(no subject)
Title: Taken for Granted
Characters/Pairing: Wilson, Cameron
Prompt: 024. Colleagues
Word Count: 2,352
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None.
Author's Notes: Thanks to pinkamythest for beta-ing for me.
He and Julie have had another fight.
At least this one took place over the telephone and he didn't have to worry about ducking dishes and vases. Julie, for all her feminine looks and ways, has one hell of an arm. The first fight they had ever had- four months after their marriage- had been one he never forgot, not after a vase they had received for a wedding present clipped him in the forehead. It involved a trip to the clinic on his day off- and the stares of all the attendings, including House. Well, he mused, House had done more than just staring. House had been very vocal- as usual- and had literally pounced on him. He had left the Clinic with five stitches to the left of his temple and the sound of House's laughter still ringing in his head. Oh, and a very important lesson- when fighting with Julie, make sure to duck for cover.
He absent-mindedly rubs the spot where the stitches once were. It's been over five years and there isn't even a mark anymore, yet he always seems to get a dull ache there whenever he and Julie have an argument.
And this particular argument was a doozy.
It all started when Eliora called him at home. Julie had answered, and when Li mentioned that she had just found one of his ties in the closet and should she bring it by, Julie had been...annoyed. All right, more than annoyed, he admitted. She had been furious at him, calling him at the hospital and claiming that he was having an affair and he was simply using a terminal patient as an excuse to not have really come home for more than a few hours in the last week. What Julie failed to realize, however, was that Li was his sister-in-law. She had been married to his brother Aaron for the last two years and the tie he had left at their house had been left there almost a year prior. It did, however, prove the state of his marriage. When your own sister-in-law can't call you without your wife screaming over the telephone at you...
What do I do?
He knows he isn't completely faultless. He has had affairs during their marriage and he does have horrid hours. He could try harder; he could actually stick to his hours; he could make an effort.
Yet he doesn't.
It's easier not to.
He isn't one for giving up. His parents taught him and his brothers to set goals, and to work towards them. They taught him that he could achieve anything as long as he set his mind to it. And, until this point, he has always believed it. Even his two previous marriages he had at least strived to fix (but some things are just too broken). But this one... even from the beginning, he felt it was doomed. Perhaps that was why he didn't seem to care or make much of an effort. Perhaps that was why he didn't really feel guilty when he sought comfort in the beds of other women. At least, he didn't feel guilty for betraying his wife, for ruining their marriage. Any guilt he felt was trained on what it might mean for him, if Julie found out...
He hates this part of him. He hates the way he feels. And he hates the way Julie has become so meaningless to him...
Rubbing his eyes, he tries to clear his mind and concentrates on the patient files in front of him. Elana Saunders is three years old and has Rhabdomysarcoma. Nathaniel Dijion is seventy-three and has prostate cancer. Beth Ferriks is twenty-two and has breast cancer. There are at least fifteen more files he needs to get through today, and several more he should at least start on. He also owes Cuddy clinic hours- for once, he's behind.
But...
He can't.
Not today.
Today everything is too screwed up for it all. He reaches for the telephone with one hand, the other hand searching through his address book for a number that's familiar than it should be: Isaacs, Krause and Meyers, Attorneys at law. He pauses before dialing, unsure if he's truly ready to give up. He hates to fail- but he's also realistic. Working in Oncology, you have to be. And the reality is that his marriage is over. If Julie can't even handle Eliora calling without blowing up at him...
He dials.
"James?"
He looks up at Allison. She's standing in the door way, seeming unsure if she should enter or not. Automatically, he hangs up the phone, smiling at her. "Allison. Please, come in."
She smiles hesitantly and enters, taking a seat in the chair positioned before his desk. They don't see each other very much anymore. She's been under House's tutelage for a few months and he's already noticed the change. House does that to people, he's well aware, and while it usually doesn't bother him it does now. She almost seems to have lost some of her inner glow...
"I hope I'm not disturbing you," she says.
"No, not at all." He shoves the address book into a drawer and pushes the files to the side. "What can I do for you?"
She's quiet for a second and he wonders what's on her mind. They still see and talk to one another occasionally, but it's lapsed into awkward moments. House would have lost no time in revealing all of his faults- at least with women. And it's common hospital gossip as well. The problem is that he isn't looking for his next affair. He's simply looking for a friend.
