you were just another dead end road. they were pretty lies and broken dreams

[hotpinkk]

my day was.. to say the least-uneventful. as always.. school continues to drain me of every last bit of excitement and energy in my body. it kinda seems like nobody is really, truly friends with who they used to be friends with at the beginning of highschool. its kinda sad, but mostly expected. people change... and so in return, theyre group of friends does too. but honestly. i prefer the friends i have now. have you ever noticed how every year your group of REAL friends gets smaller and smaller and suddenly you realize who's your true friend and who's just someone you say hey to in the hallway and talk to a little bit during class. thats sad... i love my friends. i especially love Mallory. shes just so genuine. shes completely sincere in everything she says to me, she could slap me in the face and cuss me out and id still be her friend. i just love her. she has never said anything mean to me..not including that thing about my ballet shoes-lol.. and she just makes me laugh even when i feel like throwing up and hitting someone.. shes the one person besides Benjamin, i know i could tell everything to and id never have to worry about her thinkin im dumb or not understanding what i mean or just not caring.. or even telling someone else. through all of my dorky moments and annoying times when im completely retarded, shes been my friend and just laughed at me. i just love her. i dont think she even realizes really how much i love our friendship.. for someone who is exactly like me, i couldnt love her anymore than i do :) Benjamin loves me. he truly does.. not in that gay way where we plan our marriage during highschool.. but in that sweet way that he brings me little cheesy presents just because he thought of me that morning...and how he goes out of his way to make me feel good all the time and do what i want to do and go where i want to go. i love that. the fact that i can be myself completely around him and i dont have to worry about him being like.. omg you are so dumb. i dont have to impress him.. he loves me anyway :)i love him too. :) and God.. i dont even know what to say. i just have this passion for God like no other. i just love him. sometimes i just think about it and im like dang.. i suck at being a christian. im just not good enough, not deserving enough.. and in actuallity.. im not. i never will be.. and thats the greatness behind it. he loves me through all of my imperfectios and he lets me hurt him every single day in all the worldly things that i do that i totally just forget about him in.. and yet i come to him every night and i pray to him and tell him how thankful i am.. and he loves me as if i was the only person he ever created. God just amazes me.. i cant explain how. just letting me wake up every morning is a blessing in itself, but when i thik about how good ive got it. i have a bible i can flip to anytime i want.. and i choose not to sometimes...some people dont even have that oppertunity.. and i dont even take mine. it saddens me and how great he is and how undeserving i am. but it fills me with joy that im granted these blessings anyway.. Jesus loves me.. and he loves everyone of you too.. in a way you could never imagine anyone loving you. when i think about all hes givin us.. i wonder why some of us.. still shun him as if he never existed.. and yet.. he is the reason that we exist. maybe im in a thought provoking mood today.. or maybe i just realized how horrible myself and others treat God, and how unconsiderate we truly are, of the person we call on to help us.. to prove his love for us.. how am i even showin him how much i truly love him? ahh.. that is the beauty of that whole entire rambling on about God.. he doesnt even care about my mistakes, and how unconsiderate i am of him.. because all i have to do is say im sorry.. and he totally forgets :) dont we all wish we had that in us.

well.. if u read all of that.. youre either regretting it, or happy that you did. well thanks for reading it. no matter which one u responded with :)