new word

[hotpotato]

Being idealistic bit me in the ass once before.  I came into this jaded.  VERY jaded.  Wanted nothing to do with the stuff.  But somehow this was different.  Somehow, something made me do it anyway, and now I'm in way farther than I ever expected.  I'm jaded trying to be idealistic, and idealistic trying to stay jaded.  It's rough.

Basically, I love you in spite of myself.

...It's still unfuckingbelievable.