A funny fanfiction-Mary Sue I'll admit
-No Good Deed Goes Unpunished-
Calypso and Lana LOVE their anime guys and, unfortunately, innocent-looking little blonde, blue-eyed boys. When they help little Zachary out, they don't realize exactly what their reward will be... (Denekrad: May the madness ensue! MWAHAHAHA! Y-Queen: How did you get out of your CAGE!?)
"I thought the day would NEVER end." a redheaded sixteen-year-old girl sighed.
"I feel ya'. If the bell hadn't rang I think I would STRANGLED Ned..." the other sweet sixteen growled as she curled her hands into fists.
The redhead lowered her eyelids behind her glasses and sighed, "Calypso, what have I said about making death threats?"
Calypso smirked impishly and said, "I swear Lana, I've only made three this entire week."
Lana smirked back and said, "Do you swear on Alucard, Ed, and Nightcrawler."
Calypso sighed defeated and replied, "Okay, it was five." Suddenly the pair heard soft thump from around the corner, and the sound of a child crying. The girls rushed around the corner to see an adorable little blonde boy sprawled on the sidewalk and crying.
Wow, the kid could give Shippo a run for his money. One second later. What am I thinking!? Lana mentally slapped herself while Calypso ran over to the boy's side saying, "Hey, are you okay? What happened little guy?"
The boy looked up at them with big, watery cerulean blue eyes and sobbed out, "I-I f-fell! I got boo-boos on my knees! And-and it HURTS! WAAH! Waha-ha!" Lana knelt down beside Calypso and looked atthe boy's shins.
"Yep, they're bleeding. Hold still okay?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out two bandaids. I've never needed to use these yet, but with Calypso around, you never know. "Calypso you have any tissues?" The stormy blue-eyed girl produced a handful from her purse and wiped down the boy's boo-boos. Lana then peeled and placed her bandaids. Calypso then handed the boy a tissue for his eyes and nose.
Once wiped off, he stopped sniffling and stood up. He was only at waist height. Talk about chibi...at least he's shorter than my precious Fullmetal. Calypso thought dreamily as he smiled a beamingly at the two of them. Calypso smiled back and asked," Where are your parents little guy? They must be worried."
Still smiling, the boy said, "Nuh-uh. I don't gots parents." Lana and Calypso's hearts dropped. "Well,ah, where do you live?"
The boy giggled and said," Silly, I don't live anywhere!" He said it as if it was a general fact that everyone knew.The girls paled at the news.
Lana attempted to steer the conversation elsewhere and said, "My name's Lana and this is my friend Calypso, what's your name?"
"My name's Zachary!"
"Well Zachary, would you like to come to our house for a little while?"
Impossibly, the boy's face grew brighter and eagerly said, "YEAH!" Before either teen knew it, their fingers were in the tiny grasp of Zachary's hands. "If I live in your house, does that mean your my big sisters!?"
Lana scratched the back of her neck and replied, "Uhhm."
"Well put Lana. Sure we're your big sisters Zachary." With that, the trio went home.
Once inside the house, Zachary immediately found the kitchen. "Can you make me some lunch big sisters!? Huh? Huh?" The little blonde was jumping around as if he'd never been in a well-stocked kitchen before.
He probably hasn't. Calypso inwardly sighed. The brown-haired girl smiled and asked, "How's PB&J?"
"Okay!" Three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches later. They were halfway thru lunch
((Denekrad: Hey, their lunch that day was the cafeteria's version of "ravioli." Blech. Y-Queen: I swear it's like trying to eat mold-stuffed cubes of leather.)) when the door opened. The 21-year-od Riina stopped at the kitchen door and gawked at the sandwich-filled trio. Her eyes narrowed and she looked from Lana to Calypso.
"Finish up and meet me in the living room." Lana gulped and Calypso looked lost in thought. Those thoughts being: I wonder if that little vein that shows up on her forehead will POP this time..? Lana felt a little tug on her sleeve. Zachary looked up at her with curious eyes and asked,
"Who was the scary witch lady?" Both girls grinned at the boy's view of their friend.
"That was Riina, this is her house and she basically makes the rules here."
"At least when she's actually here." Calypso grinned wider.
Lana and Calypso sat on the sofa as Zachary tried desperately to figure out how to play the playstation. That Spyro just refused to fly. Riina rubbed her temples and looked intently at the teenagers.
"Look guys, I agreed to look after you until your families got back from - random place for 2 families to go without their oldest daughters cuz it is completely boring and pointless and random info-. However, I didn't agree to start taking in cute little orphans. We need to take Zachary to the police and see if we can find him a permanent home." Lana looked heartbroken, the little guy was as close to the adorable fox demon of Inu Yasha as she was going to get.
"Oh, can we at least keep him here 'til morning?" The girl's already wide brown eyes were magnified by her glasses.
Riina snorted and sighed, "Oh alright! Curse you Kittling ((Rena's nickname for Lana)) and that cute look of yours."
Calypso pouted and said, "And what, you think I'm not cute?"
Lana smirked and glanced to the side, "Of course we think you're cute, like...Fuzzy Elf cute." Calypso's eyes brightened at the mention of the reference to her favorite little Nightcrawler.
"I take that as a compliment! Hey Zachary, come here we need to tell you something." Zachary pressed the only button he knew how to use and pressed pause.
"What is it big sister?" SO cute.
"You're gonna' stay with us tonight and then we can find you a permanent home okay?"
Zachary laughed his heart melting laugh and said, "Suuure, okay big sister. Hey Miss Riina?"
Riina beamed at the little boy and answered, "Yes?"
"If Calypso and Lana get special Zachary names ((what he calls nicknames)), then you needs one too. Umm...I know! Guess what your Zachary name is?"
Riina giggled and asked, "I don't know, what?"
The little blonde smiled and shouted, "GRANMA!"
Rena's face went dark and bellowed," WHAAT!?" Panicking, the tiny boy raced to his big sisters.
Half hiding behind Lana and burrowing his head into Calypso's stomach and cried, "Big sisters! Granma's scaring me!"
Lana gained in indignant look and said, "Come on, don't scare the poor guy..." then she put on a grin to make the Cheshire Cat proud. "...Granma." Calypso, Lana and Zachary spent the rest of the day running around the house dodging swift swings of "Granma" Riina's broom.
Night had fallen and the girl's were getting ready for bed. After pulling their pjs on, both girls flopped on their beds, looked at their walls and sighed lovingly. Lana and Calypso were officially obsessed. On Calypso's side of the room, her half of the ceiling and walls were plastered with pictures of X-men evolution's adorable, fuzzy, Nightcrawler ((NOT the movie Nightcrawler, the cute one from X-MEN EVOLUTION! THE CUTE ONE!!! The movie nightcrawler did not fulfill his cuteness purpose!!)), Fullmetal Alchemist's funny, smart and slightly hot-headed Edward Elric, and finally Hellsing's deadly, powerful and SEXY ,the girl thought, Alucard. Mutants, alchemists, and vampires, oh my! Moving to the left side of the room, we find Lana's half. The walls seemed to be a kaliediscope of characters from many different animes. Some of the more reaccuring bishonen were Naruto ((Y-Queen: *squee* So kawaii!!)), Shippo (whom Lana also had a plushie of and was cuddling ^^), and Xellos ((Y-Queen: Demons are so frickin' hott.)). Suddenly a blink of white light appeared in the ceiling. It dissappeared quickly and Zachary dropped down and landed on his hands and knees. "Yay! I didn't get boo-boos this time! Big sisters what's wrong?" Calypso and Lana were gawking at the boy as if he'd grown a second head.
"H...How did...y..?" Lana stammered. Calypso was a wee bit more direct.
"How the hell did you do that!?" THWAK! The girl received a swift smack to the head with a Naruto manga.
"Don't swear in front of teleporting children! Now then...How the heck did you do that!?" Zachary took on a confused look.
He then said, "Sillies, I'm Zachary the Eternal Hopper!" The girls shared a mental Uhhh... "It means I'm a really, really, really, really, really, REALLY old teleporter." Surprisingly, the initial shock of being in the presence of an ancient teleporter wore off in the first twenty seconds. Having an obsession with hot anime demons will do that to a girl.
Lana only raised an eyebrow and asked, "Why didn't you mention it before?"
"Well, you never asked."
Calypso shrugged and said, "Makes perfect sense to me. So how old are you?"
"Y'know how that meteor hit the Earth and all the dinuhsors all went away? I was sitting on the meteor with binoculars and watching Earth get closer."
"Okay, now that's freakin' OLD." Lana said shaking her head. Zachary then began to stare intently at the pictures on the walls.
"Who are they?"
Lana sighed dreamily and batted her lashes. "All of these guys are from cartoons that we really like. I absolutely LOVE Xellos, Naruto and little Shippo!" she said, pointing to each one in turn.
"And I am in love with this blue guy Nightcrawler, Ed, and Alucard." Calypso said as she also pointed out her anime loves. The girls were practically drooling as Zachary held his chin and scrunched up his nose as if trying to concentrate really hard. Oh, he is SO adorable! the two sweet sixteens thought. The tiny blonde walked over to Calypso's Hellsing calendar and saw the date.
"Hey, tomorrow's Valentine's Day."
Calypso popped her head up from over the top of a Fullmetal Alchemist manga and said, "Yep, why?"
Zachary smiled like a cherub and said, "I'm gonna' get my big sisters Valentine's Day presents! I don't think I'll get one for Granma though, she scared me." The girls look at each other and "awwwwed."
Smiling Lana said,"Well, thank you Zachary, we can't wait."
Jumping up and down with excitement Zachary started glowing white and before he left, he promised, "Don't worry, I'll be back in the morning with a whole bunch of presents! I promise!" That said, he vanished in a flash of light. Calypso and Lana looked at each other and giggled.
"Maybe he'll get us something from prehistory like some fossils?" Lana guessed.
"My bet is something like little lasers from the future or something." Calypso grinned in an almost Alucardish manner. She then cackled like a madwoman.
God she scares me when she laughs... the redhead thought. "What's so funny?"
"Oh, just imagining the look on Ned's face if I had a laser to his head."
"Thoughts as sweet, and innocent as ever." Lana stated, her words saturated with sarcasm.
Calypso smiled "sweetly" *cough*evilly*cough* ,batted her eyelashes and flipped her hair. She then cooed, "Oh aren't they JUST?" Both laughed and turned out the lights. After Calypso pulled her headphones on, she started her Hellsing soundtrack, as Lana did the same with her Slayers soundtrack. The girls kissed their beloved pictures goodnight, and dropped into slumber.
((Denekrad: Those poor unsuspecting bakas. Y-Queen: We are so cruel...Wanna' go make a fic about Naraku getting the sh*t kicked out of him? Denekrad: Okay!))
Lana snarled out a curse as the sun beamed it's rays of everlasting frickin' JOY right in her face. Couldn't it just, y'know, NOT shine? For just one frickin' day?! Ah well, she thought. Might as well get up now that I'm awake.
With a slightly sadistic smile Lana hit Calypso with a pillow until she woke up, then they tip-toed past Riina's room, where their friend was currently snoozing away. They had made the mistake of waking her once. Both were still sporting the scars from the occasion.
They looked around for Zachery, but didn't see him until just before the bell rang at school. When they DID see him he was waving maniacly for them to come over. ....Into the dark... creepy... unseeable from the front doors of the school alleyway. ..... Calypso's favorite spot, as a matter of fact. For reasons that we would be sued for putting into writing. ^^; Our apologies.
Lana sighed a breath of relief as they made their way to the boy. "Where were you? We couldn't find you when we woke up." Zachary only smiled sweetly.
"I was still gathering up your Valentine's Day presents. Now that your both here, I can give 'em to you!"
"That's very sweet of you Zachary, should we close our eyes or something?"
"No silly big sister Lana! Then you wouldn't see your presents!"
Calypso looked at Lana and shook her head, "Duh." She then swiftly dodged a flick from the redhead's hand.
"Okay, are you ready?" the boy asked excitedly. The girls nodded. Suddenly, a wide bulge of white light appeared from behind Zachary. The light dissappeared to reveal Xellos, Alucard, Ed, Naruto, Nightcrawler and Shippo. The boys and men were looking around confusedly as Calypso and Lana only gawked. Their eyes were practically bulging out of they're heads. With a dull thud, Calypso fainted with only her backpack providing cushioning.
-Calypso's POV-
After what seemed like an eternity later, she felt her sleep disturbed by a gentle poke on her shoulder. "Is she dead?" a familiar voice asked.
