NCIS: Looking Before You Leap
Title: Looking Before You Leap
Author: Serena-chan (
hourglass244)
Written for:
misura at ncis_ficathon
Prompt: Story 3: Wherein Abby and Ziva play matchmaker. Slash (m/m or f/f), het or threesome.
Archive: Sure
Genre: Slash
Pairings: Tim/Tony
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Word Count: 18,195
Summary: Abby and Ziva attempt to help their friends out of a sticky situation.
Spoilers: Takes place during 6.14 Love & War.
Abby looked up from the tire treads she was analyzing for Team Gibbs' latest case when a Caff-Pow was set beside her. She turned, a greeting for Gibbs on her lips, then frowned in confusion when she saw who her visitor actually was.
"Ziva? Why are you bringing me my Caff-Pow?" she asked. "Where's Gibbs?"
"He does not know I am down here," Ziva said, looking uncomfortable. "I thought perhaps that you and I could talk."
"Well, sure," Abby agreed, confused. While she'd grown to love Ziva as much as any other member of the MCRT, she was the one with whom she socialized the least. Ziva had never come down to her lab to simply 'talk' before. "I still haven't identified the make and model of the suspect's car, if that's what you're after. I'm just running the photos through the database now."
Ziva shook her head. "No, this is not case-related. Rather, it is more Tony and McGee-related."
Abby's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really? Hang on."
She quickly started up the program that would eventually help her identify what car the tire tracks had come from before leading the other woman into the back room of her lab where her desk was. Pulling up a chair for Ziva, Abby plopped down in one of her own, and after taking a long sip of her drink - ah, glorious caffeine! - she turned her full attention to her friend.
"Now, what's going on with my boys?"
Ziva took a seat, still looking as though she'd rather be anywhere else than having this conversation. "A rather...fragile situation has arisen, and I need your advice on what to do about it."
"You mean a delicate situation," Abby corrected automatically.
"Yes, that," Ziva hesitated. She knew how much Abby loved Tony, but she also knew how protective the younger woman was of McGee. "I suppose McGee has told you about the woman he met online?"
"You mean Claire, the 'level five sorceress'?" Abby asked, using air quotes and rolling her eyes. She was always critical of the younger man's dates, and Ziva wondered if perhaps she still harbored a little jealousy left over from the days when they used to date. "Timmy spent twenty minutes gushing about her this morning. What about her?"
Ziva winced, feeling a fresh wave of sympathy for McGee. "According to Tony, she does not exist."
Abby frowned. "What do you mean? Of course she exits! Timmy wouldn't just make her up. He had to have been talking to someone all weekend."
"He was." Ziva almost felt sorry for her partner...almost...as she told Abby, "He was talking to Tony."
The goth's eyes widened, and she glanced furtively around the lab to make sure they were alone as though she expected one of the boys to walk in one them.
"Tony is Claire?" she asked in a hushed tone. "He made her up? Why?!"
"I am not sure what he was thinking," Ziva said in frustration. "All I could get out of him was that he was 'bored' last weekend."
"Bored?" Abby sounded as horrified as Ziva had felt when Tony had told her the truth. "He was 'bored'?! Timmy really likes this girl!"
"I know!" The Mossad officer stood and began to pace in frustration. "Now I am faced with the decision of whether or not to tell McGee. You know him better than I, and I thought perhaps you would know what to do."
"What's Tony planning to do about all this?" Abby asked. "Is Claire just going to disappear or is he planning on breaking up with him before they have to meet?"
"I believe Tony said something about the movie Fatal Attraction. I think he plans to get McGee to dump him."
"He's going to make her act crazy you mean," the younger woman said with a frown. "But the last few women Timmy's dated have turned out to be nuts, and it's really shaken his self-confidence. If 'Claire' goes crazy on him, he'll be crushed."
"Will he not be crushed if I tell him the truth?" Ziva asked. "I cannot see a way out of this that does not end in his feelings being hurt."
