Paging! Need a hand with some fic...COMPLETE, thanks.

[maddoggirl]

EDIT: Thanks, guys. I've now finished it. http://community.livejournal.com/housefic/880291.html#cutid1 is where you can see it if you're interested. Turned out a lot darker than I planned.

House leaned against the doorframe and watched Wilson teaching a knot of sickly kids how to play dreidel in the playroom. Eight children, ages going from six up

Comments

[namasteyoga]

It's nice, but it feels more like a scene, rather than a full-fledged fic. Even a short fic. IMHO, it needs some context. That wouldn't necessarily mean writing another 1,000 words, just setting things up.

The other issue is that I can't really tell if Wilson is mad or playing along with House. If this were to take place during MLC -- which would also give it context, say that House is trying to get Wilson to talk to him or help him out and Wilson is ignoring him -- then the anger and frustration would make sense to be played up.

If it's post-MLC, perhaps it's the next year, Wilson has been lost in thought of how much their friendship suffered, he's been a bit angsty and House is trying to tease him out of his mood.

If it's pre-MLC ... Sorry can't think of anything off hand.

(Oh, and I totally think that Wilson would tape some easier to read name on the dreidel so kids wouldn't have to remember the Hebrew symbols.)

Any of that help at all?

[lastscorpion]

What a cute little scene! I liked the way you did their voices.

[evila_elf]

Cute :D
I agree, need to know when it takes place to set the mood a bit.
And, whatever House wants...that will either make or break the ficcy. Is a great start, though :D