"Vell, seeing all of us appear out of novhere is enough to shock somvun." another familiar, German accented voice replied. She numbly felt a silk-gloved finger push against her neck.
A deep, and YES familiar, voice said, "Well, the girl isn't dead, just passed out. If she stays like this long enough I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I helped her donate some blood..." THAT'S what snapped the memories back in place. Calypso's eyes snapped open to the heart-stopping scene of Alucard, Nightcrawler and the Fullmetal Alchemist looking down at her.
"Am I in Heaven?"
Alucard smirked and said, "Far from it girl. By any chance can you recall what blood type you are?" She sat up and inched away slightly.
"Can't say that I can...Hey where's Lana?"
"You mean the redhead? She's over there, and she's sort of...uh..." Ed didn't know how to finish.
"Catatonic." Kurt stated. Indeed, Lana was sitting slumped against the high school's brick wall, eyes still popping out of her skull while Shippo was poking her arm and Xellos was waving his hand in front of her face.
Oh boy... Calypso stood up and returned to staring at her three dream guys as she just barely managed to ask, "Er, have you guys seen that little blonde, blue-eyed kid anywhere? His name's Zachary and-."
"You mean that little kidnapping teleporter? He vanished a few minutes ago." Ed replied, his eyes growing a little dark as he said it.
"And zen, zis guy in red, and the guy vith purple hair tried to kill him. The kid got away in time, but before he did, he cast this weird spell on all of us. Apparently, the little jerk hexed us so that me, this guy in red and this boy with the metal arm have to stay within a 30 foot radius of you at all times." At this news, Calypso's face dropped. One would think that having the three anime loves of your life not being able to leave you would be wonderful news. One would think quite wrong.
How the hell am I gonna' explain this to the rest of the class!? Calypso gulped and asked, "Are you absolutely sure that's what Zachary did to you?" Alucard grinned his evil grin and began to walk towards Calypso. Any other time I would love that grin. But NOT when it's pointed at me. "Allow me to demonstrate." Alucard said in a mischievious tone. Without warning, he grabbed Calypso under her arms and tossed her high into the air. She stopped at exactly 30 feet, and Nightcrawler teleported to her side, grabbed her and teleported back down.
"Vhat the hell vere you thinking?! You can't just do that vithout varning to somevun!"
"I believe I just did demon."
"ANYWAY. Before the kid left he told us to tell you girls something."
"Wh...What?" Calypso stammered, still trying to get over the shock of being thrown thirty feet into the air, and teleported back down.
Ed replied, "He said he wishes his big sisters a happy Valentine's Day."
Lana's P.O.V.
Lana slowly blinked. Yep, Xellos Metallium was still making faces in front of her. Very weird ones actually. Also, her little fox demon from Inu-Yasha was poking her nose and asking if she was awake.
It's not real. This isn't happening. I'm just a normal high school girl in the US, this sort of thing doesn't happen to normal Americans! Of course I'm dreaming, of course! Hahahaha... Lana's left eye was starting to develop a nervous tic.
She was quite out of it. In fact, she was starting to hyperventalate when she saw DREAM Calypso Yes, a dream, yes, hehehehe..... walking over and kneeling by her side. DREAM Calypso turned Lana to face her and smiling nervously she said, "Lana, are you okay? You awake?"
"Oh, silly DREAM Calypso-you know this is all just a dream. Hahaha..." DREAM Calypso sighed and looked at Lana's DREAM anime guys.
"I am VERY sorry if this insults any of you. Hey Lana, guess what?"
"What DREAM Calypso?"
"Slayers has been banned from the U.S., Shippo turned evil and joined Naraku, and Naruto turned into a permanent sexy-no-jutsu then died." As the guys to DREAM Calypso's left gained looks of utter shock, Lana's mouth practically fell off her face. She then burst into tears and glomped onto her best friend sobbing.
"You're lying! Tell me you're LYING!!"
"You're right, I am lying. Now tell me Lana, are you awake now?"
Sniffling and pulling away from Calypso she nodded and whimpered, "Yuh-huh."
"Good, now slowly turn your head to your right. What you will see is absolutely REAL, got it?" Lana nodded and looked.
....
..........
.....................
Lana suddenly stood up calmly and began walking towards the school.
"Lana?" Calypso said, getting concerned.
"I am NOT going to deal with this right now. I have a FINAL in CHEMISTRY dammit! AND HISTORY! Ruin my perception of reality some other time, okay?" she mumbled, walking away with a determined stride.
"But I don't want to be left alone!" Shippo wailed, distraught. Lana immediatly froze at the call of distress from her favorite chibi and whimpered.
".... Fine. YOU can come. We'll tell them you're my little brother. Can you change your appearence a bit?" she sighed. Shippo cheered and poofed into a relatively normal looking boy (sans the tail) and lept into her arms. She started to walk away again, but two feet from the door she jerked back, as if she were at the end of an imaginary tether. "What. The. Flaming. Hell?!"
Lana looked back suspiciously, and saw Calypso sitting on the ground and smiling. "Want me to explain now?" A few minutes later, Calypso finished explaining Zachary's little Valentine's Day spell. By the time she was done, Lana looked ready to burst into flames. Xellos, feeling her obvious anguish was drinking it up like the Elixir of Life and was sitting as close to her as physically possible. Lana glared at him and he smiled wider as he said, "Oh don't mind me, but by all means continue to grow infuriated. It tastes good."
"Anyway, do you get the jist of it?"
"Yep. By some cruel twist of fate we get our fantasy wish come true, and now we have to deal with a bunch of hot weirdos following us everywh-!" A look of pure dread crossed the redhead's face.
Calypso raised an eyebrow and asked,"What? What's wrong?"
Lana gulped and answered, "If they can't leave us, that means they'll have to follow us into school." It was Calypso's turn to start twitching.
"Heh. Heheh. Ha. Haha. KA-ha! KAHAHAHAHA!" Calypso continued to cackle her bone chilling laughter. She was absolutely delirious, and apparently oblivious to the grins she was receiving from Alucard and Xellos. Naruto knelt beside Lana and asked, "What's up with her?"
Lana shook her head, "She's delirious. It's how she deals with every little subtraction from her ever dwindling sanity." Naruto pulled a confused look, "Oookay..." Getting up Lana looked around: Xellos, Naruto, Shippo, Alucard, Nightcrawler, Edward Elric and her friend just barely standing and recovering a small mental breakdown. Perfect way to start off the day. "You ready Calypso?"
Calypso looked up at Lana with a hopeless expression and said, "Let's have a good day at school."
Now, let's pretend you are a normal, everday sixteen-year-old Fangirl. Now let's pretend it is just another day at school, except for the little problem that three of your favorite anime bishonen have suddenly come to life and are following you around school.... in their "normal" outfits. What are you thinking?
A) Hah! No one else has a real live bishonen! In your face biotch!
B) This is not real. This is not real. This is not real. This is not real....
C) Ohhhhh... shiny lockers....
D) WHAT THE F&^#$%# H&^# IS GOING ON HERE?! THIS IS INSANE!! I need a damn prozac... SCREW IT!! GIMME A TRUCK LOAD OF ASPRIN. No one's ever gonna believe this on the Otaku web forum... And DAMMIT XELLOS STOP EATING MY ANGER!!!!!
The mortified girls were trying desperately to avoid the weird stares they were receiving as they walked down the hall and to their lockers, entourage of anime dream guys still in tow. Thankfully, at least Shippo and Naruto could transform, and Kurt Wagner could use his hologram to look normal. Alucard, the Fullmetal Alchemist and Xellos however...You get the idea. The pair of girls made their way to the parting point of the hallways. Shaking each other's hand, they wished each other the best of luck and parted ways.
-Calypso's POV-
Calypso all but rushed into the English room and scurried into a back seat. Kurt who actually knew what high school was like, followed suit and took the seat next to her. Ed took the seat to her other side, and Alucard simply walked into the shadows and let his glowing red eyes survey the room. "I've dreamed about this a million times, but in my dreams I usually knew what to do."
"Oh don't vorry so much Calypso. As long as ve keep it low key novun should notice."
"Calypso?" The girl looked up to see the teacher and the entire class staring at her and her guests.
"Vell I sure stand corrected."
"You'll need to have your guests leave..." The teacher paled as Alucard walked out of the shadows, a wide smirk playing across his face. He took off his sunglasses and began to stare with gleaming red eyes at the class and teacher.
Speaking in a smooth tone he stated. "We. Can. Stay."
The room chanted, "You. Can. Stay."
"We can stay."
The room:"Of course you can stay. Sorry we were so rude as to stare." The teacher then turned to the board and started writing the day's lesson. Calypso, Ed, and Kurt turned to look up at the vampire who had replaced his sunglasses.
"What? From what I see in your head Calypso, you already knew I could do that."
"True, but this is the first time I've seen it in action. REALLY cool." she said grinning. She felt like an otaku again. Alucard grinned in return. It was good to have a fan.
-Lana's POV-
Lana hissed venomously at the concoction in her test tube. It was supposed to be bright blue, but was instead a gross, murky brown. "I just KNEW I was gonna fail this test," Lana moaned, and put the tube to the side, sitting with her head in her hands.
Xellos sidled up next to her with a grin. "And you know, this will probably ruin your whole high school career!" he told her cheerfully.
"Shut up, or I'll take you to a church."
"Ah yes, please do. All the hidden guilt that comes off everyone who goes in is delicious." ^_^
While Lana was distracted, Naruto and Shippo were trying to help out by pouring other chemicals into the vial she had pushed away.
"Well, this is red, maybe that'll help..." Shippo mused as he poured in an unknown liquid.
"Nah, ya gotta add this. She said it needed to be blue, remember?" Naruto reminded him, pouring in light blue powder.
"Well how about this? It's purple now."
"Yeah, but I don't think it's supposed to be bubbling like that..."
Mentally Xellos counted down the seconds. Three.... two.... one...
KaBOOM!!!
Xellos smiled happily as chaos ensued and Lana shrieked in horror, "What did you guys do?!"
A soot covered Shippo and chibi, and a singed Naruto looked up at her with huge, tearful eyes. "We were just trying to help..." they sniffled.
"Oh God help me..." Lana moaned, then grabbed the boys and ran before anyone realized what had happened.
-Calypso's POV-
Calypso had nearly died of embarrassment during the entire English class. Apparently Alucard had gotten bored and had done a little mind reading to pass the time. He had centered on Ned's mind. (What little there was.) He was always such a pain in the a** to Calypso she constantly daydreamed about duct taping him to the wall and using him for archery practice. Alucard chuckled a little at the girl's mental image before whispering to her:"Well, your archery target happens to have a crush on you." Calypso's eyes bulged as she turned to face Alucard. She whisper/yelled, "WHAT!?" "I saw it myself." " Well that's just wonderful..." Alucard grinned and said, "Isn't it just?" She'd spent the rest of that class doodling...disturbing pictures of Ned's body being "rearranged" with Ed's alchemy. All three saw the image. Two nearly gagged, one only smiled wider. Calypso had apologized to Ed and the bell rang.
When they got into the chem lab, everyone was busy cleaning up some huge mess. Apparently some baka had screwed up a chemical formula and the vile had exploded. Alucard quickly "persuaded" the teacher to let the boy's stay with Calypso as she took her seat. As the teacher continued to drawl, Ed was looking intently at the chemistry book. By the time the teacher had handed out the formula sheets, the blonde had already memorized half of the two inch book. Calypso was about to start adding ingredients when a hard finger tapped on her shoulder. She turned to Ed as he asked, "Do you mind if I..?" "Uh, sure if you want to." Without warning Calypso was pulled out of the seat and deposited in the one Ed had been in. The alchemist quickly took his new place in the seat and began immediately measuring and pouring the elements and compounds. The mutant, human and vampire watched in awe as the formula was completed perfectly in under two minutes while other groups had just barely finished measuring.
"...Wow...I knew you were a prodigy but that was freakin' good." Ed was practically glowing with pride as he said, "Hey, I'm an alchemist. This is child's play to me." "Vell,"Kurt said scratching his neck, "you are technically a child right? I mean you're how old? Ten? Twelve maybe?" Ed's face grew dark as his eye twitched. "Fifteen..." he growled. "Vas? But you're so sh-." Calypso slapped her palm over the German's mouth and looked at him imploringly. "Whatever you do, do NOT refer to Ed's 'stature'. Understand?" Kurt nodded then asked, "Vhy?" Alucard might as well have been Xellos' brother as he just had to say what he did: "Wow Shorty, I didn't know you were an alchemist." Calypso almost heard Edward's calm snap. "Who the h*ll do you think you're calling a shorty, little, shrimp who you can't even see with a microscope!!?" Ed yelled as he actually managed to crack Alucard's jawbone with his metal fist. Needless to say everyone turned to see the spectacle.
