(no subject)
twice in one day....guess im making up for lost time.
Ariel.
hm.
you are crazy.
you are INSANE.
and no i don't really miss your manipulative ways. your domination, your every five minute "breakdowns".
how can i go on with this friendship? how can i tell her without telling her that her leaving src was one of the best things to happen to me in terms of being friends with sarah and katie, in terms with being happy and secure about myself?
the truth as i look back, she WANTED sarah katie and i not to be this close. She wanted to be the closest person to each of us and to try and keep us from getting closer to eachother then her. This she tried to keep in her control when she was at school, and she suceeded for the most part. When she left, she faded in all of our minds. This doesn't make us sad. We don't think "damn i wish ariel was here". What does this mean?
There are so many things we all would like to say to her. But she would find some way to blame it all on us and so we don't say anything. And we try not to fake nice or anything. Its just too hard. I want to be her friend...not her best friend who needs to call every day and make her feel better about herself. I want to be there for her in a way that doesnt mean i have to surrender myself completely. I don't want to feel like i HAVE to call her because thats stupid. Thats not a good friendship.
So screw it. I told her how I felt, without telling her how much of a manipulative bitch she can be. Because maybe she's changed. I wouldn't know, I havent seen her. But oh man if she tries to play her little ariel pitty party games again, I'm not going to be a pushover and I'm not going to be passive. She will know if she's doing something I don't like. I'm not living down the hall from her anymore, I don't need to always be in a place where she is. I don't need to deal with her bullshit just to keep myself sane.
ahhhhh.
And now I'm sad that everything I had with Sarah and Katie is gone. I guess temporarily, but still. I got so used to hanging with them everyday, trying to stay sane while school sucked. They were great to have around. None of us ever pooped on a party like someone else would do all the time....we never manipulated eachother. Because thats not healthy. It just goes to show how having ariel around made us learn. we all experienced all of her annoyances so we all know that it makes our friendships stronger. Its just kinda sad that the room we all had so much fun in is gone....we are all in different states. Katie and i are prob going to live together next year which is good, but sarah wont be back until (hopefully) spring term. I'm just glad I got to know them like i did, which probably wouldn't have happened if ariel was there, funny. but oh well.
Its the end, ends always come like naomi said. you will always want more time with these people you love but you will never have enough time. I'm glad i had that time with them. Now all i can do is look forward to my favorite girl in the world to come home.
Ariel.
hm.
you are crazy.
you are INSANE.
and no i don't really miss your manipulative ways. your domination, your every five minute "breakdowns".
how can i go on with this friendship? how can i tell her without telling her that her leaving src was one of the best things to happen to me in terms of being friends with sarah and katie, in terms with being happy and secure about myself?
the truth as i look back, she WANTED sarah katie and i not to be this close. She wanted to be the closest person to each of us and to try and keep us from getting closer to eachother then her. This she tried to keep in her control when she was at school, and she suceeded for the most part. When she left, she faded in all of our minds. This doesn't make us sad. We don't think "damn i wish ariel was here". What does this mean?
There are so many things we all would like to say to her. But she would find some way to blame it all on us and so we don't say anything. And we try not to fake nice or anything. Its just too hard. I want to be her friend...not her best friend who needs to call every day and make her feel better about herself. I want to be there for her in a way that doesnt mean i have to surrender myself completely. I don't want to feel like i HAVE to call her because thats stupid. Thats not a good friendship.
So screw it. I told her how I felt, without telling her how much of a manipulative bitch she can be. Because maybe she's changed. I wouldn't know, I havent seen her. But oh man if she tries to play her little ariel pitty party games again, I'm not going to be a pushover and I'm not going to be passive. She will know if she's doing something I don't like. I'm not living down the hall from her anymore, I don't need to always be in a place where she is. I don't need to deal with her bullshit just to keep myself sane.
ahhhhh.
And now I'm sad that everything I had with Sarah and Katie is gone. I guess temporarily, but still. I got so used to hanging with them everyday, trying to stay sane while school sucked. They were great to have around. None of us ever pooped on a party like someone else would do all the time....we never manipulated eachother. Because thats not healthy. It just goes to show how having ariel around made us learn. we all experienced all of her annoyances so we all know that it makes our friendships stronger. Its just kinda sad that the room we all had so much fun in is gone....we are all in different states. Katie and i are prob going to live together next year which is good, but sarah wont be back until (hopefully) spring term. I'm just glad I got to know them like i did, which probably wouldn't have happened if ariel was there, funny. but oh well.
Its the end, ends always come like naomi said. you will always want more time with these people you love but you will never have enough time. I'm glad i had that time with them. Now all i can do is look forward to my favorite girl in the world to come home.