Abby chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "I think he needs to know the truth. Once he does, we'll let him decide the appropriate 'punishment' for Tony. It won't really make him feel better, but it might cheer him up some."
"Perhaps the two of us can take him out tonight and break the news gently," Ziva said, standing. "You know, it is a shame Tony is not really a woman. The two of them are rather suited to one another in every other aspect."
Abby suddenly jumped out of her chair with such force that it rolled back and banged into the wall behind her. "Ziva, that's it! You're brilliant!"
"What?"
The goth grabbed the other woman by the shoulders, her eyes shining. "We set them up with each other!"
"Um, Abby? I don't want to pop your bubble, but Tony and McGee are men - straight men - so I don't see how that is possible."
"It's 'burst' your bubble, Ziva, and I wouldn't be so sure that McGee doesn't bat for both teams."
"Bat for... Are you saying that McGee is bisexual?" Ziva asked, looking confused. "What about Tony?"
"Well..." Abby glanced around furtively and motioned Ziva in closer so she could whisper. "I'm not entirely sure, but during Tony's first year here he made some comments to me - in the strictest confidence, of course - that makes me wonder if he isn't a little bi-curious as well."
The Mossad officer leaned further in, looking intrigued. "And just what were these 'comments'?"
"Ziva!" Abby exclaimed, sounding scandalized. "I told you that they were made in confidence! So I absolutely couldn't tell you how DiNozzo got drunk one night and told me all about his father sending him off to military school to quell his prepubescent son's sudden influx of homosexual urges."
Ziva grinned, "Of course not."
A loud beeping from the next room interrupted their conversation. They moved back into the main area of the lab to see 'MATCH FOUND' flashing in large green letters across one of the computer screens.
"And once again, my babies come through for me!" Abby exclaimed happily. "Unfortunately, that also means that Gibbs will be down any minute. He's scary psychic when it comes to results." She eyed Ziva thoughtfully for a moment. "Do you think you can convince Tony to confess to Tim online that he's actually a guy? We can go from there."
****
Later that evening, Abby insisted on following Ziva home to discuss their plan, peppering her with questions about her conversation with Tony before they'd even gotten inside her apartment.
"I convinced him that McGee would probably break up with 'Claire' if she just admitted that she was actually a man," Ziva explained over dinner. "But even if McGee does not object to his date being male, how can we be sure that he will be willing to overlook such a lie?"
"Oh, he will," the goth had assured her. "If he likes someone, he can be really understanding about some things."
Ziva had just been about to inquire further into exactly what sort of things McGee was willing to forgive and just how Abby knew about them in the first place when a frantic pounding at her front door made her look up in surprise. Abby grinned, mouthed 'Tony', and shooed the Mossad officer toward the door, ducking out of sight and into the kitchen.
Making sure she had her side arm handy - just in case it wasn't Tony at the door - Ziva opened it. The first thing she saw wasn't so much a person as it was a set of human hands thrusting a glowing laptop screen into her face. Her partner was behind it of course, looking frantic.
"Look at this Ziva! Just look at it!" he cried, pushing his way into her apartment without so much as a 'hello.' "I always knew there was something off about McCurious and his attempts at dating, but - "
"Tony!" Ziva cut him off, aggravated, and took the laptop from him. "What exactly am I looking at?"
"I took your advice," he explained. "I mean, it should have been the perfect plan: Email McGee as Claire and confess that I'm actually a guy, Tim is disappointed but gets over it, he emails me back, saying 'sorry, but no,' and we all go back to the way things were without anyone the wiser!"
"I take it things did not quite go according to plan?" Ziva asked, arching an eyebrow at him.
"No! He sends me this email which basically says that he doesn't usually date men, but he makes exceptions occasionally. He actually wants to go on a date with me! What happened to McBisexual being... being... not bisexual!" Tony finished, flopping down on the sofa and sounding slightly hysterical.
"Well..." Ziva wasn't actually sure what she was supposed to say to that, but thankfully, Abby chose that moment to emerge from the kitchen.