After licking up his own blood, Alucard snapped his jaw back in place and commanded, "Look. Away." The class turned back around. Kurt blinked his image induced ink blue eyes and whispered, "Oh, that's vhy." Calypso nodded and sighed as she attempted to distract Ed with the chem book again. Inwardly groaning she asked herself, I wonder if Lana is having as much fun as I am now?
-Lana's POV-
"Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Xellos... could you please create some chaos just for a second?" Lana sighed.
"Why?" Xellos asked, looking a little surprised.
"Because the jerk next to me is copying off of my answers and I need cover in order to beat the crap out of him. I promise I'll let you feed off his pain." she growled.
"Can do!" Xellos chirped with a grin. Suddenly a black hole appeared in the chalkboard and began sucking the teacher in. The screams of fear covered up the screams of pain Lana was inflicting on the boy who had been stealing her answers.
Needless to say, class was dissmissed.
Lana sighed in relief as they stepped into her world history class. This class was always so freakin' boring. She could at least have faith in this class being relatively normal. Maybe the guys would just fall asleep...
Twenty minutes later?
Aw hell no, Lana whimpered in her mind. Xellos, Naruto and Shippo were all arguing with the teacher about what had REALLY happened all those years ago.
"Rats? You think RATS started the Black plague?! What the hell?! I worked for three years to develop that disease and you give all the credit to the damn FLEAS ON THE RATS?! Okay, someone's going to get sued. I don't know who, but I'm going to sue SOMEONE!!!"
"Xellos, please shut up," Lana whined, but was totally ignored.
"What the heck? This wasn't a 'natural disaster'! I should know! That demon nearly took off my tail!!!" Shippo wailed, seeing the history of Japan. "And this was destroyed by Inu-Yasha, not rampaging boars. Though they are closely related..."
Naruto was practically foaming at the mouth. And seeing as how he'd been dubbed the 'loudest ninja in Konoha... "WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU PEOPLE?! NINJAS ARE TOTALLY MISREPRESENTED IN THIS TIME!!" ... Ears were going to bleed. "There's absolutely NOTHING about chakra in any of these things! They're worthless!!!"
Lana buried her face in her hands. "Yes, they're all insane. Don't mind me, I'll just die quietly..."
Xellos glared and started right back up again. "We are NOT insane! We're probably the only ones in this room who know what ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!"
And with that, the arguments started again. Lana sighed and slipped out of the door. "I'll just wait here until they all lose their voices..."
-Calypso's POV-
Why? Why today of all days? Calypso had buried her face in her arms on the desk as Kurt attempted to distract her from the impending doom. Ed was just trying to inch away as far as physically possible from the deliriously grinning nosferatu. They were currently in Literature class. They were discussing Bram Stoker's "Dracula." Alucard had only started off grinning madly as the teacher discussed the book. Then he began to chuckle darkly as he told of the middle area of the book. Then he broke out into the all-out cackle that Calypso simply adored...when it was in an episode or in the manga. Now she was getting a little worried as the louder the man laughed, the darker the room got, then several blood red eyes began to open from the shadows and without warning he teleported directly before the stunned instructor and grabbed him by the throat.
With an eerie laugh Alucard growled, "dead am !?" He then curled his lips back to reveal six elongating fangs and low hissing sound escaped his throat. Both the teacher and students began to shriek. As natural hero instincts took over in Kurt and Ed as the mutant teleported the screaming man out of harm's (Alucard's) way and Ed transmuted his arm into a sword and lunged at the seven foot vampire. All the while he shouted at Calypso, "And you like this guy because!?" Alucard deftly dodged the sword and reached to his jacket. Oh crap he's going for the Cassull! What can I do? What can I-? Her finger. She'd gotten a nasty papercut yesterday and the scar probably wasn't healed yet... She tore off the bandaid and painfully scraped off what little scar tissue there had been. "Hey Alucard! I'll give you some blood if you stop acting like a jackass and make the class forget all of this!" Alucard turned his head at the mention of free blood and saw the strange mortal girl's finger dripping his favorite red drink. Any other time he wouldn't allow a mortal to call him a "jackass" or erase minds just for a bloody finger, but being up so late in the day was making him tired and hungry. "As you wish Calypso." His hand came away empty from his red trenchcoat and he snatched up Kurt and Ed by the scruffs of their necks and dragged them back to Calypso's seat. Dropping the boys he held out his fanned hand and his eyes glowed a bright crimson behind his shades and the screeching students and teacher went back to work as if nothing had happened.
"Now then, about our trade?" Calypso inwardly shuddered at the thought of Alucard drinking her blood. 1. Alucard was...well he was freakin' ALUCARD! She'd always secretly dreamed of him drinking her blood and maybe...just MAYBE being a vampire too. 2. She could NOT let that happen. Sure it was an exciting thought, but just a THOUGHT. "Okay, but promise you won't bite." "Why what EVER gave you the impression that I would bite someone?" Alucard asked with sickening mock innocence. "Hm, vell I haven't the slightest idea Alucard. But it might haf something to do vith nearly EATING that teacher, ja?" Ed smirked and said, "Nah, couldn't be. However it could have something to do with making all those disembodied red eyes float everywhere." Alucard scratched his hat and looked lost in "thought", "Maaaybe... Now where were we?" He grabbed Calypso's wrist and began to lick the tiny wound and sucked heavily on the digit as if it were a straw. The vampire was taking too much as Calypso felt a little light headed. "Okay, Alucard th...that's enough..." THUD. Calypso's dizzy head dropped with a soft thud on her literature book. With an agitated look Ed carefully plucked the girl's now completely vampire drool healed finger out of Alucard's mouth. "I think that's about enough Alucard." "What makes you say that Fullmetal?" the nosferatu asked licking his teeth clean. "Vell your donor passing out from blood loss might be a clue." Nightcrawler said sarcastically.
That said, the bell rang and Kurt had carried Calypso unconscious to the next class. Alucard offered to because he wanted to make sure she had no other wounds he simply needed to clean. Ed and Kurt had both given each other a questioning look and had decided to take care of the girl themselves.
-Lana's POV-
Lana mentally counted to ten, then took several deep breaths. Finally she just screamed, "Xellos! If you don't stop making me want to kill you I swear I'll introduce you to the business end of a SPORK!!!" The looks she got for that one weren't really any worse than the looks she got any other day of the week, but today she just seemed hypersensitive to them. "You want me to disembowl you with kitchen utensils too?!" she screamed at the gathering crowd, which quickly dispersed after that.
"Lana nii-chan, WHY do you like this freak?" Shippo asked darkly. He was walking with a slight limp due to the desk he'd tripped over. He'd been trying to strangle the teacher for saying demons didn't exist. Too bad he'd fallen. That had given Xellos and Naruto the chance to get to him first, and since Lana wasn't in the room at the time (she was outside the door, meditating and trying to find her 'happy place') Well, everything had gone right to hell, and the three of them had been given extra homework... EVEN THOUGH THEY WEREN'T FREAKIN' STUDENTS!! A small, annoyed growl left her throat.
"Where are we going next?" Naruto asked, looking at the snack machines longingly.
"Math," Lana sighed. "And I'm telling ya, I can't WAIT to see how you guys screw up this class. I haven't had this much excitement since my hand got caught in the blender."
"Was there lots of blood?" Xellos asked, interest caught.
"Yes. And we're not having a repeat of the incident just for your pleasure. Geez, I don't really know Shippo. I may have been mentally unstable when I chose him," Lana rubbed her temples. "Aw Hell, Calypso and I have this class together. Three of you guys was bad enough. Six in the same room? I think I need to scream..." As Lana and company took their place in the back of the class, she heard an all too familiar German voice coming from outside the door. "Mein gott, can you think of nothing besides vays to make people 'donate' blood!?" A familiar dark voice, "Well Demon, I AM Nosferatu, blood is way at the top of the things we obsess over." "Will you two quit arguing and just get her in class?" The door opened and in came Alucard, Edward and Kurt who was carrying her unconscious best friend bridal style. The mutant slipped Calypso into her desk. A second later her head hit the desk with a dull thunk.
"...Ow." The girl sat up groggily and took in her surroundings. "Hey, this isn't English." She looked at Lana and asked. "What did they do?"
"No clue. Nightcrawler just carried you into the class and dropped you in your seat. Oh, and he said something about Alucard forcing people to donate blood." Calypso's eyes went wide as she tossed a glare at the Nosferatu who was whistling and twiddling his thumbs. Just then Xellos caught sight of the red clad demon and narrowed his eyes as if he were concentrating.
"Have I tortured you before? You look familiar..."
Alucard looked at the other demon and took on a surprised look of his own and answered, "I think I saw you once somewhere..." The vampire slapped himself in the face and laughed. "You were the guy I met in purgatory! The one who started the Plague--Xellos, right?"
Xellos' face lit up and exclaimed, "Holy crap, Dracula is that you!? It's been ages! How's vampirism been for ya'?"
"Not bad, but my name got changed: it's Alucard now. So, you and Death cooking anything up for the future?"
"I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with global warming." Xellos leered. Alucard did likewise.
"I see you've been practicing the sinister grin thing I taught you..." The conversation between the two demons as Lana and Calypso buried their faces in their hands.
"On three, we throw ourselves out the window," Lana mummured.
"Won't work. We'll stop in midair remember?" Calypso groaned.
"Then how about we throw the boys out the window just for kicks?"
"Yeah, you do that. I'll watch."
"Lana-momma?" Shippo asked, looking up at the red-haired girl with large eyes.
Lana stared then went total fangirl. "Awww!!!! You're so cute! I just love you sweety!" she squealed, hugging the poor kitsune. Meanwhile, Xellos and Alucard were twitching slightly. It was just too cute for them.
Xellos muttered, "I can't take it...I need ANGUISH!" He jabbed a girl to his left and whispered, "Your period's started and it's leaking out the back of your pants. It REALLY stinks." The girl looked completely mortified and hid her face in her binder. Xellos smiled and wallowed in the utter humilation of others. "Aah...much better." Alucard wasn't so easily saved from the sickening cuteness.
"Too much sweetness..." he glanced at Ed and asked, "Want to blow things up? I can use the pistols and you can use alchemy."
"Uh, NO." Alucard turned his eyes on Kurt.
"How about you demon? I can impale while you teleport limbs off." Kurt ignored him and began whispering curses in German. "I speak German too you know."
Ed and Kurt smirked in unison and replied, "So?"
Naruto grumbled angrily, watching Lana and Shippo with a pout. Shippo was soaking up the attention like a sponge, purposfully acting even more cute after the girl's first reaction. At the moment he was curled up on her lap while she cooed and stroked his hair, with him smirking at Naruto out of the corner of his eye.
"Grrr, I can be just as cute as you, fuzz ball!" the blond haired boy snarled, and put his hands together in a familiar position. "Henge!!" he whispered, and with a small poof of smoke he turned into a chibi Iruka.
All of Lana's thought processes came to a screeching halt.
"... How did you know?" she asked suspiciously.
"You have 'I love Iruka-sensei' written on your binder," he replied.
"I see," she said solemly, then screamed at the top of her lungs and glomped onto Naruto *Chibi Iruka*, leaving Shippo to fume at the human boy.
"I can do better than that!" Shippo said defiantly, and turned into a full grown (with a fox tail) Kouga. "Hello Lana-sama," he purred, givng her his best wolf smirk. Lana was in turmoil, looking back and forth between her two shape-changing bishies.
".... Xellos, I'm sorry," she said, almost feeling sorry for the poor demon, before she screamed at the top of her lungs and glomped them BOTH, radiating happiness like nucleur waste. Xellos' poor face dropped.
Ed shook his head and looked at Kurt. "Thank God we don't act like idiots" Kurt nodded in agreement.
"Alucard, how do you get your hair to act like it's alive?"
"It just does it of its own will, I can't help it." Calypso blushed a little and looked up at the Nosferatu nervously.
"Um, can I play with it?" Alucard smirked and sat crosslegged by Calypso's desk.
