Dude...
So since I have NOTHING else to do I figured I would write in here... it's been a long time... and I dont even know why I am doing it now... Maybe to vent
I went to enlist today. I have a 5 year ride as an MP. I'm excited. I'm excited to get the fuck out of this place and leave this shit behind... I can keep telling myself only one more year. Next summer you will be getting your ass kicked at boot camp.
I am excited to know that I am actually going to do something with my life. I know I would not have finished college if I stuck around here. I don't have the fucking patients. Especially for the people that I know i would have to be around... at least when I am in the army I will have weapons and I can beat the shit out of ignorant people.
THATS RIGHT FUCKERS... I AM PROTECTING THIS COUNTRY.
my family doesn't think that I can do it. My mom keeps saying "erinn remember what a baby you are" i'm a fucking baby... hahahaha She wont say that when I bring back someone's head! Seriously though, this is the first thing I have ever told mself I COULD do... and I am not going to let anything prove me wrong... and I am not going to let the people that don't believe in me be right. My dad still thinks I am joking... We will see if he thinks I am joking as I get on the plane to leave for 5 years. but I aint scurrred. I am excited. So fucking excited. this is me... this is SO me.
Other than that...
I don't really like writing in here. It is so overrated. but im real bored. So... lets see what else.
I hate that I had one very good honest friend that would have done everything and anything for me. the most loving and dependable person I have ever met... and I totally shit on him and how he is gone. I loved joe so fucking much... but I can't pretend to be something I am not...
Hopelessly devoted? No... I'm not
because i still love my ex very much. I trust him with my life. more than I would trust anyone else. And that is the truth... we understand each other on a different level then I can even understand myself at times... And i know he is leaving I wish everyone would stop telling me that... Just let me prepare my own way... I need him in my life right now. I know that for sure. And yes I miss joe and yes I am sorry for what I did... but that doesn't mean I am going to shit out on my best friend. fuck that.
Sometimes I hate the people in my life. sometimes they are so self-centered they cant even see it... but I will let it go because next year I will be gone and I can think of maybe 3 people I will stay in touch with... I'm done with fairweather friends... so fucking done.
Hey guys did you know that I was going into the millitary? Probably not...
Did you know that I'm getting my license? No...
did you know that joe and I broke up? Did you know that my heart hearts day in and day out from the pain I have caused? Did you know that it was all my fault? Did you know that I still love him dearly?... did you know I would die for both of those guys... for very different reasons? Did you fucking care? Is that why I am so unimportant? That you can only hang out with me when there is nothing else to do...
Is that why you guys can blow me off and know that I will take that shit?
go ahead and leave... I don't need you.
Did you know that all my freinds are leaving and I still have another year of hell to attend? Did anyone ever plan on coming back to see me? Probably not.
Did you know that it was a year ago last friday that Peg died?
Did you know that I can still hear her voice late at night before I fall asleep... Did you know that I miss her so painfully I really think I could die?...
This day fucking rocked... Life fucking rocks
I went to enlist today. I have a 5 year ride as an MP. I'm excited. I'm excited to get the fuck out of this place and leave this shit behind... I can keep telling myself only one more year. Next summer you will be getting your ass kicked at boot camp.
I am excited to know that I am actually going to do something with my life. I know I would not have finished college if I stuck around here. I don't have the fucking patients. Especially for the people that I know i would have to be around... at least when I am in the army I will have weapons and I can beat the shit out of ignorant people.
THATS RIGHT FUCKERS... I AM PROTECTING THIS COUNTRY.
my family doesn't think that I can do it. My mom keeps saying "erinn remember what a baby you are" i'm a fucking baby... hahahaha She wont say that when I bring back someone's head! Seriously though, this is the first thing I have ever told mself I COULD do... and I am not going to let anything prove me wrong... and I am not going to let the people that don't believe in me be right. My dad still thinks I am joking... We will see if he thinks I am joking as I get on the plane to leave for 5 years. but I aint scurrred. I am excited. So fucking excited. this is me... this is SO me.
Other than that...
I don't really like writing in here. It is so overrated. but im real bored. So... lets see what else.
I hate that I had one very good honest friend that would have done everything and anything for me. the most loving and dependable person I have ever met... and I totally shit on him and how he is gone. I loved joe so fucking much... but I can't pretend to be something I am not...
Hopelessly devoted? No... I'm not
because i still love my ex very much. I trust him with my life. more than I would trust anyone else. And that is the truth... we understand each other on a different level then I can even understand myself at times... And i know he is leaving I wish everyone would stop telling me that... Just let me prepare my own way... I need him in my life right now. I know that for sure. And yes I miss joe and yes I am sorry for what I did... but that doesn't mean I am going to shit out on my best friend. fuck that.
Sometimes I hate the people in my life. sometimes they are so self-centered they cant even see it... but I will let it go because next year I will be gone and I can think of maybe 3 people I will stay in touch with... I'm done with fairweather friends... so fucking done.
Hey guys did you know that I was going into the millitary? Probably not...
Did you know that I'm getting my license? No...
did you know that joe and I broke up? Did you know that my heart hearts day in and day out from the pain I have caused? Did you know that it was all my fault? Did you know that I still love him dearly?... did you know I would die for both of those guys... for very different reasons? Did you fucking care? Is that why I am so unimportant? That you can only hang out with me when there is nothing else to do...
Is that why you guys can blow me off and know that I will take that shit?
go ahead and leave... I don't need you.
Did you know that all my freinds are leaving and I still have another year of hell to attend? Did anyone ever plan on coming back to see me? Probably not.
Did you know that it was a year ago last friday that Peg died?
Did you know that I can still hear her voice late at night before I fall asleep... Did you know that I miss her so painfully I really think I could die?...
This day fucking rocked... Life fucking rocks