I just don't want to feel like this anymore.

[hourglassfull]

I'd say "I'm not myself right now," except that I can't even remember who I am, or was. My personality seems to have been swallowed up in this thick, stagnant pool of negative emotion. I don't even have the energy to put myself down. I'm utterly depleted of any desire to be, or to do, anything. I am forcing myself to write this entry because it was

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[max_the_black]

Whenever friends get into states like this, I have exactly the same thought... "you got a degree in Psych, why can't you think of anything encouraging to say?" but, well, I'd rather try and fail than not try at all.

If nothing else, I want you to remember one thing. It's probably a little story I should've told you a long time ago, really. See, remember that time you lived at my place for... what was it, a month or so? Back in 2005. Well, at the time I was staring down all the bills for the surgery that removed my kidney stone, I was due to finish school soon and really didn't have any good future prospects, I was living all but alone in that big house, and I was in a pretty deep and dark and nasty place mentally over all of it. But you know what? Between a few things that ~included~ having a friend living right there for a while, I found the strength to endure long enough for things to get better.

That's always what I've done in life - celebrate when things are good, persevere when things aren't good, and failing perseverance, I hunker down and do my best to endure. Sometimes the hope that tomorrow, or next week, or next year will be better seems like the most nauseatingly weak thing in the world. But with a little help from my friends I've always managed to pull through, eventually. I think that's why all I can do for you when you feel like you do is offer the old cliché of "hang in there, be strong, you can do it", because time and again I find it's the only thing ~I~ can do. Even if I pass a whole day crying, I passed that day, and maybe the next will be better. Probably it won't, but if I survived one day, maybe I can survive another.

Hopefully this mess didn't make things any worse... but, I felt like I had to say ~something~. I know that best wishes and a dollar won't even get you a bargain cheeseburger any more, but... you've got mine.