"I couldn't help but overhear, and I'm so proud of you, Tony! I've been trying to get you to take this leap of faith for years, and there's really no one better than Timmy. I'm sure he'll be very understanding once he gets over the initial shock of it being you."
"Abby!" Tony jumped to his feet when he saw her, looking as though he wanted to bolt, but his partner shoved him roughly back down. "What, uh - What are you doing here?"
"Having dinner. What are you doing here?"
"Um..." The older man looked to Ziva, 'Help me!' clearly written across his face, but she merely held up both hands in a 'you're on your own' gesture.
"Don't worry, Tony, I've already figured it all out," Abby said in a soothing tone, taking a seat beside him. "I already know that you're Claire, and while I'm a little upset at you for lying to my Timmy, I'm so glad that you finally decided to take my advice on dating a man."
"Abs, you gave me that advice years ago," Tony protested.
"And now you've finally decided to listen!" she said cheerfully. "Of course, I'm a little disappointed that it took you this long, but you've always been a little behind in maturing. What made you finally decide to do it?"
"Didn't you hear a word I said?" he asked. "I didn't decide to take your advice. It was just supposed to be a stupid prank!"
The goth's smile never faltered, however there was an evil glint in her eyes that hadn't been there previously. "Are you sure, Tony? Because if I thought that you would ever do something so cruel and heartless to your teammate - not to mention my best friend and the man I used to date - I'd have to let Ziva kill you right now. Then, I'd make sure there was no forensic evidence left behind, and we'd all be left to wonder just what happened to you. However, if you were to tell me that this whole 'Claire' persona was really your misguided attempt at trying to date McGee, then I'd be nothing but supportive."
Tony had shrunk back into the corner of the couch during her little speech, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "Abs..."
He was cut off by muffled metal music filling the air. Abby hurriedly hopped off the sofa and dug through her purse for her cell phone, glancing at the caller ID before answering.
"Hey, Timmy. What's up?" She grinned at her companions, before taking her phone into the kitchen for a little privacy.
Tony opened his mouth - possibly to shout to McGee for help - and Ziva quickly said, "Say one word, and I will kill you with this."
She snatched an ink pen off the coffee table and brandished it threateningly. He looked between her and the pen for a moment before clearly deciding that it wasn't worth the risk and shutting his mouth with an audible snap.
Feeling a little sorry for her partner, Ziva sat down next to him in Abby's recently vacated seat. She even handed him the pen as a gesture of good faith.
"Tony, do you really have homosexual inclinations or am I completely unreading the situation?"
"It's misreading," he corrected, fidgeting with the pen and refusing to meet her eyes. "I... Maybe, alright? When I was thirteen I thought I might be in love with my best friend, Dave."
"What happened?" she asked, rubbing his shoulder in a comforting gesture.
"My dad caught us kissing and went ballistic. He forbade me from ever seeing him again, gave me the worst spanking of my life, and enrolled me in military school the very next day. Abby's been trying to get me to explore that side of myself ever since I told her about it."
"Why not try it?" Ziva asked. "It is not like you are still living at home with your father."
Tony shrugged, still unwilling to make eye contact. "It never seemed worth it. I saw what happened to gay cops back in Baltimore. NCIS may be a civilian organization, but we're still military-affiliated. It's not exactly a tolerant environment, no matter what laws have been passed. Besides, I really do like women so why bother?"
"Tony, do you really think that anyone on our team would berate you for who you are and who you choose to date?"
"No," he admitted, "but it's everyone else at the agency that I'm worried about. If it causes any trouble at all then I can pretty much kiss my chances of ever being promoted goodbye. Anyway, this is the probie, and Gibbs has a rule about not dating your teammate."
"Rule twelve, yes?" Ziva asked. "I have never understood that rule in the first place. After all, McGee and Abby used to date, and it is common knowledge by now that Gibbs and Director Shepard were once a couple."
