I don't think there's a major decision or life choice I would have done differently, because even the disastrous ones made me who I am today. The one thing that comes into my mind is that I wish I had tried harder at certain things that were difficult for me. Gymnastics, for example. I had a longing to do gymnastics but no real aptitude at all (I was uncoordinated, not very flexible, and timid). In seventh grade I stayed after for the gymnastics club a couple of times, but eventually gave up. I wish I could go back and encourage myself to keep trying--even if I would never have been very good.
In general, I would like to have fought timidity a little more.
Oddly enough, I had a dream last night that I'd spoken out to different people in one scene after another as they carelessly used my things or used me (my time, efforts, goodwill) like some disposable paper cup. Paper cups are funny things... how many appreciate how handy or useful they are? Often those little cups are just there for convenience, to be crumpled up and left behind without worrying where they will go, where they came from, or if one will be available the next time it is needed.
I agree with you in that the decisions I've made, even bad ones, have had something contained within them that I would miss if I knew I didn't have it anymore. Still, I wish I'd learned boundaries earlier in life. I think that one thing would change so many things that the 'now' could not reconcile with what I currently know as 'now' - simple things like the way I react to events and interact with people. I'd like to be so much more empathetic to people and events, be more generous and open, but I am too afraid of being the paper cup.
I know what you mean about disposable paper cups. I almost wish we didn't have such things, because it seems so heartless, to use something just once and then toss it. Seriously, I mean that. My younger daughter and I were talking about having sympathy for things, objects....
Remember the paper cups that were made of pleated paper? And you could unfold them into a circle, and then color them, like a flower? (Still kind of a violation of the cup-as-cup, but...)
Filed under: some people call me weird.housepetSeptember 18 2009, 17:15:56 UTC
Yes! I remember childhood arts and crafts time! Then, after snack, all you'd need is some white glue and the popsicle stick you'd saved! :)
I came across an interesting concept in my reading recently. It's a religious strain known as 'panvitalism'. The thinking is ... living things should be respected. Everything that's alive has energy. Everything has energy, even if it is currently in a dormant state. Why shouldn't the kitchen counter be afforded respect? Is it just because it cannot communicate with us in our manner of communication?
Re: Filed under: some people call me weird.asakiyumeSeptember 18 2009, 17:24:28 UTC
Yeah: every thing has its thingness. A counter has its counterness, a cup has its cupness, and so on. The more complex the thing, the more facets it can have, I suppose. But even the most basic thing can be honored for its It-ness.
I've just gotten around to exploring that sort of thing. I am sure I will come up with a lot nonsense between now and when I settle on what I actually believe about it :)
In general, I would like to have fought timidity a little more.
How about you?
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I agree with you in that the decisions I've made, even bad ones, have had something contained within them that I would miss if I knew I didn't have it anymore. Still, I wish I'd learned boundaries earlier in life. I think that one thing would change so many things that the 'now' could not reconcile with what I currently know as 'now' - simple things like the way I react to events and interact with people. I'd like to be so much more empathetic to people and events, be more generous and open, but I am too afraid of being the paper cup.
Reply
Remember the paper cups that were made of pleated paper? And you could unfold them into a circle, and then color them, like a flower? (Still kind of a violation of the cup-as-cup, but...)
Reply
I came across an interesting concept in my reading recently. It's a religious strain known as 'panvitalism'. The thinking is ... living things should be respected. Everything that's alive has energy. Everything has energy, even if it is currently in a dormant state.
Why shouldn't the kitchen counter be afforded respect?
Is it just because it cannot communicate with us in our manner of communication?
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