"Go nuts." Calypso smiled brightly and began petting Alucard's long silky black hair. Said hair occasionally slithering around her fingers or tickling her arms. Alucard glanced at the alchemist and mutant and stuck his outrageously long tongue out. Trademark "angry signs" popped onto their heads.
Kurt growled out "It's on." The teen crouched on Calypso's other side and allowed his tail to "accidently" wrap around Calypso's ankle and tickled her. The girl looked at him and smiled brighter.
"Oh, how could I forget you my little blue fuzzy Elf?" Her hands left Alucard's hair and began to stroke Nightcrawler's long, vine of a tail. Thinking of the natural "cute" thing to do, Kurt began to pur like a cat. Calypso glomped him and nuzzled her cheek against Kurt's velvety fuzz.
"Chicks dig the fuzzy duuude..." Kurt smiled and purred. Alucard gave an annoyed snort and rolled his ruby eyes. Noticing this, Calypso used one hand to twirl Kurt's tail and used the other to pet Alucard.
Ed smirked and shook his head, "Amateurs." Ed pulled something out of his pocket and set it on Calypso's desk. It was a lovely little, silver heart pendant with the name "Calypso" on it. Calypso squealed and put it on.
"Where did you get it?"
"Made it from my silver watch's chain." The girl's eyes went glassy at the thought of Ed sacrificing his watch's chain to make her necklace made her heart glow.
She looked at the blonde and whimpered, "Oh Ed, you didn't have to..." Both of Calypso's hands left Alucard's hair and Kurt's tail and she wrapped her arms around the alchemist in a huge glomp.
Ed smirked and mouthed the words "I told ya' so..." Calypso and Lana's joy was coming off in gallons now and poor Xellos was on the floor in a fetal position, writhing in pain. "The joy...the joy...it HURTS...need...chaos... " A sudden evil idea sprouted in the demon's mind, and a sinister grin curled the ends of his lips. Alucard heard the thought as well.
Turning to the purple-haired demon, he asked, "Mind if I join you?"
Xellos grinned happily and replied, "But of course!" Alucard and Xellos teleported from sight, and both fangirls had large sweatdrops on their heads.
--NEW WRITING STYLE!--
Lana: "This isn't good."
Calypso: "Well, you never know! Maybe they're just hanging out on the ceiling or--" -marker in teacher's hand is ripped out of hand and starts writing on board of its own will- "...something." -sweatdrop-
Marker writing: "Leave this place, lest ye dragged into the bowels of Hell."
Lana: -buries face in hand- "Oh, this just gets better."
Ed: -presses hands together- "Uh, you're the Alucard expert," -looks at Calypso- "what do you think he's going to do?"
Kurt, Shippo and Naruto: -look imploringly-
Calypso: -stares blankly for a few seconds- "HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA HAAAAAA HA HA AHA HA!"
Lana: "That."
Class: -random murmurs and whimpers-
Idiot teacher: "Now everyone remain calm, I'll handle this. Alright, now whoever is pulling this little trick better confess or you're getting a detention." -maniacal chorus of Alucard and Xellos laughter comes from everywhere. Teacher's tie explodes- "AAH!"
Class: -screaming-
Ed, Naruto, Kurt and Shippo: -sweatdrop-
Calypso and Lana: -evil grins-
Lana: Xellos! You better listen up! -a pair of purple eyes look at her in defiance- -Lana grins- If you're going to scare the crap outta people, at least let me in on it, huh? -Xellos eyes do happy look, Lana holds out hands and smiles cutely- "Weapons, pweez?" -gigantic gun drops from ceiling into Lana's hands. Lana grins evilly- ....BOOOOOM!
Calypos: -talking with mind- Alucard?
Alucard: Yes?
Calypso: -smiles adoringly- I would be more than honored if you used me as a "possession puppet"!
Alucard: -mental grin- I was planning on it.
Calypso: -glances at Ed and Kurt evilly-
Ed and Kurt: -inching behind Naruto and Shippo-
Calypso: -points to Ed and Kurt- And them too? They could use some fun.
Alucard: They don't seem like they'd enjoy it...oh, who am I kidding! Time to play Puppet Master...
Calypso: -eyes turn red and cackles in Alucard's voice- "Foolish mortal swine! If though dost not leave I shall dine upon thine entrails! HA HA HA AHA HA HA HAAA!"
Ed and Kurt: -flinch in resistance, but eyes go red too, and laugh evilly- (Alucard voices) "Bluuut..."(German for "blood")
Ed: -transmutes arm into a sword-
Kurt: -teleports onto ceiling with tail wrapped around Ned's neck-
Calypso: -giant pike drops from ceiling and into Calypso's hands. raises pike over head- "Long live Vlad the Impaler! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!"
-Naruto and Shippo are looking around in shock- Oh Kami...
Lana: Don't worry guys! I'll protect you! -Boys turn to see Lana dressed as a GI (outfit courtesy of Xellos) armed to the teeth.- Nothing's getting past me! Oh wait, what time is it guys?
-Naruto gulpss and looks at the clock- Uh, 2:59. Why do you-?
-Bell rings throughout the school, signaling the freedom of the students.-
Lana and Calypso: FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Calypso: -instantly breaks free of Alucard's influence and jumps out of window...only to remember the 30 foot radius restriction. hovering a couple feet under window- "Alucard, Fullmetal, and Nightcrawler! GET YOUR SUPERNATURAL, ALCHEMIC AND MUTATED ASSES OUT HERE!!!"
Ed: -escapes Alucard's influence and gulps- COMING TEACHER!
Kurt: -follows Ed's suit and squeaks- SIR, YES SIR LOGAN!
Alucard: Alright already, Integra.
Lana: -sweatdrops- Calypso, it's no use yelling at them. They're not going to -All of Calypso's bishies leap out the window.- .... I stand corrected. Maybe we should leave too. LET'S GO GUYS!!!
*Xellos drops out of the ceiling* But I was having fun!! -whines and pouts-
Lana: -grabs him by the ear- You can terrify people outside of school as well, Xellos.
Xellos: Promise?
Lana: Sure, I have a really annoying neighbor I'd LOVE to see move out...
Xellos: Where do you live? -evil grin- Will it be close to Dracula? We were making plans for Armageddon.
Lana: -gulps and thinks about Rena's house- Uhhh...no... Say! -sweatdrops immensely- Why don't you rent a room in a hotel!? You can scare everyone there!
Xellos: -raises suspicious eyebrow- Where we can- I can stay within a 30 foot radius of you?
Lana: -more sweatdrops-voice gets high and squeaky- W-We can ALL get rooms! I'LL PAY!
Shippo: That's sounds like fun! Will there be a pool?
Lana: Yes!! A BIG pool! With lots of food! Let's go! *laughs nervously*
Xellos: *raises eyebrow* I believe this is the most hospitable you've been all day.
Lana: ^^;;; I'm a REALLY good person once you get to know me. My things are your things!
Xellos: *evil grin* Ohhhh, _I_ get it.
Lana: ....... What do you get?
Xellos: *smirks and inches closer* You want to be ALONE with me, don't you? All you had to do was ask, Lan-chan. ^^
Lana: -sweatdrop, nosebleed-
--Calypso time--
Calypso: (looks up and down street to make sure no one's there- All clear, let's go. -walks ahead with Kurt, Ed and hellhound form Alucard)
Ed: Are you embarrassed of us or something?
Kurt: Vell, it's not everyday you see a boy vith a metal arm, and full leather clothes on, (coughs suggestively) nor a giant black dog vith eight red eyes.
Ed: -large vein on head- What was that Fuzzball?
Kurt: -bigger vein on head- Oh, nothing...*cough*flamer alchemist*cough*
Ed: -humongous vein on head- How hilarious blue boy. I was just about to ask what that tail is for. A toy maybe?
Kurt and Ed: -throwing deathglares at each other as Ed cracks left knuckles and Kurt stretches-
Calypso: -puts hands together in prayer- O dear Lord in Heaven, please send something to shut them up; anything. -twitches and immediately realizes mistake- WAIT! Let me rephrase that! I meant--! -hears loud thump over fence she's walking by-
God: Too late.
Alucard: -sniffs air- Smells like a snake.
Calypso: -eyes bigger than head- Oh no. Oh hell beeping NO!
Ayame: Oh YES! Konichiwa Calypso-chan! It is I, your beautiful dream man! HAHAHAHAHAHA! -all see Ayame hop gracefully over fence and land in front of Calypso who is sweatdropping a waterfall-
Ed: Uh, who's Fruity?
Ayame: -gasps dramatically and huffs- How rude! I will have you know that I am no "fruit" "vegetable" or any part of the five food groups!
Everyone: -sweatdrop-
Ayame: I am the Great Ayame Sohma, and I am here under the lustful and passionate wishes of Miss Calypso!
Alucard, Ed and Kurt: -stare unbelievingly at Calypso- YOU WANT HIM?
Calypso: -waves hands frantically- NO! I swear this is all a mistake! I was high on chocolate when I read that manga!
Ayame: -grins with evil twinkle in eye as he grabs Calypso's face closer to him- You don't need to hide your love for me, Calypso-chan. You already know of my Curse, and you want me all the same.
Calypso: But--!
Ayame: -oblivious to deathglares and Calypso's protests- Alas, it is the mighty alluring power of the Snake that has drawn you and many a lovely woman to me, but you, like Princess Tohru, know and accept my Curse. And so... -sparkles surround Ayame and Calypso for no apparent reason- WE SHALL MAKE SWEET ROMANCE TOGETH--! -receives double punches to the head from Kurt and Ed while Alucard is sitting on haunches growling-
Calypso: -sweatdropping and standing by Kurt and Ed- SO, I take it Zachary's abducted you too?
Ayame: Abduction? I came WILLINGLY! Zachary told all about your undying Valentine's day love for me, and how you longed for me to share a man's romance with you. And so, with care in my heart...I shoved Shigure out of the way and leapt into the portal alone! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Calypso: ...Zachary was talking to you AND Shigure wasn't he..?
-zoom in on Shigure weeping in a corner-
Shigure: -sniffles- WHY?! WHY?! I could have been with a WILLING HIGH SCHOOL GIRL...and you took it away from me! DAMN YOU AYAME..! -large dramatic tears-
((Attention!! The old way of writing is back because Lana said so!! Bwahaha!!))
Lana gulped and backed away from Xellos, laughing in a much higher pitch than normal. "NO!!! I mean, no, that wasn't what I was thinking! It's just that my house is so small and-"
"Ah, and the walls are too thin, hm?" Xellos chuckled darkly, advancing on the panicking girl. "No worries, I'm sure we can keep it down. ...Or TRY to at least." He smirked like the demon he was.
'Father in Heaven, hear my prayer. GET ME OUT OF THIS!!!' Lana looked over at Naruto and Shippo.
"Wheee!" they laughed, playing ping-pong.
Lana quickly changed religions. 'Dear SATAN.... you know deep down in my heart I've always been loyal to you. Please, for all the people that I have led down the path of darkness, HELP ME!!!'
Satan smirked from her throne in the depths of Hades. "Ah yes, Lana, my little angel of manipulation. You have served me well. For this, I shall reward you my pet." Evil laughter rang through the caverns.
"Lana-chan!!!!" a voice squealed, and little arms wrapped around Lana's shoulders before a poof and lots of smoke appeared.
"Momiji!!" Lana gasped in delight, glomping the small, cute bunny. "Thank God- er, actually, NOT Him- that you're here! I really love my Master." Lana then proceeded to cuddle the living daylights out of him. "So much JOY and LOVE and HAPPINESS!!!" she said, enjoying every little twitch that Xellos made.
'Dear Satan, my soul is yours.'
Satan smiled and twirled her tail around. "They just keep on coming. Damn, I'm good."
"So anyway, let's go to that motel! Momiji, Shippo, you can stay with me. Naruto and Xellos can share a room." Lana said cheerfully.
"Why can't we go to your house?" Xellos asked suspiciously.
"There's no real reason, I just want to go to the hotel!" Lana said with a huge, fake smile.
"Then why can't we stay with your friend?" asked Naruto.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! -cough- I mean, let's not, okay?" Lana gasped.
"Uh HUH." Xellos smirked, and started walking away, dragging everyone along with him.
Lana gawked in terror at what was happening to them while her mini bishounen were just flat out ignoring and/or enjoying it. "What the hell are you doing!?!"
Xelloss only grinned sweetly and cooed, "30 foot radius!"
