reasons to watch the mariners the remainder of the season
Take one drink each time:
- Yuni throws the ball away
- A pitcher leaves the game because of an “injury” that is probably just a raging case of suck
- Lopez doesn’t quite reach a ground ball
- Yuni hits into a double play
- Beltre looks silly swinging at a low-and-outside pitch
- Riggleman makes an inexplicable PH or PR sub
- Cairo does that weird squint thing
- Beltre does his funny happy feet dance
- Raul makes a sliding almost-catch that makes him look like a better fielder than he is
- Drink for every runner the Mariners leave on base.
- An announcer says something about “establishing the fastball” or “keeping it down in the zone.”
- Whenever anyone mentions “1995,” “2001,” or any Mariner who hasn’t been on the roster in at least 10 years
And, if you want to commit suicide:
- Drink each time anybody says “no doubt about it”