_bmb_
in
house_chase
Fic: Penance, faint House/Chase, metioned Male/Chase, PG13/R?
Title: Penance
Author: BMB
Rating: R
Summery: Chase punishes himself. Slash.[Faint House/Chase, if you look hard enough. Mentions of Male/Chase]
-------
The first time, Chase comes away with finger shaped bruises on his wrists and hips, and blood on his thighs.
He cries a little because it hurts, because he can’t help it, and bites his lip to keep from screaming. He tastes his own blood, and wonders why it bothers him. He’s a doctor. It shouldn’t.
Afterwards, he is sick. His knuckles turn white as he holds on to the rim of the toilet, and he is sick for a long time. When his body refuses to throw up anymore, he sticks his fingers that are attached to bruised wrists down his throat and is sick some more.
He showers, with the water on as hot as it can go. It burns, and turns hurting flesh pink. He stands there under the water for a long time before he starts scrubbing.
The next day, Foreman sees. He corners him, because no matter how much he dislikes him, he has to ask. Foreman asks why he is walking slower than usual and where did he get those bruises and what happened? He looks away and tugs his sleeves lower and denies. Foreman doesn’t believe him. Neither does he.
Chase reminds himself that this is his penance for betrayal.
-
The second time, Chase comes away with rope burns, bruised hips and blood on his thighs.
He doesn’t cry and bites his lip and tastes his own blood. It bothers him, and it shouldn’t, because he is a doctor. He wonders if Judas’ blood tasted the same.
Afterwards, he is violently sick. He throws up and feels like throwing something and throws up and fears drowning and throws up and makes himself throw up some more with fingers attached to rope burned wrists.
He showers, the water as cold as it can go. He shivers and his teeth chatter, and he misses Australia because the water goes down the drain in the opposite direction. He stands there a long time before he starts scrubbing.
The next day, Cameron sees. She goes frantic with worry, even though it’s him, and makes him sit down and brings him coffee before she asks him questions. She asks him what happened and is he okay and would he like to see a doctor?
He shakes his head and denies and even acts angry. Then Foreman walks in and Cameron tells him, and then they both ask the same questions. He denies and acts in turns angry, disbelieving and calm. He lied, and neither of them believe him. He doesn’t either.
Chase reminds himself that he deserves this.
-
The third time, Chase comes away with blood on his wrists and bruised hips and blood on his thighs.
He doesn’t cry, and he bites his lip and it doesn’t bother him, even though he can taste his own blood. He is a doctor, after all.
Afterwards, he makes himself sick by sticking fingers attached to bloody wrists until his throat burns, and his knuckles turn white on the rim of the toilet.
He showers, with the water warm. He presses his head against the glass and screams, and the neighbours hear nothing. He doesn’t start scrubbing, but lets the water pressure do it for him.
The next day, Foreman and Cameron see while he’s reaching up to get his coffee mug from the cupboard. They are nice to him all day and discuss him when they think he’s not listening and then they go to House.
He sits while House runs rings around them diagnosing a patient and never seems to look at him but apparently sees enough. Somewhere in between arriving and lunch, House finds a pamphlet on abuse and throws it at him.
On his lunchbreak, he goes down to the clinic waiting room and finds a pamphlet about drug addictions. He leaves it on House’s desk.
Chase reminds himself he is weak.
-
Between the third time and the last time, there are many more times that Chase comes away with bruised hips and blood on his thighs and bruised, roped burned or bloody wrists.
He doesn’t cry and gets used to the taste of his own blood, and starts viewing it detachedly, just like a patients.
Afterwards, he always makes himself sick and he looses weight. He doesn’t eat much and survives on coffee and aspirin.
He showers and alternates between freezing, boiling or normal water. He scrubs sometimes and lets the water pressure scrub for him other times and screams once in a while. The neighbours never hear a thing.
The next day, because there is always a next day, Foreman and Cameron always see, partly because they look and partly because he doesn’t give a damn what they think of him anymore. They always look. House tells Wilson, who watches too. Then Foreman and Cameron and House and Wilson tell Cuddy, who talks to him.
He tells her as long as it’s not affecting his work, his personal life shouldn’t make a difference. Cuddy ums and ahs and debates the wisdom, then tells Wilson and House to tell Cameron and Foreman to mind their own business. They do, but watch anyway, and are always nicer to him when he is early and sitting at the table drinking coffee after coffee after coffee.
Chase reminds himself that he has to go to church, or he has to call his father, or say his prayers, or that he doesn’t deserve their concern.
-
The last time, Chase comes away with finger shaped bruises on his wrists and hips, and blood on his thighs.
He doesn’t cry and he bites his lip and waits for the taste of blood, and focuses on that. Someone pounds on the door to his apartment and bellows. The neighbours come out and the pounding stops and it’s quiet, and his lover finishes and dresses and leaves. Funnily enough, he can’t remember the man’s name.
Afterwards, he is sick in the toilet because he shoves his shaking fingers down his throat and the thought that he’s kneeling like he’s praying crosses his mind. He almost laughs, but that would mean choking on his vomit, so he doesn’t.
He showers in the cold water and his teeth chatter and he shivers and scrubs, and still doesn’t feel clean.
He strips the bed and changes his clothes and the phone rings, and he ignores it. His lover leaves him a message containing many swear words and the phrase ‘overprotective psycho with a stick’, and he gathers that they won’t be seeing each other anymore.
He carries the sheets to the laundry and dumps them in the hamper, and gets fresh sheets. He makes the bed again. He blinks, and walks into the living room.
House is sitting there, toying with his Vicodin, giving him a look.
