(no subject)
Title:WIsh you were here...
Author: Me...hott_irish_men /x_tired_crazy_x
Rating:PG-13
Summary:I want to tell you I love you before I go. Before I decide it's time. Time for me to go to sleep. Not just any sleep though. The sleep where I don't wake up. I know I promised you I'd make it through this but I can't. I can't with what's going on.
Disclaimer:Not real, never happened
I never thought that you'd let me waste away. I never thought that you would watch it happen and yet not care. You don't give a shit...I know. You said we'd still talk. You said you loved me and we'd never break up. I thought you were telling the truth but boy, I was wrong. I'm always wrong about you. Always. You don't even make an effort to try to get hold of me. I hear from the doctors that you leave messages, but why don't you talk to me. I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.
I want to tell you I love you before I go. Before I decide it's time. Time for me to go to sleep. Not just any sleep though. The sleep where I don't wake up. I know I promised you I'd make it through this but I can't. I can't with what's going on.
The guards here that are suppose to watch us are perverts. When they sedate the patients they rape then. I haven't been sedated yet...
Yet.
Funny thing is, when they sedate patients the patients aren't even doing anything crazy. I'm afraid babe, I'm really scared.
And you're not here. You're not here to save me and hold me. How come when I need you most your not there. You're there when I need something stupid, but when my life depends on you, you just leave me. To die, to rot in this shithole... Why thank you my brother. Thank you.
Is everything I do, everything I say just a card in your game of monopoly, slows you down but you still get the job done? You still win. You always win. I really don't know anymore. I just...don't. I used to be solid on us and where I stood in front of you, but as I waste away in my cell, I question whether you ever took me or anything that I said seriously. Do I matter to you anymore?
Of course the thought that you've found someone better crosses my mind all the time. Every second of every day I'm forced to think about the idea that...you've found another person that makes you feel like I made you feel. Maybe even better...
I'll never find someone like you. It's impossible! You're the epitome of beauty and perfection, you're nice and sweet, and crazy and wild and there's no one in the world that could ever be as good as you.
Here I am getting another message saying that you left a message. You've left about 5 in the past month and I've lost the will to actually read them. All they'll most likely say is, "Hope you get out soon, the family is well, we all love you, BLAH BLAH BLAH," and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the family trying get involved when they're the ones that put me in this. It's stupid and I'm done with it.
I don't see why they made us break up. I don't understand what was so wrong about us being in love. Does it really matter? I don't understand why I have to go to a mental institution while you get to rumage around free in the world. Well, actually I do understand, it WAS supposed to be you here, but remember? Do you remember anything?
Why you're free? Remember mom said that it was going to be you because you cause all of the trouble? I took your spot. And for awhile when you'd talk to me I thought maybe this was worth it, that there was a reason for this. But now I can truly and seriously say that I wish that you are here instead of me. Because if I was out there in the beautiful land that I look out and see every day I wouldn't go a day without finding a way to talk to you. And here you go. What is it now..
A month...
A year...
Not a word...
Some how...some way...for some unknown reason I actually decide to open one of the messages. Its just as I expected...except on the "From" your not there. Your name is absent. Why?
I open up the next one to find the same thing. My heart begins to slow down...slowly...painfully
I open up two more and I start crying as I read the lists and lists of names and your name is no where to be found... are you trying to be my demise...
I open up my most resent message. As my eyes graze upon the sentences I'm drivin to tears.
Dear my beautiful brother,
Hey, how is it there...that's probably not a really good question. Well...I'm leaving you a message, there's uhh, no nice way to say this so here goes...
I'm moving on...
Love you,
Benj
FROM
Benjamin Levi Madden
I finish and I'm crying so hard I can't breath. I start screaming, kicking, pushing shit around. Anything to get this frustration out.
Anything. Do you know how it feels to have all your worst fears confirmed?
Within minutes a guy in a white nurses outfit walks in and grabs my arms twisting them inward so I can't move. He hits my back in and I fall to the floor. He yells something but I'm still to hysterical to understand.
Soon another guy comes in with those needles that I thought only existed in movies...He presses it into my neck and my body goes numb. It sucks because I'm still consious... one of the guys lays me in my bed...
So Benji, You can guess what comes next. You know, I'm not going to be able to last much longer after this. What else is there to say.
I'm glad you've moved on? Sure why not.
The nurse starts taking off my clothes.
Love you Benji.
Wish you were here...instead of me.
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Should I leave it or write more??? Please review!
