(no subject)

[hotpinkpixy]

well, this is officially my first night away from nathan since november. oh god, its so much harder than i could have ever imagined...i don't know how to sleep alone anymore, and i would rather not have to. what the fuck have i done? this is the man i love and want to spend forever with and he isn't here... in all honesty, i made decisions out of jealousy, out of anger, and without a pure heart. maybe if he told me to stay with him i would have been angry with him...maybe if i knew then what i know now i would have thanked him for it. oh, i just miss him so much. i want to be with him every second of every day and just love him with all that i am. he is part of me now. so much so that i forget how to function without him, i love him more every second of every day. i dont know. i just always want to make everyone happy. in the end i guess i am doomed to be the miserable one
...
or something

if this is only a test
i hope that i'm passing
'cause i'm losing the stake