its weird being in america...
i had a childhood sweetheart named matt. i guess we were also in diapers together, but i cant really remember that far back. i remember his blonde hair and feisty attitude. i remember laughing and him always being a gentleboy. we received our first communions, learned how to ski in big bear, and played renegades in the backyard. he skateboarded in redondo with me and we practically lived in each others homes. we sat in the back of my dads mercedes station wagon on a mountain rode and i laughed at him/stroked his back when he got car sick. i defended him in junior high when his parents thought he was only drawing in class. he protected me. i protected him. he gave me my first 5th of whiskey(that i drank in a minute) and carried me to the car(because i couldnt walk). he taught me how to play pool. he would make sure everyone got home safe. he was always down to fight for someone who he loves. i saw him grow into a gentleman. fuck yes... i am feeling an incredible amount of nostalgia. it just seems so strange, that the government has given him a career of traveling to foreign bases , iraq, and ridiculous amounts of duty that he can only see his wife and daughter a couple of months out of the year(if that actually, i dont even know exactly how it works. it seems like a really nutty system. and every time i ask questions about it i get angry. instantaneously. automatically.) i guess, this has all been brought on by the fact that last night, i saw his wife and his little baby girl yesterday. i held his daughter and looked into her little baby eyes and i saw him. that probably sounds strange, but she just had the same essence as he did as a child. with blonde hair and a feisty attitude. i havent seen him in over two years. i think of him often.
then, fear came over me tonight when someone posted a bulletin on myspace about how this young man died in afghanistan... and when i read his name, it hit me. it surprised me. tommy. tommy dated my bestfriend from bishop for a couple of years. i really liked this guy, but i really hated him at the same time. those were years when so much change occurred in every one. including my bestfriend from high school. some of us grew into adults with different ideals. and through my high school bestfriend and tommy, i saw ideals that i havent seem since. there was a lot of hate and discrimination. i have a couple of really harsh memories that im not even fond of the fact that i was there to remember. but i do. and i know that tommy is now dead from something happening in the place where the country i was born into sends poeple to out of obligation and duty to serve and die. and that sucks. no one should die like that, no matter what kind of principles they live by.
its obvious whatever is going on in the government and the world is completely bogus. i really prefer to stay out of the drama and knowing things, because its pointless anyways right? whether we are ignorant or aware of the chaos, its still going to be pretty weird.
then, fear came over me tonight when someone posted a bulletin on myspace about how this young man died in afghanistan... and when i read his name, it hit me. it surprised me. tommy. tommy dated my bestfriend from bishop for a couple of years. i really liked this guy, but i really hated him at the same time. those were years when so much change occurred in every one. including my bestfriend from high school. some of us grew into adults with different ideals. and through my high school bestfriend and tommy, i saw ideals that i havent seem since. there was a lot of hate and discrimination. i have a couple of really harsh memories that im not even fond of the fact that i was there to remember. but i do. and i know that tommy is now dead from something happening in the place where the country i was born into sends poeple to out of obligation and duty to serve and die. and that sucks. no one should die like that, no matter what kind of principles they live by.
its obvious whatever is going on in the government and the world is completely bogus. i really prefer to stay out of the drama and knowing things, because its pointless anyways right? whether we are ignorant or aware of the chaos, its still going to be pretty weird.