Aaaaaaaaawkwaaaaaaaaaaaard
...my housemate hit on me last night. (TW for very brief mention of rape - not in this story, in the past, it wasn't that bad!).
I live in a shared house. There are five bedrooms, and a shared kitchen, bathroom, and garden. Recently, one of our housemates moved out, leaving a bottle of wine as a gift for the rest of us. Other housemate, Y., decided t claim it, and asked me if I wanted some last night. I recently got a job(!) so I said yes to celebrate that. He's asked me to share a drink with him before, and I've said no because I've been poor and anti-social, but this time it was equally mine, so I didn't feel weird about that. Also, I wasn't sure if he was asking me as a housemate or a woman before, though I figured I was probably just being vain, especially when other housemate, G., said that Y. kept asking him to do stuff, too.
Anyway, we sat in the garden and drank wine and talked for an hour or two. We talked about relationships, and he told me a charming story about his coworker getting a woman's phone number while working (door to door sales), calling her five minutes later, and going round to have sex with her immediately. Apparently this made her a slut and him a totally normal guy with NEEDS. He then expanded on the idea that all men, everywhere, have needs that NEED to be fulfilled and blahblahblah. I pointed out that he was being sexist and misogynistic. I probably should have taken that as a warning side.
My bedroom has a door that opens onto the garden, and he was shocked that I didn't lock it while I slept (we were talking about being locked out, and how I'd managed to break in within about 30 seconds that way). Apparently, anyone could just walk in, pin me down and gag me while I'm sleeping and then do terrible things to me. I pointed out how unlikely this was, and ranted on about rape myths, during the course of which I brought up the fact that I've been raped twice.
Anyway, shortly after that, he was suddenly chewing gum and sitting far too close to me (Good timing, right?). I felt uncomfortable, and found an excuse to get up. He followed me, asked if he could kiss me, I mumbled something about "no, we live together, that'd be awkward" and ran away in my room. I locked both my doors. Sure, I don't blame the guy for testing the waters once, but it still made me feel awkward and icky.
....and then the texts started. I gave him my mobile number a while ago, after he got locked out. He's never used it before.
Well, let's see. It's awkward saying no NOW because we live together, and I cannot get to the bathroom without walking past Y's door (I actually hid in my room for like half an hour, seriously contemplating walking half a mile to use the toilets in the nearby supermarket, but that might be me being overly fearful). What if we started sleeping together and one of us wanted to stop and the other didn't? And that's totally ignoring the fact that I don't want to sleep with him, and even if I did want to, it wouldn't be after hearing that charming story about how women who want and enjoy casual sex are sluts.
It would have been fine if he'd left it there.:/ He asked, I said no, I clarified my reasons. It's a bit awkward, but we sleep on it, sober up, have a week of being a bit embarrassed, then get the fuck over it. I put my phone on silent on the other side of the room and got on with downloading free ebooks to cheer myself up. But, nooooo, he was still drunk and chatty.
And here we have the other reason not to have casual sex with housemates. Stuff like this.
This may not seem like much, but, like lots of people, I really don't like being harassed and this is the season for it.:/ Go out in something comfortable and weather appropriate, have every other guy assume you wore it specifically to titillate him, get honked at, catcalled, etc. I don't need to have the same feeling of being on-guard walking around in my own home. As I said, I don't begrudge him asking once, awkward though it was - no one's psychic - but the constant texts made me feel threatened and frightened. Both times when I've been raped, it was due to someone "misreading signals" and truly believing I was as into it as they were, in spite of all evidence to the contrary. I'm very wary of anyone who shows the same sort of signals.
Anyway, away from second-guessing myself, and on to reasons not to sleep with this guy;
- I don't want to.
- I don't want to.
- I don't want to.
...and even ignoring that Reason To Conquer All Reasons;
- I'm not attracted to him.
- We live together.
- He doesn't do the washing up.
- He's sexist and misogynistic.
- He has a one-year-old, and I really don't want to be a single father's bit on the side, especially so early in his son's life. The kid doesn't live here, which potentially makes it even more awkward, what with his ex and various family members visiting.
- He blocked the drain with fag ends and I had to clear it and it was disgusting.
- He breaks things when drunk and doesn't clear them - ie, broken glass right outside my door.:/
- He slams doors and shouts when drunk.
- He gets drunk a lot.
- He's one of those people who bangs on about v*gans not getting enough protein and the joys of meat etc. He told me that eating so many carbs is "why [you're] fat" (I'm not fat and never have been, and I mean that to clarify that I have thin privilege; however, I was moaning a bit about being bigger than I was and my clothes not fitting as well).
- He brings his creepy workmates home and they stare at me and try to talk to me when I am trying to have a nice sunbathe/reading session in the garden. It's a HUGE garden, and I'm right at the end behind a tree, you have to go out of your way to bug me.
- That time his creepy brother hit on me.
Oh, hindsight, you're so wonderful.:( He's left me alone today. I'm not really sure what to do if he doesn't. It helps that the other two housemates and the landlord like me more, because I clean the damn oven.