He doubts she'd want him as a friend now.
No, he concedes, we're only colleagues.
And it hurts.
After a few minutes of silence, she finally speaks.
Her words shock him. "Are you all right," she inquires. Her eyes are dark and hidden under her lashes. He wants to look her in the eye, but she seems to avoid his gaze.
"I'm fine," he replies, sending her a smile. "A bit over-worked- but aren't we all?"
She doesn't return his smile. "I'm being serious, James."
"I know." He takes a breath and lets it out slowly, gathering his courage to explain. Funny how she can draw his secrets out of him in mere seconds with just a look, while Julie still has to plead and force him to open up. "I'm having some...problems," he finally admits, "in my marriage. But really, Allison, you don't have to worry. I'll be fine." He hurries to assure her.
"I don't think so." Her eyes flare. "I'd like to think that I know you, James. And I can tell that you were anything but fine when I walked in. And," she adds a beat later, "don't tell me it was because of a patient. It was something else- I could tell."
And now she's scaring him.
"Umm..." He searches for words, praying that House is far, far away and not going to suddenly barge in- as he has a habit of doing. This would just get way too embarrassing for that...
"Well?"
"Julie called," he finally answers, rubbing his temples. "My sister-in-law called and well, Julie- she thought..." He trails off, suddenly hesitant to discuss his affairs with her. She surely knows, but... it feels different coming from him. As if he wants to protect her from them.
"She thought what?" She inquires, raising a brow.
"She thought it was a woman I was having an affair with," he hastily goes on. "It's ridiculous- I know our marriage is far from perfect and that I- we- have a lot of faults. But to accuse me of sleeping with Eliora?" His voice rises slightly. "For one thing- she's like my sister- she is my sister. And Aaron would kill me," he adds on as an afterthought. "And my parents would disown me somehow." He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "I feel like our marriage has gotten to the point of no return- that there's no help for us. I'm working hours and hours of overtime to stay away from home and Julie..." he just shakes his head. "I don't know what to do anymore. I think- I think I'm ready to give up."
He's admitting it to her. He's actually admitting that he's ready to divorce Julie- to Allison.
What the hell has happened to him?
Yes, he cares for her. Yes, he wants to be friends. But he wouldn't even admit to House what he's planning- and House is his closest friend. So why is he telling her this? Why is he discussing his marriage with another woman?
He really doesn't care to answer.
"You shouldn't." Her voice is strict. "You can't just give up on a marriage, James. Didn't you take any of your vows to heart?"
He's shameful when he replies "no". At her stricken look, he continues on, hoping to pacify her. "I did- at first. But then...as the months went on, things seemed to get worse and worse and after a while...it was nothing more than an appearance of marriage. We both try," he adds, "but...it's over, Allison. Completely and utterly over."
"I don't believe you." She stands up in a fluid motion. "Honestly, James, I don't believe you. How can you say that- when it's obvious it hurts you so much? How can you pretend that it's nothing, while you go pale at the thought?"
She takes a step back, still facing him. "You shouldn't give up on a marriage, James. Part of being married is compromising, working together, not giving up. I- I-" She faltered, stepping backwards till she falls back on his couch. "I-"
In a second he's moving towards her, kneeling down in front of her. "Are you all right?" He asks softly, taking her hands in his.
Tears fall down her cheeks and he's suddenly very worried. He's never seen her in this state.
She shakes her head wordlessly, clenching her eyes shut to stop the tears. After a few seconds, she looks up at him, apparently composed again. "I'll be fine," she quietly responds. "I...you're just so unaware of how lucky you really are." She fumbles in her pocket for a tissue, but he beats her to it, handing one out to her. She accepts it with a slight smile, dabbing at her eyes. And then her admittance is a blow to the chest. "I was married once."
"You were?" His voice is incredulous, but when he actually thinks about it...it isn't that surprising. She's a beautiful, young, intelligent woman with a good career as a doctor and a pleasant disposition. It would probably be more surprising if she hadn't ever been married.