Calypso and Lana LOVE their anime guys and, unfortunately, innocent-looking little blonde, blue-eyed boys. When they help little Zachary out, they don't realize exactly what their reward will be... (Denekrad: May the madness ensue! MWAHAHAHA! Y-Queen: How did you get out of your CAGE!?)
"I thought the day would NEVER end." a redheaded sixteen-year-old girl sighed.
"I feel ya'. If the bell hadn't rang I think I would STRANGLED Ned..." the other sweet sixteen growled as she curled her hands into fists.
The redhead lowered her eyelids behind her glasses and sighed, "Calypso, what have I said about making death threats?"
Calypso smirked impishly and said, "I swear Lana, I've only made three this entire week."
Lana smirked back and said, "Do you swear on Alucard, Ed, and Nightcrawler."
Calypso sighed defeated and replied, "Okay, it was five." Suddenly the pair heard soft thump from around the corner, and the sound of a child crying. The girls rushed around the corner to see an adorable little blonde boy sprawled on the sidewalk and crying.
Wow, the kid could give Shippo a run for his money. One second later. What am I thinking!? Lana mentally slapped herself while Calypso ran over to the boy's side saying, "Hey, are you okay? What happened little guy?"
The boy looked up at them with big, watery cerulean blue eyes and sobbed out, "I-I f-fell! I got boo-boos on my knees! And-and it HURTS! WAAH! Waha-ha!" Lana knelt down beside Calypso and looked atthe boy's shins.
"Yep, they're bleeding. Hold still okay?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out two bandaids. I've never needed to use these yet, but with Calypso around, you never know. "Calypso you have any tissues?" The stormy blue-eyed girl produced a handful from her purse and wiped down the boy's boo-boos. Lana then peeled and placed her bandaids. Calypso then handed the boy a tissue for his eyes and nose.
Once wiped off, he stopped sniffling and stood up. He was only at waist height. Talk about chibi...at least he's shorter than my precious Fullmetal. Calypso thought dreamily as he smiled a beamingly at the two of them. Calypso smiled back and asked," Where are your parents little guy? They must be worried."
Still smiling, the boy said, "Nuh-uh. I don't gots parents." Lana and Calypso's hearts dropped. "Well,ah, where do you live?"
The boy giggled and said," Silly, I don't live anywhere!" He said it as if it was a general fact that everyone knew.The girls paled at the news.
Lana attempted to steer the conversation elsewhere and said, "My name's Lana and this is my friend Calypso, what's your name?"
"My name's Zachary!"
"Well Zachary, would you like to come to our house for a little while?"
Impossibly, the boy's face grew brighter and eagerly said, "YEAH!" Before either teen knew it, their fingers were in the tiny grasp of Zachary's hands. "If I live in your house, does that mean your my big sisters!?"
Lana scratched the back of her neck and replied, "Uhhm."
"Well put Lana. Sure we're your big sisters Zachary." With that, the trio went home.
Once inside the house, Zachary immediately found the kitchen. "Can you make me some lunch big sisters!? Huh? Huh?" The little blonde was jumping around as if he'd never been in a well-stocked kitchen before.
He probably hasn't. Calypso inwardly sighed. The brown-haired girl smiled and asked, "How's PB&J?"
"Okay!" Three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches later. They were halfway thru lunch
((Denekrad: Hey, their lunch that day was the cafeteria's version of "ravioli." Blech. Y-Queen: I swear it's like trying to eat mold-stuffed cubes of leather.)) when the door opened. The 21-year-od Riina stopped at the kitchen door and gawked at the sandwich-filled trio. Her eyes narrowed and she looked from Lana to Calypso.
"Finish up and meet me in the living room." Lana gulped and Calypso looked lost in thought. Those thoughts being: I wonder if that little vein that shows up on her forehead will POP this time..? Lana felt a little tug on her sleeve. Zachary looked up at her with curious eyes and asked,
"Who was the scary witch lady?" Both girls grinned at the boy's view of their friend.
"That was Riina, this is her house and she basically makes the rules here."
"At least when she's actually here." Calypso grinned wider.
Lana and Calypso sat on the sofa as Zachary tried desperately to figure out how to play the playstation. That Spyro just refused to fly. Riina rubbed her temples and looked intently at the teenagers.
"Look guys, I agreed to look after you until your families got back from - random place for 2 families to go without their oldest daughters cuz it is completely boring and pointless and random info-. However, I didn't agree to start taking in cute little orphans. We need to take Zachary to the police and see if we can find him a permanent home." Lana looked heartbroken, the little guy was as close to the adorable fox demon of Inu Yasha as she was going to get.
"Oh, can we at least keep him here 'til morning?" The girl's already wide brown eyes were magnified by her glasses.
Riina snorted and sighed, "Oh alright! Curse you Kittling ((Rena's nickname for Lana)) and that cute look of yours."
Calypso pouted and said, "And what, you think I'm not cute?"
Lana smirked and glanced to the side, "Of course we think you're cute, like...Fuzzy Elf cute." Calypso's eyes brightened at the mention of the reference to her favorite little Nightcrawler.
"I take that as a compliment! Hey Zachary, come here we need to tell you something." Zachary pressed the only button he knew how to use and pressed pause.
"What is it big sister?" SO cute.
"You're gonna' stay with us tonight and then we can find you a permanent home okay?"
Zachary laughed his heart melting laugh and said, "Suuure, okay big sister. Hey Miss Riina?"
Riina beamed at the little boy and answered, "Yes?"
"If Calypso and Lana get special Zachary names ((what he calls nicknames)), then you needs one too. Umm...I know! Guess what your Zachary name is?"
Riina giggled and asked, "I don't know, what?"
The little blonde smiled and shouted, "GRANMA!"
Rena's face went dark and bellowed," WHAAT!?" Panicking, the tiny boy raced to his big sisters.
Half hiding behind Lana and burrowing his head into Calypso's stomach and cried, "Big sisters! Granma's scaring me!"
Lana gained in indignant look and said, "Come on, don't scare the poor guy..." then she put on a grin to make the Cheshire Cat proud. "...Granma." Calypso, Lana and Zachary spent the rest of the day running around the house dodging swift swings of "Granma" Riina's broom.
Night had fallen and the girl's were getting ready for bed. After pulling their pjs on, both girls flopped on their beds, looked at their walls and sighed lovingly. Lana and Calypso were officially obsessed. On Calypso's side of the room, her half of the ceiling and walls were plastered with pictures of X-men evolution's adorable, fuzzy, Nightcrawler ((NOT the movie Nightcrawler, the cute one from X-MEN EVOLUTION! THE CUTE ONE!!! The movie nightcrawler did not fulfill his cuteness purpose!!)), Fullmetal Alchemist's funny, smart and slightly hot-headed Edward Elric, and finally Hellsing's deadly, powerful and SEXY ,the girl thought, Alucard. Mutants, alchemists, and vampires, oh my! Moving to the left side of the room, we find Lana's half. The walls seemed to be a kaliediscope of characters from many different animes. Some of the more reaccuring bishonen were Naruto ((Y-Queen: *squee* So kawaii!!)), Shippo (whom Lana also had a plushie of and was cuddling ^^), and Xellos ((Y-Queen: Demons are so frickin' hott.)). Suddenly a blink of white light appeared in the ceiling. It dissappeared quickly and Zachary dropped down and landed on his hands and knees. "Yay! I didn't get boo-boos this time! Big sisters what's wrong?" Calypso and Lana were gawking at the boy as if he'd grown a second head.
"H...How did...y..?" Lana stammered. Calypso was a wee bit more direct.
"How the hell did you do that!?" THWAK! The girl received a swift smack to the head with a Naruto manga.
"Don't swear in front of teleporting children! Now then...How the heck did you do that!?" Zachary took on a confused look.
He then said, "Sillies, I'm Zachary the Eternal Hopper!" The girls shared a mental Uhhh... "It means I'm a really, really, really, really, really, REALLY old teleporter." Surprisingly, the initial shock of being in the presence of an ancient teleporter wore off in the first twenty seconds. Having an obsession with hot anime demons will do that to a girl.
Lana only raised an eyebrow and asked, "Why didn't you mention it before?"
"Well, you never asked."
Calypso shrugged and said, "Makes perfect sense to me. So how old are you?"
"Y'know how that meteor hit the Earth and all the dinuhsors all went away? I was sitting on the meteor with binoculars and watching Earth get closer."
"Okay, now that's freakin' OLD." Lana said shaking her head. Zachary then began to stare intently at the pictures on the walls.
"Who are they?"
Lana sighed dreamily and batted her lashes. "All of these guys are from cartoons that we really like. I absolutely LOVE Xellos, Naruto and little Shippo!" she said, pointing to each one in turn.
"And I am in love with this blue guy Nightcrawler, Ed, and Alucard." Calypso said as she also pointed out her anime loves. The girls were practically drooling as Zachary held his chin and scrunched up his nose as if trying to concentrate really hard. Oh, he is SO adorable! the two sweet sixteens thought. The tiny blonde walked over to Calypso's Hellsing calendar and saw the date.
"Hey, tomorrow's Valentine's Day."
Calypso popped her head up from over the top of a Fullmetal Alchemist manga and said, "Yep, why?"
Zachary smiled like a cherub and said, "I'm gonna' get my big sisters Valentine's Day presents! I don't think I'll get one for Granma though, she scared me." The girls look at each other and "awwwwed."
Smiling Lana said,"Well, thank you Zachary, we can't wait."
Jumping up and down with excitement Zachary started glowing white and before he left, he promised, "Don't worry, I'll be back in the morning with a whole bunch of presents! I promise!" That said, he vanished in a flash of light. Calypso and Lana looked at each other and giggled.
"Maybe he'll get us something from prehistory like some fossils?" Lana guessed.
"My bet is something like little lasers from the future or something." Calypso grinned in an almost Alucardish manner. She then cackled like a madwoman.
God she scares me when she laughs... the redhead thought. "What's so funny?"
"Oh, just imagining the look on Ned's face if I had a laser to his head."
"Thoughts as sweet, and innocent as ever." Lana stated, her words saturated with sarcasm.
Calypso smiled "sweetly" *cough*evilly*cough* ,batted her eyelashes and flipped her hair. She then cooed, "Oh aren't they JUST?" Both laughed and turned out the lights. After Calypso pulled her headphones on, she started her Hellsing soundtrack, as Lana did the same with her Slayers soundtrack. The girls kissed their beloved pictures goodnight, and dropped into slumber.
((Denekrad: Those poor unsuspecting bakas. Y-Queen: We are so cruel...Wanna' go make a fic about Naraku getting the sh*t kicked out of him? Denekrad: Okay!))
Lana snarled out a curse as the sun beamed it's rays of everlasting frickin' JOY right in her face. Couldn't it just, y'know, NOT shine? For just one frickin' day?! Ah well, she thought. Might as well get up now that I'm awake.
With a slightly sadistic smile Lana hit Calypso with a pillow until she woke up, then they tip-toed past Riina's room, where their friend was currently snoozing away. They had made the mistake of waking her once. Both were still sporting the scars from the occasion.
They looked around for Zachery, but didn't see him until just before the bell rang at school. When they DID see him he was waving maniacly for them to come over. ....Into the dark... creepy... unseeable from the front doors of the school alleyway. ..... Calypso's favorite spot, as a matter of fact. For reasons that we would be sued for putting into writing. ^^; Our apologies.
Lana sighed a breath of relief as they made their way to the boy. "Where were you? We couldn't find you when we woke up." Zachary only smiled sweetly.
"I was still gathering up your Valentine's Day presents. Now that your both here, I can give 'em to you!"
"That's very sweet of you Zachary, should we close our eyes or something?"
"No silly big sister Lana! Then you wouldn't see your presents!"
Calypso looked at Lana and shook her head, "Duh." She then swiftly dodged a flick from the redhead's hand.
"Okay, are you ready?" the boy asked excitedly. The girls nodded. Suddenly, a wide bulge of white light appeared from behind Zachary. The light dissappeared to reveal Xellos, Alucard, Ed, Naruto, Nightcrawler and Shippo. The boys and men were looking around confusedly as Calypso and Lana only gawked. Their eyes were practically bulging out of they're heads. With a dull thud, Calypso fainted with only her backpack providing cushioning.
-Calypso's POV-
After what seemed like an eternity later, she felt her sleep disturbed by a gentle poke on her shoulder. "Is she dead?" a familiar voice asked.
