We don't all think the same way
A friend on LJ sent me to this quiz:
http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/lovelanguages.php
Quoting from the website, the premise is:
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
It tracks five different ways of getting love, and my results for example are:
Quality Time: 9
Acts of Service: 8
Physical Touch: 8
Words of Affirmation: 5
Receiving Gifts: 0
What interests me is that we all have not only different ways we like to receive love, but also different ways we know to give love. I wonder if they are always the same or not.
I've been in this trap, where I was giving all I could (in the way I knew how, or the way I valued) and she didn't appreciate it at all. And she was giving her all, but in a way I didn't value. So there we were, both working out butts off, and not satisfying the other at all. It ended badly, long ago.
I don't claim that a 5-minute test can cure all ills. But I do think that it hints at something important, and it can start an idea or a conversation that is well worth having.
There is a story in a Miles Vorkosigan book, where old Lord Vorsoandso goes around at his parties offering a tray of liver pate' snacks to all the guests. He's hurt and offended that nobody ever wants his offering. They are his absolute favorite food, and he doesn't grok that others simply don't like liver. And when he goes to parties nobody ever offers this poor guy what he wants. How sad.
http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/lovelanguages.php
Quoting from the website, the premise is:
Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.
It tracks five different ways of getting love, and my results for example are:
Quality Time: 9
Acts of Service: 8
Physical Touch: 8
Words of Affirmation: 5
Receiving Gifts: 0
What interests me is that we all have not only different ways we like to receive love, but also different ways we know to give love. I wonder if they are always the same or not.
I've been in this trap, where I was giving all I could (in the way I knew how, or the way I valued) and she didn't appreciate it at all. And she was giving her all, but in a way I didn't value. So there we were, both working out butts off, and not satisfying the other at all. It ended badly, long ago.
I don't claim that a 5-minute test can cure all ills. But I do think that it hints at something important, and it can start an idea or a conversation that is well worth having.
There is a story in a Miles Vorkosigan book, where old Lord Vorsoandso goes around at his parties offering a tray of liver pate' snacks to all the guests. He's hurt and offended that nobody ever wants his offering. They are his absolute favorite food, and he doesn't grok that others simply don't like liver. And when he goes to parties nobody ever offers this poor guy what he wants. How sad.