"Yes," her voice is quiet and she focuses on their entwined hands. "We married when I was twenty-one," she whispers, so quietly that he has to lean close to hear. "He was dead six months later. My family...well, the two of us grew up together. And I think they understood why I wanted to marry him...yet on some level they didn't." She blinks and the light catches tears. "We were dating casually. And then one day he has this horrible headache and I told him to go to the doctor- get something for it..." She trails off and he yearns to wipe her tears but doesn't dare. Not now, not yet.
"It was thyroid cancer, metastasized in his brain. Inoperable, he had about a year left. He came home and told me the news and he just sat there and laughed and laughed, because he was planning on proposing to me and now he'd never get the chance...and I told him that I didn't care and I wanted to marry him..." The tears flow freely now. "We were married six months later. Our parents wanted us to have the wedding of our dreams- to make up for what we would have to go through. And...it was magical. Everything was so wonderful...we could almost forget that time was counting down- that in a year's time he wouldn't be there anymore..." She takes a few breaths, trying to compose herself.
James does the only thing he can do: stands up from the floor and sits beside her on the couch, cradling her.
"We made the best of the situation- we really did. But he got sicker and sicker and it occurred to me that while I had this seemingly perfect marriage- it was all a lie... because no matter how much we loved each other, he'd be gone in a few months...weeks...days. And then he died and I watched as other friends got married and how they had a future..."
She looks up at him now, and he can see the...hurt? The pain? The adoration? The devotion? The love? In her eyes and he's paralyzed by it. Because in his three marriages- he has never felt half of what Allison obviously felt for her late husband.
"That's why you can't give up, James," she finally went on. "That's why you have to hold on to what's given to you. Make the best of it, James. Give it a chance."
And not for himself, not for Julie, but for her, he opens his mouth and agrees. "I will."
They sit comfortably for another moment on the couch, before she finally rises and gives her face a last wipe with the tissue. "Thank you," she says, and leaves the office as he stares after her.
Somehow- she has completely entranced him. Somehow, he has come under her spell. And...somehow, no matter what he promised her- and yes, he will call Julie, and attempt to work things out- he finds himself feeling so much more for her, than he should.
Why does something this wrong feel this right?
Shaking his head, he stands up and moves to his desk again, pushing the file of Rebecca Adler off to the side and reaches for the phone. Wincing, he picks it up and hits speed-dial.
"Julie? We need to talk..."
Characters/Pairing: Wilson, Cameron
Prompt: 024. Colleagues
Word Count: 2,352
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None.
Author's Notes: Thanks to pinkamythest for beta-ing for me.
He and Julie have had another fight.
At least this one took place over the telephone and he didn't have to worry about ducking dishes and vases. Julie, for all her feminine looks and ways, has one hell of an arm. The first fight they had ever had- four months after their marriage- had been one he never forgot, not after a vase they had received for a wedding present clipped him in the forehead. It involved a trip to the clinic on his day off- and the stares of all the attendings, including House. Well, he mused, House had done more than just staring. House had been very vocal- as usual- and had literally pounced on him. He had left the Clinic with five stitches to the left of his temple and the sound of House's laughter still ringing in his head. Oh, and a very important lesson- when fighting with Julie, make sure to duck for cover.
He absent-mindedly rubs the spot where the stitches once were. It's been over five years and there isn't even a mark anymore, yet he always seems to get a dull ache there whenever he and Julie have an argument.
And this particular argument was a doozy.
It all started when Eliora called him at home. Julie had answered, and when Li mentioned that she had just found one of his ties in the closet and should she bring it by, Julie had been...annoyed. All right, more than annoyed, he admitted. She had been furious at him, calling him at the hospital and claiming that he was having an affair and he was simply using a terminal patient as an excuse to not have really come home for more than a few hours in the last week. What Julie failed to realize, however, was that Li was his sister-in-law. She had been married to his brother Aaron for the last two years and the tie he had left at their house had been left there almost a year prior. It did, however, prove the state of his marriage. When your own sister-in-law can't call you without your wife screaming over the telephone at you...
What do I do?
He knows he isn't completely faultless. He has had affairs during their marriage and he does have horrid hours. He could try harder; he could actually stick to his hours; he could make an effort.
Yet he doesn't.
It's easier not to.
