Orange Sky
You know how it is when we try to make our life more colorful? We peek into people's lives trying to make sense of how we live our life. We peek too much we sometimes forget to live our own lives. We try to pattern our lives into how people live theirs, and in the process we lose ourselves. We lose who we are, what our lives are all about. There are so many kinds of lives to live and i think the reason why we sometimes fail to live our own lives is because a part of us is scared to reach that destination where we ought to be. You know, the whole fork along the road,trying to figure out which path to take. I think the reason why we're afraid to live our lives at time is because it means there aint no turning back. We can't just erase it and pretend it didnt happen. We can't just click backspace and re-do things again.
I dont know about you but that's been a longstanding struggle for me. It's been a struggle because i know i can't undo things i have already done. Sure we can try to forget about it, pretend it never happened but eventually it'll somehow come to resurface itself. I know im scared when situations such as making a decision falls on my lap because i know i am the only person held accountable for whatever decision i make. I cant blame the world, or anyone else, but me.
There are things we have to do, and things we want to do. Sometimes we get caught up in between trying to figure out which one is which. What's more difficult is when we have to come into a decision whether to do something we have to or something we have to. Then i realized that life is indeed short. Thing we want aren't always what's best for us. Simple decisions as to where to go or what to say can totally change the direction of your life. Which means, every thought, every possibility, every decision counts. We have to make careful decisions with everything, and once you've made a decision, you have to be able to justify and be accountable for it.
Let's take for example my choice to keep my son and not abort it. It wasnt an easy choice. I had to give up my adolescent life in exchange for being a responsible mother. Along the way i may have tried having the best of both worlds... or so at least i tried but eventually failed in the process. How did i fail? Well, relationships with the people that really mattered to me were dampen. Through time i realized its one or the other, and it takes a whole lotta gutts in choosing the better choice.
Years back i thought its the end of enjoying my life for me. Dreams were shattered, hopes became far fetched goals. I struggled through the realization of having to grow up and being responsible. I tried to maximize the little "freedom" i had only to realize after all those years that it was a waste. Waste in a sense that it didn't help me improve my disposition in life. It actually pushed me back, and i had to start from scratch.
It wasn't easy starting from scratch. I was humbled in so many ways. It took a lot of will for me to unlearn certain habits, let go of certain relationships, hurts, etc. Eventually, things turned out pretty well.
I believe that we are tested every season. Every problem helps us improve ourselves and its really up to us on how we'll handle it. Our lives are just like the formation of a rainbow, a rain or storm has to happen in order for the clouds and rainbows to form. We need to go through hurdles so that we can appreciate the beauty life has to offer. It makes life less boring as well.
So why the deep entry? I dunno, i just felt this year has been a good year for me. It dont mean this year was all happy and dreamy times. In fact, it's the hurdles that made this year more colorful and meaningful. Its so amazing how time can change so many things.
So my point is.... live your OWN life. Don't let society dictate how your life should be. At the same time, be accountable for everything that happens in your life. Where you are now is because of the choices you made along the way. You cant blame God, the government, the world, your family, or your friends for the mishaps or the things going on in your life. You always have a choice..
I dont know about you but that's been a longstanding struggle for me. It's been a struggle because i know i can't undo things i have already done. Sure we can try to forget about it, pretend it never happened but eventually it'll somehow come to resurface itself. I know im scared when situations such as making a decision falls on my lap because i know i am the only person held accountable for whatever decision i make. I cant blame the world, or anyone else, but me.
There are things we have to do, and things we want to do. Sometimes we get caught up in between trying to figure out which one is which. What's more difficult is when we have to come into a decision whether to do something we have to or something we have to. Then i realized that life is indeed short. Thing we want aren't always what's best for us. Simple decisions as to where to go or what to say can totally change the direction of your life. Which means, every thought, every possibility, every decision counts. We have to make careful decisions with everything, and once you've made a decision, you have to be able to justify and be accountable for it.
Let's take for example my choice to keep my son and not abort it. It wasnt an easy choice. I had to give up my adolescent life in exchange for being a responsible mother. Along the way i may have tried having the best of both worlds... or so at least i tried but eventually failed in the process. How did i fail? Well, relationships with the people that really mattered to me were dampen. Through time i realized its one or the other, and it takes a whole lotta gutts in choosing the better choice.
Years back i thought its the end of enjoying my life for me. Dreams were shattered, hopes became far fetched goals. I struggled through the realization of having to grow up and being responsible. I tried to maximize the little "freedom" i had only to realize after all those years that it was a waste. Waste in a sense that it didn't help me improve my disposition in life. It actually pushed me back, and i had to start from scratch.
It wasn't easy starting from scratch. I was humbled in so many ways. It took a lot of will for me to unlearn certain habits, let go of certain relationships, hurts, etc. Eventually, things turned out pretty well.
I believe that we are tested every season. Every problem helps us improve ourselves and its really up to us on how we'll handle it. Our lives are just like the formation of a rainbow, a rain or storm has to happen in order for the clouds and rainbows to form. We need to go through hurdles so that we can appreciate the beauty life has to offer. It makes life less boring as well.
So why the deep entry? I dunno, i just felt this year has been a good year for me. It dont mean this year was all happy and dreamy times. In fact, it's the hurdles that made this year more colorful and meaningful. Its so amazing how time can change so many things.
So my point is.... live your OWN life. Don't let society dictate how your life should be. At the same time, be accountable for everything that happens in your life. Where you are now is because of the choices you made along the way. You cant blame God, the government, the world, your family, or your friends for the mishaps or the things going on in your life. You always have a choice..