands, and he shrugged, taking the bow up and examining it. Giving himself something to do while his mouth made a complete ass of him, no doubt. "How do you feel about getting your picture taken? Professionally, I mean. Nothing really fancy, but, ah..."

He trailed off, waving the bow in the air. He really needed to tell her about the violin soon. Or, maybe she'd just ask. Yeah. He'd tell her if she asked and save himself the trouble of actually having to explain that without her even being interested. For a musician -- a wannabe rock star, at that -- he certainly had his moments of creative doubt.

"My solo album needs a cover. And some other things. For the lyrics booklet, I think." He paused again, settling the bow on his raised knees and looking over it at Helene. The bow fuzzed up as his eyes focused on her. Everything did. Maybe that happened more often than he thought. "I wanted to make it a bit more personal than any of the band demos. I was thinking about maybe getting some important people in my life to just... I don't know. Leave their mark on the album the way they've left their mark on me, I guess." He shrugged, at a loss for words now that they'd run out.

[helene_beal]

Her smile became a confused smirk, and then she was just plain old confused. Flattered, yes, but confused. How he fidgeted with the bow of his violin probably didn't help. The visual was always too distracting. Her eyelids fluttered.

The album she knew about. "What about photographs of yourself? I mean, I don't sing on it or anything..."

The way they've left their mark on me... Her eyes closed a fraction of a second. I don't deserve it, she thought, but she didn't say it. She could never turn Kai down about anything, especially not now, even though she knew she was a terrible friend. Helene reached up to wipe her eyes again, although she knew she wasn't crying any more, but when she touched her face she realized she still kind of was. "Yeah. Sure." A light laugh, more airy than empty. "Okay. If you want me to."

No, she could never turn Kai down.