Need a consult.
Okay, am looking for a beta for a fic I've written. It's about 6,300 words, Wilson-centric with Wilson/Chase, also deals with the missing brother. Summary and extract are here;
Summary: Wilson doesn't like the winter. Chase tries to find out why.
Extract: He stares at the ceiling. He's lying awake on an endless winter night and neither has anything to do with David. Neither did Bonnie, who knew he had a second brother; one that wasn't at the wedding, wasn't talked about amongst the family and knew from the start not to ask. He likes to pretend the disappearance broke them up though - sometimes he has an urge to tell people my older brother disappeared eleven years ago. We argued and then I never saw him again - I don't even know if he's dead or alive, like it will explain away all his screw ups and indiscretions. But that's only on particularly desperate days when he hasn't been able to say remission for a long time, having instead to use words like terminal and nothing we can do and I'm so sorry. As though the fact he couldn't save his own brother will make perfect strangers feel better about the fact he couldn't save them or their loved ones. Stupid really.
I'm only recently stepping out into this fandom and so I'm not completely sure of my characterisations, and I've not written anything quite this long before, so constructive criticism on those two particular fronts would be very much appreciated.
Thanks.
Summary: Wilson doesn't like the winter. Chase tries to find out why.
Extract: He stares at the ceiling. He's lying awake on an endless winter night and neither has anything to do with David. Neither did Bonnie, who knew he had a second brother; one that wasn't at the wedding, wasn't talked about amongst the family and knew from the start not to ask. He likes to pretend the disappearance broke them up though - sometimes he has an urge to tell people my older brother disappeared eleven years ago. We argued and then I never saw him again - I don't even know if he's dead or alive, like it will explain away all his screw ups and indiscretions. But that's only on particularly desperate days when he hasn't been able to say remission for a long time, having instead to use words like terminal and nothing we can do and I'm so sorry. As though the fact he couldn't save his own brother will make perfect strangers feel better about the fact he couldn't save them or their loved ones. Stupid really.
I'm only recently stepping out into this fandom and so I'm not completely sure of my characterisations, and I've not written anything quite this long before, so constructive criticism on those two particular fronts would be very much appreciated.
Thanks.