my gas tank of perseverance, faith, and hope are running low, and my fuel is nonexistent
it's been forever since i updated. i would update everyday for all the drama, but i'm just too god dam tired every night. if i updated all that i wanted to it'd take up like your whole friends page.
i can't talk to julian anymore.
i barely got my scholarship in on time.
my mom and found out and made my life a living hell.
you may think she's cool, but you're not her daughter and don't live by her rules.
i didn't eat for three days. i didn't eat my barbecue plate until monday night, the first time i ate since lunch on friday. crazy, huh?
i saw ms. rankin on friday and she asked how i was doing and i totally burst into tears. but i didn't tell her about the julian thing. i told her it was my scholarship stuff. i didn't get to do the pep rally. i actually watched the pep rally. well, the band for the most part. it was so weird.
on my way out of school i saw callihan. me and callihan used to be real close my freshman year. if i could pick a father, it'd be him. i just stood in front of his door. and said hi. my eyes started to water again. i couldn't help it. let's just cry all the time. i left quickly. i was just sad/mad that i've been so busy i haven't had time for everyone else. everyone else who has supported me through the years. i've been so selfish. i even forgot my best friends birthday. how sick am I? she never forgets anything about me. she calls me for every little thing. idk.
i kinda dressed up today, for kyle. but of course, he wasn't there. then, everyone asks me what's wrong, and why i look sad, and why my whole persona is completely different. then they say stop exaggerating, schools not hard, but it's not school. i called kyle. i really didn't want to. i wasn't in the mood to talk the person who is making me sad. but i did anyways. then he said i just haven't been myself lately. i know this sounds corny. but i'm not myself when he's not around. i'm just a body, moving mechanically. he breathes life into me. he's my other half. i can't be complete when he's not here. idk. hopefully, tomorrow will be better. going to visit UT should be pretty cool...i hope.