Feeling blue...
And I don't have anyone to talk to about it.
I don't know what to do, how to fix this feeling this time. I don't know if I've ever really fixed it...
I just wish I had someone to talk to... Someone who actually wanted to know how I was, what I was up to, how I'm feeling. Someone who actually wanted to know me.
Everything feels so superficial. Occasionally you just need a shoulder to cry on when you're down, but no one wants to offer one. I've been running on borrowed emotions for some time, and I don't think I can handle it much more. Maybe it's more...
Tomorrow is October 2nd, the 23rd anniversary of the day my dad died. I was three. I can still remember him, in small ways. Mainly images, some deeper memories triggered by feelings and scents.
I'm going to be all alone tomorrow, aren't I? No one to celebrate my Day of the Dead with me. Perhaps it's wrong to think of it as a celebration, more an honor: honoring those close to me that I've lost. A celebration of my life, everyone's life.
But who's close to me now? I keep everyone at bay, close off my emotions and try to remain as stoic as possible. People come to me with their problems, which I love, but who can I go to? I'm so afraid of getting hurt that I've closed all off everyone. I've been hurt to many times, by so many people. I don't know who I can trust anymore.
I don't mourn on October 2nd anymore. I haven't for years. I really do try to celebrate. I'm usually very happy on this day, though I don't know why. This year it seems I will have to work for it.
No one here, in Tallahassee, knows the significance of this day. It's my life, why would they? I never told them. I don't think they would find it nostalgic or comforting like I do. It's my day. I refuse to be blue tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day, always. I should give up on ventures that prove fruitless and focus on those that are succeeding. If a stoic I am, than a stoic I shall be, and not allow these negative feelings to trap me so. At least one thing dragging me down right now will be resolved.
Although I feel better, I also feel worse that I have to resolve my feelings by posting them online. It's times like this that I truly miss the one person I could always talk to, the one person who always knew me and would be there for me.
And to think, I usually love October...
I don't know what to do, how to fix this feeling this time. I don't know if I've ever really fixed it...
I just wish I had someone to talk to... Someone who actually wanted to know how I was, what I was up to, how I'm feeling. Someone who actually wanted to know me.
Everything feels so superficial. Occasionally you just need a shoulder to cry on when you're down, but no one wants to offer one. I've been running on borrowed emotions for some time, and I don't think I can handle it much more. Maybe it's more...
Tomorrow is October 2nd, the 23rd anniversary of the day my dad died. I was three. I can still remember him, in small ways. Mainly images, some deeper memories triggered by feelings and scents.
I'm going to be all alone tomorrow, aren't I? No one to celebrate my Day of the Dead with me. Perhaps it's wrong to think of it as a celebration, more an honor: honoring those close to me that I've lost. A celebration of my life, everyone's life.
But who's close to me now? I keep everyone at bay, close off my emotions and try to remain as stoic as possible. People come to me with their problems, which I love, but who can I go to? I'm so afraid of getting hurt that I've closed all off everyone. I've been hurt to many times, by so many people. I don't know who I can trust anymore.
I don't mourn on October 2nd anymore. I haven't for years. I really do try to celebrate. I'm usually very happy on this day, though I don't know why. This year it seems I will have to work for it.
No one here, in Tallahassee, knows the significance of this day. It's my life, why would they? I never told them. I don't think they would find it nostalgic or comforting like I do. It's my day. I refuse to be blue tomorrow.
Tomorrow is a new day, always. I should give up on ventures that prove fruitless and focus on those that are succeeding. If a stoic I am, than a stoic I shall be, and not allow these negative feelings to trap me so. At least one thing dragging me down right now will be resolved.
Although I feel better, I also feel worse that I have to resolve my feelings by posting them online. It's times like this that I truly miss the one person I could always talk to, the one person who always knew me and would be there for me.
And to think, I usually love October...