Tony made a face. "I'm pretty sure that his relationship with the director was the reason he made that rule in the first place, and Abby's always been able to get away with anything with Gibbs. What makes you think he'll be as tolerant with me?"
"Don't worry about Gibbs," Abby said, coming back into the room. "I'll handle him." She stuffed her phone back into her purse before asking, "Did you really tell McGee that Claire's real name was Anthony? You're lucky he didn't figure it out right then."
"I panicked!" he said. "I had only just finished reading his email when he IMed me wanting to set up a date!"
"Really? Where are you going?" Ziva asked.
"Valentino's, but I'm not sure - "
"Ooh, romantic!" Abby sighed. "What are you going to wear?"
"Abs, I'm not even sure that I'm going!" Tony protested.
"Oh, no you don't." Abby put her hands on her hips and said sternly, "You can either go on a date with McGee, or you can show up, apologize, and beg for forgiveness. Either way, you're going. Timmy at least deserves that much."
Tony sighed and ran a hand across his face. "You're right," he said after a long pause.
Ziva looked at him inquiringly. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know yet," he admitted. "I'll decide when we close this case."
****
Three days later found a nervous Tony at Valentino's, wearing an outfit that Ziva had picked out, and being fussed over by Abby. They were at a table toward the back where Abby and Ziva could sit unnoticed by McGee. Abby said they were there for moral support, but Ziva had made it quite clear that they were there in case Tony decided to bolt.
"Thank you again for getting us this table, Tony," Ziva said, smoothing out her nice black dress. "I understand that it is very hard to get reservations here."
"Yeah, the owner and I go way back," he replied, while Abby straightened his tie for the third time.
"You look great, Tony," Abby praised. "There's no way Timmy will be able to resist you."
"Yes, provided your personality does not get in the way," Ziva muttered into her glass of wine.
He opened his mouth to retort, when he was interrupted by Abby squealing, "He's here!"
The three of them watched as a waiter led McGee to a table near the front of the restaurant. He was wearing an expensive suit, probably purchased with money from his book. Tony had to admit, he looked good. Even so, he found himself fighting the urge to panic.
"Oh, god," he groaned. "I don't think I can do this!"
"Yes, you can," Abby insisted. "Just be confident."
"And remember," Ziva said, taking a bite of her salad. "I know twenty-five ways to kill you with this fork alone. Do not even think about running."
The two girls watched intently as their friend made his way to the front of the restaurant. When he reached McGee, the younger man looked up in surprise.
"I wish I'd thought to plant a bug in the vase of flowers at their table," Abby complained. "I can't hear what they're saying from here, but - Oooh, Timmy looks pissed!"
"As he should be," the Mossad officer nodded. "If Tony had deceived me in such a way, I would not give him the chance to make amends."
They continued to watch the exchange between the two men. Tony looked apologetic and slightly pleading, while McGee's face was red and his brows were drawn together in anger. At one point he actually stood as though to leave, but Tony managed to coax him back into his seat.
The girls' view was suddenly obstructed by their waiter bringing them their entrees. After setting their plates before them, the elderly gentleman refilled their wine glasses and replaced their basket of bread with a steaming fresh one, before making his way back into the kitchen. If he thought anything was odd about both girls sitting on the same side of the table and leering at two of the other patrons, he wisely kept his opinions to himself.
"I do believe Tony is blushing!" Ziva said in surprise.
He was, a slight dusting of red blooming across his face as he spoke intently to his teammate. Tim appeared to have calmed considerably by this point and even looked a little bashful. After a moment, Tony hesitantly reached out and held the younger man's hand in his own, a shy smile on his lips.
"Aww!" Abby sighed. "I love it when things work out so perfectly, especially for the people I care about."
"They do make an attractive pair," Ziva commented thoughtfully as she and Abby toasted their success. "It almost makes me wish we had planted a camera in one of their bedrooms."
"Ziva!" Abby's voice sounded outraged, but her smile gave her away. She leaned in conspiratorially. "Besides, there's plenty of time for that. I know for a fact that McGee doesn't put out on the first date."
