Why can feelings be so confusing?
As some of you may know, most of you don't, i have been making tremendous changes in my life or trying to. At times it is hard, other times it isn't so bad. But it's the times that are the hardest that make me stronger and strive much harder. The person i use to be, isn't the person i am today. I don't like that and i am ashamed of it. "Who" i use to be is whom i feel i am suppose to be.
I know we all change in life, as life proceeds, but is it always for the good? Is that person you change into or the things that you quit doing and start doing, the person that you are meant to be? Is it just for a learning experience, or to open your eyes? All these questions have both a yes and no answer. But which gives more weight, the "yes" or the "no"?
I know most of you are reading this and your first thoughts are way off, or your thoughts in general. No, i'm not a druggie, a whore, or whateva. I've never tried any type of drug, and yes i've been with more people than i would have liked to, but it still isn't a lot. I would have loved to have been with one person and that's it, for the rest of my life. Don't we all?
Some of you know my past life, or whateva you want to call it, most don't. It isn't something i am ashamed of by any means or that i hide. I honestly miss it. I have youth pastored two churches, evangelized, had a nursing home and hospital ministry, opportunity to minister on t.v., scholarship offered my sophomore year of high school to Samford University for theology, and much more. Just to sum it up, i was really big in the church and God was all i knew and WANTED to know.
I have always been a very kind, caring, loving person. My trials through life with relationships and love has made me into a different person. My heart wants to love like it use to, care like it use to, etc. but for someone i can't. I want to be that person i use to be. I want to be able to happy and give that love and care to people. My friends, family, boyfriend, whomever... My heart use to be soo BIG and i want that same fullness to come back. That same joy.. I want it all to consume me, and overfill me like none before. My spiritual life has slacken and i am trying to reshape, reform, and satisfy myself but most importantly to GOD. If i am not happy with myself, and am ashamed of the person i have become... Isn't God?
I want to feel the spirit of God like never before. I want to be able to feel his presence, his love, his joy, and just be sheltered in his arms. I want to do and be what he wants me to do and be. I don't care what society thinks about me... It's you God.. ALL YOU!!! You are my ALL~
.......Wish i could write more but i have to go... Hopefully i can finish it up later...
Love You Guys,
Chris
I know we all change in life, as life proceeds, but is it always for the good? Is that person you change into or the things that you quit doing and start doing, the person that you are meant to be? Is it just for a learning experience, or to open your eyes? All these questions have both a yes and no answer. But which gives more weight, the "yes" or the "no"?
I know most of you are reading this and your first thoughts are way off, or your thoughts in general. No, i'm not a druggie, a whore, or whateva. I've never tried any type of drug, and yes i've been with more people than i would have liked to, but it still isn't a lot. I would have loved to have been with one person and that's it, for the rest of my life. Don't we all?
Some of you know my past life, or whateva you want to call it, most don't. It isn't something i am ashamed of by any means or that i hide. I honestly miss it. I have youth pastored two churches, evangelized, had a nursing home and hospital ministry, opportunity to minister on t.v., scholarship offered my sophomore year of high school to Samford University for theology, and much more. Just to sum it up, i was really big in the church and God was all i knew and WANTED to know.
I have always been a very kind, caring, loving person. My trials through life with relationships and love has made me into a different person. My heart wants to love like it use to, care like it use to, etc. but for someone i can't. I want to be that person i use to be. I want to be able to happy and give that love and care to people. My friends, family, boyfriend, whomever... My heart use to be soo BIG and i want that same fullness to come back. That same joy.. I want it all to consume me, and overfill me like none before. My spiritual life has slacken and i am trying to reshape, reform, and satisfy myself but most importantly to GOD. If i am not happy with myself, and am ashamed of the person i have become... Isn't God?
I want to feel the spirit of God like never before. I want to be able to feel his presence, his love, his joy, and just be sheltered in his arms. I want to do and be what he wants me to do and be. I don't care what society thinks about me... It's you God.. ALL YOU!!! You are my ALL~
.......Wish i could write more but i have to go... Hopefully i can finish it up later...
Love You Guys,
Chris