(no subject)
Ive worked two seven hour shifts on concession in the past two days.
my feet hurrrrrrt.
in the most uncomfortable shoes known to man.
plus.. I almost broke my neck yesterday thanks to adrian spilling a drink.
and to top it all off.. I have to work from 6-11:30 on st. patrick's day, as well as the night before.
and then I have to work at the sign shop thursday and friday.. so that means:
- I cant go drinking in philly with the boys like planned.
and
- If I drink after I get off work.. chances are that Im going to end up working with a hangover.. which wouldn't be the first time, but from what I plan on doing st patricks day, it will by far be the worst hangover to date.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
in other news:
brooke talked to joe. and my name was brought up.
joe asked brooke who this new girl she was befriending and whatnot was.. and this is basically what was said ((paraphrased, because I cant remember the exact conversation. but you get the main idea.
brooke said "oh you know her.. she used to be a good friend of yours.."
joe said "really? who is it?"
brooke said "anne marie!"
joe said "no. dont hang out with her. dont corrupt her, shes pure and innocent."
apparently Im pure and innocent.
although, Adrain and Brandon decifered it to mean "dont talk to her.. she doesnt know how much of a dick I am."
which I belive.
Im not currently favoring humanity right now.
Ive spent the majority of my weekend:
- drunk.
- or working.
- or analyzing my friendships, relationships, and disappointments ((some thinking done soberly, some done drunk.))
no need to read anymore.
I absolutely adore:
-my records.
-my attitude.
-snowball fights and frisbee with punk rock kat.
-the sincerity and open-mindedness I find in brooke.
-ska.
-guinness. and other forms of alcohol. especially the can sitting on top of the computer at this moment.
-camel lights.
-the money Im making at work.
I miss:
-certain things about the past..
-old friends..
-my life.. the way it used to be..
-spending hours on end playing guitar..
-the days when I used to write music..
-having plans for a future.
-sitting in my room for days on end, doing nothing but painting..
-jen and bridget..
-the drive I had to get out of here..
-when my stress positively influenced my life..
-the ability to absolutely trust someone.. although if I think about it long enough, I dont think Ive ever 100% trusted anyone in my life.
I really hate:
- how people get the attitude that they're better than me.
- how people act too cool to acknowledge me.
- how everyone labels me.
- how I like a boy.. a lot.. who doesn't like me.
- stress
- being withdrawn
- how I seem to fall for jerks.
- how I feel like I'm letting everyone down.
- how much I need a break.
- how I want to fix everything.. but cant seem to fix anything.
- how badly I need money
- how I've been thinking far too much lately.
- how I've put out so much energy lately, and it all seems to be in vain.
- how I can't stop thinking about ignoring things.
- how I can't cry anymore.
- my pride is far too strong to ask for help when I need it.
I really hate how the work I've been burying myself in is done.. or almost done. And once its done, I won't have anything left to use as my excuse to ignore everything.
Ive let everything slip out of my grasp.
now Im stuck in a rut I cant seem to get out of.
Im tired of fighting everyone.
Im tired of how off everyone's perception of me, and my attitude is.
I feel like Im letting a lot of people down.
and Im sorry if Ive let you down lately..
and fuck you if you're one of the ones that's let me down.
I just.. my brain has been all over this weekend. hopping back and forth. Im driving myself crazy.
all I have to say.. is let the drinking begin.
and sadly.. my guinness is starting to get low. Ive got a little over half a case left.
so much for st. patricks day. hahaha.
hmm.
<3 am