Author: Me...hott_irish_men /x_tired_crazy_x
Rating:PG-13
Summary:I want to tell you I love you before I go. Before I decide it's time. Time for me to go to sleep. Not just any sleep though. The sleep where I don't wake up. I know I promised you I'd make it through this but I can't. I can't with what's going on.
Disclaimer:Not real, never happened
I never thought that you'd let me waste away. I never thought that you would watch it happen and yet not care. You don't give a shit...I know. You said we'd still talk. You said you loved me and we'd never break up. I thought you were telling the truth but boy, I was wrong. I'm always wrong about you. Always. You don't even make an effort to try to get hold of me. I hear from the doctors that you leave messages, but why don't you talk to me. I want to talk to you. I need to talk to you.
I want to tell you I love you before I go. Before I decide it's time. Time for me to go to sleep. Not just any sleep though. The sleep where I don't wake up. I know I promised you I'd make it through this but I can't. I can't with what's going on.
The guards here that are suppose to watch us are perverts. When they sedate the patients they rape then. I haven't been sedated yet...
Yet.
Funny thing is, when they sedate patients the patients aren't even doing anything crazy. I'm afraid babe, I'm really scared.
And you're not here. You're not here to save me and hold me. How come when I need you most your not there. You're there when I need something stupid, but when my life depends on you, you just leave me. To die, to rot in this shithole... Why thank you my brother. Thank you.
Is everything I do, everything I say just a card in your game of monopoly, slows you down but you still get the job done? You still win. You always win. I really don't know anymore. I just...don't. I used to be solid on us and where I stood in front of you, but as I waste away in my cell, I question whether you ever took me or anything that I said seriously. Do I matter to you anymore?
Of course the thought that you've found someone better crosses my mind all the time. Every second of every day I'm forced to think about the idea that...you've found another person that makes you feel like I made you feel. Maybe even better...
I'll never find someone like you. It's impossible! You're the epitome of beauty and perfection, you're nice and sweet, and crazy and wild and there's no one in the world that could ever be as good as you.
Here I am getting another message saying that you left a message. You've left about 5 in the past month and I've lost the will to actually read them. All they'll most likely say is, "Hope you get out soon, the family is well, we all love you, BLAH BLAH BLAH," and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the family trying get involved when they're the ones that put me in this. It's stupid and I'm done with it.
I don't see why they made us break up. I don't understand what was so wrong about us being in love. Does it really matter? I don't understand why I have to go to a mental institution while you get to rumage around free in the world. Well, actually I do understand, it WAS supposed to be you here, but remember? Do you remember anything?
Why you're free? Remember mom said that it was going to be you because you cause all of the trouble? I took your spot. And for awhile when you'd talk to me I thought maybe this was worth it, that there was a reason for this. But now I can truly and seriously say that I wish that you are here instead of me. Because if I was out there in the beautiful land that I look out and see every day I wouldn't go a day without finding a way to talk to you. And here you go. What is it now..
A month...
A year...
Not a word...
Some how...some way...for some unknown reason I actually decide to open one of the messages. Its just as I expected...except on the "From" your not there. Your name is absent. Why?
I open up the next one to find the same thing. My heart begins to slow down...slowly...painfully
I open up two more and I start crying as I read the lists and lists of names and your name is no where to be found... are you trying to be my demise...
I open up my most resent message. As my eyes graze upon the sentences I'm drivin to tears.
Dear my beautiful brother,
Hey, how is it there...that's probably not a really good question. Well...I'm leaving you a message, there's uhh, no nice way to say this so here goes...
I'm moving on...
Love you,
Benj
FROM
Benjamin Levi Madden
I finish and I'm crying so hard I can't breath. I start screaming, kicking, pushing shit around. Anything to get this frustration out.
Anything. Do you know how it feels to have all your worst fears confirmed?
Within minutes a guy in a white nurses outfit walks in and grabs my arms twisting them inward so I can't move. He hits my back in and I fall to the floor. He yells something but I'm still to hysterical to understand.
Soon another guy comes in with those needles that I thought only existed in movies...He presses it into my neck and my body goes numb. It sucks because I'm still consious... one of the guys lays me in my bed...
So Benji, You can guess what comes next. You know, I'm not going to be able to last much longer after this. What else is there to say.
I'm glad you've moved on? Sure why not.
The nurse starts taking off my clothes.
Love you Benji.
Wish you were here...instead of me.
-------------------------------------------------
Should I leave it or write more??? Please review!