(no subject)
I think the whole online journal thing is a little over rated but I made this one because I need a place where I can vent and write out all of my feelings. A lot of times I'll get thoughts in my head and I'll be too lazy to actually get out a piece of paper and write them down so I figured that this would be the best place to do just that since I almost always have my computer on. I just have to be sure that I keep up with my journal and update it often, especially when I have something on my mind. Lately, there's been a lot wrong with my life but I hate telling people about my sob story because I don't want to be another one of those depressed teenagers and I also know that there are so many people out there that are worse off than I am. One of the biggest things that has been really bothering me lately is that I really only have three people that I call true friends which wouldn't be such a problem if those three people weren't the biggest assholes on the face of this earth. The first person I only see once every few months when he has time to pencil me in to his schedule. He doesn't even keep my phone number on his cell. In summer, he and I were inseparable and he was there for me when Jake and I broke up but now it's like I don't even exist. The second person has been one of my closest friends since elementary school, but now she's friends with sluts and druggies and I guess I'm just not cool enough for her anymore. She only has time to talk to me when she's fighting with one of the sluts and other than that, she doesn't give me any time of day. It's been over a month since I've talked to her last and during that time I've called her like three or four times and she never called back so screw her and I've tried IMing her online but she won't respond even though I know she's at her computer because my other friends will be talking to her and she'll respond. And then there is my best friend whom I love to death and wouldn't be able to breathe without but things with him have been so hard since our break up. It's so stressful to remain friends with the one person who broke your heart but when he's the only person who actually cares about you in this world, besides your family, the pain and trouble are so worth it. He flakes on me, breaks my heart over and over and no matter what, he won't give me another chance to prove to him that he's the only person in the world for me. I know that a lot of people, well pretty much everyone, thinks I'm crazy for the way that I feel about him but I've just come to accept that it's something that no matter what will never go away. I've tried dating other guys, not talking to him, and using other methods of getting over him and nothing seems to work. I wish you would open your eyes and realize that I could be your everything and I would do ANYTHING to get that chance again.