He isn't one for giving up. His parents taught him and his brothers to set goals, and to work towards them. They taught him that he could achieve anything as long as he set his mind to it. And, until this point, he has always believed it. Even his two previous marriages he had at least strived to fix (but some things are just too broken). But this one... even from the beginning, he felt it was doomed. Perhaps that was why he didn't seem to care or make much of an effort. Perhaps that was why he didn't really feel guilty when he sought comfort in the beds of other women. At least, he didn't feel guilty for betraying his wife, for ruining their marriage. Any guilt he felt was trained on what it might mean for him, if Julie found out...
He hates this part of him. He hates the way he feels. And he hates the way Julie has become so meaningless to him...
Rubbing his eyes, he tries to clear his mind and concentrates on the patient files in front of him. Elana Saunders is three years old and has Rhabdomysarcoma. Nathaniel Dijion is seventy-three and has prostate cancer. Beth Ferriks is twenty-two and has breast cancer. There are at least fifteen more files he needs to get through today, and several more he should at least start on. He also owes Cuddy clinic hours- for once, he's behind.
But...
He can't.
Not today.
Today everything is too screwed up for it all. He reaches for the telephone with one hand, the other hand searching through his address book for a number that's familiar than it should be: Isaacs, Krause and Meyers, Attorneys at law. He pauses before dialing, unsure if he's truly ready to give up. He hates to fail- but he's also realistic. Working in Oncology, you have to be. And the reality is that his marriage is over. If Julie can't even handle Eliora calling without blowing up at him...
He dials.
"James?"
He looks up at Allison. She's standing in the door way, seeming unsure if she should enter or not. Automatically, he hangs up the phone, smiling at her. "Allison. Please, come in."
She smiles hesitantly and enters, taking a seat in the chair positioned before his desk. They don't see each other very much anymore. She's been under House's tutelage for a few months and he's already noticed the change. House does that to people, he's well aware, and while it usually doesn't bother him it does now. She almost seems to have lost some of her inner glow...
"I hope I'm not disturbing you," she says.
"No, not at all." He shoves the address book into a drawer and pushes the files to the side. "What can I do for you?"
She's quiet for a second and he wonders what's on her mind. They still see and talk to one another occasionally, but it's lapsed into awkward moments. House would have lost no time in revealing all of his faults- at least with women. And it's common hospital gossip as well. The problem is that he isn't looking for his next affair. He's simply looking for a friend.
He doubts she'd want him as a friend now.
No, he concedes, we're only colleagues.
And it hurts.
After a few minutes of silence, she finally speaks.
Her words shock him. "Are you all right," she inquires. Her eyes are dark and hidden under her lashes. He wants to look her in the eye, but she seems to avoid his gaze.
"I'm fine," he replies, sending her a smile. "A bit over-worked- but aren't we all?"
She doesn't return his smile. "I'm being serious, James."
"I know." He takes a breath and lets it out slowly, gathering his courage to explain. Funny how she can draw his secrets out of him in mere seconds with just a look, while Julie still has to plead and force him to open up. "I'm having some...problems," he finally admits, "in my marriage. But really, Allison, you don't have to worry. I'll be fine." He hurries to assure her.
"I don't think so." Her eyes flare. "I'd like to think that I know you, James. And I can tell that you were anything but fine when I walked in. And," she adds a beat later, "don't tell me it was because of a patient. It was something else- I could tell."
And now she's scaring him.
"Umm..." He searches for words, praying that House is far, far away and not going to suddenly barge in- as he has a habit of doing. This would just get way too embarrassing for that...
"Well?"
"Julie called," he finally answers, rubbing his temples. "My sister-in-law called and well, Julie- she thought..." He trails off, suddenly hesitant to discuss his affairs with her. She surely knows, but... it feels different coming from him. As if he wants to protect her from them.
"She thought what?" She inquires, raising a brow.
"She thought it was a woman I was having an affair with," he hastily goes on. "It's ridiculous- I know our marriage is far from perfect and that I- we- have a lot of faults. But to accuse me of sleeping with Eliora?" His voice rises slightly. "For one thing- she's like my sister- she is my sister. And Aaron would kill me," he adds on as an afterthought. "And my parents would disown me somehow." He takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. "I feel like our marriage has gotten to the point of no return- that there's no help for us. I'm working hours and hours of overtime to stay away from home and Julie..." he just shakes his head. "I don't know what to do anymore. I think- I think I'm ready to give up."
He's admitting it to her. He's actually admitting that he's ready to divorce Julie- to Allison.