THE END
Author: Serena-chan (
hourglass244)
Written for:
misura at ncis_ficathon
Prompt: Story 3: Wherein Abby and Ziva play matchmaker. Slash (m/m or f/f), het or threesome.
Archive: Sure
Genre: Slash
Pairings: Tim/Tony
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Word Count: 18,195
Summary: Abby and Ziva attempt to help their friends out of a sticky situation.
Spoilers: Takes place during 6.14 Love & War.
Abby looked up from the tire treads she was analyzing for Team Gibbs' latest case when a Caff-Pow was set beside her. She turned, a greeting for Gibbs on her lips, then frowned in confusion when she saw who her visitor actually was.
"Ziva? Why are you bringing me my Caff-Pow?" she asked. "Where's Gibbs?"
"He does not know I am down here," Ziva said, looking uncomfortable. "I thought perhaps that you and I could talk."
"Well, sure," Abby agreed, confused. While she'd grown to love Ziva as much as any other member of the MCRT, she was the one with whom she socialized the least. Ziva had never come down to her lab to simply 'talk' before. "I still haven't identified the make and model of the suspect's car, if that's what you're after. I'm just running the photos through the database now."
Ziva shook her head. "No, this is not case-related. Rather, it is more Tony and McGee-related."
Abby's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Really? Hang on."
She quickly started up the program that would eventually help her identify what car the tire tracks had come from before leading the other woman into the back room of her lab where her desk was. Pulling up a chair for Ziva, Abby plopped down in one of her own, and after taking a long sip of her drink - ah, glorious caffeine! - she turned her full attention to her friend.
"Now, what's going on with my boys?"
Ziva took a seat, still looking as though she'd rather be anywhere else than having this conversation. "A rather...fragile situation has arisen, and I need your advice on what to do about it."
"You mean a delicate situation," Abby corrected automatically.
"Yes, that," Ziva hesitated. She knew how much Abby loved Tony, but she also knew how protective the younger woman was of McGee. "I suppose McGee has told you about the woman he met online?"
"You mean Claire, the 'level five sorceress'?" Abby asked, using air quotes and rolling her eyes. She was always critical of the younger man's dates, and Ziva wondered if perhaps she still harbored a little jealousy left over from the days when they used to date. "Timmy spent twenty minutes gushing about her this morning. What about her?"
Ziva winced, feeling a fresh wave of sympathy for McGee. "According to Tony, she does not exist."
Abby frowned. "What do you mean? Of course she exits! Timmy wouldn't just make her up. He had to have been talking to someone all weekend."
"He was." Ziva almost felt sorry for her partner...almost...as she told Abby, "He was talking to Tony."
The goth's eyes widened, and she glanced furtively around the lab to make sure they were alone as though she expected one of the boys to walk in one them.
"Tony is Claire?" she asked in a hushed tone. "He made her up? Why?!"
"I am not sure what he was thinking," Ziva said in frustration. "All I could get out of him was that he was 'bored' last weekend."
"Bored?" Abby sounded as horrified as Ziva had felt when Tony had told her the truth. "He was 'bored'?! Timmy really likes this girl!"
"I know!" The Mossad officer stood and began to pace in frustration. "Now I am faced with the decision of whether or not to tell McGee. You know him better than I, and I thought perhaps you would know what to do."
"What's Tony planning to do about all this?" Abby asked. "Is Claire just going to disappear or is he planning on breaking up with him before they have to meet?"
"I believe Tony said something about the movie Fatal Attraction. I think he plans to get McGee to dump him."
"He's going to make her act crazy you mean," the younger woman said with a frown. "But the last few women Timmy's dated have turned out to be nuts, and it's really shaken his self-confidence. If 'Claire' goes crazy on him, he'll be crushed."
"Will he not be crushed if I tell him the truth?" Ziva asked. "I cannot see a way out of this that does not end in his feelings being hurt."
Abby chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully. "I think he needs to know the truth. Once he does, we'll let him decide the appropriate 'punishment' for Tony. It won't really make him feel better, but it might cheer him up some."