"Vell, seeing all of us appear out of novhere is enough to shock somvun." another familiar, German accented voice replied. She numbly felt a silk-gloved finger push against her neck.
A deep, and YES familiar, voice said, "Well, the girl isn't dead, just passed out. If she stays like this long enough I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I helped her donate some blood..." THAT'S what snapped the memories back in place. Calypso's eyes snapped open to the heart-stopping scene of Alucard, Nightcrawler and the Fullmetal Alchemist looking down at her.
"Am I in Heaven?"
Alucard smirked and said, "Far from it girl. By any chance can you recall what blood type you are?" She sat up and inched away slightly.
"Can't say that I can...Hey where's Lana?"
"You mean the redhead? She's over there, and she's sort of...uh..." Ed didn't know how to finish.
"Catatonic." Kurt stated. Indeed, Lana was sitting slumped against the high school's brick wall, eyes still popping out of her skull while Shippo was poking her arm and Xellos was waving his hand in front of her face.
Oh boy... Calypso stood up and returned to staring at her three dream guys as she just barely managed to ask, "Er, have you guys seen that little blonde, blue-eyed kid anywhere? His name's Zachary and-."
"You mean that little kidnapping teleporter? He vanished a few minutes ago." Ed replied, his eyes growing a little dark as he said it.
"And zen, zis guy in red, and the guy vith purple hair tried to kill him. The kid got away in time, but before he did, he cast this weird spell on all of us. Apparently, the little jerk hexed us so that me, this guy in red and this boy with the metal arm have to stay within a 30 foot radius of you at all times." At this news, Calypso's face dropped. One would think that having the three anime loves of your life not being able to leave you would be wonderful news. One would think quite wrong.
How the hell am I gonna' explain this to the rest of the class!? Calypso gulped and asked, "Are you absolutely sure that's what Zachary did to you?" Alucard grinned his evil grin and began to walk towards Calypso. Any other time I would love that grin. But NOT when it's pointed at me. "Allow me to demonstrate." Alucard said in a mischievious tone. Without warning, he grabbed Calypso under her arms and tossed her high into the air. She stopped at exactly 30 feet, and Nightcrawler teleported to her side, grabbed her and teleported back down.
"Vhat the hell vere you thinking?! You can't just do that vithout varning to somevun!"
"I believe I just did demon."
"ANYWAY. Before the kid left he told us to tell you girls something."
"Wh...What?" Calypso stammered, still trying to get over the shock of being thrown thirty feet into the air, and teleported back down.
Ed replied, "He said he wishes his big sisters a happy Valentine's Day."
Lana's P.O.V.
Lana slowly blinked. Yep, Xellos Metallium was still making faces in front of her. Very weird ones actually. Also, her little fox demon from Inu-Yasha was poking her nose and asking if she was awake.
It's not real. This isn't happening. I'm just a normal high school girl in the US, this sort of thing doesn't happen to normal Americans! Of course I'm dreaming, of course! Hahahaha... Lana's left eye was starting to develop a nervous tic.
She was quite out of it. In fact, she was starting to hyperventalate when she saw DREAM Calypso Yes, a dream, yes, hehehehe..... walking over and kneeling by her side. DREAM Calypso turned Lana to face her and smiling nervously she said, "Lana, are you okay? You awake?"
"Oh, silly DREAM Calypso-you know this is all just a dream. Hahaha..." DREAM Calypso sighed and looked at Lana's DREAM anime guys.
"I am VERY sorry if this insults any of you. Hey Lana, guess what?"
"What DREAM Calypso?"
"Slayers has been banned from the U.S., Shippo turned evil and joined Naraku, and Naruto turned into a permanent sexy-no-jutsu then died." As the guys to DREAM Calypso's left gained looks of utter shock, Lana's mouth practically fell off her face. She then burst into tears and glomped onto her best friend sobbing.
"You're lying! Tell me you're LYING!!"
"You're right, I am lying. Now tell me Lana, are you awake now?"
Sniffling and pulling away from Calypso she nodded and whimpered, "Yuh-huh."
"Good, now slowly turn your head to your right. What you will see is absolutely REAL, got it?" Lana nodded and looked.
....
..........
.....................
Lana suddenly stood up calmly and began walking towards the school.
"Lana?" Calypso said, getting concerned.
"I am NOT going to deal with this right now. I have a FINAL in CHEMISTRY dammit! AND HISTORY! Ruin my perception of reality some other time, okay?" she mumbled, walking away with a determined stride.
"But I don't want to be left alone!" Shippo wailed, distraught. Lana immediatly froze at the call of distress from her favorite chibi and whimpered.
".... Fine. YOU can come. We'll tell them you're my little brother. Can you change your appearence a bit?" she sighed. Shippo cheered and poofed into a relatively normal looking boy (sans the tail) and lept into her arms. She started to walk away again, but two feet from the door she jerked back, as if she were at the end of an imaginary tether. "What. The. Flaming. Hell?!"
Lana looked back suspiciously, and saw Calypso sitting on the ground and smiling. "Want me to explain now?" A few minutes later, Calypso finished explaining Zachary's little Valentine's Day spell. By the time she was done, Lana looked ready to burst into flames. Xellos, feeling her obvious anguish was drinking it up like the Elixir of Life and was sitting as close to her as physically possible. Lana glared at him and he smiled wider as he said, "Oh don't mind me, but by all means continue to grow infuriated. It tastes good."
"Anyway, do you get the jist of it?"
"Yep. By some cruel twist of fate we get our fantasy wish come true, and now we have to deal with a bunch of hot weirdos following us everywh-!" A look of pure dread crossed the redhead's face.
Calypso raised an eyebrow and asked,"What? What's wrong?"
Lana gulped and answered, "If they can't leave us, that means they'll have to follow us into school." It was Calypso's turn to start twitching.
"Heh. Heheh. Ha. Haha. KA-ha! KAHAHAHAHA!" Calypso continued to cackle her bone chilling laughter. She was absolutely delirious, and apparently oblivious to the grins she was receiving from Alucard and Xellos. Naruto knelt beside Lana and asked, "What's up with her?"
Lana shook her head, "She's delirious. It's how she deals with every little subtraction from her ever dwindling sanity." Naruto pulled a confused look, "Oookay..." Getting up Lana looked around: Xellos, Naruto, Shippo, Alucard, Nightcrawler, Edward Elric and her friend just barely standing and recovering a small mental breakdown. Perfect way to start off the day. "You ready Calypso?"
Calypso looked up at Lana with a hopeless expression and said, "Let's have a good day at school."
Now, let's pretend you are a normal, everday sixteen-year-old Fangirl. Now let's pretend it is just another day at school, except for the little problem that three of your favorite anime bishonen have suddenly come to life and are following you around school.... in their "normal" outfits. What are you thinking?
A) Hah! No one else has a real live bishonen! In your face biotch!
B) This is not real. This is not real. This is not real. This is not real....
C) Ohhhhh... shiny lockers....
D) WHAT THE F&^#$%# H&^# IS GOING ON HERE?! THIS IS INSANE!! I need a damn prozac... SCREW IT!! GIMME A TRUCK LOAD OF ASPRIN. No one's ever gonna believe this on the Otaku web forum... And DAMMIT XELLOS STOP EATING MY ANGER!!!!!
The mortified girls were trying desperately to avoid the weird stares they were receiving as they walked down the hall and to their lockers, entourage of anime dream guys still in tow. Thankfully, at least Shippo and Naruto could transform, and Kurt Wagner could use his hologram to look normal. Alucard, the Fullmetal Alchemist and Xellos however...You get the idea. The pair of girls made their way to the parting point of the hallways. Shaking each other's hand, they wished each other the best of luck and parted ways.
-Calypso's POV-
Calypso all but rushed into the English room and scurried into a back seat. Kurt who actually knew what high school was like, followed suit and took the seat next to her. Ed took the seat to her other side, and Alucard simply walked into the shadows and let his glowing red eyes survey the room. "I've dreamed about this a million times, but in my dreams I usually knew what to do."
"Oh don't vorry so much Calypso. As long as ve keep it low key novun should notice."
"Calypso?" The girl looked up to see the teacher and the entire class staring at her and her guests.
"Vell I sure stand corrected."
"You'll need to have your guests leave..." The teacher paled as Alucard walked out of the shadows, a wide smirk playing across his face. He took off his sunglasses and began to stare with gleaming red eyes at the class and teacher.
Speaking in a smooth tone he stated. "We. Can. Stay."
The room chanted, "You. Can. Stay."
"We can stay."
The room:"Of course you can stay. Sorry we were so rude as to stare." The teacher then turned to the board and started writing the day's lesson. Calypso, Ed, and Kurt turned to look up at the vampire who had replaced his sunglasses.
"What? From what I see in your head Calypso, you already knew I could do that."
"True, but this is the first time I've seen it in action. REALLY cool." she said grinning. She felt like an otaku again. Alucard grinned in return. It was good to have a fan.
-Lana's POV-
Lana hissed venomously at the concoction in her test tube. It was supposed to be bright blue, but was instead a gross, murky brown. "I just KNEW I was gonna fail this test," Lana moaned, and put the tube to the side, sitting with her head in her hands.
Xellos sidled up next to her with a grin. "And you know, this will probably ruin your whole high school career!" he told her cheerfully.
"Shut up, or I'll take you to a church."
"Ah yes, please do. All the hidden guilt that comes off everyone who goes in is delicious." ^_^
While Lana was distracted, Naruto and Shippo were trying to help out by pouring other chemicals into the vial she had pushed away.
"Well, this is red, maybe that'll help..." Shippo mused as he poured in an unknown liquid.
"Nah, ya gotta add this. She said it needed to be blue, remember?" Naruto reminded him, pouring in light blue powder.
"Well how about this? It's purple now."
"Yeah, but I don't think it's supposed to be bubbling like that..."
Mentally Xellos counted down the seconds. Three.... two.... one...
KaBOOM!!!
Xellos smiled happily as chaos ensued and Lana shrieked in horror, "What did you guys do?!"
A soot covered Shippo and chibi, and a singed Naruto looked up at her with huge, tearful eyes. "We were just trying to help..." they sniffled.
"Oh God help me..." Lana moaned, then grabbed the boys and ran before anyone realized what had happened.
-Calypso's POV-
Calypso had nearly died of embarrassment during the entire English class. Apparently Alucard had gotten bored and had done a little mind reading to pass the time. He had centered on Ned's mind. (What little there was.) He was always such a pain in the a** to Calypso she constantly daydreamed about duct taping him to the wall and using him for archery practice. Alucard chuckled a little at the girl's mental image before whispering to her:"Well, your archery target happens to have a crush on you." Calypso's eyes bulged as she turned to face Alucard. She whisper/yelled, "WHAT!?" "I saw it myself." " Well that's just wonderful..." Alucard grinned and said, "Isn't it just?" She'd spent the rest of that class doodling...disturbing pictures of Ned's body being "rearranged" with Ed's alchemy. All three saw the image. Two nearly gagged, one only smiled wider. Calypso had apologized to Ed and the bell rang.
When they got into the chem lab, everyone was busy cleaning up some huge mess. Apparently some baka had screwed up a chemical formula and the vile had exploded. Alucard quickly "persuaded" the teacher to let the boy's stay with Calypso as she took her seat. As the teacher continued to drawl, Ed was looking intently at the chemistry book. By the time the teacher had handed out the formula sheets, the blonde had already memorized half of the two inch book. Calypso was about to start adding ingredients when a hard finger tapped on her shoulder. She turned to Ed as he asked, "Do you mind if I..?" "Uh, sure if you want to." Without warning Calypso was pulled out of the seat and deposited in the one Ed had been in. The alchemist quickly took his new place in the seat and began immediately measuring and pouring the elements and compounds. The mutant, human and vampire watched in awe as the formula was completed perfectly in under two minutes while other groups had just barely finished measuring.
"...Wow...I knew you were a prodigy but that was freakin' good." Ed was practically glowing with pride as he said, "Hey, I'm an alchemist. This is child's play to me." "Vell,"Kurt said scratching his neck, "you are technically a child right? I mean you're how old? Ten? Twelve maybe?" Ed's face grew dark as his eye twitched. "Fifteen..." he growled. "Vas? But you're so sh-." Calypso slapped her palm over the German's mouth and looked at him imploringly. "Whatever you do, do NOT refer to Ed's 'stature'. Understand?" Kurt nodded then asked, "Vhy?" Alucard might as well have been Xellos' brother as he just had to say what he did: "Wow Shorty, I didn't know you were an alchemist." Calypso almost heard Edward's calm snap. "Who the h*ll do you think you're calling a shorty, little, shrimp who you can't even see with a microscope!!?" Ed yelled as he actually managed to crack Alucard's jawbone with his metal fist. Needless to say everyone turned to see the spectacle.
