Good times and bad
Things have been going pretty well. School's started again, which is good. It gives me something to concentrate on. It's going to be tiring, I can tell already, but worth it. The lack of car is not a problem for getting to and from school, though it can be a burden going anywhere else. I have a bike to borrow for a little while, though, so that should help.
I've had a bit of cabin fever all week. I found a way to get out for a while today, which was good. Tomorrow I will probably be in all day. I'll start working on my history paper or something. I've got to find something to do Monday. Hopefully, I'll get out to the art supply store tomorrow or Monday. I have to have my supplies by Tuesday, so I'll find a way to get there.
I feel a little guilty about burdening my friends with my issues. Mainly because my issues are my own insecurities. I feel stupid because I keep getting jealous of little things that shouldn't bother me. I'm able to put them aside for the most part, but they keep creeping back up on me. I know this is something that I just have to deal with. I have to be able to move on.
I need to find more people to hang out with. Different people. I feel like that would help a lot, if I had friends in different crowds. Finding a boyfriend so soon after moving here was good in some ways and definitely made things more difficult in others, at least now that we've broken up.
I wish I was more into the college party/kegger scene, but I just don't really feel like I fit in there. Most of the people at those parties are younger than me, and those that are my age are five years ahead of me in school, if not more. I feel really dumb talking about school with people in those crowds. Talking about my non-college experiences makes me feel even more like an outsider. I'll still go to the parties, but I want to find something more chill. The parties in VA used to be so much fun. I usually knew most of the people there, or at least the host. There were usually places to sit (these keggers seem to be standing only parties, which really suck, especially in heels).
People here are still shocked to discover that I'm not an expert at kegs like them. I'd only ever been to one party with a keg before moving here, so I didn't know you had to pump it. And I don't know how to tap a keg. I'm learning the terms, though. That does make a good conversational ice breaker.
I prefer smaller groups. I like going to the bars. I haven't been to an actual club in ages, but there's a good bar for dancing, though I haven't actually danced in a while. More proof that I need to loosen up. I've been going to concerts. It's a lot more expensive (so I don't drink), but I've seen a few new bands, and I'm getting into the local scene.
For the most part, my experience in Tally has been good, so far. I haven't made many friends, but these things take time with me. I'm just feeling guilty for feeling certain things lately. Mainly jealousy. Ironically, the jealousy I was feeling yesterday that made me feel guilty has abated, or at least I've gotten it under control. Maybe all I needed was a little attention, so I wouldn't feel so lonely and locked away with my emotions. Everyone needs a little attention sometimes, to feel like they really matter even if only at that moment.
I've missed venting my problems to livejournal. I haven't been posting because I was worried about who would read it. I was worried about posting things that I didn't want to really be seen, at least not by everyone. I know there's a friends only mode, but I don't like feeling like I have to hide things, either. I'm over that. I know I probably won't really get into posting again like I used to, but on occasion, it is good. I may not have solved anything, but at least it's off my chest.
In case you read this and think that last statement was about you... It probably was, but not you alone. The main reason I stopped posting as much as I used to was my parents, and I doubt they bother reading it now.
I've had a bit of cabin fever all week. I found a way to get out for a while today, which was good. Tomorrow I will probably be in all day. I'll start working on my history paper or something. I've got to find something to do Monday. Hopefully, I'll get out to the art supply store tomorrow or Monday. I have to have my supplies by Tuesday, so I'll find a way to get there.
I feel a little guilty about burdening my friends with my issues. Mainly because my issues are my own insecurities. I feel stupid because I keep getting jealous of little things that shouldn't bother me. I'm able to put them aside for the most part, but they keep creeping back up on me. I know this is something that I just have to deal with. I have to be able to move on.
I need to find more people to hang out with. Different people. I feel like that would help a lot, if I had friends in different crowds. Finding a boyfriend so soon after moving here was good in some ways and definitely made things more difficult in others, at least now that we've broken up.
I wish I was more into the college party/kegger scene, but I just don't really feel like I fit in there. Most of the people at those parties are younger than me, and those that are my age are five years ahead of me in school, if not more. I feel really dumb talking about school with people in those crowds. Talking about my non-college experiences makes me feel even more like an outsider. I'll still go to the parties, but I want to find something more chill. The parties in VA used to be so much fun. I usually knew most of the people there, or at least the host. There were usually places to sit (these keggers seem to be standing only parties, which really suck, especially in heels).
People here are still shocked to discover that I'm not an expert at kegs like them. I'd only ever been to one party with a keg before moving here, so I didn't know you had to pump it. And I don't know how to tap a keg. I'm learning the terms, though. That does make a good conversational ice breaker.
I prefer smaller groups. I like going to the bars. I haven't been to an actual club in ages, but there's a good bar for dancing, though I haven't actually danced in a while. More proof that I need to loosen up. I've been going to concerts. It's a lot more expensive (so I don't drink), but I've seen a few new bands, and I'm getting into the local scene.
For the most part, my experience in Tally has been good, so far. I haven't made many friends, but these things take time with me. I'm just feeling guilty for feeling certain things lately. Mainly jealousy. Ironically, the jealousy I was feeling yesterday that made me feel guilty has abated, or at least I've gotten it under control. Maybe all I needed was a little attention, so I wouldn't feel so lonely and locked away with my emotions. Everyone needs a little attention sometimes, to feel like they really matter even if only at that moment.
I've missed venting my problems to livejournal. I haven't been posting because I was worried about who would read it. I was worried about posting things that I didn't want to really be seen, at least not by everyone. I know there's a friends only mode, but I don't like feeling like I have to hide things, either. I'm over that. I know I probably won't really get into posting again like I used to, but on occasion, it is good. I may not have solved anything, but at least it's off my chest.
In case you read this and think that last statement was about you... It probably was, but not you alone. The main reason I stopped posting as much as I used to was my parents, and I doubt they bother reading it now.