"Perhaps the two of us can take him out tonight and break the news gently," Ziva said, standing. "You know, it is a shame Tony is not really a woman. The two of them are rather suited to one another in every other aspect."
Abby suddenly jumped out of her chair with such force that it rolled back and banged into the wall behind her. "Ziva, that's it! You're brilliant!"
"What?"
The goth grabbed the other woman by the shoulders, her eyes shining. "We set them up with each other!"
"Um, Abby? I don't want to pop your bubble, but Tony and McGee are men - straight men - so I don't see how that is possible."
"It's 'burst' your bubble, Ziva, and I wouldn't be so sure that McGee doesn't bat for both teams."
"Bat for... Are you saying that McGee is bisexual?" Ziva asked, looking confused. "What about Tony?"
"Well..." Abby glanced around furtively and motioned Ziva in closer so she could whisper. "I'm not entirely sure, but during Tony's first year here he made some comments to me - in the strictest confidence, of course - that makes me wonder if he isn't a little bi-curious as well."
The Mossad officer leaned further in, looking intrigued. "And just what were these 'comments'?"
"Ziva!" Abby exclaimed, sounding scandalized. "I told you that they were made in confidence! So I absolutely couldn't tell you how DiNozzo got drunk one night and told me all about his father sending him off to military school to quell his prepubescent son's sudden influx of homosexual urges."
Ziva grinned, "Of course not."
A loud beeping from the next room interrupted their conversation. They moved back into the main area of the lab to see 'MATCH FOUND' flashing in large green letters across one of the computer screens.
"And once again, my babies come through for me!" Abby exclaimed happily. "Unfortunately, that also means that Gibbs will be down any minute. He's scary psychic when it comes to results." She eyed Ziva thoughtfully for a moment. "Do you think you can convince Tony to confess to Tim online that he's actually a guy? We can go from there."
****
Later that evening, Abby insisted on following Ziva home to discuss their plan, peppering her with questions about her conversation with Tony before they'd even gotten inside her apartment.
"I convinced him that McGee would probably break up with 'Claire' if she just admitted that she was actually a man," Ziva explained over dinner. "But even if McGee does not object to his date being male, how can we be sure that he will be willing to overlook such a lie?"
"Oh, he will," the goth had assured her. "If he likes someone, he can be really understanding about some things."
Ziva had just been about to inquire further into exactly what sort of things McGee was willing to forgive and just how Abby knew about them in the first place when a frantic pounding at her front door made her look up in surprise. Abby grinned, mouthed 'Tony', and shooed the Mossad officer toward the door, ducking out of sight and into the kitchen.
Making sure she had her side arm handy - just in case it wasn't Tony at the door - Ziva opened it. The first thing she saw wasn't so much a person as it was a set of human hands thrusting a glowing laptop screen into her face. Her partner was behind it of course, looking frantic.
"Look at this Ziva! Just look at it!" he cried, pushing his way into her apartment without so much as a 'hello.' "I always knew there was something off about McCurious and his attempts at dating, but - "
"Tony!" Ziva cut him off, aggravated, and took the laptop from him. "What exactly am I looking at?"
"I took your advice," he explained. "I mean, it should have been the perfect plan: Email McGee as Claire and confess that I'm actually a guy, Tim is disappointed but gets over it, he emails me back, saying 'sorry, but no,' and we all go back to the way things were without anyone the wiser!"
"I take it things did not quite go according to plan?" Ziva asked, arching an eyebrow at him.
"No! He sends me this email which basically says that he doesn't usually date men, but he makes exceptions occasionally. He actually wants to go on a date with me! What happened to McBisexual being... being... not bisexual!" Tony finished, flopping down on the sofa and sounding slightly hysterical.
"Well..." Ziva wasn't actually sure what she was supposed to say to that, but thankfully, Abby chose that moment to emerge from the kitchen.