After licking up his own blood, Alucard snapped his jaw back in place and commanded, "Look. Away." The class turned back around. Kurt blinked his image induced ink blue eyes and whispered, "Oh, that's vhy." Calypso nodded and sighed as she attempted to distract Ed with the chem book again. Inwardly groaning she asked herself, I wonder if Lana is having as much fun as I am now?
-Lana's POV-
"Okay, I can't believe I'm saying this, but Xellos... could you please create some chaos just for a second?" Lana sighed.
"Why?" Xellos asked, looking a little surprised.
"Because the jerk next to me is copying off of my answers and I need cover in order to beat the crap out of him. I promise I'll let you feed off his pain." she growled.
"Can do!" Xellos chirped with a grin. Suddenly a black hole appeared in the chalkboard and began sucking the teacher in. The screams of fear covered up the screams of pain Lana was inflicting on the boy who had been stealing her answers.
Needless to say, class was dissmissed.
Lana sighed in relief as they stepped into her world history class. This class was always so freakin' boring. She could at least have faith in this class being relatively normal. Maybe the guys would just fall asleep...
Twenty minutes later?
Aw hell no, Lana whimpered in her mind. Xellos, Naruto and Shippo were all arguing with the teacher about what had REALLY happened all those years ago.
"Rats? You think RATS started the Black plague?! What the hell?! I worked for three years to develop that disease and you give all the credit to the damn FLEAS ON THE RATS?! Okay, someone's going to get sued. I don't know who, but I'm going to sue SOMEONE!!!"
"Xellos, please shut up," Lana whined, but was totally ignored.
"What the heck? This wasn't a 'natural disaster'! I should know! That demon nearly took off my tail!!!" Shippo wailed, seeing the history of Japan. "And this was destroyed by Inu-Yasha, not rampaging boars. Though they are closely related..."
Naruto was practically foaming at the mouth. And seeing as how he'd been dubbed the 'loudest ninja in Konoha... "WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM WITH YOU PEOPLE?! NINJAS ARE TOTALLY MISREPRESENTED IN THIS TIME!!" ... Ears were going to bleed. "There's absolutely NOTHING about chakra in any of these things! They're worthless!!!"
Lana buried her face in her hands. "Yes, they're all insane. Don't mind me, I'll just die quietly..."
Xellos glared and started right back up again. "We are NOT insane! We're probably the only ones in this room who know what ACTUALLY HAPPENED!!!"
And with that, the arguments started again. Lana sighed and slipped out of the door. "I'll just wait here until they all lose their voices..."
-Calypso's POV-
Why? Why today of all days? Calypso had buried her face in her arms on the desk as Kurt attempted to distract her from the impending doom. Ed was just trying to inch away as far as physically possible from the deliriously grinning nosferatu. They were currently in Literature class. They were discussing Bram Stoker's "Dracula." Alucard had only started off grinning madly as the teacher discussed the book. Then he began to chuckle darkly as he told of the middle area of the book. Then he broke out into the all-out cackle that Calypso simply adored...when it was in an episode or in the manga. Now she was getting a little worried as the louder the man laughed, the darker the room got, then several blood red eyes began to open from the shadows and without warning he teleported directly before the stunned instructor and grabbed him by the throat.
With an eerie laugh Alucard growled, "dead am !?" He then curled his lips back to reveal six elongating fangs and low hissing sound escaped his throat. Both the teacher and students began to shriek. As natural hero instincts took over in Kurt and Ed as the mutant teleported the screaming man out of harm's (Alucard's) way and Ed transmuted his arm into a sword and lunged at the seven foot vampire. All the while he shouted at Calypso, "And you like this guy because!?" Alucard deftly dodged the sword and reached to his jacket. Oh crap he's going for the Cassull! What can I do? What can I-? Her finger. She'd gotten a nasty papercut yesterday and the scar probably wasn't healed yet... She tore off the bandaid and painfully scraped off what little scar tissue there had been. "Hey Alucard! I'll give you some blood if you stop acting like a jackass and make the class forget all of this!" Alucard turned his head at the mention of free blood and saw the strange mortal girl's finger dripping his favorite red drink. Any other time he wouldn't allow a mortal to call him a "jackass" or erase minds just for a bloody finger, but being up so late in the day was making him tired and hungry. "As you wish Calypso." His hand came away empty from his red trenchcoat and he snatched up Kurt and Ed by the scruffs of their necks and dragged them back to Calypso's seat. Dropping the boys he held out his fanned hand and his eyes glowed a bright crimson behind his shades and the screeching students and teacher went back to work as if nothing had happened.
"Now then, about our trade?" Calypso inwardly shuddered at the thought of Alucard drinking her blood. 1. Alucard was...well he was freakin' ALUCARD! She'd always secretly dreamed of him drinking her blood and maybe...just MAYBE being a vampire too. 2. She could NOT let that happen. Sure it was an exciting thought, but just a THOUGHT. "Okay, but promise you won't bite." "Why what EVER gave you the impression that I would bite someone?" Alucard asked with sickening mock innocence. "Hm, vell I haven't the slightest idea Alucard. But it might haf something to do vith nearly EATING that teacher, ja?" Ed smirked and said, "Nah, couldn't be. However it could have something to do with making all those disembodied red eyes float everywhere." Alucard scratched his hat and looked lost in "thought", "Maaaybe... Now where were we?" He grabbed Calypso's wrist and began to lick the tiny wound and sucked heavily on the digit as if it were a straw. The vampire was taking too much as Calypso felt a little light headed. "Okay, Alucard th...that's enough..." THUD. Calypso's dizzy head dropped with a soft thud on her literature book. With an agitated look Ed carefully plucked the girl's now completely vampire drool healed finger out of Alucard's mouth. "I think that's about enough Alucard." "What makes you say that Fullmetal?" the nosferatu asked licking his teeth clean. "Vell your donor passing out from blood loss might be a clue." Nightcrawler said sarcastically.
That said, the bell rang and Kurt had carried Calypso unconscious to the next class. Alucard offered to because he wanted to make sure she had no other wounds he simply needed to clean. Ed and Kurt had both given each other a questioning look and had decided to take care of the girl themselves.
-Lana's POV-
Lana mentally counted to ten, then took several deep breaths. Finally she just screamed, "Xellos! If you don't stop making me want to kill you I swear I'll introduce you to the business end of a SPORK!!!" The looks she got for that one weren't really any worse than the looks she got any other day of the week, but today she just seemed hypersensitive to them. "You want me to disembowl you with kitchen utensils too?!" she screamed at the gathering crowd, which quickly dispersed after that.
"Lana nii-chan, WHY do you like this freak?" Shippo asked darkly. He was walking with a slight limp due to the desk he'd tripped over. He'd been trying to strangle the teacher for saying demons didn't exist. Too bad he'd fallen. That had given Xellos and Naruto the chance to get to him first, and since Lana wasn't in the room at the time (she was outside the door, meditating and trying to find her 'happy place') Well, everything had gone right to hell, and the three of them had been given extra homework... EVEN THOUGH THEY WEREN'T FREAKIN' STUDENTS!! A small, annoyed growl left her throat.
"Where are we going next?" Naruto asked, looking at the snack machines longingly.
"Math," Lana sighed. "And I'm telling ya, I can't WAIT to see how you guys screw up this class. I haven't had this much excitement since my hand got caught in the blender."
"Was there lots of blood?" Xellos asked, interest caught.
"Yes. And we're not having a repeat of the incident just for your pleasure. Geez, I don't really know Shippo. I may have been mentally unstable when I chose him," Lana rubbed her temples. "Aw Hell, Calypso and I have this class together. Three of you guys was bad enough. Six in the same room? I think I need to scream..." As Lana and company took their place in the back of the class, she heard an all too familiar German voice coming from outside the door. "Mein gott, can you think of nothing besides vays to make people 'donate' blood!?" A familiar dark voice, "Well Demon, I AM Nosferatu, blood is way at the top of the things we obsess over." "Will you two quit arguing and just get her in class?" The door opened and in came Alucard, Edward and Kurt who was carrying her unconscious best friend bridal style. The mutant slipped Calypso into her desk. A second later her head hit the desk with a dull thunk.
"...Ow." The girl sat up groggily and took in her surroundings. "Hey, this isn't English." She looked at Lana and asked. "What did they do?"
"No clue. Nightcrawler just carried you into the class and dropped you in your seat. Oh, and he said something about Alucard forcing people to donate blood." Calypso's eyes went wide as she tossed a glare at the Nosferatu who was whistling and twiddling his thumbs. Just then Xellos caught sight of the red clad demon and narrowed his eyes as if he were concentrating.
"Have I tortured you before? You look familiar..."
Alucard looked at the other demon and took on a surprised look of his own and answered, "I think I saw you once somewhere..." The vampire slapped himself in the face and laughed. "You were the guy I met in purgatory! The one who started the Plague--Xellos, right?"
Xellos' face lit up and exclaimed, "Holy crap, Dracula is that you!? It's been ages! How's vampirism been for ya'?"
"Not bad, but my name got changed: it's Alucard now. So, you and Death cooking anything up for the future?"
"I'll give you a hint, it has something to do with global warming." Xellos leered. Alucard did likewise.
"I see you've been practicing the sinister grin thing I taught you..." The conversation between the two demons as Lana and Calypso buried their faces in their hands.
"On three, we throw ourselves out the window," Lana mummured.
"Won't work. We'll stop in midair remember?" Calypso groaned.
"Then how about we throw the boys out the window just for kicks?"
"Yeah, you do that. I'll watch."
"Lana-momma?" Shippo asked, looking up at the red-haired girl with large eyes.
Lana stared then went total fangirl. "Awww!!!! You're so cute! I just love you sweety!" she squealed, hugging the poor kitsune. Meanwhile, Xellos and Alucard were twitching slightly. It was just too cute for them.
Xellos muttered, "I can't take it...I need ANGUISH!" He jabbed a girl to his left and whispered, "Your period's started and it's leaking out the back of your pants. It REALLY stinks." The girl looked completely mortified and hid her face in her binder. Xellos smiled and wallowed in the utter humilation of others. "Aah...much better." Alucard wasn't so easily saved from the sickening cuteness.
"Too much sweetness..." he glanced at Ed and asked, "Want to blow things up? I can use the pistols and you can use alchemy."
"Uh, NO." Alucard turned his eyes on Kurt.
"How about you demon? I can impale while you teleport limbs off." Kurt ignored him and began whispering curses in German. "I speak German too you know."
Ed and Kurt smirked in unison and replied, "So?"
Naruto grumbled angrily, watching Lana and Shippo with a pout. Shippo was soaking up the attention like a sponge, purposfully acting even more cute after the girl's first reaction. At the moment he was curled up on her lap while she cooed and stroked his hair, with him smirking at Naruto out of the corner of his eye.
"Grrr, I can be just as cute as you, fuzz ball!" the blond haired boy snarled, and put his hands together in a familiar position. "Henge!!" he whispered, and with a small poof of smoke he turned into a chibi Iruka.
All of Lana's thought processes came to a screeching halt.
"... How did you know?" she asked suspiciously.
"You have 'I love Iruka-sensei' written on your binder," he replied.
"I see," she said solemly, then screamed at the top of her lungs and glomped onto Naruto *Chibi Iruka*, leaving Shippo to fume at the human boy.
"I can do better than that!" Shippo said defiantly, and turned into a full grown (with a fox tail) Kouga. "Hello Lana-sama," he purred, givng her his best wolf smirk. Lana was in turmoil, looking back and forth between her two shape-changing bishies.
".... Xellos, I'm sorry," she said, almost feeling sorry for the poor demon, before she screamed at the top of her lungs and glomped them BOTH, radiating happiness like nucleur waste. Xellos' poor face dropped.
Ed shook his head and looked at Kurt. "Thank God we don't act like idiots" Kurt nodded in agreement.
"Alucard, how do you get your hair to act like it's alive?"
"It just does it of its own will, I can't help it." Calypso blushed a little and looked up at the Nosferatu nervously.
"Um, can I play with it?" Alucard smirked and sat crosslegged by Calypso's desk.