Chase reminds himself that he still has to pay penance.
-End-
Author: BMB
Rating: R
Summery: Chase punishes himself. Slash.[Faint House/Chase, if you look hard enough. Mentions of Male/Chase]
-------
The first time, Chase comes away with finger shaped bruises on his wrists and hips, and blood on his thighs.
He cries a little because it hurts, because he can’t help it, and bites his lip to keep from screaming. He tastes his own blood, and wonders why it bothers him. He’s a doctor. It shouldn’t.
Afterwards, he is sick. His knuckles turn white as he holds on to the rim of the toilet, and he is sick for a long time. When his body refuses to throw up anymore, he sticks his fingers that are attached to bruised wrists down his throat and is sick some more.
He showers, with the water on as hot as it can go. It burns, and turns hurting flesh pink. He stands there under the water for a long time before he starts scrubbing.
The next day, Foreman sees. He corners him, because no matter how much he dislikes him, he has to ask. Foreman asks why he is walking slower than usual and where did he get those bruises and what happened? He looks away and tugs his sleeves lower and denies. Foreman doesn’t believe him. Neither does he.
Chase reminds himself that this is his penance for betrayal.
-
The second time, Chase comes away with rope burns, bruised hips and blood on his thighs.
He doesn’t cry and bites his lip and tastes his own blood. It bothers him, and it shouldn’t, because he is a doctor. He wonders if Judas’ blood tasted the same.
Afterwards, he is violently sick. He throws up and feels like throwing something and throws up and fears drowning and throws up and makes himself throw up some more with fingers attached to rope burned wrists.
He showers, the water as cold as it can go. He shivers and his teeth chatter, and he misses Australia because the water goes down the drain in the opposite direction. He stands there a long time before he starts scrubbing.
The next day, Cameron sees. She goes frantic with worry, even though it’s him, and makes him sit down and brings him coffee before she asks him questions. She asks him what happened and is he okay and would he like to see a doctor?
He shakes his head and denies and even acts angry. Then Foreman walks in and Cameron tells him, and then they both ask the same questions. He denies and acts in turns angry, disbelieving and calm. He lied, and neither of them believe him. He doesn’t either.
Chase reminds himself that he deserves this.
-
The third time, Chase comes away with blood on his wrists and bruised hips and blood on his thighs.
He doesn’t cry, and he bites his lip and it doesn’t bother him, even though he can taste his own blood. He is a doctor, after all.
Afterwards, he makes himself sick by sticking fingers attached to bloody wrists until his throat burns, and his knuckles turn white on the rim of the toilet.
He showers, with the water warm. He presses his head against the glass and screams, and the neighbours hear nothing. He doesn’t start scrubbing, but lets the water pressure do it for him.
The next day, Foreman and Cameron see while he’s reaching up to get his coffee mug from the cupboard. They are nice to him all day and discuss him when they think he’s not listening and then they go to House.
He sits while House runs rings around them diagnosing a patient and never seems to look at him but apparently sees enough. Somewhere in between arriving and lunch, House finds a pamphlet on abuse and throws it at him.
On his lunchbreak, he goes down to the clinic waiting room and finds a pamphlet about drug addictions. He leaves it on House’s desk.
Chase reminds himself he is weak.
-
Between the third time and the last time, there are many more times that Chase comes away with bruised hips and blood on his thighs and bruised, roped burned or bloody wrists.
He doesn’t cry and gets used to the taste of his own blood, and starts viewing it detachedly, just like a patients.
Afterwards, he always makes himself sick and he looses weight. He doesn’t eat much and survives on coffee and aspirin.
He showers and alternates between freezing, boiling or normal water. He scrubs sometimes and lets the water pressure scrub for him other times and screams once in a while. The neighbours never hear a thing.
The next day, because there is always a next day, Foreman and Cameron always see, partly because they look and partly because he doesn’t give a damn what they think of him anymore. They always look. House tells Wilson, who watches too. Then Foreman and Cameron and House and Wilson tell Cuddy, who talks to him.
He tells her as long as it’s not affecting his work, his personal life shouldn’t make a difference. Cuddy ums and ahs and debates the wisdom, then tells Wilson and House to tell Cameron and Foreman to mind their own business. They do, but watch anyway, and are always nicer to him when he is early and sitting at the table drinking coffee after coffee after coffee.
Chase reminds himself that he has to go to church, or he has to call his father, or say his prayers, or that he doesn’t deserve their concern.
-
The last time, Chase comes away with finger shaped bruises on his wrists and hips, and blood on his thighs.
He doesn’t cry and he bites his lip and waits for the taste of blood, and focuses on that. Someone pounds on the door to his apartment and bellows. The neighbours come out and the pounding stops and it’s quiet, and his lover finishes and dresses and leaves. Funnily enough, he can’t remember the man’s name.
Afterwards, he is sick in the toilet because he shoves his shaking fingers down his throat and the thought that he’s kneeling like he’s praying crosses his mind. He almost laughs, but that would mean choking on his vomit, so he doesn’t.
He showers in the cold water and his teeth chatter and he shivers and scrubs, and still doesn’t feel clean.
He strips the bed and changes his clothes and the phone rings, and he ignores it. His lover leaves him a message containing many swear words and the phrase ‘overprotective psycho with a stick’, and he gathers that they won’t be seeing each other anymore.
He carries the sheets to the laundry and dumps them in the hamper, and gets fresh sheets. He makes the bed again. He blinks, and walks into the living room.
House is sitting there, toying with his Vicodin, giving him a look.
Chase reminds himself that he still has to pay penance.
-End-