"I couldn't help but overhear, and I'm so proud of you, Tony! I've been trying to get you to take this leap of faith for years, and there's really no one better than Timmy. I'm sure he'll be very understanding once he gets over the initial shock of it being you."
"Abby!" Tony jumped to his feet when he saw her, looking as though he wanted to bolt, but his partner shoved him roughly back down. "What, uh - What are you doing here?"
"Having dinner. What are you doing here?"
"Um..." The older man looked to Ziva, 'Help me!' clearly written across his face, but she merely held up both hands in a 'you're on your own' gesture.
"Don't worry, Tony, I've already figured it all out," Abby said in a soothing tone, taking a seat beside him. "I already know that you're Claire, and while I'm a little upset at you for lying to my Timmy, I'm so glad that you finally decided to take my advice on dating a man."
"Abs, you gave me that advice years ago," Tony protested.
"And now you've finally decided to listen!" she said cheerfully. "Of course, I'm a little disappointed that it took you this long, but you've always been a little behind in maturing. What made you finally decide to do it?"
"Didn't you hear a word I said?" he asked. "I didn't decide to take your advice. It was just supposed to be a stupid prank!"
The goth's smile never faltered, however there was an evil glint in her eyes that hadn't been there previously. "Are you sure, Tony? Because if I thought that you would ever do something so cruel and heartless to your teammate - not to mention my best friend and the man I used to date - I'd have to let Ziva kill you right now. Then, I'd make sure there was no forensic evidence left behind, and we'd all be left to wonder just what happened to you. However, if you were to tell me that this whole 'Claire' persona was really your misguided attempt at trying to date McGee, then I'd be nothing but supportive."
Tony had shrunk back into the corner of the couch during her little speech, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "Abs..."
He was cut off by muffled metal music filling the air. Abby hurriedly hopped off the sofa and dug through her purse for her cell phone, glancing at the caller ID before answering.
"Hey, Timmy. What's up?" She grinned at her companions, before taking her phone into the kitchen for a little privacy.
Tony opened his mouth - possibly to shout to McGee for help - and Ziva quickly said, "Say one word, and I will kill you with this."
She snatched an ink pen off the coffee table and brandished it threateningly. He looked between her and the pen for a moment before clearly deciding that it wasn't worth the risk and shutting his mouth with an audible snap.
Feeling a little sorry for her partner, Ziva sat down next to him in Abby's recently vacated seat. She even handed him the pen as a gesture of good faith.
"Tony, do you really have homosexual inclinations or am I completely unreading the situation?"
"It's misreading," he corrected, fidgeting with the pen and refusing to meet her eyes. "I... Maybe, alright? When I was thirteen I thought I might be in love with my best friend, Dave."
"What happened?" she asked, rubbing his shoulder in a comforting gesture.
"My dad caught us kissing and went ballistic. He forbade me from ever seeing him again, gave me the worst spanking of my life, and enrolled me in military school the very next day. Abby's been trying to get me to explore that side of myself ever since I told her about it."
"Why not try it?" Ziva asked. "It is not like you are still living at home with your father."
Tony shrugged, still unwilling to make eye contact. "It never seemed worth it. I saw what happened to gay cops back in Baltimore. NCIS may be a civilian organization, but we're still military-affiliated. It's not exactly a tolerant environment, no matter what laws have been passed. Besides, I really do like women so why bother?"
"Tony, do you really think that anyone on our team would berate you for who you are and who you choose to date?"
"No," he admitted, "but it's everyone else at the agency that I'm worried about. If it causes any trouble at all then I can pretty much kiss my chances of ever being promoted goodbye. Anyway, this is the probie, and Gibbs has a rule about not dating your teammate."
"Rule twelve, yes?" Ziva asked. "I have never understood that rule in the first place. After all, McGee and Abby used to date, and it is common knowledge by now that Gibbs and Director Shepard were once a couple."
Tony made a face. "I'm pretty sure that his relationship with the director was the reason he made that rule in the first place, and Abby's always been able to get away with anything with Gibbs. What makes you think he'll be as tolerant with me?"