"Go nuts." Calypso smiled brightly and began petting Alucard's long silky black hair. Said hair occasionally slithering around her fingers or tickling her arms. Alucard glanced at the alchemist and mutant and stuck his outrageously long tongue out. Trademark "angry signs" popped onto their heads.
Kurt growled out "It's on." The teen crouched on Calypso's other side and allowed his tail to "accidently" wrap around Calypso's ankle and tickled her. The girl looked at him and smiled brighter.
"Oh, how could I forget you my little blue fuzzy Elf?" Her hands left Alucard's hair and began to stroke Nightcrawler's long, vine of a tail. Thinking of the natural "cute" thing to do, Kurt began to pur like a cat. Calypso glomped him and nuzzled her cheek against Kurt's velvety fuzz.
"Chicks dig the fuzzy duuude..." Kurt smiled and purred. Alucard gave an annoyed snort and rolled his ruby eyes. Noticing this, Calypso used one hand to twirl Kurt's tail and used the other to pet Alucard.
Ed smirked and shook his head, "Amateurs." Ed pulled something out of his pocket and set it on Calypso's desk. It was a lovely little, silver heart pendant with the name "Calypso" on it. Calypso squealed and put it on.
"Where did you get it?"
"Made it from my silver watch's chain." The girl's eyes went glassy at the thought of Ed sacrificing his watch's chain to make her necklace made her heart glow.
She looked at the blonde and whimpered, "Oh Ed, you didn't have to..." Both of Calypso's hands left Alucard's hair and Kurt's tail and she wrapped her arms around the alchemist in a huge glomp.
Ed smirked and mouthed the words "I told ya' so..." Calypso and Lana's joy was coming off in gallons now and poor Xellos was on the floor in a fetal position, writhing in pain. "The joy...the joy...it HURTS...need...chaos... " A sudden evil idea sprouted in the demon's mind, and a sinister grin curled the ends of his lips. Alucard heard the thought as well.
Turning to the purple-haired demon, he asked, "Mind if I join you?"
Xellos grinned happily and replied, "But of course!" Alucard and Xellos teleported from sight, and both fangirls had large sweatdrops on their heads.
--NEW WRITING STYLE!--
Lana: "This isn't good."
Calypso: "Well, you never know! Maybe they're just hanging out on the ceiling or--" -marker in teacher's hand is ripped out of hand and starts writing on board of its own will- "...something." -sweatdrop-
Marker writing: "Leave this place, lest ye dragged into the bowels of Hell."
Lana: -buries face in hand- "Oh, this just gets better."
Ed: -presses hands together- "Uh, you're the Alucard expert," -looks at Calypso- "what do you think he's going to do?"
Kurt, Shippo and Naruto: -look imploringly-
Calypso: -stares blankly for a few seconds- "HA HA HA HA HA HA AHA HAAAAAA HA HA AHA HA!"
Lana: "That."
Class: -random murmurs and whimpers-
Idiot teacher: "Now everyone remain calm, I'll handle this. Alright, now whoever is pulling this little trick better confess or you're getting a detention." -maniacal chorus of Alucard and Xellos laughter comes from everywhere. Teacher's tie explodes- "AAH!"
Class: -screaming-
Ed, Naruto, Kurt and Shippo: -sweatdrop-
Calypso and Lana: -evil grins-
Lana: Xellos! You better listen up! -a pair of purple eyes look at her in defiance- -Lana grins- If you're going to scare the crap outta people, at least let me in on it, huh? -Xellos eyes do happy look, Lana holds out hands and smiles cutely- "Weapons, pweez?" -gigantic gun drops from ceiling into Lana's hands. Lana grins evilly- ....BOOOOOM!
Calypos: -talking with mind- Alucard?
Alucard: Yes?
Calypso: -smiles adoringly- I would be more than honored if you used me as a "possession puppet"!
Alucard: -mental grin- I was planning on it.
Calypso: -glances at Ed and Kurt evilly-
Ed and Kurt: -inching behind Naruto and Shippo-
Calypso: -points to Ed and Kurt- And them too? They could use some fun.
Alucard: They don't seem like they'd enjoy it...oh, who am I kidding! Time to play Puppet Master...
Calypso: -eyes turn red and cackles in Alucard's voice- "Foolish mortal swine! If though dost not leave I shall dine upon thine entrails! HA HA HA AHA HA HA HAAA!"
Ed and Kurt: -flinch in resistance, but eyes go red too, and laugh evilly- (Alucard voices) "Bluuut..."(German for "blood")
Ed: -transmutes arm into a sword-
Kurt: -teleports onto ceiling with tail wrapped around Ned's neck-
Calypso: -giant pike drops from ceiling and into Calypso's hands. raises pike over head- "Long live Vlad the Impaler! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!"
-Naruto and Shippo are looking around in shock- Oh Kami...
Lana: Don't worry guys! I'll protect you! -Boys turn to see Lana dressed as a GI (outfit courtesy of Xellos) armed to the teeth.- Nothing's getting past me! Oh wait, what time is it guys?
-Naruto gulpss and looks at the clock- Uh, 2:59. Why do you-?
-Bell rings throughout the school, signaling the freedom of the students.-
Lana and Calypso: FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Calypso: -instantly breaks free of Alucard's influence and jumps out of window...only to remember the 30 foot radius restriction. hovering a couple feet under window- "Alucard, Fullmetal, and Nightcrawler! GET YOUR SUPERNATURAL, ALCHEMIC AND MUTATED ASSES OUT HERE!!!"
Ed: -escapes Alucard's influence and gulps- COMING TEACHER!
Kurt: -follows Ed's suit and squeaks- SIR, YES SIR LOGAN!
Alucard: Alright already, Integra.
Lana: -sweatdrops- Calypso, it's no use yelling at them. They're not going to -All of Calypso's bishies leap out the window.- .... I stand corrected. Maybe we should leave too. LET'S GO GUYS!!!
*Xellos drops out of the ceiling* But I was having fun!! -whines and pouts-
Lana: -grabs him by the ear- You can terrify people outside of school as well, Xellos.
Xellos: Promise?
Lana: Sure, I have a really annoying neighbor I'd LOVE to see move out...
Xellos: Where do you live? -evil grin- Will it be close to Dracula? We were making plans for Armageddon.
Lana: -gulps and thinks about Rena's house- Uhhh...no... Say! -sweatdrops immensely- Why don't you rent a room in a hotel!? You can scare everyone there!
Xellos: -raises suspicious eyebrow- Where we can- I can stay within a 30 foot radius of you?
Lana: -more sweatdrops-voice gets high and squeaky- W-We can ALL get rooms! I'LL PAY!
Shippo: That's sounds like fun! Will there be a pool?
Lana: Yes!! A BIG pool! With lots of food! Let's go! *laughs nervously*
Xellos: *raises eyebrow* I believe this is the most hospitable you've been all day.
Lana: ^^;;; I'm a REALLY good person once you get to know me. My things are your things!
Xellos: *evil grin* Ohhhh, _I_ get it.
Lana: ....... What do you get?
Xellos: *smirks and inches closer* You want to be ALONE with me, don't you? All you had to do was ask, Lan-chan. ^^
Lana: -sweatdrop, nosebleed-
--Calypso time--
Calypso: (looks up and down street to make sure no one's there- All clear, let's go. -walks ahead with Kurt, Ed and hellhound form Alucard)
Ed: Are you embarrassed of us or something?
Kurt: Vell, it's not everyday you see a boy vith a metal arm, and full leather clothes on, (coughs suggestively) nor a giant black dog vith eight red eyes.
Ed: -large vein on head- What was that Fuzzball?
Kurt: -bigger vein on head- Oh, nothing...*cough*flamer alchemist*cough*
Ed: -humongous vein on head- How hilarious blue boy. I was just about to ask what that tail is for. A toy maybe?
Kurt and Ed: -throwing deathglares at each other as Ed cracks left knuckles and Kurt stretches-
Calypso: -puts hands together in prayer- O dear Lord in Heaven, please send something to shut them up; anything. -twitches and immediately realizes mistake- WAIT! Let me rephrase that! I meant--! -hears loud thump over fence she's walking by-
God: Too late.
Alucard: -sniffs air- Smells like a snake.
Calypso: -eyes bigger than head- Oh no. Oh hell beeping NO!
Ayame: Oh YES! Konichiwa Calypso-chan! It is I, your beautiful dream man! HAHAHAHAHAHA! -all see Ayame hop gracefully over fence and land in front of Calypso who is sweatdropping a waterfall-
Ed: Uh, who's Fruity?
Ayame: -gasps dramatically and huffs- How rude! I will have you know that I am no "fruit" "vegetable" or any part of the five food groups!
Everyone: -sweatdrop-
Ayame: I am the Great Ayame Sohma, and I am here under the lustful and passionate wishes of Miss Calypso!
Alucard, Ed and Kurt: -stare unbelievingly at Calypso- YOU WANT HIM?
Calypso: -waves hands frantically- NO! I swear this is all a mistake! I was high on chocolate when I read that manga!
Ayame: -grins with evil twinkle in eye as he grabs Calypso's face closer to him- You don't need to hide your love for me, Calypso-chan. You already know of my Curse, and you want me all the same.
Calypso: But--!
Ayame: -oblivious to deathglares and Calypso's protests- Alas, it is the mighty alluring power of the Snake that has drawn you and many a lovely woman to me, but you, like Princess Tohru, know and accept my Curse. And so... -sparkles surround Ayame and Calypso for no apparent reason- WE SHALL MAKE SWEET ROMANCE TOGETH--! -receives double punches to the head from Kurt and Ed while Alucard is sitting on haunches growling-
Calypso: -sweatdropping and standing by Kurt and Ed- SO, I take it Zachary's abducted you too?
Ayame: Abduction? I came WILLINGLY! Zachary told all about your undying Valentine's day love for me, and how you longed for me to share a man's romance with you. And so, with care in my heart...I shoved Shigure out of the way and leapt into the portal alone! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Calypso: ...Zachary was talking to you AND Shigure wasn't he..?
-zoom in on Shigure weeping in a corner-
Shigure: -sniffles- WHY?! WHY?! I could have been with a WILLING HIGH SCHOOL GIRL...and you took it away from me! DAMN YOU AYAME..! -large dramatic tears-
((Attention!! The old way of writing is back because Lana said so!! Bwahaha!!))
Lana gulped and backed away from Xellos, laughing in a much higher pitch than normal. "NO!!! I mean, no, that wasn't what I was thinking! It's just that my house is so small and-"
"Ah, and the walls are too thin, hm?" Xellos chuckled darkly, advancing on the panicking girl. "No worries, I'm sure we can keep it down. ...Or TRY to at least." He smirked like the demon he was.
'Father in Heaven, hear my prayer. GET ME OUT OF THIS!!!' Lana looked over at Naruto and Shippo.
"Wheee!" they laughed, playing ping-pong.
Lana quickly changed religions. 'Dear SATAN.... you know deep down in my heart I've always been loyal to you. Please, for all the people that I have led down the path of darkness, HELP ME!!!'
Satan smirked from her throne in the depths of Hades. "Ah yes, Lana, my little angel of manipulation. You have served me well. For this, I shall reward you my pet." Evil laughter rang through the caverns.
"Lana-chan!!!!" a voice squealed, and little arms wrapped around Lana's shoulders before a poof and lots of smoke appeared.
"Momiji!!" Lana gasped in delight, glomping the small, cute bunny. "Thank God- er, actually, NOT Him- that you're here! I really love my Master." Lana then proceeded to cuddle the living daylights out of him. "So much JOY and LOVE and HAPPINESS!!!" she said, enjoying every little twitch that Xellos made.
'Dear Satan, my soul is yours.'
Satan smiled and twirled her tail around. "They just keep on coming. Damn, I'm good."
"So anyway, let's go to that motel! Momiji, Shippo, you can stay with me. Naruto and Xellos can share a room." Lana said cheerfully.
"Why can't we go to your house?" Xellos asked suspiciously.
"There's no real reason, I just want to go to the hotel!" Lana said with a huge, fake smile.
"Then why can't we stay with your friend?" asked Naruto.
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! -cough- I mean, let's not, okay?" Lana gasped.
"Uh HUH." Xellos smirked, and started walking away, dragging everyone along with him.
Lana gawked in terror at what was happening to them while her mini bishounen were just flat out ignoring and/or enjoying it. "What the hell are you doing!?!"
Xelloss only grinned sweetly and cooed, "30 foot radius!"