Cant Sleep
Ahh my first day still lol... i dunno, i've just been thinking a lot and its early = not good. WOW!!! there is so much drama on my floor, i try to correct it, its inevitable. I try to say all the right things because i want to be happy and i want everyone else to. Whatever comes out of my mouth is intended for mending apprehensions between people, it just always goes the other way, and i'm left frustrated, pissed, and only in a mood to screw it all and make it worse. I'm sorry for all who have to put up with it... life is being very stressful, college is annoying me and i only want to go back home to my ole bed, the ole faces i miss, and the comforts of knowing my surroundings. a lil is due to the fact i feel left out a lot here, i dunno why, i should be satisfied, i guess i just got more attention at home. College so far has offered great opportunites (like crew, i love the sport, i love the people, and i have no intentions of quiting... only to represent and show i can do whatever i set my mind to) but everything else is depressing. I feel nothing but lonliness, and it kinda really sucked today. Ali stopped by today, it was the first time i had seen her in like 2 months, and i realized a lot. She looked into my eyes sincerely, and i eagerly back, and gently she spoke, "its really nice to see you." I've never heard a tone of voice so sincere, i felt i didnt deserve it. It overwhelmed me with the feeling of how much i miss her. I miss her so so so soooooo much i really do. i spent my entire summer with her all the way back to the dls play (good times) and it all ended at the beginning of this school year. Regretting it, i was a complete dick to her, i wish i could take it all back. We exchanged some pretty horrible things and it seemed like it would never be again. I have to admit i messed up, and when i tried to fix it, it only got thrown back in my face. I care about her a lot, i think about her a lot, but she has made some decisions that i don't agree with and overly shown it to her... but i want her to know is that i truly care for her... i want the very best for her even if i cannot be there anymore... i miss getting mint chocolate chip ice cream with her... i miss her smile... i miss a lot of my home life...