"Don't worry about Gibbs," Abby said, coming back into the room. "I'll handle him." She stuffed her phone back into her purse before asking, "Did you really tell McGee that Claire's real name was Anthony? You're lucky he didn't figure it out right then."
"I panicked!" he said. "I had only just finished reading his email when he IMed me wanting to set up a date!"
"Really? Where are you going?" Ziva asked.
"Valentino's, but I'm not sure - "
"Ooh, romantic!" Abby sighed. "What are you going to wear?"
"Abs, I'm not even sure that I'm going!" Tony protested.
"Oh, no you don't." Abby put her hands on her hips and said sternly, "You can either go on a date with McGee, or you can show up, apologize, and beg for forgiveness. Either way, you're going. Timmy at least deserves that much."
Tony sighed and ran a hand across his face. "You're right," he said after a long pause.
Ziva looked at him inquiringly. "What are you going to do?"
"I don't know yet," he admitted. "I'll decide when we close this case."
****
Three days later found a nervous Tony at Valentino's, wearing an outfit that Ziva had picked out, and being fussed over by Abby. They were at a table toward the back where Abby and Ziva could sit unnoticed by McGee. Abby said they were there for moral support, but Ziva had made it quite clear that they were there in case Tony decided to bolt.
"Thank you again for getting us this table, Tony," Ziva said, smoothing out her nice black dress. "I understand that it is very hard to get reservations here."
"Yeah, the owner and I go way back," he replied, while Abby straightened his tie for the third time.
"You look great, Tony," Abby praised. "There's no way Timmy will be able to resist you."
"Yes, provided your personality does not get in the way," Ziva muttered into her glass of wine.
He opened his mouth to retort, when he was interrupted by Abby squealing, "He's here!"
The three of them watched as a waiter led McGee to a table near the front of the restaurant. He was wearing an expensive suit, probably purchased with money from his book. Tony had to admit, he looked good. Even so, he found himself fighting the urge to panic.
"Oh, god," he groaned. "I don't think I can do this!"
"Yes, you can," Abby insisted. "Just be confident."
"And remember," Ziva said, taking a bite of her salad. "I know twenty-five ways to kill you with this fork alone. Do not even think about running."
The two girls watched intently as their friend made his way to the front of the restaurant. When he reached McGee, the younger man looked up in surprise.
"I wish I'd thought to plant a bug in the vase of flowers at their table," Abby complained. "I can't hear what they're saying from here, but - Oooh, Timmy looks pissed!"
"As he should be," the Mossad officer nodded. "If Tony had deceived me in such a way, I would not give him the chance to make amends."
They continued to watch the exchange between the two men. Tony looked apologetic and slightly pleading, while McGee's face was red and his brows were drawn together in anger. At one point he actually stood as though to leave, but Tony managed to coax him back into his seat.
The girls' view was suddenly obstructed by their waiter bringing them their entrees. After setting their plates before them, the elderly gentleman refilled their wine glasses and replaced their basket of bread with a steaming fresh one, before making his way back into the kitchen. If he thought anything was odd about both girls sitting on the same side of the table and leering at two of the other patrons, he wisely kept his opinions to himself.
"I do believe Tony is blushing!" Ziva said in surprise.
He was, a slight dusting of red blooming across his face as he spoke intently to his teammate. Tim appeared to have calmed considerably by this point and even looked a little bashful. After a moment, Tony hesitantly reached out and held the younger man's hand in his own, a shy smile on his lips.
"Aww!" Abby sighed. "I love it when things work out so perfectly, especially for the people I care about."
"They do make an attractive pair," Ziva commented thoughtfully as she and Abby toasted their success. "It almost makes me wish we had planted a camera in one of their bedrooms."
"Ziva!" Abby's voice sounded outraged, but her smile gave her away. She leaned in conspiratorially. "Besides, there's plenty of time for that. I know for a fact that McGee doesn't put out on the first date."
THE END