What the hell has happened to him?
Yes, he cares for her. Yes, he wants to be friends. But he wouldn't even admit to House what he's planning- and House is his closest friend. So why is he telling her this? Why is he discussing his marriage with another woman?
He really doesn't care to answer.
"You shouldn't." Her voice is strict. "You can't just give up on a marriage, James. Didn't you take any of your vows to heart?"
He's shameful when he replies "no". At her stricken look, he continues on, hoping to pacify her. "I did- at first. But then...as the months went on, things seemed to get worse and worse and after a while...it was nothing more than an appearance of marriage. We both try," he adds, "but...it's over, Allison. Completely and utterly over."
"I don't believe you." She stands up in a fluid motion. "Honestly, James, I don't believe you. How can you say that- when it's obvious it hurts you so much? How can you pretend that it's nothing, while you go pale at the thought?"
She takes a step back, still facing him. "You shouldn't give up on a marriage, James. Part of being married is compromising, working together, not giving up. I- I-" She faltered, stepping backwards till she falls back on his couch. "I-"
In a second he's moving towards her, kneeling down in front of her. "Are you all right?" He asks softly, taking her hands in his.
Tears fall down her cheeks and he's suddenly very worried. He's never seen her in this state.
She shakes her head wordlessly, clenching her eyes shut to stop the tears. After a few seconds, she looks up at him, apparently composed again. "I'll be fine," she quietly responds. "I...you're just so unaware of how lucky you really are." She fumbles in her pocket for a tissue, but he beats her to it, handing one out to her. She accepts it with a slight smile, dabbing at her eyes. And then her admittance is a blow to the chest. "I was married once."
"You were?" His voice is incredulous, but when he actually thinks about it...it isn't that surprising. She's a beautiful, young, intelligent woman with a good career as a doctor and a pleasant disposition. It would probably be more surprising if she hadn't ever been married.
"Yes," her voice is quiet and she focuses on their entwined hands. "We married when I was twenty-one," she whispers, so quietly that he has to lean close to hear. "He was dead six months later. My family...well, the two of us grew up together. And I think they understood why I wanted to marry him...yet on some level they didn't." She blinks and the light catches tears. "We were dating casually. And then one day he has this horrible headache and I told him to go to the doctor- get something for it..." She trails off and he yearns to wipe her tears but doesn't dare. Not now, not yet.
"It was thyroid cancer, metastasized in his brain. Inoperable, he had about a year left. He came home and told me the news and he just sat there and laughed and laughed, because he was planning on proposing to me and now he'd never get the chance...and I told him that I didn't care and I wanted to marry him..." The tears flow freely now. "We were married six months later. Our parents wanted us to have the wedding of our dreams- to make up for what we would have to go through. And...it was magical. Everything was so wonderful...we could almost forget that time was counting down- that in a year's time he wouldn't be there anymore..." She takes a few breaths, trying to compose herself.
James does the only thing he can do: stands up from the floor and sits beside her on the couch, cradling her.
"We made the best of the situation- we really did. But he got sicker and sicker and it occurred to me that while I had this seemingly perfect marriage- it was all a lie... because no matter how much we loved each other, he'd be gone in a few months...weeks...days. And then he died and I watched as other friends got married and how they had a future..."
She looks up at him now, and he can see the...hurt? The pain? The adoration? The devotion? The love? In her eyes and he's paralyzed by it. Because in his three marriages- he has never felt half of what Allison obviously felt for her late husband.
"That's why you can't give up, James," she finally went on. "That's why you have to hold on to what's given to you. Make the best of it, James. Give it a chance."
And not for himself, not for Julie, but for her, he opens his mouth and agrees. "I will."
They sit comfortably for another moment on the couch, before she finally rises and gives her face a last wipe with the tissue. "Thank you," she says, and leaves the office as he stares after her.
Somehow- she has completely entranced him. Somehow, he has come under her spell. And...somehow, no matter what he promised her- and yes, he will call Julie, and attempt to work things out- he finds himself feeling so much more for her, than he should.
Why does something this wrong feel this right?
Shaking his head, he stands up and moves to his desk again, pushing the file of Rebecca Adler off to the side and reaches for the phone. Wincing, he picks it up and hits speed-dial.
"Julie? We need to talk..."